crux80 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Sometimes I get vivid thoughts in my head of my ex being with someone else, sharing intimate moments with each other and stuff like that (use your imagination). I don't know if everyone gets them, maybe they do, but for me, they just seem to pop up in my mind's eye sometimes, maybe everyone has dealt with it at some point after a break up. I don't know how to control it or what to do about it. If anyone else has had that happen, I'd be interested in how you deal with it. Have you ever seen the movie "High Fidelity"? Rob's girlfriend Laura leaves him and starts seeing some guy named Ian and then Rob starts getting this vision in his own imagination of them together. And he says, "No woman in the history of the world is having better sex than the sex you are having with Ian...in my head." It's kind of like that for me now, I don't know how to handle it.
Crazy.S Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 This is the most dreaded issue for me. Having to think that my baby who I still love is being intimate with someone else. I feel a big hole in my chest. Kinda like I got stab in the chest by a pointed column or something. This sucks so much. I am trying my best to not care and to not think about it. But I know once I go to bed I will stay awake trying to deny what is happening. Man I wish I could just forget her completely. The pain and suffering is affecting my grades and I really need to pass. I am so emotionally exhausted. I can barely cry anymore because I've cried too many times already. Anyways I hope the best for you.
bayouboi Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I feel for you man. The worst are the dreams. It's been 4 damn months already and I still have the dreams. The dreams are so foreign because in them I still love her and feel nice towards her even in the ones where I know she's no longer with me but just there. When I wake up, however, my feelings become real again and it's nothing but anger towards her...and him.
northstar1 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I feel for you man. The worst are the dreams. It's been 4 damn months already and I still have the dreams. The dreams are so foreign because in them I still love her and feel nice towards her even in the ones where I know she's no longer with me but just there. When I wake up, however, my feelings become real again and it's nothing but anger towards her...and him. I hear ya.
stolenheart123 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 The damn dreams keep driving me crazy. A few nights ago I dreamt I was with her. Then last night, in my dream I was checking my email and I got an email text message from her. All I remember was the message was her hating me. But I woke up today and realized I have to be strong. It will hurt, but time does make you see and think much clearer. I'm on day 49 of NC, you have to be strong for you. Do things to change you and make you a better person. I cant expect to forget her so fast after a 6 year relationship, but I can change how I grieve and deal with the process.
Chinook Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 It'll get better guys. It just takes time. I fought with these issues for nearly a year but everyone is different. Sometimes you go through phases where you don't think about that other person at all. Other times it's really raw. It's the mind's way of letting you slowly but surely deal with your grief - a little bit at a time. All I can say is hang in there. People will tell you to get busy and to ignore it. I don't think either of those things is helpful long term. In the short term yes, they are because they distract you - but ultimately that grief has to be faced. I think if you allow those thoughts and feelings to walk around a little, let them show you how you feel about those sensitive issues, then walk away from them. Pack them up in a box in your mind and put them away. That's pretty much how I think I did it. Once I visited those issues once and felt hurt, they didn't hurt so much afterwards. I just wish I could prevent each of you feeling this way because I know it really sucks.
Author crux80 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 it's nothing but anger towards her...and him. That is how I feel a lot of the time. The fact that she could just discard me so easily and get with someone else just as easily, it makes me sick. I don't know for a fact that she rushed right into another relationship, but I do know that she is one of these "hates to be single" types of girls, she even said so once herself. She can't stand being alone, even if the person means nothing to her. She even told me the boyfriend she was with was "never anyone important" and that while she was with him, she would compare him to me and she told me he didn't measure up. But what difference does any of that make if she's just going to leave me again in the end? I don't understand. "If that's what you need to believe to get mad enough." I can still hear her saying that and I wish I knew what it meant. During our break up phone call, I told her, "You'll just be calling me again when you and your next boyfriend break up," and she said, "Well then, don't pick up the phone." So I guess our almost 10 year story is finally at an end, at least that's how it seems now. Talk about days without contact, I haven't heard from her in 8 and a half months. And I haven't seen her close to a year and a half. So why won't this go away? I don't understand. I just can't seem to make it go away. I have strong moments and weak moments. But what is there to do, really? Nothing I can think of. I guess that's just life.
kizik Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 You know why she won't go away? Because you haven't replaced her with anyone else. And admittedly, you don't even wanna date. So, it's no mystery.
kizik Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 "If that's what you need to believe to get mad enough." You shouldn't care what she means, but here it is: she is smart enough to know that you need to be angry with her, in order to start getting over her. So she's passive-aggressively trying to "help" you get over her, so she doesn't feel guilty about being with the new guy. Basically she sucks and you're pining over someone who left your life a long time ago! * Go on a date and all this will magically disappear.
northstar1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 You know why she won't go away? Because you haven't replaced her with anyone else. And admittedly, you don't even wanna date. So, it's no mystery. Great point.
Author crux80 Posted July 8, 2008 Author Posted July 8, 2008 I understand what you're saying but you don't just stop having feelings for someone just because someone new is in the picture. Nothing is going to "magically disappear"...how real could it have been if that was the case?
kizik Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 You're all up in your head. Relax. I was exaggerating a little, trying to be funny. I just asked a chick out, she rejected me in so many words. Do I care? F*ck no. The point is that I asked her out. Get out there. Cast some lines. Someone great is bound to bite.
v33 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Get out there. Cast some lines. Someone great is bound to bite. Yes, yes they will. But, will they hold on to the hook once they do? That's why we prepare ourselves, IMPROVE ourselves and learn and grow from our experiences so we can land the great one that bites on our shiny, new hook. If we don't learn from the past, we are doomed to repeat it.
kizik Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Just as long as the new hook is the only thing they're biting on...
Crazy.S Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Make sure the bait you use is fresh and make sure the presentation is nice. Like fishing you don't catch the fish on the first cast, you will have to keep trying and even things don't work out. You have to work the area not just one spot.
kizik Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Make sure the bait you use is fresh and make sure the presentation is nice. Like fishing you don't catch the fish on the first cast, you will have to keep trying and even things don't work out. You have to work the area not just one spot. And.. and then? When you catch the woman? You BEAT HER TO DEATH WITH A BAT AND PUT HER IN AN ICEBOX!
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