e.clipse Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I really couldn't have said it any better. yes, i was about to quote and say the same thing.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 :rolleyes: how did i know you were going to say this? what sources? why are you indirectly bashing people? and what strong women? you and TBF? sorry to be blunt, but you two act like some really big bitches some times. no, thanks. Guys please don't fight, I want to keep hearing responese and don't want it shut down.
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Laurie, i honestly don't think he is "kicking you out," as some other posters have suggested. i think he suggested you stay at another place for that weekend because he wants to spend time alone with his friends without having to worry whether they are being too loud, too noisy, too whatever; in other words, he wants to have fun with them without being worried about upsetting you. if he really didn't give a ****, he would just inform you of the party and bring everyone over. then, if you stayed there and got upset, he wouldn't care. but this isn't the case, now is it? you yourself said that this isn't an often occurrence, so i really don't see the problem. he is not kicking you out. he never told you you had to leave. that is not true. he suggested you stay elsewhere for your and his comfort. it really, really is the best thing to do. Right. Totally right. :rolleyes: how did i know you were going to say this? what sources? why are you indirectly bashing people? and what strong women? you and TBF? sorry to be blunt, but you two act like some really big bitches some times. no, thanks. No kidding, right? That whole commentary was so transparent and predictable.
Trialbyfire Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 :rolleyes: how did i know you were going to say this? what sources? why are you indirectly bashing people? and what strong women? you and TBF? sorry to be blunt, but you two act like some really big bitches some times. no, thanks. e.clipse, I've never been anything but supportive of you. Touche has put herself out greatly in supporting you through crisis moments. Unbelievable....
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 I think everyone is right who is saying that we should reach some sort of compromise. I do think that he was a little inconsiderate to just "notify" me of his plans and assume that I am okay with it. I don't think he did that to be a jerk, I think he is still getting used to having a roomate again. (he lived by himself for 2 years, as did I).
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Lets get back to me instead of attacking everyone else.
Touche Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 :rolleyes: how did i know you were going to say this? what sources? why are you indirectly bashing people? and what strong women? you and TBF? sorry to be blunt, but you two act like some really big bitches some times. no, thanks. Well I respect your opinion. And being a "bitch" means I'm not taken advantage of or crying about how poorly a past "love" treated me then, call me a bitch! I'll happily accept that label, dear! As for who I was referring to, I didn't name names. I'll leave that up to you to decide. Shadow, EXCELLENT point. Oh and SG, my comments SHOULD be predictable and "transparent." I've never changed my tune since I've been on LS. Perhaps some will learn something from it. Hell, when I was a doormat, I would have called someone like me a bitch too! But jaded I'm not. Let's not get confused on that score, shall we?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Well I respect your opinion. And being a "bitch" means I'm not taken advantage of or crying about how poorly a past "love" treated me then, call me a bitch! I'll happily accept that label, dear! As for who I was referring to, I didn't name names. I'll leave that up to you to decide. Shadow, EXCELLENT point. Oh and SG, my comments SHOULD be predictable and "transparent." I've never changed my tune since I've been on LS. Perhaps some will learn something from it. Hell, when I was a doormat, I would have called someone like me a bitch too! But jaded I'm not. Let's not get confused on that score, shall we? Okay lets get back to my problem here. So I'm hearing a mix still here and trying to decide on things. I know my boyfreind was inconsiderate when he runs his plans by me first, and I think I will talk to him about it. I am thinking I might just go to my parents.
Touche Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Lets get back to me instead of attacking everyone else. Sorry, LB. I stated my opinion and was attacked for it. Whatever. Yes, I think reaching a compromise would be your best option. I don't think leaving overnight should be an option though. Perhaps just leave for the evening? Or did he want you to leave for the whole weekend? I've lost track. No, I wouldn't do that. Just for an evening. That sounds reasonable.
Kamille Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I think everyone is right who is saying that we should reach some sort of compromise. I do think that he was a little inconsiderate to just "notify" me of his plans and assume that I am okay with it. I don't think he did that to be a jerk, I think he is still getting used to having a roomate again. (he lived by himself for 2 years, as did I). Well you are more then a roomate, you're his SO. I agree with you and all those who say that he didn't mean to be inconsiderate but that he really missed the mark on this one. In a way I think his poor handling of the situations is kind of funny. Yup, that's how I would handle it, I would make fun of him for putting you out of the appartment.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Sorry, LB. I stated my opinion and was attacked for it. Whatever. Yes, I think reaching a compromise would be your best option. I don't think leaving overnight should be an option though. Perhaps just leave for the evening? Or did he want you to leave for the whole weekend? I've lost track. No, I wouldn't do that. Just for an evening. That sounds reasonable. I think he suggested I leave for the whole weekend..I'm not sure he really didn't make it clear. I said that I was going to come back on Saturday to change for my cousins graduation party and he said that they would try to go to lunch during that time. I don't know what that means, so I asked him and he said that our apartment will probably be messy and the bathroom will be messy too, so it would be hard to get ready.
Touche Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 e.clipse, I've never been anything but supportive of you. Touche has put herself out greatly in supporting you through crisis moments. Unbelievable.... It's ok, TBF. Thank you. Eclipse is entitled to her opinion of me as is, SG. My opinion of them haven't changed.
Trialbyfire Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I think he suggested I leave for the whole weekend..I'm not sure he really didn't make it clear. I said that I was going to come back on Saturday to change for my cousins graduation party and he said that they would try to go to lunch during that time. I don't know what that means, so I asked him and he said that our apartment will probably be messy and the bathroom will be messy too, so it would be hard to get ready. More manipulation I see. You really, really have to talk to him.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Well you are more then a roomate, you're his SO. I agree with you and all those who say that he didn't mean to be inconsiderate but that he really missed the mark on this one. In a way I think his poor handling of the situations is kind of funny. Yup, that's how I would handle it, I would make fun of him for putting you out of the appartment. Yeah, I think sometimes he still thinks he is a bachelor living in his own apartment. We've only been living together for a little over amonth, so I'm sure he'll adjust.
Kamille Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I think he suggested I leave for the whole weekend..I'm not sure he really didn't make it clear. I said that I was going to come back on Saturday to change for my cousins graduation party and he said that they would try to go to lunch during that time. I don't know what that means, so I asked him and he said that our apartment will probably be messy and the bathroom will be messy too, so it would be hard to get ready. sigh Every time I start to see his point of view, you add in more info that makes me cringe. Is keeping a place reasonably clean so that you aren't completely inconvenienced absolutely beyond their control?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 More manipulation I see. You really, really have to talk to him. Yeah I didn't quite understand him so I questioned him further and he didn't really object, I mean I could see that I could stay away if they are drunk and rowdy, but I don't know what the big deal is if I come in the middle of the day. It IS my apartment and I pay to live there so I can get ready there if I want to.
Touche Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I think he suggested I leave for the whole weekend..I'm not sure he really didn't make it clear. I said that I was going to come back on Saturday to change for my cousins graduation party and he said that they would try to go to lunch during that time. I don't know what that means, so I asked him and he said that our apartment will probably be messy and the bathroom will be messy too, so it would be hard to get ready. WHAT? You don't even know whether it's for the whole weekend or not? How are you supposed to make "plans" to not be there if you don't even know how long you're not supposed to be there. Ok, I'm confused now. Bottom line is that you two need to sit down and really talk about this? How did you walk away from that conversation not knowing what exactly he has in mind? I'm really confused.
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 My opinion of them haven't changed. I know, I know. I'm a doormat incapable of giving advice anyone should follow.
bish Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Well, yes. Many of us have agreed with that sentiment from the get-go. The BOTH have to make the right decision and they BOTH have to have the same level of commitment. But just because he's not doesn't mean she should stubbornly stay around to cause a fight. Let him enjoy the weekend with his friends, and deal with it later. Timing is everything. She wouldn't be staying around to cause a fight. She'd be staying around because its her place too and shouldn't have to look for accomodations because he wants to boot her out for the weekend. Maybe she should leave and stay gone?
e.clipse Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 No kidding, right? That whole commentary was so transparent and predictable. very. it's like saying: Don't take advice from so and so because it's absolutely no good. that's not right, and it's also not true. just differing opinions. e.clipse, I've never been anything but supportive of you. Touche has put herself out greatly in supporting you through crisis moments. Unbelievable.... anyway. i like Touche. but the truth is that you two are too quick to label. you guys almost never give anyone or the situation the benefit of a doubt. what is that called? Laurie: i forgot to say that the way the whole thing panned out was the result of bad planning/thinking on behalf of your BF. truly, he approached things in a wrong way, without thinking things thoroughly. but, as someone else said, i see absolutely no malice or intent to hurt you on his behalf. sure, maybe he was a little dense in the way he went about it, but i honestly don't see how he is trying to be a prick to you. think about it. you guys just started living together not long ago. maybe he thinks this is the proper way to handle matters of the like, but if you think otherwise, just discuss it with him after. but really, he was just a little dense. he is not trying to hurt you, LB. saying so is nonsense.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 sigh Every time I start to see his point of view, you add in more info that makes me cringe. Is keeping a place reasonably clean so that you aren't completely inconvenienced absolutely beyond their control? I have no idea. That was what I actually said. He said 7 guys using a bathroom and apartment would make it hard for me to be in. Honestly messes don't even bother me that much, I'm not an insane neat freak (which he is, so I'm not sure why he doesn't care about this). so I don't kno why this would bother him.
Trialbyfire Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 It's ok, TBF. Thank you. Eclipse is entitled to her opinion of me as is, SG. My opinion of them haven't changed. While your opinion of e.clipse might not have changed, I'm sorely disappointed in her attitude towards you. You have a heart of gold, which, when thinking about e.clipse's prior crisis situation, came out in spades. The amount of caring and emotional output from you was something to see. You know the situation made me respect you a hundred fold.
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I think people often feel they can get away with things with their SO they'd never try with their friends or even acquaintances. This lack of boundaries and respect may be why so many relationships fail. You know, that's very true. I'm definitely guilty of that. I'm much more likely to "snap" at a BF than a friend.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 WHAT? You don't even know whether it's for the whole weekend or not? How are you supposed to make "plans" to not be there if you don't even know how long you're not supposed to be there. Ok, I'm confused now. Bottom line is that you two need to sit down and really talk about this? How did you walk away from that conversation not knowing what exactly he has in mind? I'm really confused. I'm confused too, believe me. I left things so that I was going to come back sporadically throughout the weekend. Actually I think it would be disrespectful for his friends to trash our apartment and my bf not make an effort to clean up after his nasty friends. He is a clean freak so I have no clue how he could leave our apt looking like that.
bish Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, people! Ugh. You assume too much. LB's BF isn't some chest beating neanderthal. He might not be the most mature person in the world, but he does have her interests in mind. Yes, he suggested she find someplace else to stay, but whether she does or not, his friends are coming over to take the place over whether she likes it or not. He didn't ask her if they could all come over, he assumed he could do what he wants. And the suggestion that she leave was more than likely wishful thinking....either way, they are all staying there whether she likes it or not.
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