HeatherAngel Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 I've been wandering around the boards today, and wanted to post here, as I think it is the most appropriate place, though my situation is not entirely a 'Total Non Contact' one. My husband moved out yesterday; married 14 years, no kids. He has asked for a month of no contact, unless he decides to contact me sooner, as he needs 'space'... we have arranged to get together in 4 weeks time to touch base and have agreed to give this 'managed trial separation' 6 months... our agreement can stretch to a year. I've asked for contact, and building from the ground up, as friends, again - he's agreed to try that. I'm wondering about people's experience with temporary non-contact - isn't it a bit strange, and could only serve to push us farther apart and down the road to divorce? On the other hand, couldn't it give us both a much-needed break from what had become a distressingly toxic relationship, without committing to divorce? Or something else entirely?? Has anyone had experience of this kind? What are your thoughts? I do plan to use the entire time to build myself up again, as well as our relationship (if that's possible), but it is also hard to 'move on', per se, when I am holding onto so much hope. I look forward to your responses.
AnLandy Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Two friends of mine entered a "controlled separation" last year. They found a book ("How Controlled Separation Can Save Your Marriage" I think) that had some good guidelines and advice on navigating some issues that they hadn't even thought about. They've been living apart since last November. They agreed to "revisit" the separation every three months to decide whether or not to extend it. August will be the nine month mark. The wife requested the separation, and she would like to continue it for the full year. I have had very little contact with the husband, but he has admitted that the time apart has been beneficial for him. They have been married for 8 years, they are both in their 40s, and they don't have any children. It was a first marriage for both of them. She was just starting to really feel bored in the relationship and wanted to try life on her own. He couldn't understand why she was bored and really didn't think the marriage needed work. Her therapist advised her to avoid contact (except for emergencies) in the first six weeks and to limit contact for the first three months. After six months, they started seeing each other face-to-face once or twice a week.
Author HeatherAngel Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Thanks AnLandy... I find myself oscillating between faith that this CAN work, and the discouraging thought that he's already gone. :-/
Recommended Posts