Jilly Bean Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 The RESULTS!!!!!! *trumpets sound* My boyfriend and I talked. I told him how I felt about the whole situation, how I would have liked if he would have consulted me about the whole thing. He then said that they planned this party a few months ago (which I knew) and that it was planned at his old apartment. They couldn't have it a month ago so they could only have it now. He apologized for not running it by me earlier, but everything had already been planned out, people had gotten off of work earlier, ect.) He also said he didn't have a problem with me staying here at all, he just didn't think I'd have much fun with a bunch of drunk guys around. He actually said Friday night they are all going to a movie so they aren't going to be drinking all that much so he said I am perfectly welcome to stay, as it is my apartment too and it is totally up to me. He said that Saturday night is going to be the crazy night so what I am going to do is go to my cousin's graduation party and then go straight to my house and go to the bar with my sister, then sleep at my parents and come back Sunday. He also said he was very sorry that he couldn't ask me beforehand and he certainly didn't mean to make it seem as though he was "kicking me out." He said that he will always consult with me on decisions from now on because we live together. In response to the "trashing our apartment" he said that he would NEVER let his friends trash it and that he will try to clean up as best he can. He is anal regarding cleanliness, and he said that his freinds would never trash our apartment to the point where there was nasty gross puke everywhere and people slumped in the bathroom. He also added that he owes me a big favor for my being so cooperative and understanding. It was seriously the most awesome talk ever!!! He said he was actually glad that I told him how I was feeling, and that he hopes that we can always talk about things that are bothering us. Do I have an awesome boyfriend or what???? But if you talked with him before posting the drama here, then what would everyone have done all day?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 8, 2008 Author Posted July 8, 2008 But if you talked with him before posting the drama here, then what would everyone have done all day? That's very true. I was happy to provide everyone with an activity for today!
e.clipse Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 aw, Laurie, i'm so glad things worked out! see, all you needed was a talk. next time he does something silly like this--which he will--try to talk it out first before getting offended or jumping to conclusions. if anything, it will save you a lot of worry. oh and Jake Barnes, i don't know who you are, but don't apologize to another on my behalf, especially when i have no intention, desire, or need to do so. thanks!
Mary3 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Him asking you to LEAVE your own home is a big pile of shiot... Can you imagine what his answer would be in a role reversal scenario where you ask him to leave the apartment while you get drunk with your GF's ?? He would refuse to leave.. The friends should get a hotel if they are going to act in such a manner that your BF thinks you need to leave the apartment.. Right ON !@
Trialbyfire Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 shes just a kid TBF, i dont think she meant it sometimes being strong comes of as sanctimonious and i've taken shots at you before myself, but in all honesty i think you're more strong than sanctimonious, its just rare to see actual self respsect in this day and age instead of self pity and groveling before those who are stronger Thanks Jake. That's very nice of you to say.
Trialbyfire Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Laurie, glad to see that the two of you have managed to find a mutually beneficial solution.
allina Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 My main concern is that this situation is very LB v. bf and his friends. I feel like in a committed relationship that is headed for marriage there should be more of a fun and inclusive relationship between your SO and his/her friends. I have been living with my SO for over a year and we both hang out with our friends one on one. Sometimes when his friends are over and I don't feel like hanging out I go out and do my own thing but my bf would NEVER EVER pressure me to leave OUR house for an entire weekend. I'm also confused by why LB's bf doesn't want her around his close friends. I feel like he should want his boys to get to know and admire the woman he fell in love with. When my bf's college friends visit California he's excited about me getting to know them and we always have such a great time. It seems like LB's bf isn't willing to join these two parts of his life together. And this situation reminded me of a quote from a movie I "how's a man throw a woman out of her own house? No man would ever do that to me, he'd put me out half of the house, I'll go live in the other half"
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 8, 2008 Author Posted July 8, 2008 Thanks for the 300 some responses guys! You really helped me!!!
Art_Critic Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Thanks for the 300 some responses guys! You really helped me!!! Hey LB.. glad to see you talked and worked it out.. in the end you both seem to always work toward the proper goals..
bish Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Who is to say what is too many though? The person that the partier is disrespecting, thats who. He is a young man, I presume in his twenties, and enjoys socializing with his friends, he is not committing a crime and from what I have read, he and the OP have a healthy and loving relationship. Socializing with friends is fine. But if someone parties all the time and they don't care if their SO is uncomfortable with it, then the SO reserves the right to find someone more respectful and worthy of a relationship.
bish Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Well get over your ego, he didn't inform you so what First off this has nothing to do with ego. So what that he didn't inform her?? Uh, its her apartment too. If she pays rent there, he needs to discuss his plans with her before assuming she will be ok with it and assume she will want to be kicked out of her own place for a weekend. turn the tables on him one weekend, I am sure he won't mind. This whole thread is a non issue, just something blown out of proportion, by a select few who have forgotten what it's like to have fun. having fun is one thing, not informing your significant other that 8 men will be in a small cramped apartment and she will be forced out of it is unacceptable. Why don't these guys just get a hotel?
bish Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 You "snap" alot. That's probably one of the reasons why BF doesn't want you around this weekend. He's concerned you'll "snap" at the sight of a mess/noise/drunkenness. Ya, you're right...she should be overjoyed at the sight of spilled beer on the carpet, piss all over the toilet, and who knows what else. Yes, "snapping" would be so inappropriate....especially since she will more than likely be the one to have to clean it all up come Sunday.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 8, 2008 Author Posted July 8, 2008 Ya, you're right...she should be overjoyed at the sight of spilled beer on the carpet, piss all over the toilet, and who knows what else. Yes, "snapping" would be so inappropriate....especially since she will more than likely be the one to have to clean it all up come Sunday. As I have updated, I voiced that concern to my boyfriend during our talk. He is a neat freak and said that he would never let any guy trash our apartment..he said what he meant by "messy" is that their will be sleeping bags and clothes on the floor in our lving room. That IS messy in my bf's world. Actually he joked with me that he was going to make all his freind's use coasters for their beers lol. (he is a coaster freak). He said his friends would never deliberatly spill things all over our apartment or leave crap in the bathroom, I mean some of them have been to his old apartment before and nothing like that has happened. I suppose I overreacted a tad, but my bf did admit to be an idiot for springing this on me and not taking control of the situation when hsi freind declared that he would be putting everyone up for the weekend (thinking this was his old apartmnet). If you read my update you will see that we worked out a fair compromise, and he felt bad that he gave me the impression that he was trying to "kick me out." He said it is both of our apartments and he would NEVER make me feel as though I didn't have the right to be there. It was a very good talk.
bish Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 He also added that he owes me a big favor for my being so cooperative and understanding. Boy does he ever. It was seriously the most awesome talk ever!!! He said he was actually glad that I told him how I was feeling, and that he hopes that we can always talk about things that are bothering us. Do I have an awesome boyfriend or what???? Glad to hear it. Thats all he had to do in the first place is run it by you and thats all we were all saying. Lots of problems can be cleared up with simple communication.
bish Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 That sounds reasonable because honestly a guy who still feels the need to get together and have these kinds of parties with the "guys" is not ready for marriage. I wouldn't count on his being ready in a few months either. But I agree with enjoying what you have right now with no expectations as far as marriage goes. I completely agree with the above. She should enjoy what she has with him now, but he is a partier and is no way marriage material......yet.
lino Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Hotel is the way to go for him & his mates. I'd rather pay the cash than have to do the big clean-up!
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 8, 2008 Author Posted July 8, 2008 I completely agree with the above. She should enjoy what she has with him now, but he is a partier and is no way marriage material......yet. As I would def. disagree that he is a total "partier" (this is the first real drunken right with his friends in a long time) per say, you are right that he isn't ready for marriage..and as you put it "yet" Come to think of it, he rarely does this at all and I am not apposed to him spending time with his friends..I actually support that he should. We are together all the time, so I think he should have some guy time here and there. I actually think those who are married should do the same thing.
Krytie TV Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I'm having a difficult time equating liking to spend a weekend partying with friends to bad marriage material. I don't know what marriages you all are using for reference, but not everyone metaphorically dies the day they get married. Yes, let's make sure someone doesn't ever want to have fun again before you marry them
Kamille Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 My understanding is that those who say LB and bf are not ready for marriage are saying this is so because he unwittingly put his friends ahead of his SO in this perticular instance, not maliciously, but as a 'bachelor' reflex. Nothing wrong with partying - as long as both partners are on the same page about it, and no one finds themselves camping out for a night or two.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 8, 2008 Author Posted July 8, 2008 I'm having a difficult time equating liking to spend a weekend partying with friends to bad marriage material. I don't know what marriages you all are using for reference, but not everyone metaphorically dies the day they get married. Yes, let's make sure someone doesn't ever want to have fun again before you marry them Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking too. I don't see why married people should just drop everyone out of their lives except their spouse and never have a good time with friends again. I would not like to be in a marriage like that.
Touche Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking too. I don't see why married people should just drop everyone out of their lives except their spouse and never have a good time with friends again. I would not like to be in a marriage like that. I never said or even implied such a thing. Actually, Kamille said it perfectly. That's what I meant.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 8, 2008 Author Posted July 8, 2008 I never said or even implied such a thing. Actually, Kamille said it perfectly. That's what I meant. The comment wasn't directed at anyone in particular. I guess it was more a muse of what others (not neccessarily on this thread) have said regarding the subject. But yeah I agree with what Kamille said as well.
Touche Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 The comment wasn't directed at anyone in particular. I guess it was more a muse of what others (not neccessarily on this thread) have said regarding the subject. But yeah I agree with what Kamille said as well. While it may not have been specifically directed at me, I was one of the people who said I didn't think he was ready for marriage so I just wanted to clarify what I meant by that. But yeah, Kamille expressed it perfectly. Anyway, I am really glad that you were able to talk it out. And LB, next time clear things up right away. Don't walk away from a discussion peeved and annoyed and confused. Clear things up right then and there as things come up.
bish Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking too. I don't see why married people should just drop everyone out of their lives except their spouse and never have a good time with friends again. I would not like to be in a marriage like that. Nobody is talking about dropping lives and not having fun. And if you say he isn't a huge partier, then fine. But people who party all the time are NOT marriage material and this comes from experience. Nobody is saying that when you get married you can't go to a function, party, whatever..and have fun once in a while. I am talking about the cronic partier. but coming from someone who was married to someone that went out with girlfriends and came home at 4am or the next day.....it isn't good. Trust me on that one. DISCLAIMER: I know this isn't the case with LB and her man, just a comment in general.
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