konfuzd Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 So my bf was supposed to be participating in a major sporting event in a couple weeks. His coach just told him that it fell through. He has been training 6 days a week for months, and went on a very strict diet in preparation. He even postponed birthday celebrations until the event was over so he could have cake, beer etc... He feels like he's put his whole life on hold, and is so dissapointed that things didn't work out. I'm kind of afraid that he's going to negate all his hard work by going on a binge and wrecking all the progress he's made towards his physique etc... I just sent him an e-mail expressing how proud I am of him, but he's so down about it, he just doesn't want to talk about it. I want to do something to help him feel better, but I feel kind of helpless being so far away. I just spent nearly $1,000 to visit him last weekend, so I can't afford to go again. Any suggestions on how I can make him feel better from a distance?
HisLove Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 This isn't quite the same, but it came to mind when I read your post. Sorry about the huge disappointment and letdown when he's worked so hard. Once upon a time, and it seems a lifetime ago, I had a boyfriend who had terminal cancer. As you can imagine, this pervaded his life and was utterly destroying to both of us. He didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want to think about it, or write about it. I remember talking to another male friend when I was in despair - because it was all I could think about and talk about and write about. The male friend told me to (in order to help my boyfriend, not me) talk about good things, be upbeat, laugh, and just be there. But not to keep bringing the cancer up all the time. So I'm thinking the same for your bf. He said he doesn't want to talk about it - so don't push him there or fawn all over him. He may feel embarassed and ashamed or angry or humiliated and not want to have to revisit that every 5 minutes. Just let him know you're there. Send him funny emails and just be 'the you' he loves. But what would I know.
SaraLovesHerAndy Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 HisLove gave you very good advice! Could he come up and visit you? At least then if you two are together you can go on days out or something to take his mind of things. He might want to come to terms on his mind and then might be ready to talk about it openly once he's not so disappointed/upset/angry I hope it all works out in the end xxxx
Author konfuzd Posted July 13, 2008 Author Posted July 13, 2008 It was good advice for sure. I have been really trying to focus on other things, but he's still pretty down. He also started drinking again, which he had given up for his training, so it hit him pretty hard and doesn't help matters. We are going on vacation at the end of this month, spending 3 weeks backpacking in Germany, so I really hope it gives him some renewed energy and peace of mind. I really hate witnessing him like this. Thanks for the advice and kind words.
SaraLovesHerAndy Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 aww well thats a positive thing to talk about and get him excited about. At least when your with him you can be there for him in person and have some time together, which might even encourage him to talk to you about it. He was obviously so dedicated to it and hit him hard but i'm sure in time everything will get back to normal
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