Hydro Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Hi, I'm new to the forums. I've always been for the want of a better word, a doormat to girls in the past and now I've met some one fantastic who I am in love with but scared to tell her so as I'm scared that she will bolt. She has trust issues as she has a little boy aged 6 who she loves deeply and no matter how much I tell her that its not an issue for me she seems to think otherwise. I want this to work as my life has been full of unhappyness and she is the one ray of light that I've seen in a long time. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and if so do you have any advice for me?
Lauriebell82 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Hi, I'm new to the forums. I've always been for the want of a better word, a doormat to girls in the past and now I've met some one fantastic who I am in love with but scared to tell her so as I'm scared that she will bolt. She has trust issues as she has a little boy aged 6 who she loves deeply and no matter how much I tell her that its not an issue for me she seems to think otherwise. I want this to work as my life has been full of unhappyness and she is the one ray of light that I've seen in a long time. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and if so do you have any advice for me? Why is she so afraid that this is an issue for her? I know you said she has trust issues, but have you done anything to PROVE that this is not an issue. (like spend time with her son, do nice things for them both, ect). If she isn't taking your word for it then you need to take a more active role and show her that. You said you are scared to tell her you love her..how long have you been together? Do you have a good relationship? Do you do nice things for each other? These are all things you need to look at in your relationship. If you have been together for longer than a few months (I'd say at least 3) then she may be happy that you are in love with her and feel the same way. Good luck!
Loxylox Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Hi, I'm new to the forums. I've always been for the want of a better word, a doormat to girls in the past and now I've met some one fantastic who I am in love with but scared to tell her so as I'm scared that she will bolt. She has trust issues as she has a little boy aged 6 who she loves deeply and no matter how much I tell her that its not an issue for me she seems to think otherwise. I want this to work as my life has been full of unhappyness and she is the one ray of light that I've seen in a long time. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and if so do you have any advice for me? please tell her everything.
Author Hydro Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 Well, I have her sister to thank who talked sense into her and made her realise what and who I am as a person. Her whole family thinks the world of me and they have told her that she would be mad to give me up. I want nothing more than to make her and her little boy happy, God knows I know what its like to live without a father figure and I really don't want to repeat what my mother put me through. ( I have a long and troubled past ) I still haven't told her how I truely feel and for all intensive purposes I want to keep it that way as I still do not want to scare her off. Things are now well and I would like them to stay that way. Hopefully things will come together in the next month or so and I can start to express how I really feel about her when I feel the timing is right. I thank you all for your input and hopefully the next time I post it will not be with problems but with joy and help for other people with a similar disposition to my own x x
D-Lish Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Sometimes I don't think it's necessary to rush the "how I feel about you talk". It's not that it won't be important down the road- but I think currently, given your situation- actions will speak louder than any words you could offer her. If things are going well, and you guys are developing a closeness with one another, it sounds like things are progressing nicely. Your actions will define your comittment to her. Being stable, consistent, complimentary, kind, supportive, helpful, tender. Those qualities will help to build her trust. I am someone with major trust issues, and I will often get a little freaked out by "the talk" about feelings. I need to build something without too much pressure first. Some women may need to hear how a guy feels- but I pay much more attention to actions. It has been my experience that "words" don't hold anywhere near as much water as actions. I have had lots of men tell me they love me or want to commit to me... But their actions were inconsistent with those affirmations... so now- I pay attention to how someone treats me. I don't know how this works for you- but since she is the one experiencing the trepidation and has the issue with trust... why not let her be the one to broach the feelings talk. In the meantime- just continue on being the nice, caring attentive guy you have been. She has a new baby, and I am assuming the father has either abandoned her- or he was an unworthy boyfriend. Is he still in the picture? I am sure that after the expectation she would be raising this child on her own that the notion of some wonderful guy coming along and sweeping her off her feet was something she didn't see coming. SO- my advice is to just let this sink in, and give her some time to learn how to trust again. If she asks you how you feel- by all means tell her. Otherwise- I think you will know when the timing is right. I know for me- if someone I like pulls out the "I love you card" too soon... I get a little scared, and sometimes I bolt. That is why I think you are doing the right thing by waiting to have this talk with her. It's your actions hun- that is what she will take notice off. Continue to be the good loyal guy you are and you'll slowly disarm this girl.
Author Hydro Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 Thanks D-Lish. Things are going well and I want it to stay that way. I have no problems with telling her how I feel and if that comes up I will most definately tell her.
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