SugarKiss Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Right. But he's trying to prevent you from being upset by keeping you away WHILE there is a mess. if he wanted to prevent her from being upset he would man up and say "baby no way in hell I am bringing all my buds back here to trash our little nest, if it means you have to move out for the weekend." if they are ready to live together they are ready to act as married people do, which is the relationship and home come first and every decision is decided upon in a team effort not in a tyrant swoop.
SugarKiss Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I think someone needs to take off her shoulder pads and grind to some latin salsa at my place. ok that was funny.
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 what are you 5? forget those that just want to argue with you and call you names. I haven't seen anyone call LB names, but why don't YOU stop calling people names? if they are ready to live together they are ready to act as married people do, IF is the operative word...
Touche Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I haven't seen anyone call LB names, but why don't YOU stop calling people names? IF is the operative word... Why do you say "IF" is the operative word, SG? They already ARE living together.
climbergirl Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Too many posts, so I apologize if someone already addressed this...this situation in and of itself isn't anything to get too upset about-he may just want to keep the peace with LB by 'suggesting' she leave so she doesn't get annoyed by 7 guys in the apt. and, self serving but understandable, wants buddy time. I personally don't think that it's right, nor would I ask my SO to leave, but that is beside the point. But this situation juxtoposed with this... Okay split advice here. In response to what everyone has said. A few more details here may help bring more opinions. 1. He saw his friends over the 4th of july when we went to his hometown. He spent like 10 hours with them playing a game while I was at his house visiting with his family. He missed the fireworks with his family and I because he was blocked in at his friends house and couldn't leave. 2. He is going to visit his best freind in Ohio next weekend. I am probably going to be able to come with him, but it's up in the air as I may have some family plans. He is going with or without me though. 3. His friends are coming that weekend from out of town therefore have nowhere else to stay but our apartment. Sigh. Those saying that JB is controlling or whatever aren't taking into consideration that the above in bold is a recent event and would most probably piss many of us off. I'm thinking that LB being upset is compounded by him leaving her with his family on a holiday for his friends. Hell, I'd be pissed. Call BS if you want but I certainly would be feeling like less of a priority to him than his friends are-especially now that he wants her to leave so, as he claims, he and his friends don't annoy her. I'm guessing that he gets that asking her to leave is more annoying than them staying in her/his apt.
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Why do you say "IF" is the operative word, SG? They already ARE living together. Sorry for the miscommunication... I was referring to the second half of the sentence: "....ready to act as married people do..." While I disagree with your assessment that there isn't a difference between living together and marriage, assuming for argument's sake that it is, I don't think they are ready for that. BUT...it's too late for that point to be addressed.
JP77 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 If more women were like Star Gazer, then I am sure men would actually like women for a change. She seems Liberal enough to know how to treat a man, unlike the old timers.
Touche Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 If more women were like Star Gazer, then I am sure men would actually like women for a change. She seems Liberal enough to know how to treat a man, unlike the old timers. Yeah, men have always hated me! Too funny. Oh and ok, SG. Gotcha. Yes, I agree that they're not ready for marriage.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 The RESULTS!!!!!! *trumpets sound* My boyfriend and I talked. I told him how I felt about the whole situation, how I would have liked if he would have consulted me about the whole thing. He then said that they planned this party a few months ago (which I knew) and that it was planned at his old apartment. They couldn't have it a month ago so they could only have it now. He apologized for not running it by me earlier, but everything had already been planned out, people had gotten off of work earlier, ect.) He also said he didn't have a problem with me staying here at all, he just didn't think I'd have much fun with a bunch of drunk guys around. He actually said Friday night they are all going to a movie so they aren't going to be drinking all that much so he said I am perfectly welcome to stay, as it is my apartment too and it is totally up to me. He said that Saturday night is going to be the crazy night so what I am going to do is go to my cousin's graduation party and then go straight to my house and go to the bar with my sister, then sleep at my parents and come back Sunday. He also said he was very sorry that he couldn't ask me beforehand and he certainly didn't mean to make it seem as though he was "kicking me out." He said that he will always consult with me on decisions from now on because we live together. In response to the "trashing our apartment" he said that he would NEVER let his friends trash it and that he will try to clean up as best he can. He is anal regarding cleanliness, and he said that his freinds would never trash our apartment to the point where there was nasty gross puke everywhere and people slumped in the bathroom. He also added that he owes me a big favor for my being so cooperative and understanding. It was seriously the most awesome talk ever!!! He said he was actually glad that I told him how I was feeling, and that he hopes that we can always talk about things that are bothering us. Do I have an awesome boyfriend or what????
JP77 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Yeah, men have always hated me! Too funny. Oh and ok, SG. Gotcha. Yes, I agree that they're not ready for marriage. Princess, the world doesn't evolve around you.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Yeah, men have always hated me! Too funny. Oh and ok, SG. Gotcha. Yes, I agree that they're not ready for marriage. Are you talking about us? Yeah we aren't ready to get married, you are right. Mostly because we are doing so great right now and things are awesome. It will happen we are both ready, I know that, so I'm just going to wait until the time is right for us.
SugarKiss Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 IF is the operative word... what's this IF business? they ARE living together. it they are not ready to make plans as a couple that pertain to their home and shared life, they seriously should not be living together. and in this case he is the one out of line, not her. she has no problem with them getting together for a guy's weekend but leave the poor woman be in her home, it is her weekend too and why should she have to spend the whole weekend elsewhere so that her man could entertain a bunch of his friends the entire weekend? if she had a greed to this then that's great, it is a team effort but she did not, she was never given a chance to agree or disagre she was just told "don't want you here it's best for all" what is that? you know if he had asked her before hand and actually made an effort to involve her in the decision process maybe she wouldn't even be so adamant against it, heck who knows she might even suggest it herself. hey LB I say next weekend you tell him you are planning a romantic night with dinner and candles and you bought some nice lingerie for the special night but also tell him he'll need to be out of the house for this so that you can have your special night with a guest... that'll cure him
Touche Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Well while I can't agree that he's "awesome" since he didn't run this all by you beforehand, I do think this sounds reasonable I guess. Hopefully, he won't invite anyone over again without talking to you first. LB, I don't get your comment about that you're both not ready for marriage because things are so awesome right now. Interesting comment. That's usually when people ARE ready for marriage. JP, grow up dear will you? You're making a fool of yourself.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 what's this IF business? they ARE living together. it they are not ready to make plans as a couple that pertain to their home and shared life, they seriously should not be living together. and in this case he is the one out of line, not her. she has no problem with them getting together for a guy's weekend but leave the poor woman be in her home, it is her weekend too and why should she have to spend the whole weekend elsewhere so that her man could entertain a bunch of his friends the entire weekend? if she had a greed to this then that's great, it is a team effort but she did not, she was never given a chance to agree or disagre she was just told "don't want you here it's best for all" what is that? you know if he had asked her before hand and actually made an effort to involve her in the decision process maybe she wouldn't even be so adamant against it, heck who knows she might even suggest it herself. hey LB I say next weekend you tell him you are planning a romantic night with dinner and candles and you bought some nice lingerie for the special night but also tell him he'll need to be out of the house for this so that you can have your special night with a guest... that'll cure him Read my updated post!
SugarKiss Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 The RESULTS!!!!!! *trumpets sound* My boyfriend and I talked. I told him how I felt about the whole situation, how I would have liked if he would have consulted me about the whole thing. He then said that they planned this party a few months ago (which I knew) and that it was planned at his old apartment. They couldn't have it a month ago so they could only have it now. He apologized for not running it by me earlier, but everything had already been planned out, people had gotten off of work earlier, ect.) He also said he didn't have a problem with me staying here at all, he just didn't think I'd have much fun with a bunch of drunk guys around. He actually said Friday night they are all going to a movie so they aren't going to be drinking all that much so he said I am perfectly welcome to stay, as it is my apartment too and it is totally up to me. He said that Saturday night is going to be the crazy night so what I am going to do is go to my cousin's graduation party and then go straight to my house and go to the bar with my sister, then sleep at my parents and come back Sunday. He also said he was very sorry that he couldn't ask me beforehand and he certainly didn't mean to make it seem as though he was "kicking me out." He said that he will always consult with me on decisions from now on because we live together. In response to the "trashing our apartment" he said that he would NEVER let his friends trash it and that he will try to clean up as best he can. He is anal regarding cleanliness, and he said that his freinds would never trash our apartment to the point where there was nasty gross puke everywhere and people slumped in the bathroom. He also added that he owes me a big favor for my being so cooperative and understanding. It was seriously the most awesome talk ever!!! He said he was actually glad that I told him how I was feeling, and that he hopes that we can always talk about things that are bothering us. Do I have an awesome boyfriend or what???? That's great LB now that was a mature move COMMUNICATION, it's key if you want to build a solid realtionship together. glad it worked out.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Well while I can't agree that he's "awesome" since he didn't run this all by you beforehand, I do think this sounds reasonable I guess. Hopefully, he won't invite anyone over again without talking to you first. LB, I don't get your comment about that you're both not ready for marriage because things are so awesome right now. Interesting comment. That's usually when people ARE ready for marriage. JP, grow up dear will you? You're making a fool of yourself. I guess I meant that he is awesome in the way that he reacted to the conversation. We didn't argue and he was very understanding about my feelings regarding the situation. I suppose that is the awesome part. As for being ready, I don't think he is ready. I would say yes if he asked me, but I don't have a problem waiting as I am not really in a hurry. Who knows, he may ask me within the next few months. I was driving myself nuts before, so I'm just going to try to relax and enjoy what we have right now.
Touche Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I guess I meant that he is awesome in the way that he reacted to the conversation. We didn't argue and he was very understanding about my feelings regarding the situation. I suppose that is the awesome part. You said: "Yeah we aren't ready to get married, you are right. Mostly because we are doing so great right now and things are awesome." As for being ready, I don't think he is ready. I would say yes if he asked me, but I don't have a problem waiting as I am not really in a hurry. Who knows, he may ask me within the next few months. I was driving myself nuts before, so I'm just going to try to relax and enjoy what we have right now. That sounds reasonable because honestly a guy who still feels the need to get together and have these kinds of parties with the "guys" is not ready for marriage. I wouldn't count on his being ready in a few months either. But I agree with enjoying what you have right now with no expectations as far as marriage goes.
Jake Barnes Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Oh okay. Pardon me for making that assumption since you quoted me. shes just a kid TBF, i dont think she meant it sometimes being strong comes of as sanctimonious and i've taken shots at you before myself, but in all honesty i think you're more strong than sanctimonious, its just rare to see actual self respsect in this day and age instead of self pity and groveling before those who are stronger
Kamille Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I guess I meant that he is awesome in the way that he reacted to the conversation. We didn't argue and he was very understanding about my feelings regarding the situation. I suppose that is the awesome part. I think what you mean to say is that you're an awesome girlfriend . You do realize he was the one who messed up here right? It's not like there was much he could argue about. Repeat: you were the awesome one here.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 That sounds reasonable because honestly a guy who still feels the need to get together and have these kinds of parties with the "guys" is not ready for marriage. I wouldn't count on his being ready in a few months either. But I agree with enjoying what you have right now with no expectations as far as marriage goes. Yeah, well I'm not going to put a time limit on it or anything, we have been together for almost 2 years which isn't that long in the grand scheme of things. Not saying that I'll wait another like 3 or 4 years, but like I said i'm not particularly itching to get engaged or married right now.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 I think what you mean to say is that you're an awesome girlfriend . You do realize he was the one who messed up here right? It's not like there was much he could argue about. Repeat: you were the awesome one here. Thanks! Very sweet of you. Yeah, he knows and I know he messed up. He said he would make it up to me.
HYS Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 The bottom line is this is your apartment and you don't need to leave. If I were in your situation, I would have girls weekend and be away but I sense your BF is forcing you and expecting you to vacate the premises. I would not be happy with being forced to leave my own home.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 8, 2008 Author Posted July 8, 2008 The bottom line is this is your apartment and you don't need to leave. If I were in your situation, I would have girls weekend and be away but I sense your BF is forcing you and expecting you to vacate the premises. I would not be happy with being forced to leave my own home. If you read my updated post, you will see the resolved situation. I know it's hard with all the posts, I serously never expected to get 330 some responses out of this. It helped me so much though, so for that I am grateful.
Touche Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 shes just a kid TBF, i dont think she meant it sometimes being strong comes of as sanctimonious and i've taken shots at you before myself, but in all honesty i think you're more strong than sanctimonious, its just rare to see actual self respsect in this day and age instead of self pity and groveling before those who are stronger I have a new level of respect for you for saying this. And the above in bold is exactly what I told TBF. No offense to the under 25 set but you really can't take what they say too seriously all the time. Isn't it BO who always points out that one's brain isn't totally formed or something before one reaches 25. (Frontal lobe?...not sure.) I mean she's as smart as a whip no doubt. Judgment is the issue here. LB sounds like you're being reasonable on the whole marriage issue. I would like to see you keep an open mind and consider that he may not even be the person you end up marrying. I'm not saying this to be negative. It's just that we change a lot in our 20's. And I'm not even saying he's not right for you. Just keep an open mind here. A break up isn't as bad as a divorce.
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