soulseeker Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 My bf and are talking about moving to another city together. A few points: We have been dating for 9 mos. He has never "followed" a woman to another city. He has never lived with a woman before. He is 33. He has brought this up two or more times during discussions about our future. I never asked him to come, I just asked him to think about this city. He initiates 95% of our future talks He brought up the idea of living together again the other day. Asked me what my thoughts were, etc. He then laid out our options, a. Live together, b. Not live together, c. Live together 3/4 time, but have a studio where either one of us could go to if the space were needed. He made it sound like he would need to spend the night there a few nights a week. Whatever, he needs space, I dont care. BUT, it makes me wonder why the hell we are moving together. I dont know why this makes me so mad. I am FINE with NOT living together, in fact, I decided b4 we talked this is what I want. But this 3/4 things just irks me. I told him that we should not live together. I said it matter of factly, and happily, as it makes sense to me. He said maybe that would be good for the longevity of our relationship. That he sees himself with me for a long time. And that we'd eventually have to move in together. I think he was testing the waters, maybe thinking I would want to live together immediately. Why does this 3/4 BS bother me? It's as if he's already afraid I'm going to ball and chain him. What could be going through his mind? I want to ask him, but at the same time, I just want to let it play out.
KinAZ Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I don't think you're overreacting, and I can understand how it might make you wonder about his thoughts. It's hard to say, as I don't know your relationship, and haven't been present for the discussions, but from what you've posted here, I would just figure that he's merely a little cautious. Just because someone is concerned about their space or any possible problems in the future relating to the need for air and room doesn't mean that it has anything to do with you or your relationship with him. If I had to guess, he's just thinking "What if..." in general. "What if she decided this" "What if we had a fight..." and on and on and on. Just sounds like a precaution to me. I don't see anything wrong with the idea, speaking as someone who also likes a little space once in awhile. Since he is the one who brought it up, and if there is no reason to be suspicious of him, I wouldn't make anything of it.
Author soulseeker Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Thanks for your reply. I've thought about this a bit today, and honestly, I think he is just reacting to my cautious behavior. Funny how that works, eh?
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