Ruby Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 My boyfriend rang me yesterday (we have been together over 2 years) and TOLD me that his parents had come down the night before and they had all arranged to go on holiday next year with my partners kids and me and my daughter and to get saving etc. At first I said oh are we? and then it hit me, I do not want to go on holiday with his parents and kids. I would not mind going with him and his kids but if you put their grandparents in the equation it would feel like I was just on their family holiday. My daughter would feel out of the loop in some way as his parents would not care for her like they did their own grand children. Say me and my bf have an argument? He would be all secure in the knowledge that his parents were there. I know I would hate it. I just do not want to go and I have to tell him. How do I do this without causing offence? I get on with his parents but they are his parents and I would feel like an outsider.
Lishy Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Can you not just tell him that you do not want to go and tell him why? Mind you because it is his mum and dad he may not appreciate you saying that Hmmmmmmmmmm this is a tricky one!
Author Ruby Posted July 8, 2008 Author Posted July 8, 2008 It will be hard to tell him that I do not want to go with his parents as he could take offence and I do like them I just do not like the idea of feeling like it would be their holiday. If it was just us and the kids it would be fine I would feel like the minority How do I tell him this?
The Collector Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 You say you would feel like an outsider. Do you have much evidence or experience that they would actually treat you like an outsider? Ideally you could feel welcome into the extended family and his parents should be able to treat all the kids fairly, blood relatives or not. HAVING SAID THAT - This would not be my idea of a great holiday either. Who goes on holiday with their partner's parents, or their own parents for that matter? Are you sure your bf is really into the idea?
littlekitty Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 He's not going to like it. He'll feel you're offending his parents even though that isn't the case. My hubby likes to visit his parents often and doesn't find it easy to understand that I perfer not to go and stay for a week at a time. It's nothing to do with how much I like them, they are lovely! But I don't feel as relaxed and comfortable as I do at home in my own space, or as much as he does there. All you can do is try very gently to explain how you feel. Perhaps try to jot a few notes down on paper first so you've got it all clear in your head. Make sure you compliment his parents a lot, and make it clear that it's nothing to do with not liking them. Either way, I'd expect a hard time. Sorry.
curiousnycgirl Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I don't understand are you contemplating a long term relationship with this man, or are you just interested in keeping it casual? If you are there for the long term, at some point your families will need to merge. Are you saying you never want that to happen? Frankly I think it is sweet they want to have a famiy vacation with you and your daughter as part of the family. Am I just being too optimistic here?
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