Tattooed_countryboy Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Or so that is what she said when we stopped talking last week. I guess first I should give a quick rundown of my relationship. I know it is going to come off as a rebound relationship and maybe it really is even though we both discussed that a hundred times and how much it wasn't and also wasn't a band aid to waht the situation in her life was. We met at the first of the year and began talking innocently enough. She was married and had been with the guy for 15 years. She is 31 almost 32. We talked and talked and got closer and closer till finally we met and started hanging out. It wasn't too long before our relationship moved from friendship to a more sexual type on top of things. This went along for about a month before she decided she couldn't continue doing it she needed to tell her husband. She told him and we talked up till then. The day she told him she also moved in with her parents and left their home. Rightfully so he was pretty upset but she felt it was only fair to try and see if counselling would help them or what they needed to do if there was any chance to reconcile the relationship. We discussed it and both knew that while she was doing that the only answer was to no longer have any contact with me. And that is what we did. We went a month with not talking at all and no contact. She finally texted me and we talked some after a month. The reconciliation wasn't going anywhere and actually her husband had met someone and was already moving in with him. We started seeing each other again this was at the beginning of March. Jump forward to now, we have been a big support to each other and in this short time many things were discussed. Families moving in together when the time was right and everything in between. We knew that we did not start in the most healthy way and that we were still playing with fire. But we kept up our communication and talked as much as we could about what was going on and what to expect. And we were doing very well up till a few weeks ago. She has two children who I had seen but they thought i was her best friends friend and we were so very careful about being around them. There was a big bbq that had probably 10 kids and over 20 adults. I was working on my jeep in the front yard before anyone had arrived and continued to do so after everyone was there. Of course all of the boys thought that was cool and spent most of their time handing me tools and "working" on the jeep too. I did not treat her 6 year old son any different then I did any of the other kids there. And her and I did not hug kiss or act like anything but friends like everyone else at the bbq. As they went home that night she texted me to say her son kept asking if I had a wife, and if she thought i would like him, and if I liked her. He proceeded to tell her how cool it woudl be if I actually liked her and we ever got married then I would be his dad. Needless to say this scared the hell out of her and put her more distant. We kept talking pretty much normal but I knew something was bothering her. We both figured that her son would soon forget and things would change and he would quit mentioning me. But that didn't happen, and I think it caused us a lot of damage. We kept going forward allowing more and more distant to come between us and our communicating. Then last week it finally came out. She needs space to figure things out. And can't rely on me to be her main support as she goes through everything she is. She needs to be able to take care of herself and to try and find her own way for now. We kept talking for a few days but finally last thursday she told me she needs to stop texting or calling. I said I understood completly which my head does but my heart doesn't. I told her to take care of herself and that I do love her and goodbye. She said it wasn't goodbye just a break while she thinks. It is so hard for me right now my impulse is to want to fight for her but I know that isn't an option at all. The only true way to fight for her and give her what she needs is to give her the space she has asked for. Doesn't mean I don't feel as if I am dying inside or slows my mind from coming up with all of these things I want to do. But I can't. I just have to get through the no contact again like we did before. And I guess if both of our love is true then this is the only way we have a chance. Maybe we have no chance at all who is to really say. I just know I am hurting really bad right now and it is taking all I have to get through this. And although a part of me feels like it is silly to be caught up and feel like my world is destroyed I am still doing it. I have told her how I feel there is no doubt in my mind she knows. And I know the only choice is the no contact but god I wish there was something I could do that could make this all ok. Or something that feels like I am doing something instead of sitting around doing nothing while the fate of our relationship is up in the air. I don't know why I am posting other then I am lost right now and it is a way to fight doing what I wish I could.
Ronni_W Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Or something that feels like I am doing something instead of sitting around doing nothing while the fate of our relationship is up in the air. In reading that part, it struck me that the "nothing" that you feel you are doing is obviously causing real pain and anguish...so it has to be something, this 'nothing' that you are doing. And, if it is within one's philosophy, one might conclude that the Fate of your relationship is in the loving and compassionate hands of the Universe. In my experience, it sort of seems inevitable that, when there is genuine passion and 'soul mate-type love', there is also sacrificing and surrendering -- those may be 'passive' in nature and texture but they are NOT 'nothing'. I understand the feeling that you are doing nothing, so maybe solace lies in knowing that you are doing the hardest thing? Sending hugs and positive vibes.
loveam Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 I am in a very similar situation and have resolved to give up contact for the break, for her to find peace with personal issues. It is hard as hell and it sucks. I'm not sure I can do it! Did you succeed in breaking contact, are you still in break, or did you decide to close your heart and move on??
Recommended Posts