"Guy Weekend"

[SugarKiss]

I really don't see this situation as one where he's asking or making her to leave. He's SUGGESTING she leave to avoid the drama that will inevitably ensue.

 

 

a drama brought by him for not even considering what LB would want to do in thsi case because he has imposed the situation in her, he is not giving her a choice he is saying "this is what is happening now it will be best for all if you went"

 

if he had considered her he would have said BEFORE hand "I am thinking of doing this what do you think?" and then they can duke it out. but no he is saying " they are coming please go if you want to avoid drama"

THAT'S selfish not what LB is doing

[Star Gazer]

The more you put up with disrespectful behaviour within the relationship, the more people will take advantage.

 

LB has to draw the line somewhere, for blatantly disrespectful behaviour. This is finally something worth taking a stance on, so at minimum, he understands her side, regardless of what actions she chooses to take.

 

LB has had plenty of opportunities to take a stand on a variety of different subject matters with her BF.

 

I just don't see this as disrespectful. As LB said, they had a very civil conversation about this. If she felt disrespected, she would have voiced that to him.

[Trialbyfire]

The difference is between you deciding not to be there and it being suggested you not be there.

 

I think LB is being reasonable thoughout this discussion as she's the one who pointed out he suggested she stay elsewhere for her own well-being.

 

However, I've never had a bf throw a party in our appartment without consulting with me or including me in the plans, so I can see why some people feel it is an area of concern.

Exactly. Even my ex-H, alpha, alpha selfish male that he was, would never make plans like this without first consulting me so we could come to an agreement, compromise or not.

 

The same holds true in reverse. I would never suggest that my SO leave our home. It would be completely his call and his choice.

[shadowplay]

Wow... I'm stunned to see so many 'doormats' here.. some I thought were much 'stronger'..

 

Me too.....

[Art_Critic]

Wow... I'm stunned to see so many 'doormats' here.. some I thought were much 'stronger'..

 

I see a few.. either that or a few posters trying to make things worse on down the road for the OP..

[Trialbyfire]

LB has had plenty of opportunities to take a stand on a variety of different subject matters with her BF.

 

I just don't see this as disrespectful. As LB said, they had a very civil conversation about this. If she felt disrespected, she would have voiced that to him.

Do you know that she hasn't?

[Art_Critic]

Honestly, if I were in his shoes, I'd be a little perturbed that the offer wasn't made to voluntarily leave and that I actually had to suggest he do so.

 

Oh come on SG.. that is just crazy..You can't really feel that way...

[Trialbyfire]

I see a few.. either that or a few posters trying to make things worse on down the road for the OP..

Truly a situation of come as you mean to go. It's asking for it down the road, with doormat behaviour.

[Lauriebell82]

I don't even know what to think here anymore!!! I'm trying to combine what people are saying here but I am getting so many different responses.

 

Some of you say that my bf is an immature a-hole. (I don't believe this to be true, otherwise I wouldn't have moved in with him.

 

Some of you are saying that my boyfriend is disrepecting me and that I am a doormat if I stay somewhere else. (that thought creeps in my head a little)

 

Some of you are saying that I am the one being stupid and that I should just find somewhere else to stay so my boyfriend can have his guy time. (which I can see that too, I mean I am not controlling so much as to want him all to myself and not let him have any freinds.)

 

Ugh...

[Lizzie60]

Oh come on SG.. that is just crazy..You can't really feel that way...

 

No.. AC..the more I read about her.. I think she does feel that way...

[Star Gazer]

SG.. I know how strong willed you are and I don't think you would allow this to happen in a committed relationship that you might be in..

 

I'd never find myself asking the question LB's asking because as SOON as my BF said, "Hey, so John, Mike, Peter, Rob, Tom, Dave, Eric, and Mark are coming in this weekend..." I would have VOLUNTARILY said, "Oh jeez, I soooo do not want to be around you guys all drunkity drunk drunk. You can reach me at my mom's. Love ya, hunny!"

 

In other words, he would never have to ask.

 

If he did have to ask, I'd say, "Oh, duh. Sorry, I should have offered. Yeah, I don't want to invade in your guy time, nor do I want to participate in it!! Hahaha!"

 

I guess I just allow my BF's to have truly guy time, with the understanding that such might require me to make myself scare on a rare occasion.

 

And this is a RARE occasion, as LB has stated.

 

Why all of a sudden is it okay for him to just up and make rules like that in an instant that never existed before ?

 

"The rules"?? There are no rules, Art. They're working out how they're going to handle things like this as they come up. This is a very new cohabitation sitaution. Are you even reading LB's responses? He didn't ask her to leave. He's not making her leave. He made a suggestion, for HER COMFORT, that she not be there.

[Lyssa]

What do you want to do, Laurie?

[Star Gazer]

Oh come on SG.. that is just crazy..You can't really feel that way...

 

Uh, actually, yes I do.

 

I threw a Bachelorette Party once for a friend when I lived with my BF. I didn't have to ask him to leave, he just did.

 

If I had actually had to say to him, "Hun, there are going to be 15 girls here this weekend, you know this, for a very important bonding weekend. Girls only. Do you know what that means?" I would have been a little irked if he stubbornly refused to give us our girly time. He would have lost karma credits with me.

[Art_Critic]

Ugh...

 

If you do as he wishes it will not be the end of the relationship..

 

What do you want to do ??

[Lauriebell82]

Uh, actually, yes I do.

 

I threw a Bachelorette Party once for a friend when I lived with my BF. I didn't have to ask him to leave, he just did.

 

If I had actually had to say to him, "Hun, there are going to be 15 girls here this weekend, you know this, for a very important bonding weekend. Girls only. Do you know what that means?" I would have been a little irked if he stubbornly refused to give us our girly time. He would have lost karma credits with me.

 

Im wondering what he would say if I DID tell him that. Chances are he probably would jet out to his buddies apartment.

[Lyssa]

I'd never find myself asking the question LB's asking because as SOON as my BF said, "Hey, so John, Mike, Peter, Rob, Tom, Dave, Eric, and Mark are coming in this weekend..." I would have VOLUNTARILY said, "Oh jeez, I soooo do not want to be around you guys all drunkity drunk drunk. You can reach me at my mom's. Love ya, hunny!"

 

In other words, he would never have to ask.

 

I guess this is where one's relationship differs to another.

[Lyssa]

Uh, actually, yes I do.

 

I threw a Bachelorette Party once for a friend when I lived with my BF. I didn't have to ask him to leave, he just did.

 

If I had actually had to say to him, "Hun, there are going to be 15 girls here this weekend, you know this, for a very important bonding weekend. Girls only. Do you know what that means?" I would have been a little irked if he stubbornly refused to give us our girly time. He would have lost karma credits with me.

 

Ahh okay, now I get where you're coming from.

[Star Gazer]

I don't even know what to think here anymore!!! I'm trying to combine what people are saying here but I am getting so many different responses.

 

Some of you say that my bf is an immature a-hole. (I don't believe this to be true, otherwise I wouldn't have moved in with him.

 

Some of you are saying that my boyfriend is disrepecting me and that I am a doormat if I stay somewhere else. (that thought creeps in my head a little)

 

Some of you are saying that I am the one being stupid and that I should just find somewhere else to stay so my boyfriend can have his guy time. (which I can see that too, I mean I am not controlling so much as to want him all to myself and not let him have any freinds.)

 

Ugh...

 

I think you're just both working out the details of how you both want your relationship to evolve now that you're living together.

 

The people flipping out at your BF have not been in your shoes.

 

The people suggesting you let this one go have been in your shoes, and your BF's shoes.

[Art_Critic]

"The rules"?? There are no rules, Art. They're working out how they're going to handle things like this as they come up. This is a very new cohabitation sitaution. Are you even reading LB's responses? He didn't ask her to leave. He's not making her leave. He made a suggestion, for HER COMFORT, that she not be there.

 

There are rules SG.. he is making them up as he goes along..

There are rules in my relationship with my wife.. some are just understood..ie: no cheating .. other rules are almost all based on respect.

 

Of course I'm reading her responses.. we are just seeing different things in those responses...

You are trying to get her to let her BF kick her out of her house for the weekend..

I am trying to tell her that it isn't something that is healthy for a relationship.. in fact it is damaging.. she will carry resentment from this.. I guarantee it..

[Lauriebell82]

If you do as he wishes it will not be the end of the relationship..

 

What do you want to do ??

 

That's what I'm trying to figure out. This will not be the end of the relationship at all, if it's one thing I'm learned, living together is all about compromise.

 

I'm thinking I may stick with the plan that I will sporadically go to my apt when him and his freinds aren't hammered. Friday when they get there I could go to the mall or something then possibly go out with my sister and suck it up and stay at my friend's house. I have my cousin's graduation party on Saturday so I may stop by myself to get ready while they are out to lunch or something then even come back to my apartment until like 11 or midnight and drive to my parents and sleep there. Then I wouldn't really have to deal with my parents because thye will probably be asleep. Then come back on Sunday around noonish or something and find something to do for the afternoon until they leave. They will have to leave fairly early since they all live 5 hours away.

[Star Gazer]

Im wondering what he would say if I DID tell him that. Chances are he probably would jet out to his buddies apartment.

 

Right.

 

It's because he has that ease of just jetting off to his buddy's place that he - naturally - expects you to do the same. Problem is, you have nowhere to go. You don't. THAT's why you're mad. If you had a great girlfriend in town who you could share a bottle of wine with and watch Sleepless in Seattle while your BF was at home with his 7 drunk friends, this thread would never have been started.

 

Am I right?

[Lauriebell82]

Right.

 

It's because he has that ease of just jetting off to his buddy's place that he - naturally - expects you to do the same. Problem is, you have nowhere to go. You don't. THAT's why you're mad. If you had a great girlfriend in town who you could share a bottle of wine with and watch Sleepless in Seattle while your BF was at home with his 7 drunk friends, this thread would never have been started.

 

Am I right?

 

If my best friend hadn't just moved to California I'd spend the weekend at her apartment.

[Art_Critic]

That's what I'm trying to figure out. This will not be the end of the relationship at all, if it's one thing I'm learned, living together is all about compromise.

 

I'm thinking I may stick with the plan that I will sporadically go to my apt when him and his freinds aren't hammered. Friday when they get there I could go to the mall or something then possibly go out with my sister and suck it up and stay at my friend's house. I have my cousin's graduation party on Saturday so I may stop by myself to get ready while they are out to lunch or something then even come back to my apartment until like 11 or midnight and drive to my parents and sleep there. Then I wouldn't really have to deal with my parents because thye will probably be asleep. Then come back on Sunday around noonish or something and find something to do for the afternoon until they leave. They will have to leave fairly early since they all live 5 hours away.

 

that's good.. I hope it realize that in a relationship it is about compromise of both parties and not always you having to do the compromising.. I'm not saying that you only do it I'm just saying that the difference between compromise and doormat is which direction is the compromise always happening..

[Star Gazer]

I guess this is where one's relationship differs to another.

 

Ahh okay, now I get where you're coming from.

 

Yeah, see... In one example (the girls' night), it's okay to actually expect and ask him to leave simply because I didn't want him there - period. In the other (guys' night) it's not okay to even suggest that she go somewhere else for her own comfort.

 

Double standard?

[Kamille]

Will they be partying both Friday and Saturday? If not, and if you think you can put up with sharing space with seven guys, I don't see why you should be out of the appartment on whatever night they won't be getting foolishly drunk.

 

But I'm still as confused as you are about all this. One night sleeping elsewhere doesn't sound like much. A whole weekend of limited access to your own place? well, that wouldn't really jive with me.