motive2002 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Wow, what's up with this? It's kinda like giving up smoking. When you quit, eventually you have dreams about lighting up... and relapsing on a long-term cessation. Basically in the dream I called her on the phone and read her the riot act about how she never called when she said she would, and how this whole NC thing was a immature face off etc. How is this helping me heal? Why can't I get her out of my head for good? I think I need a lobotomy.
kizik Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Yeah, in my dream last night she and I were having a civil discussion about how she don't love me anymore. Some nights you dream about her. Some, not so much. There's obviously no controlling it. Try not to stress about it. Wanna get together on Sunday?
tealeafbud Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 i remember having a dream of having dinner with my ex and her new love interest. It was so weird. What was more weird was that I was fine with it in my dream. I wouldn't be fine with it in reality, because I don't have dinner with losers.
kizik Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Right, my dream last night was totally devoid of the anger deserved towards my ex. I think the subconscious is the only place we can see and interact with them without being extremely angry or f*cked up about it.
Author motive2002 Posted July 8, 2008 Author Posted July 8, 2008 My NC has been so weird. What's worse it that I carry this doubt. Maybe she's being stubborn because I'm being stubborn. Maybe she thinks "well I guess he really didn't love me since he never did call me again...and deleted himself from my profile..." or maybe she's relieved to have never heard from me again? There's was too much left unknown. Add to this the fact that she's 2000 miles away. We have no circle of friends. We have no grapevine. I could have jumped off a cliff and she wouldn't know anything about it. She could have lost her house and had to move into an apartment and I wouldn't know. We'll never 'bump' into each other. We'll never know how each other is doing. It's the most extreme form on NC there is. Completely cold turkey. No knowledge of each others' well being at all.
northstar1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 My NC has been so weird. What's worse it that I carry this doubt. Maybe she's being stubborn because I'm being stubborn. Maybe she thinks "well I guess he really didn't love me since he never did call me again...and deleted himself from my profile..." or maybe she's relieved to have never heard from me again? There's was too much left unknown. Add to this the fact that she's 2000 miles away. We have no circle of friends. We have no grapevine. I could have jumped off a cliff and she wouldn't know anything about it. She could have lost her house and had to move into an apartment and I wouldn't know. We'll never 'bump' into each other. We'll never know how each other is doing. It's the most extreme form on NC there is. Completely cold turkey. No knowledge of each others' well being at all. Exact same thing as me. We are far far apart. It's extreme alright. Out of sight, out of mind for both of you eventually.
kizik Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 ...she's 2000 miles away. We have no circle of friends. We have no grapevine. I could have jumped off a cliff and she wouldn't know anything about it. She could have lost her house and had to move into an apartment and I wouldn't know. We'll never 'bump' into each other. We'll never know how each other is doing. It's the most extreme form on NC there is. Completely cold turkey. No knowledge of each others' well being at all. Perfect. That is excellent. Much easier to get over when you never see or talk to them. You're saying this like it's a bad thing, M. That's awesome!
orangehose Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 There's was too much left unknown... It's the most extreme form on NC there is. Completely cold turkey. No knowledge of each others' well being at all. My situation is not exactly similar to yours, but I did go no contact from the moment of being essentially dumped, and he has never contacted me either. It's been a couple of months now. Unlike you, I had a bit of a grapevine the first two weeks, and heard things that infuriated me and helped me distance myself. Anyway, the upside of absolute no contact is that I haven't had the relapses and repeat rejections that contacters have had. The downside is that because the breakup was so sudden, and there was no closure after things had cooled down, so to speak, I find myself sometimes still wondering what the **** happened, and occasionally having episodes of denial or disbelief (like, how could someone know me so well and just walk out of my life, practically on a whim, never to look back? Has he ever second-guessed his behavior?) I also sometimes wonder, how could the guy not apologize for causing me pain, for his pretty shoddy execution of this breakup? But he probably thinks he's behaved impeccably. Like you, I wonder if my ex was expecting ME to pursue him and demand an explanation or something. He has a lot of pride. When we fought, the pattern was generally that I had to go after him and basically grovel and attempt to appease him (didn't matter what the issue was). So maybe he was expecting that. Well, **** that, I say. No more groveling. It seems that most couples have at least some minimal contact which does the job of confirming that yes, the relationship did end. This minimal contact may alleviate feelings of confusion or lack of closure. But I'm guessing the denial, confusion, and lack of closure happens no matter what level of contact occurs after breakup. Over time, however, the lack of contact in itself has been a kind of closure, a confirmation that yes, I was rejected, and also, for me, a confirmation that this guy was bad news. Good people don't just walk out of your life when you've done nothing wrong, without explaining themselves reasonably well. Even if they need to end things, they'll do it with more civility and humanity (not sure how your ex ended things but mine's behavior was pretty darn immature and mean). So yeah, I still struggle with some denial and feeling of lack of closure, but I increasingly realize that my ex was pretty much a ****wad. In fact, I now often feel glad that I haven't heard from him, that I'm not enduring his demeaning remarks, his anger, etc. And he, likewise, won't get to hear from me. Because he doesn't deserve it.
Peter_pan Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 god i know what you mean, i hate my dreams some times. the only good one ive had (apart from the ones when she isnt in it lol) are when i finally got that chance to be back with her, but it was ****!!! and i thought to myself, why the f did i put myself through all this **** for you? your not worth it. that was awesome
MalachiX Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 My NC has been so weird. What's worse it that I carry this doubt. Maybe she's being stubborn because I'm being stubborn. Maybe she thinks "well I guess he really didn't love me since he never did call me again...and deleted himself from my profile..." or maybe she's relieved to have never heard from me again? There's was too much left unknown. Add to this the fact that she's 2000 miles away. We have no circle of friends. We have no grapevine. I could have jumped off a cliff and she wouldn't know anything about it. She could have lost her house and had to move into an apartment and I wouldn't know. We'll never 'bump' into each other. We'll never know how each other is doing. It's the most extreme form on NC there is. Completely cold turkey. No knowledge of each others' well being at all. Same situation and it's been about three months with no idea what the EX is doing. I refuse to look at her facebook page and, even though we once traveled in similar circles, we didn't really have any mutual friends. I dream about her from time to time, less frequently as time goes on, but it usually hurts but that's OK. The last one was about a week ago where we had suddenly reconciled and I was once again trying to figure out how to make my life work with her in it and dealing with all the stuff we used to have to deal with. Wasn't really a pleasant dream and re-affirmed that I miss her, love her dearly, but know we're not right for each other (at least right now). Dreams like this suck but I can deal with it. What I really could do without though are other people asking about her. First I have those who havn't heard we broke up and ask how she's doing. Then I've got my Baptist preacher friend who's always asking if I've spoken to her and if I think we'll get back together (he stated his view rather simply when we were still together, "if you love them; get married!"). And finally, I've got my parents who feel the need to keep telling me that the weather is bad where she is during this time of year and I should call and make sure she's alright. The latter is particularly annoying since I did check the weather and, as I've told them for the 50th time, the major flooding isn't where she lives! I've also got a female friend who's now dealing with a major break-up herself and who always gets me going on the pitfalls of mine and all that jazz.
Peter_pan Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 im in the same situation to in a sense. im 600 miles away from her. i deleted her from my msn. i deleted my bebo and facebook, i think i have her number? not sure. i suppose if im desperate i can find out what she is up to. but whats the point
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