JP77 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 I never said we didn't have a good relationship. Even good relationships has issues that need worked out. And I know I have insecurity issues, I'm working on them. Do yourself a favour, take what the sour krauts on here say with a pinch of salt. Most of them are so bitter, they'd wake up the dead. They play on your insecurities because they enjoy watching someone else's life fall apart.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 Do yourself a favour, take what the sour krauts on here say with a pinch of salt. Most of them are so bitter, they'd wake up the dead. They play on your insecurities because they enjoy watching someone else's life fall apart. Okay, well lets not try to insult each other here. Actually, this thread has helped me a lot, because I got a TON of different perspectives on the situation. Really made me think about different issues that may come up in the future.
JP77 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Okay, well lets not try to insult each other here. Actually, this thread has helped me a lot, because I got a TON of different perspectives on the situation. Really made me think about different issues that may come up in the future. Live for now, not for tomorrow, you could be dead tomorrow. Worry and think about the issues in the future, when they arrive. Enoy your relationship now, because he won't be around forever.
dazed.1 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Wow, I don't think this is at all about you being insecure, I think it is about your boyfriend being inconsiderate of you. Why should you be put out just in order for him and his friends to have their "guy weekend". It would be a totally separate issue you were okay with the idea, but the fact that you are not, and that it has become an arguement between the two of you, and that he is not willing to adjust for your comfort, makes this a big deal. This is just a forshadowing of things to come in the future, people are creatures of habit.
vedderbetter Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Everyone has the right to be social with people outside of their romantic relationships. LB's boyfriend absolutely has the right to party all weekend. However, here are my issues: 1. My home is my sanctuary. I will sleep in my own bed each night unless I am on vacation or in the hospital. I am not 16, I am a grown adult woman with a home of my own and I have no desire to have a "sleepover" so that someone who is cohabitating with me can engage in binge drinking. Period. 2. Why would you want to be with someone who would rather spend his night sleeping with a bunch of drunk dudes instead of with you in your bed? 3. Respect is a two way street. Your BF is asking you respect his "guy time" while completely disregarding the inconvenience and sheer idiocy of his request. 4. You pay half the rent, therefore you are entitled to half the space. If I were you and my BF insisted on having this very childish and self-destructive get together, I would run masking tape down the house and divide into his space and yours. 5. Why does BF have so little respect for your home that he would allow and encourage people to trash it? 6. This particular situation may be an isolated incident (meaning he rarely drinks himself retarded with his friends) but for me, the overarching issue is that he does not think you are his top priority and that your happiness matters as much or more than the comfort and desires of himself and his friends. This would seriously concern me.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 15, 2008 Author Posted July 15, 2008 Everyone has the right to be social with people outside of their romantic relationships. LB's boyfriend absolutely has the right to party all weekend. However, here are my issues: 1. My home is my sanctuary. I will sleep in my own bed each night unless I am on vacation or in the hospital. I am not 16, I am a grown adult woman with a home of my own and I have no desire to have a "sleepover" so that someone who is cohabitating with me can engage in binge drinking. Period. 2. Why would you want to be with someone who would rather spend his night sleeping with a bunch of drunk dudes instead of with you in your bed? 3. Respect is a two way street. Your BF is asking you respect his "guy time" while completely disregarding the inconvenience and sheer idiocy of his request. 4. You pay half the rent, therefore you are entitled to half the space. If I were you and my BF insisted on having this very childish and self-destructive get together, I would run masking tape down the house and divide into his space and yours. 5. Why does BF have so little respect for your home that he would allow and encourage people to trash it? 6. This particular situation may be an isolated incident (meaning he rarely drinks himself retarded with his friends) but for me, the overarching issue is that he does not think you are his top priority and that your happiness matters as much or more than the comfort and desires of himself and his friends. This would seriously concern me. He offered up his apartment before we were living together (he lived by himself in another apartment) and him and his friends planned this weekend last year. It was wrong of him not to consult me first, and he admits this. He told me he would always consult with me in teh future so we could find a solution that we both can live with. In respect to his friends, they already think I don't like them and I know that it is important to my bf that I get along with his friends. Making a big stink about the apartment will not make them like me anymore..that's why I didn't tell him that they couldn't stay here. We did come up with a solution, that I stay there for part of the weekend and then they can have their little "guy night" while I go have a girl's night with my sister. So everyone is happy with the plan. And like I said, this is an isolated incident, he doesn't have friends crash at our apartment and get drunk for tons of weekends. I think that he would have had a hard time telling them that I had a problem with them staying here, they probably would have said that he was "whipped" or something. I'm not happy about them all being here, but there isn't a whole lot I can do about it. Telling my bf that he needs to find alternate housing for his friends will most likely stir up a lot of trouble, and I don't feel like fighting with him on the issue.
InLimbo2 Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 Another one LB - all about power plays - how to get it - how to keep it - how to prove you have it. Don't fall into this trap - it's not a healthy relationship. 2. Why would you want to be with someone who would rather spend his night sleeping with a bunch of drunk dudes instead of with you in your bed? ---oh good lord - it's one night - given your logic people should never spend the night away from their partner 4. You pay half the rent, therefore you are entitled to half the space. If I were you and my BF insisted on having this very childish and self-destructive get together, I would run masking tape down the house and divide into his space and yours. ---oh sure, call his behavior childish and self-destructive and then you suggest that? That's about as childish and relationship destructive as it comes. Ever seen War of The Roses? 6. This particular situation may be an isolated incident (meaning he rarely drinks himself retarded with his friends) but for me, the overarching issue is that he does not think you are his top priority and that your happiness matters as much or more than the comfort and desires of himself and his friends. This would seriously concern me. ---Oh sheesh - so he's supposed to be devoted to her and think only of HER comfort and fun and happiness and desires 24/7/365 - and never of his own. Talk about unrealistic expectations and a recipe for failure.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 HAHAHA, the funniest thing just happened. I just treated us to a very nice dinner at this restaurant that we both wanted to try. We had a really great time, talked about what we were going to do for our anniversary. We just got back home and he said he wanted to watch something that he had DVR'ed earlier. So I said "okay honey, I'll go on the computer then. I think it's good that we both get time to do things we like." He looked at me like I was nuts! I mean I have always been okay with us each having time to ourselves, but since our big fight I HAVE been trying to give him more space so he feels less smothered. And it's working, he even stated that he was going to brag to everyone at work tommorrow what an awesome gf he has! Mission accomplished.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 One more update for you guys: I made plans to go out with my sister on Friday night and my friend on Saturday nigth to this cabana bar. I told my bf and he was like "your going out BOTH nights drinking?" And I said "yep, have fun with your friends." He had this look of shock on his face, it felt SOOO good. Well, too bad for him, since he called me possessive and dependent on him. I'm going to show him that I'm not. Wow, I feel so vindicated!!!! All of you are awesome let me tell ya!
Touche Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Good for you, LB. You're a quick learner! I'm proud of you.
Star Gazer Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 One more update for you guys: I made plans to go out with my sister on Friday night and my friend on Saturday nigth to this cabana bar. I told my bf and he was like "your going out BOTH nights drinking?" And I said "yep, have fun with your friends." He had this look of shock on his face, it felt SOOO good. Well, too bad for him, since he called me possessive and dependent on him. I'm going to show him that I'm not. Wow, I feel so vindicated!!!! All of you are awesome let me tell ya! Interesting choice of words. IMO, you actually sound vindictive. Like, "Neener, neener."
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 Interesting choice of words. IMO, you actually sound vindictive. Like, "Neener, neener." No, I'm not trying to get back at him at all. It's more that it felt good to not feel so reliant on him for a social life. I guess I meant "vindicated" as in I didn't feel dependent when I said that to him. I don't know what other word to use then that.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 Good for you, LB. You're a quick learner! I'm proud of you. Thank you! And thanks for all your help.
Touche Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Thank you! And thanks for all your help. Anytime, LB.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 Why did his reaction make you happy? Because I wasn't displaying needy/possessive behavior. He looked shocked, not mad or anything, just a little surprised that I was "branching out." That's what made me feel good.
Art_Critic Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 to steal a phrase from another poster. Atta Girl !!!
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 to steal a phrase from another poster. Atta Girl !!! LOL, thanks AC for being really supportive. It helped me a lot!
Lishy Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Ahhhhhhhhhhh The joy of relationships !!!!!! It all seems like such hard work
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