MLR930 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 months and things are great BUT he works 12 am to 8 am and he goes home to sleep and then will come see me hours later but every date with him leads to him taking a nap and it's really starting to bug me, I'm not even close to being tired enough to nap when he is and his naps usually last 2 to 3 hours or more and a bomb couldn't wake the guy up. I'd rather be out having fun with him and it feels like I'm wasting a day off. I also want to add that we only see each other like 1 or 2 times a week which makes it even worse.
katie1487 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 i used to work from 4pm to 3 am and my lad had a normal job. its crap but what i think you should do is (depending on how serious you are about him) can you ask him to change his shifts? or job even? can he maybe have a power nap of like 20 mins because they are actualy better for you than longer ones.. make a plan to go out and ask him to have a quicker nap maybe... personaly...i changed my job(after knowing the guy for a month) coz i like my buyf so much and we have been together for a year now. if your not happy...he wont know that. tell him that you would like to spend more time with him and see what he says?.. good luck
Carmen87 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 I am going to disagree with the person above me who said to ask him to change his job. Why should he have to when you have only been together 4 months? I know it is tough. My boyfriend works 11 pm-7 am, meanwhile I go to class 8am- 4 pm then work 5-10. We get limited amounts of time. I think you just need to sit him down and tell him that this is starting to bother you. He may not even know this is an issue with him. Simply explain to him that you feel you don't spend enough time together, when you are together.
lemony fresh Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 He should get 8 to 9 hours of sleep in when he goes to bed, then he shouldn't need a nap.
trubella Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 your bfs schedule sounds similar to mine, very long hours which leads to limited time spent together. he usually works 6am-6pm including overtime. hes been known to stay late 10-11pm instead. it does take its toll on a relationship, but i dont agree that he should change his job. have you talked with him about this? i'd let him know how you feel.
Walk Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Instead of scheduling date time for when you're usually awake, why not schedule it for when he's usually awake? Get together around midnight, 1:00 am, watch some movies, cook dinner at home, go for a midnight walk, etc... One thing that really helped me when my bf was on third shift was to plan the 'date' stuff for later in the evening. It also helped if I set one night a month for special date nights. I'd let him know ahead of time, and ask that he try to get enough sleep so we could just enjoy the time together. That one night was to help me feel as though I wasn't spending all my time waiting for him to wake up from a nap, or too tired to go out. The rest of the time we kept things really mellow. We didn't see each other much, so we tried to make the short amount of time more about quality then about quantity. And when he was napping, I made sure that I had things I could do to entertain myself while he was napping. Sometimes used that time to catch up on stuff I hadn't been able to for a while, or chat with friends, etc. Try to turn it into a positive instead of viewing it as an inconvience and hardship to you. Your guy is in a tough spot and I'm sure he'd like to spend more quality time with you. At the moment, you two will have to make the best of a bad situation.
Author MLR930 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Instead of scheduling date time for when you're usually awake, why not schedule it for when he's usually awake? Get together around midnight, 1:00 am, watch some movies, cook dinner at home, go for a midnight walk, etc... I would if I could but I do have to work the next day and I don't have the option of working overnights at my job.
Lizzie60 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 months and things are great BUT he works 12 am to 8 am and he goes home to sleep and then will come see me hours later but every date with him leads to him taking a nap and it's really starting to bug me, I'm not even close to being tired enough to nap when he is and his naps usually last 2 to 3 hours or more and a bomb couldn't wake the guy up. I'd rather be out having fun with him and it feels like I'm wasting a day off. I also want to add that we only see each other like 1 or 2 times a week which makes it even worse. Night shifts are very hard.. but I would think that after 7-8 hours of sleep he should be wide awake and fresh... Unless he is overweight (they usually fall asleep when they sit for too long ).. or there is a medical problem.. I see no reason why he should have another nap.. Maybe he should get checked by his doctor...
norajane Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Is he really going to sleep when he gets home after his shift ends at 8am? Because a lot of people are too wound up to sleep right after work. You don't go home and sleep at 5pm, right? Maybe he needs to wind down for a few hours, have some breakfast (or whatever meal that works out to for him), etc. Could you meet him then on your day off and share those hours with him?
Pencup Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I am in a similar situation to your boyfriend, i work weekends, full days because i have uni during the week. So i miss out on going out Fri/Sat nights. What i did was when i worked there for a bit i showed that i was a crucial part to the business then asked if i could have a Saturday off once in a while and possibly change my Saturday/Sunday shift to a time during the week. That way i get to spend time with friends and family who work normal hours. Dont make him change his job, id find that rather annoying and its to early to force him to change his life drastically for you.
toughcookie Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 first of all the man has a job with ****ty hours so you have to respect that, second why dont you just tell him how you feel and work with him to find a solution for this
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