tmk25 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 So here is my story…My boyfriend (25 y/o) of nearly a year and a half moved about two hours away from me for the summer, and about a week after he moved he called me and broke up with me. He said he wanted to have time for himself for the summer and to make sure I am the girl he is supposed to be with. Before this, we really had the perfect relationship. A relationship that everyone was envious of. We spent nearly every day together, we rarely fought, and we loved doing the same things and always wanted to be with each other. We loved each other very much and were so happy, and it was mutual between both of us that we wanted to be together forever. (Also- I am his first long-term relationship since high school. The other relationships he's had were only 2-3 month long.) However, this past spring, I had been very busy with school and work and was not giving him the attention and love that he deserved. I was too stressed out and depressed, and taking it out on him. I think I was also pressuring him for marriage and to move in, and he was kind of freaked out about it. During this time, he met a girl at the bar who gave him attention (although she really was after his best friend). I caught him text messaging her a few times, but he said he stopped because it was not the right thing to do. I was angry and hurt because of the unfaithfulness, and our relationship never recovered to where it was before she came along…and then he moved before anything was resolved. I thought the summer would be a time for us to reconnect and recover our deep love for each other. But only a week after we broke up, I found out he had the girl he been texting up for the weekend to his new house. It hurt me so bad because he had called me the night after she was there and told me he loves me now and always will, that he misses me, and doesn’t want me to date anyone else. He also said he just wanted time apart and wanted us to not talk much this summer so he could figure things out. Two weeks after that event, I saw him at home at the bar. I was with another guy and he was really upset about it. He showed up unexpected at my house on that Sunday before he went back home and talked to me like nothing had changed between us. Fast forward to 4th of July. I found out again that girl was up for the weekend, which seems crazy to me. She is not a good person. She has slept with his friends and several other people that he knows about. She is the complete opposite of me. She likes to sleep around and party. She didn’t even care that he was in a serious relationship when she started sending him sexual text messages. I feel like she is only giving him the attention and loving feeling that I wasn’t in the last couple months before we broke up. What I want to know now is, do we still have a chance to be together? I feel that once he moves back home he is going to miss what we had together. He seems like he is very confused and loves me and wanted to be with me, but is afraid of the life-time commitment. I know the time apart for me has been a great thing. It has made me realize how much I truly love him and want him in my life. I cannot shake the feeling that we are meant to be together forever. I felt that way since the first month we started to date. He is the only person I have ever felt that way about. I don’t want to lose him. What should I do? I have freaked out a couple times and tried to call and text time, which I know was the wrong thing to do. I know he does still love me, he has never given me signs that hes moved on or not interested. His parents are also divorced and I know that was/is hard on him. I guess my plan now is to ignore him for the rest of the summer and maybe send him a letter in 2 months? Please help! He is the only person I want to be with and I hope he just got cold feet and we can work it out. What should I do?
paladin1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 "I know he does still love me, he has never given me signs that hes moved on or not interested" "...about a week after he moved he called me and broke up with me." That, my friend, is a sign that he has moved on and is not interested. As is sexually texting another woman, spending more time with her than with you, etc. And when he comes over after seeing you with another guy at a bar? It's called possessiveness. As in "I don't really want you, but no one else can have you either". Yes; I believe that people need time to themselves in a relationship. Too much time together can sometimes be smothering...and everyone needs their own interests. But even in my most "time-to-myself" phase, I NEVER said let's "take a summer off". That's called letting someone down easy either to 1) keep them on the hook in case the current fling with girl #2 doesn't turn out so well or 2) breaking it off easy-style so you don't have to man up and tell her to her face. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it appears that this is over. Please accept my condolences; but ask yourself is the person described above really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?? Let him figure out the hard way that you were better than that other woman, and move on to find someone to complement you.
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