bish Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Bish, is there a reason why you're only singling out my responses? This thread has gone on for quite a while. How's about you get up to speed before isolating only my responses, okay? LB's said a LOT in between... Only because yours are the only ones that strike a chord. its nothing to do with you in general. That and you are of the opposing opinion as me.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 I think he's 26??? Typical. Yeah he's 26. I think he is guy-whipped actually, his friends mean the world to him. I think he has developed this so much because he was single for so long and hasnt really had a committed long term relationship until me. So for like 4 years of his life he just partying with his friends.
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 SG and Eclipse, please let's not fight ok? I respect your points of view. We're not always going to disagree. It doesn't mean that I'm a bad person or that you guys are. We just approach things differently sometimes. Maybe you two DO give people more chances. But let's see how you are when you reach MY age (almost 47) and you're tired of being burned? Does that make me jaded? Or does that make me experienced and just a tad wiser? You decide. I realize you're wise, T. I do. That's why I always welcome your advice. But you are a little quick to jump to conclusions sometimes. Perhaps I don't reach a conclusion soon enough (well, actually, "perhaps" isn't even right - I know that DON'T reach a conclusion soon enough). Thing is, weren't you just my age (30, maybe 33?) when you met your H? You're happily married now. So, while you're older, we've spent the same amount of time dealing with B.S.
e.clipse Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 They come home at 2 a.m. They're drunk. They continue drinking. They pass out around 3:30 a.m. You come back at 11 to get ready for a party. One dude is sleeping next to the porcelian god, so you're unable to pee or shower. There's puke in the sink, and Jack in the Box wrappers and half eaten food all over the kitchen. This is what you have to look forward to if you return prior to the dudes leaving and your BF cleaning up. yes. that's pretty much it, Laurie. as i said before, you can go pick something up, change, whatever whenever you please. he can't tell you can't. and it's not like he said such atrocity, anyway. you can. of course. the only thing is that will probably be nasty and uncomfortable for you. oh and before i forget, please don't do feel like you have to do any of the cleaning. i personally would probably help out, but that is because i would help in any other circumstance and singling out this one would seem like an act of spite to me. but really, it's a mess his friends and himself will make, so they have to clean. i agree that you need to talk. consider that you two just started living together and that perhaps this method is perfectly acceptable to him, but not to you. you guys need to use it as an example of how not to handle other similar events in the future. it's as someone else said, a relationship lesson. Doesn't mean she hasn't seen you be bitchy to others. I can't speak for Touche as I haven't interacted with her much or seen her be nasty to another member. you are correct, m'dear. It's called having advice and being willing to try to help people who roll over in every situation. Know anyone like that? I see her right now. who, me? what about me? maybe i am a doormat, sure, okay. but i'm not telling anyone to be like me. and in fact, if you actually read my posts, you'll notice that my advice is a lot more sane and practical than the messes i get myself into. i don't suggest people do the ridiculous things i do, whereas you cannot say you don't preach the whole "be like me!" message ad nauseam. i agree that her BF is immature and definitely not ready for what she would like him to be, but he is not a villain. a little naive and dense, sure, but he is not out to get her.
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Only because yours are the only ones that strike a chord. its nothing to do with you in general. That and you are of the opposing opinion as me. Alrighty then.
Trialbyfire Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Okay, WHAT THE F*** are you talking about?!?!?!? "Stalking behavior"?!??! You have GOT to have me confused with someone else....that, or you're blatantly trying to make up some lame a$$ lies... Jeez, the level some people will stoop to. You stalked me all over LS finding ways to quote me and disagree with me to fight. Also, you drew personalized attacks and drew inaccurate conclusions out of thin air from generalized statements that I made. You do the math about what type of behaviour this is.
Art_Critic Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I think the weekend is Friday night they are going to get trashed, Saturday afternoon they will sleep in then go get lunch of something. Then start drinking at like 5 or 6 and call a cab to go downtown to go to bars. As far as the neat freak stuff goes, I mean if there are clothes on the couch or bags on the floor I don't care. If there is some stuff in the bathroom its not a big deal either, I draw the line at like underwear or puke in the bathroom. (my boyfriend would NEVER let that happen though, even from his friends). LB.. I doubt he is going to allow the apartment to be trashed by his friends.. IMO he is strutting around his buds.. showing them he rules the roost and that he isn't whipped by you.. He is saying they are going to do whatever it is they do and there is nothing you can do about it because he is flexing his muscles in front of his friends so that they will look up to him and go wow!!.. He isn't whooped... You have always worked on things with him.. you will with this too.. just don't let him think this type of relationship behavior is something he can get away with all the time.. This time.. sure.. but from now on he needs your input on decisions concerning the household instead of telling the way it will be.
bish Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Sometimes people are faced with situations where someone's not going to get their way. Friends come over = LB's upset. Friends don't come over = BF is upset. Question is, how can we find a way so that no one is upset? Uh, consult one another first rather than tell them the way its going to be
bish Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Alrighty then. dont worry star, I like ya. I like your posts. We just find ourselves on opposing sides. It aint like politics. I don't dislike ya.
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Uh, consult one another first rather than tell them the way its going to be I understand that, and I agree. But it's too late for that. So, what's the resolution? It's so easy for people to say, "I can't believe he did that! What a prick! OMG! OMG! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!" and much more difficult for them to propose her next steps for the benefit of the relationship.
Walk Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 As far as the neat freak stuff goes, I mean if there are clothes on the couch or bags on the floor I don't care. If there is some stuff in the bathroom its not a big deal either, I draw the line at like underwear or puke in the bathroom. (my boyfriend would NEVER let that happen though, even from his friends). What is the main issue Laurie? Dirty apartment? Does it really matter? You know he'll clean it up, and if for some reason he doesn't then you can tackle that if it occurs. Whats the big issue here? Whats the main point that's bugging you?
Trialbyfire Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 who, me? what about me? maybe i am a doormat, sure, okay. but i'm not telling anyone to be like me. and in fact, if you actually read my posts, you'll notice that my advice is a lot more sane and practical than the messes i get myself into. i don't suggest people do the ridiculous things i do, whereas you cannot say you don't preach the whole "be like me!" message ad nauseam. i agree that her BF is immature and definitely not ready for what she would like him to be, but he is not a villain. a little naive and dense, sure, but he is not out to get her. Everyone gives advice. The best advice given is when you've lived through it. In providing what works and didn't work for me, is the best advice I can give to people because I've been through it. It's their choice to do whatever they want, to listen or not and to amend as necessary. Do I want everyone to be like me, no, definitely not. You're drawing inaccurate conclusions from what I'm saying. As for him being out to get her, find where I said that. I said he was being manipulative in how he chooses to ensure that she not be present during his immature behaviour with his friends and that he was being disrespectful about the entire situation. Get with the program.
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 You stalked me all over LS finding ways to quote me and disagree with me to fight. Also, you drew personalized attacks and drew inaccurate conclusions out of thin air from generalized statements that I made. You do the math about what type of behaviour this is. As if I'd ever put that much energy into disagreeing with you! Some people are capable of disagreeing without resorting to character attacks and insinuations of criminal behavior. I count myself as one of them. Do you? Back to LB's problem...
bish Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I understand that, and I agree. But it's too late for that. So, what's the resolution? He needs to be kissing her ass when she comes back and doing something MAJOR for her. If he doesn't, he deserves to be in the doghouse for a mighty long time, if not indefinitely. I suggested a 3 hour massage for her weekend long exile from her own place. I think that would be reasonable. He better do some damn good rubbin'.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 LB.. I doubt he is going to allow the apartment to be trashed by his friends.. IMO he is strutting around his buds.. showing them he rules the roost and that he isn't whipped by you.. He is saying they are going to do whatever it is they do and there is nothing you can do about it because he is flexing his muscles in front of his friends so that they will look up to him and go wow!!.. He isn't whooped... You have always worked on things with him.. you will with this too.. just don't let him think this type of relationship behavior is something he can get away with all the time.. This time.. sure.. but from now on he needs your input on decisions concerning the household instead of telling the way it will be. Yeah it probably is like that. He def. does not want to seem whipped in front of his friends. I do need to have a talk with him regarding this, we've always worked out things like this so I'm sure we will be able to work this out as well. Like I said he is still getting used to the whole "live in committed boyfreind" role as opposed to the "partying bachelor."
torranceshipman Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I am totally with Lizzie on this one...I can't believe the doormat mentality I'm reading in this thread. You really need to make a stand here, LB. These guys can EASILY shell out a few bucks for a hotel and that fact that he is ordering you (sorry, but he did, and explaining it any other way is just semantics) out of the apartment for the WHOLE weekend is just ridiculous. This is YOUR apartment too. Don't let him walk all over you like this-its disrespectful. Also, I really think you can tell a lot about a man from his friends, and his friends seem like immature dirtbags who don't respect you. Whoever used the flatmate analogy was right on the mark-noone would tell their flatmate to leave for the weekend so they could have a party!! I think this guy sounds immature and very young-and really annoying.
Kamille Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Random question Laurie: how well do you get along with his friends? Have you ever led him to believe you don't like them? I just don't fully understand his hesitations about you coming over to your place during the day or him trying to 'garantee' the guys will be out. Or, for that matter, why you can't sleep there. Does he think you don't like his friends? Does he have any reasons to believe you would be judging them and their behavior?
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Everyone gives advice. The best advice given is when you've lived through it. In providing what works and didn't work for me, is the best advice I can give to people because I've been through it. It's their choice to do whatever they want, to listen or not and to amend as necessary. I think that's exactly what Jilly, e, and I have been doing. Doesn't make any one of us - yourself included - any more credible than the other.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 What is the main issue Laurie? Dirty apartment? Does it really matter? You know he'll clean it up, and if for some reason he doesn't then you can tackle that if it occurs. Whats the big issue here? Whats the main point that's bugging you? That he just kind of TOLD me he was having 7 guys stay at our apartment at such and such weekend. He didn't ask me if that was okay, he just kind of made it clear that was what was going to happen. So I'm going to talk to him and make sure that he knows to talk to me about it from now on.
Kamille Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 He better do some damn good rubbin'. now that's great advice!
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 He needs to be kissing her ass when she comes back and doing something MAJOR for her. If he doesn't, he deserves to be in the doghouse for a mighty long time, if not indefinitely. I suggested a 3 hour massage for her weekend long exile from her own place. I think that would be reasonable. He better do some damn good rubbin'. Sounds fair.
Trialbyfire Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I think that's exactly what Jilly, e, and I have been doing. Doesn't make any one of us - yourself included - any more credible than the other. Check my responses to LB. Have I once knocked your credibility in this thread or made any personalized comments to you until you dragged me into it? I can disagree with you without getting personal.
Walk Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 That he just kind of TOLD me he was having 7 guys stay at our apartment at such and such weekend. He didn't ask me if that was okay, he just kind of made it clear that was what was going to happen. So I'm going to talk to him and make sure that he knows to talk to me about it from now on. Assume he see's your point, agree's with you, and the conversation goes well... will that make you happy with the situation as it is right now? Is that going to make you happy with what happened this weekend? I'm worried that this will cause resentment in the future, and if you can do something to avoid that, it will really help the relationship.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Random question Laurie: how well do you get along with his friends? Have you ever led him to believe you don't like them? I just don't fully understand his hesitations about you coming over to your place during the day or him trying to 'garantee' the guys will be out. Or, for that matter, why you can't sleep there. Does he think you don't like his friends? Does he have any reasons to believe you would be judging them and their behavior? I like his friends, however I think they are a little immature in the way they look at relationship (his friend got divorced after being married for a year,so this is like his "unbachelor" party.) Most of them are concerned with partying and not so much committment. They may look at me as trying to take him away from them. I have hung out with him and his freinds before, and they do talk about high school and guy stuff and I sort of sit there feeling out of place. (that paired with the fact that I am shy). I do try to talk to them and get to know them, but maybe they think that I don't because I am sometimes quiet around them.
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Check my responses to LB. Have I once knocked your credibility in this thread or made any personalized comments to you until you dragged me into it? I can disagree with you without getting personal. I didn't think I was the one to drag you into it. If anything, I was starting a fight with T. (Love ya, T.) I simply stated that you have been cruel towards me, which you must admit, you have been (at times). But I also said that you've been quite supportive.
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