Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I posted this in the other forum by accident: Anyway, I may be overreacting to this..guess I want opinions on whether or not I am. My bf is having like 7 guys come to stay at our apartment for the weekend. They are coming from his hometown (about 4 hours away) to "get totally hammered" (my bf's words) for the entire weekend. He says that I shouldn't be there because he wants privacy and thinks that I would get pissed off that so many guys were messing up our apartment. He suggested that I go stay at my parent's (which is not an option, I think I would go crazy) or stay at a girlfriend's house the whol weekend. The only really good gf that I could consider staying with is a freind of mine, who is all about getting drunk and staying out till 5 in the morning (which is something I REALLY don't want to do.) So he wants me to find somewhere to stay because he thinks I'll get mad if there are all these guys in my apartment drunk. I said that I could go somewhere during the day (which I could easily do) but then spend the night in the night in our apt. I argued that they will be out most of the night so it probably wouldn't even be a problem for me to come back. He argued that they will come in all plastered and I will get mad when they start partying and screaming. I have seen my bf with his friend drunk so I they will come in and pass out and I will go back to sleep. Any advice on what to do? Is he being controlling or am I just being jealous and stupid?
Jilly Bean Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I think you're being jealous and stupid. As someone who lived with her BF for many years, when he had "guy weekends", I stayed at a gf's. If I were you, I would find somewhere else to stay for the weekend. He, and his friends, will greatly appreciate and respect you giving them time and space to bond.
Trialbyfire Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 This is your home too. Your b/f should understand this. It's completely your choice! If he pressures you, suggest he find somewhere else to party.
blind_otter Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I think that is total bullsh*t. It's your home, too. If he wants to have a guys weekend, he can go get a hotel room. It makes no sense that you should be kicked out of your home just because he wants to get wasted with 7 guys. The guys wanting to get wasted should fund their own party and they should have it at a neutral location.
Trialbyfire Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Also, in an rental apt situation like yours, if they're going to have a house wrecking party, the potential for eviction could be high. 7 guys can easily split the cost of one or two rooms, for one or two nights.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Okay split advice here. In response to what everyone has said. A few more details here may help bring more opinions. 1. He saw his friends over the 4th of july when we went to his hometown. He spent like 10 hours with them playing a game while I was at his house visiting with his family. He missed the fireworks with his family and I because he was blocked in at his friends house and couldn't leave. 2. He is going to visit his best freind in Ohio next weekend. I am probably going to be able to come with him, but it's up in the air as I may have some family plans. He is going with or without me though. 3. His friends are coming that weekend from out of town therefore have nowhere else to stay but our apartment. Sigh.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Also, in an rental apt situation like yours, if they're going to have a house wrecking party, the potential for eviction could be high. 7 guys can easily split the cost of one or two rooms, for one or two nights. They are going to his friend's bachelor party in September to Las Vegas, therefore cannot afford a hotel. Why they have to have 2 weekends who knows. They are coining this thing the "unbachelor party" named after his freind who's bachelor was last year and he is now divorced..nice huh?
Trialbyfire Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 They are going to his friend's bachelor party in September to Las Vegas, therefore cannot afford a hotel. Why they have to have 2 weekends who knows. They are coining this thing the "unbachelor party" named after his freind who's bachelor was last year and he is now divorced..nice huh? Let's pretend they go to a 2 - 3 star hotel. This would be around $200/night per room, reliant on your city. 7 guys in one room = under $30/night. Also, if your b/f plans to subsidize the food and booze, they can rent something with a kitchenette and he can subsidize away on his own wallet. I don't see why you need to subsidize his house wrecking party (mid-twenties guys screaming? That's weird.).
Kamille Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 They are going to his friend's bachelor party in September to Las Vegas, therefore cannot afford a hotel. Why they have to have 2 weekends who knows. They are coining this thing the "unbachelor party" named after his freind who's bachelor was last year and he is now divorced..nice huh? I don't buy the can't afford hotel excuse. it would cost them about 10-20$ each to put you up in a room. That's less then they will be spending on booze all night. I'm not sure I understand what you're point is in mentionning all the other times they spend together?
Kamille Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Let's pretend they go to a 2 - 3 star hotel. This would be around $200/night per room, reliant on your city. 7 guys in one room = under $30/night. Also, if your b/f plans to subsidize the food and booze, they can rent something with a kitchenette and he can subsidize away on his own wallet. I don't see why you need to subsidize his house wrecking party (mid-twenties guys screaming? That's weird.). Woah! Hotels are expensive where you live!
blind_otter Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Yeah the "we can't afford a hotel" is a stupid excuse. If you can't afford it, then you can't have the party. Period. I would do some shopping around re: prices and let him know how much it will cost him and his friends.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Let's pretend they go to a 2 - 3 star hotel. This would be around $200/night per room, reliant on your city. 7 guys in one room = under $30/night. Also, if your b/f plans to subsidize the food and booze, they can rent something with a kitchenette and he can subsidize away on his own wallet. I don't see why you need to subsidize his house wrecking party (mid-twenties guys screaming? That's weird.). Thats a good idea..however it would never work since they already have somewhere to go to sleep for free. His freinds don't give a crap about inconveincing me if they have a place to stay for free to get trashed. I think my bf does a little bit but I doubt he'll out number 7 guys, and they will call him "whipped" if they think he is letting me get my way. (I'm sure they probably already have done that. This weekend his stupid freind whispered to me that I should "find a place to stay" that weekend.
Trialbyfire Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Woah! Hotels are expensive where you live! Nothing is inexpensive here. It's one of the top five most expensive cities to live in, in the world.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Nothing is inexpensive here. It's one of the top five most expensive cities to live in, in the world. They are all forking out a TON of money to go to Vegas (not to mention they have to pay for their freinds share) so I understand them not wanting to pay for a hotel when they are here.
Lyssa Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 (I'm sure they probably already have done that. This weekend his stupid freind whispered to me that I should "find a place to stay" that weekend. Okay now that I've read more on your situation, that was disrespectful of his friend! They should chip in money and get their own service apartment or hotel and party away like crazy people.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 I'm not sure I understand what you're point is in mentionning all the other times they spend together? What I meant was that they will have plenty of time to be alone together and "bond" in the upcoming weekends. They won't have a shortage of guy time if I stay in our apartment for a little bit.
Trialbyfire Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Thats a good idea..however it would never work since they already have somewhere to go to sleep for free. His freinds don't give a crap about inconveincing me if they have a place to stay for free to get trashed. I think my bf does a little bit but I doubt he'll out number 7 guys, and they will call him "whipped" if they think he is letting me get my way. (I'm sure they probably already have done that. This weekend his stupid freind whispered to me that I should "find a place to stay" that weekend. Then stay within your own home. If nothing else, it should tone down the festivities to a more civilized level. It will also make your b/f think twice, before offering your place as a free place to trash and crash. It's time he grew up.
Lyssa Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 They are all forking out a TON of money to go to Vegas (not to mention they have to pay for their freinds share) so I understand them not wanting to pay for a hotel when they are here. Why can't they just wait for the Vegas getaway?
D-Lish Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 My ex husband used to have his guy friends come in twice a year to stay at our house and have a crazy guys weekend. I personally don't see the big deal about giving him space and letting him have it. It's your apartment to, so of course you have the right to stay or go. When my ex planned these weekends, I would just plan girl's weekends away with my friends. I don't see it as a big sacrifice. My ex never had to ask me to leave- I happily offered and used that weekend to do something fun that I wanted to do. I know he always appreciated that little sacrifice- but I trusted him and I knew he didn't have the opportunity to see his friends as much as he wanted. Plus- he liked showing off our place and accomodating his friends for the weekend.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Okay now that I've read more on your situation, that was disrespectful of his friend! They should chip in money and get their own service apartment or hotel and party away like crazy people. Yeah that's the friend who my bf is going to visit next weekend, so they will spend plenty of time together. Honestly guys, they are NOT going to get a hotel. They will say that they are going to Vegas, so I am not going to either bother doing that.
shadowplay Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I think that's total BS. It's your home, he can't kick you out. He can find another place to party.
Art_Critic Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 This is your home too. Your b/f should understand this. I think that is total bullsh*t. It's your home, too. Him asking you to LEAVE your own home is a big pile of shiot... Can you imagine what his answer would be in a role reversal scenario where you ask him to leave the apartment while you get drunk with your GF's ?? He would refuse to leave.. The friends should get a hotel if they are going to act in such a manner that your BF thinks you need to leave the apartment..
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Why can't they just wait for the Vegas getaway? They already booked it.
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Sorry, but I agree with Jilly. While it is your home, it's his home too. He's not saying you can't be there, he's simply saying that for YOUR comfort and annoyance level, it would probably be better if you weren't. I think we know enough about your personality Laurie to know that you are a wee bit uptight (maybe a LOT uptight), and would most likely get pissy if 7 dudes were being loud, sloppy, drunk fools in your presence...WITH your BF acting like them. You can argue all you want that you wouldn't be irritated if they came home late drunk and woke you up, but clearly you've never had SEVEN drunk dudes come home all at once. You're lookin' at 2-3 hours of loud, obnoxious noise, and watching a veritable mess unfold before your eyes. To avoid a fight and drama, and to focus on his friends, he'd like you to come home when they're gone and after he's picked up their mess. Why is this a problem? Besides, didn't you live with your parents before you moved in together? I don't see why you'd "go crazy" seeing as you were there for a long period before.
blind_otter Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I have a question - did your BF ask you whether it was OK to have those 7 guys at your house before he made the plans, or did he make the plans and then tell you what was going to happen?
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