Hurt_Wife Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Guys, I need your advise, opinion, support… Here is my story: Find out that my husband tried hire an escort. Do not have any prove that he did. Once he declined because if was “too much money”… I suspect that he did - he changed in bed (verbally, the way he talked) Also, I believe he might be addicted to porn – he spends a lot of time everyday watching hard porn… For sure I know that he visited “sensual massage” place. The web site claims “no happy ending”, but I do not know if I can believe that. We do have kids. Was I the perfect wife? no, few months without sex at a time... Did we fight? Yes, a lot – but who does not??? Why did he talk to me about his needs before going to hookers? I am so broken right now…. My heart is ripped off from my chest. I have not confronted him yet – too busy talking to divorce attorney about options and reading this forum… I do not know how I can ever trust him again. Should I give another chance or walk away??? I am afraid that he will do it again... Thank you all
blair08 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Are you talking to an lawyer to find out what your rights are about everything? Or are you just ready to throw in the towel? How did you find out he tried to hire an escort?
Enema Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Nobody wants pity sex... maybe he felt that talking to you about the sex problems would be pointless. Fighting all the time may also have contributed, probably didn't want another fight so didn't even bother talking. Not saying it's right, but that may have been what happened.
LakesideDream Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Hurt Wife, Do you love your husband? If you do you should try to go to counseling together. You have pointed out problems YOU have. You have pointed out problems HE has. You haven't mentioned working together to solve any of those problems. You also mention that you have children. You owe them so effort too don't you? From what you have written, your problems don't seem either unusual or unsolvable. Good Luck.
Keridan Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I have to agree that this needs more discussion between you and your husband. You said he watches a lot of porn, but you didn't say if you set that up as taboo in your relationship. You
Keridan Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 This sounds like you need some more talk with your husband. It is unclear whether or not he actually cheated. Obviously you now have reasonable trust issues, but they might be helped with counseling and knowing whether or not he even cheated. About the porn ... you didn't specify the rules in your relationship about porn. Some couples think it's fine to look at porn, while others consider it cheating. Either side has valid points, so it's all about how YOU as a couple feel. If you haven't talked about it, maybe it's time to have that discussion. No matter what you decide to do, I wish you luck and I'm sorry that you are feeling so hurt. I hope things get better for you.
Lizzie60 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I suspect that he did - he changed in bed (verbally, the way he talked) If he changed in bed.. chances are he is having some sex outside your bedroom... For sure I know that he visited “sensual massage” place. The web site claims “no happy ending”, but I do not know if I can believe that. No.. there is ALWAYS a happy ending.. trust me.. Was I the perfect wife? no, few months without sex at a time... Huh.. and you're wondering why he's looking for sex outside.. Did we fight? Yes, a lot – but who does not??? I never 'fought' with any of my exes.. I don't believe in 'fights' if two people cannot communicate without fighting then there is something terribly wrong with BOTH of them.. Why did he talk to me about his needs before going to hookers? Oh.. do you think he will ask your permission... men hate to nag about sex.. they just go out and get some... I have not confronted him yet – too busy talking to divorce attorney about options and reading this forum… He will deny everything.. unless you have strong proofs.. just don't waste your time with confrontations.. just move on.. if you're not happy anymore. I do not know how I can ever trust him again. Should I give another chance or walk away??? I am afraid that he will do it again... Unless YOU BOTH change and learn how to cope/communicate ..then NO.. he will not change and YES he will do it again.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Was I the perfect wife? no, few months without sex at a time... Did we fight? Yes, a lot – but who does not??? Why did he talk to me about his needs before going to hookers? I am so broken right now…. My heart is ripped off from my chest. I have not confronted him yet – too busy talking to divorce attorney about options and reading this forum… I do not know how I can ever trust him again. Should I give another chance or walk away??? I am afraid that he will do it again... I'm sorry you have to go through this. Here is the deal. He obviously is not happy with things as they are. If your not willing to put forth the effort to change... then you need to divorce. If HE is not willing to put forth the effort to change... then you need to divorce. Does he love you? Do you actually love him?
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