notgoodatthis Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Does anyone out there have unrequited love for someone? I have an ex girlfriend who I cannot stop thinking about even though she treated me like dirt and cheated on me. What is the reason I can't stop thinking about her? Who else does this besides me?
gummybear Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I'm like this with people after we recently breakup. It's normal. You'll get over it with time .
Karyyk Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Sometimes it goes on for much longer. There's a reason unrequited love is so often written of and is overly romanticized. It's a sad state of the human condition, but at least it's a noble one. Most of the other sad states are decidedly not. How long have you been broken up with her? With most people, it just takes time, with others, it often takes another person.
McLovely Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Only you keep yourself stuck. Open your heart and you might find someone amazing and then you'll be like, "_ _ _ _ who?" whenever your ex's name comes up.
Yamaha Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 You don't want the wound to heal. People who indulge in unrequited love must enjoy the hurt or they would realize that she is only 1 women and there is someone much more deserving of your love.
carhill Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Sometimes it's not romantic love. Time and effort are apt determiners. Using NC and making a concerted effort to open oneself to new opportunities ultimately is definitive. If, over time, the connection is still there, then it should be examined. It is not always something one has conscious or subconscious power over. By the way, OP, if the person was your girlfriend, the love is/was not unrequited. Unrequited means the possibility was never explored and/or consummated. My opinion pertains to pure unrequited love and connection only. Therapy has helped me gain inroads to this phenomena in an attempt to move beyond my circumstances. Some days are better than others
Author notgoodatthis Posted July 8, 2008 Author Posted July 8, 2008 Sometimes it goes on for much longer. There's a reason unrequited love is so often written of and is overly romanticized. It's a sad state of the human condition, but at least it's a noble one. Most of the other sad states are decidedly not. How long have you been broken up with her? With most people, it just takes time, with others, it often takes another person. 8 months. I am not longing for her, I'm just still hurt over what she did.
carhill Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Totally different from unrequited love. Many threads on LS about regaining self-esteem (this obviates the hurt) and moving through the stages of "getting over" the relationship end. It's when the R is over and you don't feel the hurt, the anger and the grief, but rather only focus on the connection that you have attachment issues. If it is "what could have been" rather then "what actually was", then unrequited can come into play. You're just stuck in the letting go process. Sounds simple..... but it's not, as you know.
daphne Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 It's human to want what we can't have, esp if they decided that they didn't want us. This can be overcome by looking at her actions, really seeing her for the kind of person she is, and losing all respect. True love isn't wanting someone back because they don't want you. It's just a humongous, unhealthy waste of time that we all indulge in at some point or another, or possibly in rapid succession. However, it does prevent you from finding the good one that much quicker. Btw, the good one's not going to cheat on you and treat you like crap. But if you're not careful, you might get bored and mistake a good one for not being the one because she doesn't cheat on you and treat you like crap.
KinAZ Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I've had a rather... traumatic experience or two in my relationships, so I can relate. That feeling of missing the good, and just not being able to process/understand the horrible things that happened. That big fat WHY? Some people use those experiences to demonize the other person (or the other gender), and others take it more personally than they probably should... sometimes it's a little of both. That incomprehensible disappointment can linger for awhile when we can't rationalize it. As far as the desire, sometimes it's not always the person we miss but rather the good that was in the relationship. Longing for that, or sometimes even doubting that we'll find it again. For me, falling in love again (even though it didn't last) sort of restored my faith in that department, and helped me out a lot as far realizing he wasn't "The Only One." For all the dating I did, and romantic interests I had, I was never really IN LOVE or even gaga for that matter over anyone else, so I didn't see the likelihood or possibility until it happened. As far as dealing with the wrong that was done to you, well... that does vary a lot. For me, I had to sort of accept that this other person was not as considerate as I am. Plain and simple. He might have loved me a lot in his way, but my way is simply more demanding. It has more requirements. And so, I tried to accept it in a way that didn't leave me filled with hatred, that didn't leave me blaming myself or wondering what was wrong with me or with him. I had to look at all that I could have done better, all that he could have done better in very honest terms, and at the end of the day, I still realized that this person just didn't have what it took. (I was let down in a different way, so the cheating matter might be a little different.) It didn't make him an evil person, it didn't make me unworthy, but I just have higher expectations/standards for what REAL love is. I won't say I'm the better person, just that he hasn't gotten to where I am yet with regard to certain things...
DragonGrrl Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 i think so. sigh. i sigh a lot these days. and i listen to a lot of dumb songs. this one makes me sad: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_IrqTbpTeA this one makes me smile: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67ht1Hihjis this one makes me cry uncontrollably: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlQ_JYYKFIc did i mention i spend a lot of time on youtube too? sigh.
Liveinthenow Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Heh heh you are not alone. I too spent much time on youtube listening to those kinds of songs. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_ZNx4rVMGk In anycase to answer the topic's main question I used to go through this until I got a book about breaking one's addiction to a person.
Karyyk Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 Spending lots of time on Youtube seems to go hand-in-hand with mourning... Here's one of those songs for me:
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