SugarKiss Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 This is insane. you live in an apartment and you are supposed to vacate your home to allow 7 men to trash themselves there for a whole weekend? and your boyfriend is the one instigating all this? girl it's time to take a long hard look at your boyfriend, this is completely unfair of him to request this. it is one thing if you were agreeing to do it but since you are clearly not into the idea he should not push it.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Sorry, but I agree with Jilly. While it is your home, it's his home too. He's not saying you can't be there, he's simply saying that for YOUR comfort and annoyance level, it would probably be better if you weren't. I think we know enough about your personality Laurie to know that you are a wee bit uptight (maybe a LOT uptight), and would most likely get pissy if 7 dudes were being loud, sloppy, drunk fools in your presence...WITH your BF acting like them. You can argue all you want that you wouldn't be irritated if they came home late drunk and woke you up, but clearly you've never had SEVEN drunk dudes come home all at once. You're lookin' at 2-3 hours of loud, obnoxious noise, and watching a veritable mess unfold before your eyes. To avoid a fight and drama, and to focus on his friends, he'd like you to come home when they're gone and after he's picked up their mess. Why is this a problem? Besides, didn't you live with your parents before you moved in together? I don't see why you'd "go crazy" seeing as you were there for a long period before. HELL NO I didn't live with my parents. I lived in my own apartment at college then moved in with my bf when I moved back home. I think I would honestly go nuts if I had to stay there (my parents are crazy, esp. my mom). I really do see both sides of what you guys are saying..I have been going back and forth here. I suppose I'm just torn on which way is fair for both of us.
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Him asking you to LEAVE your own home is a big pile of shiot... Can you imagine what his answer would be in a role reversal scenario where you ask him to leave the apartment while you get drunk with your GF's ?? He would refuse to leave.. The friends should get a hotel if they are going to act in such a manner that your BF thinks you need to leave the apartment.. When I lived with my BF and money was tight, if I was planning on having the girls over (if only for one night with LOCAL friends), he VOLUNTARILY left and stayed with a buddy so that it would truly be a "girls night." I never had to ask. Quite frankly, if the roles were reversed and he said, "Oh hey, so my 7 buddies are coming in from out of town next weekend," I would have VOLUNTARILY said, "Ya know, to give you privacy and avoid the huvering-pissy-girlfriend role, I'm gonna go stay at my mom's that weekend." What's the problem with that?
Trialbyfire Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 HELL NO I didn't live with my parents. I lived in my own apartment at college then moved in with my bf when I moved back home. I think I would honestly go nuts if I had to stay there (my parents are crazy, esp. my mom). I really do see both sides of what you guys are saying..I have been going back and forth here. I suppose I'm just torn on which way is fair for both of us. You're in this conundrum because he made a decision, before discussing things with his partner. This isn't a way to work a partnership. He can't force you to stay away. It's your choice!
Touche Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 My thoughts? This is bull. First of all your b/f does not sound like he's even close to marriage material if that's what you're looking for. He cares more about that his friends think he's "whipped" than your own feelings on the matter? Wow. YOU should come first. Not his frat boy buddies. Secondly, this living together thing is supposed to be a pre-view of what life would be like with him once you're married. Would he tell his wife (you) to find a place to stay once you're married? This is nonsense. No way are you overreacting. Man, if anything i think you're UNDER reacting. I would have laughed in his face at the mere suggestion. I mean really. I would have said "You're joking, right?" And that would have been the end of that discussion. But that's me. That is just unreasonable and asking too much of you. Would YOU ever kick HIM out to have all your g/f's over? I doubt it. And frankly, I'm surprised at those who said this is ok and you should leave. Ridiculous.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 When I lived with my BF and money was tight, if I was planning on having the girls over (if only for one night with LOCAL friends), he VOLUNTARILY left and stayed with a buddy so that it would truly be a "girls night." I never had to ask. Quite frankly, if the roles were reversed and he said, "Oh hey, so my 7 buddies are coming in from out of town next weekend," I would have VOLUNTARILY said, "Ya know, to give you privacy and avoid the huvering-pissy-girlfriend role, I'm gonna go stay at my mom's that weekend." What's the problem with that? I already did kind of say that to a certain extent. I told him that I did understand that they wanted their privacy, but that it is my apartment and I would try to stay out as much as I could. I'm trying to compromise here.
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I really do see both sides of what you guys are saying..I have been going back and forth here. I suppose I'm just torn on which way is fair for both of us. Every situation doesn't have to be fair to both of you. Not every single situation has to be a compromise. On the whole in the relationship yes, but not every single event. This one is for him. Next time it will be about you. Make him "owe you one" in some way. As an example... Do you go see sporting events you don't like for him? That's not fair to you, but it's good for him, right? In turn, he should do something he doesn't particularly care for (shopping, theater, whatever). See where I'm coming from?
Kamille Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I have a question - did your BF ask you whether it was OK to have those 7 guys at your house before he made the plans, or did he make the plans and then tell you what was going to happen? Yeah, how did he bring up the topic of 7 guys staying over?
Art_Critic Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 What's the problem with that? that isn't what is happening here.. he is asking her to leave.. In your situation he voluntarily offered... Are you trying to say that she doesn't have a right to be upset ??
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Oh geez i'm so confused..30 different responses here!!! I dont' even know WHAT to think now.
Lizzie60 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 humm... methink your bf needs to grow up... he's still very juvenile about his friends... he's NOT single anymore... you should be his priority.. not his friends... He is being totally disrespectful.. and you are allowing him to walk all over you.. I told you this before.. and I will repeat this.. I do not give you more than 2 years together.. This guy is a selfish jerk.. even his friends have no consideration for you.. Why can't they go somewhere else... I never had this happened to me.. I would have told him to 'get lost' and have the party somewhere else... My bet is that you'll be the one cleaning up the mess... after being thrown out of your place... What a bunch of losers... this reminds me of a thread last year about a guy who wanted to have his friends over at their apart.. only wearing their underwear.. anyone remember that thread?
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 You're in this conundrum because he made a decision, before discussing things with his partner. This isn't a way to work a partnership. He can't force you to stay away. It's your choice! Well, yeah. That's true.
blind_otter Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 When I lived with my BF and money was tight, if I was planning on having the girls over (if only for one night with LOCAL friends), he VOLUNTARILY left and stayed with a buddy so that it would truly be a "girls night." I never had to ask. Quite frankly, if the roles were reversed and he said, "Oh hey, so my 7 buddies are coming in from out of town next weekend," I would have VOLUNTARILY said, "Ya know, to give you privacy and avoid the huvering-pissy-girlfriend role, I'm gonna go stay at my mom's that weekend." What's the problem with that? Well what do you do if you have no one you are comfortable staying with? I'd never vacate my house for my S/O - then again it's my house, so I have no qualms telling him to get out.
Jilly Bean Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I suppose I'm just torn on which way is fair for both of us. Why does fairness have to do with it, LB? Remember the old adage - you hold people closest when you hold them at arms length. Leave for the weekend. Let him have his guy time. If you stick around, youll lose a LOT of points, as it will show him that once married to you, you will no longer allow him to have his own private fun with his guy friends. It will make you appear like a shrew of a gf. No guy wants to feel like he has to give up his time with his friends because of a GF who's being a nag. Trust me on this, LB. Leave for the weekend, all of his guy friends will tell him how wonderful and cool you are, he will agree, and be ALL over you for being so understanding.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Yeah, how did he bring up the topic of 7 guys staying over? They planned this weekend back in March but didn't know which weekend it was going to be. Now it just happened to be AFTER we had moved in together. So I did know that they had planned some kind of thing but I had no clue it was going to be 7 guys crashing in my apt for the whole weekend. He told me a few weeks ago that they were having some "unbachelor" party in OUR apartment and that it may be better for me to stay somewhere else.
shadowplay Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 humm... methink your bf needs to grow up... he's still very juvenile about his friends... he's NOT single anymore... you should be his priority.. not his friends... He is being totally disrespectful.. and you are allowing him to walk all over you.. I told you this before.. and I will repeat this.. I do not give you more than 2 years together.. This guy is a selfish jerk.. even his friends have no consideration for you.. Why can't they go somewhere else... I never had this happened to me.. I would have told him to 'get lost' and have the party somewhere else... My bet is that you'll be the one cleaning up the mess... after being thrown out of your place... What a bunch of losers... this reminds me of a thread last year about a guy who wanted to have his friends over at their apart.. only wearing their underwear.. anyone remember that thread? In my observation guys often put their friends before their gfs.
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Well what do you do if you have no one you are comfortable staying with? I would never allow myself to be in a place in my life where I had nowhere to go. I would never allow myself to be dependent on this person, this place, this apartment. Why does fairness have to do with it, LB? Remember the old adage - you hold people closest when you hold them at arms length. Leave for the weekend. Let him have his guy time. If you stick around, youll lose a LOT of points, as it will show him that once married to you, you will no longer allow him to have his own private fun with his guy friends. It will make you appear like a shrew of a gf. No guy wants to feel like he has to give up his time with his friends because of a GF who's being a nag. Trust me on this, LB. Leave for the weekend, all of his guy friends will tell him how wonderful and cool you are, he will agree, and be ALL over you for being so understanding. I totally agree. I'm cringing at this entire situation.
blind_otter Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 They planned this weekend back in March but didn't know which weekend it was going to be. Now it just happened to be AFTER we had moved in together. So I did know that they had planned some kind of thing but I had no clue it was going to be 7 guys crashing in my apt for the whole weekend. He told me a few weeks ago that they were having some "unbachelor" party in OUR apartment and that it may be better for me to stay somewhere else. So he basically told you what was going to happen, and didn't ask for your input - even though you two SHARE this living space? Here's another question - how would you feel if a roommate said something like this to you? "Get out while I party with my friends"
shadowplay Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Why does fairness have to do with it, LB? Remember the old adage - you hold people closest when you hold them at arms length. Leave for the weekend. Let him have his guy time. If you stick around, youll lose a LOT of points, as it will show him that once married to you, you will no longer allow him to have his own private fun with his guy friends. It will make you appear like a shrew of a gf. No guy wants to feel like he has to give up his time with his friends because of a GF who's being a nag. Trust me on this, LB. Leave for the weekend, all of his guy friends will tell him how wonderful and cool you are, he will agree, and be ALL over you for being so understanding. I agree in the sense that it will be better for their relationship for her to consent (giving him space), but if she does I think she's not standing up for her own needs. It's a situation where you have to choose between what's best for the relationship and what's best for you.
Touche Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 LB, you sound SO much more mature than your b/f. No offense to your b/f but I'd wonder about being with a guy who even wanted to have this kind of party with bunch of guys. It's so "college." How old is he? Also, if you cave on this wow. You're training him to piss all over you in the future. I'm truly shocked at some of the responses here.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 I would never allow myself to be in a place in my life where I had nowhere to go. I would never allow myself to be dependent on this person, this place, this apartment. I have somewhere to go, I can always go to may parents house. It's kind of unfortunate right now that most of my friends have moved away, gotten married, or had babies. So that leaves my parents house. It's not dependency, I just don't want to go to my parents house.
SugarKiss Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I already did kind of say that to a certain extent. I told him that I did understand that they wanted their privacy, but that it is my apartment and I would try to stay out as much as I could. I'm trying to compromise here. if they want privacy they can go pitch in all together to rent a hotelroom.
Touche Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 So he basically told you what was going to happen, and didn't ask for your input - even though you two SHARE this living space? Here's another question - how would you feel if a roommate said something like this to you? "Get out while I party with my friends" EXCELLENT point. I mean I brought up about what if a SPOUSE asked that. But yeah, I'd even expect better behavior and more respect from a ROMMATE..never mind spouse or b/f.
shadowplay Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 LB, you sound SO much more mature than your b/f. No offense to your b/f but I'd wonder about being with a guy who even wanted to have this kind of party with bunch of guys. It's so "college." How old is he? Also, if you cave on this wow. You're training him to piss all over you in the future. I'm truly shocked at some of the responses here. I often find it's hard to strike a balance between training someone to respect you and not pissing them off (in this case by not giving him what he perceives as "space").
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