demrea Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/160061' I know this is going to shock you, but lots of guys are satisfied to masturbate when they don't have actual sex. It is surprising me that you think EVERY man does watch porn....the men I have dated are more on the lines of "not really, doesn't do much for me" answers. No offense but the women in porn are pretty much like Lakeside described earlier and a lot of men aren't into that "fantasy" anyway, they find it unappealing. so whats the problem then? seems there are a lot men who dont like porn, then it shouldnt be hard for those women seeking porn free relationships to find a partner. as for soserious .. your husband is a douche bag and you deserve better. good luck to you, i wish there was a magic switch to make it all right.
soserious1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Her age has nothing to do with this. Her husband is an abusive a**hole and her age has NOTHING to do with it. It almost seems like you agree with her husband that it is not normal for a woman to desire sex and for them to be desired after a certain age. No, I think my husband is quite troubled, I wouldn't term him abusive in day to day life. Things have gotten rather heated as I've begun to insist on talking about this issue in an honest way because it's becoming like a huge white elephant shoved under the rug. It feels like we're living a lie. All that said, I don''t think this is fixable.
soserious1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 The point IS...she is the one who keeps repeating the assertion....... whether it is true or false.... I am also going thru my own aging process and when I look in the mirror and note the changes taking place his words echo thru my mind, how could they not?
Lookingforward Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I am also going thru my own aging process and when I look in the mirror and note the changes taking place his words echo thru my mind, how could they not? see my post re playing the mind tapes.........you're the only one that can stop it. I'll never see 21 again either but I'm not going to dwell on it - I do the best I can with what I have, plus I have something a 21 year old doesn't have - insight and experience (plus a few other things )
Walk Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 My reaons for being bothered by my partner watching porn, or having pictures of other women. 1.) None of the women look like me. They're very thin, tall, and large breasted. a.) My H tells me he likes how I look, but he keeps pictures of women who don't look anything like my body type. Makes me believe that he is just saying he likes how I look, but would prefer the thin, big breasted women. b.) I can never ever achieve the body type of the women he orgasms to without plastic surgery and bulimia. He masturbates to women who don't look like me, but swears I'm attractive to him... I can't get the two ideas to make sense in one sentence. 2.) When I see a really hot guy I think sex. Not "Oh, that's a pretty picture". a.) I don't believe men when they say a pretty girl is like staring at a great painting. I don't stare at paintings and think sex... I think of hot sex when I see a hot guy without a shirt on. I don't think I'm abnormal, and I think men think the same thing when there's a hot girl with barely any clothes on. b.) The reason I don't act on those impulses is because I love my H, and would never want to comprimise our relationship. I assume that is why men don't act on those impulses either. However, I am still completely unconvinced that seeing a hot girl and staring at her is comparable to a staring at a painting. 3.) Men I've been with have always stated they wouldn't be bothered if I were to reverse the situation on them. a.) If I kept pictures showing ONLY men with giant penises, six pack abs, and young bodies, I know that it could elicit feelings of inadequacy from my partner. Especially if I used those images to achieve an orgasm. (I'd have a hard time finding any pics of penises larger then my H's though ) b.) I don't flaunt my desire to be aroused by images of other men in front of my partner. The few times I have, they have reacted with extreme jealousy and anger. I feel its hypocritical of men to attack me for feeling jealous of images of other women when I go out of my way not to elicit those feelings from my man. They haven't been forced to be in my position, and when I place them in that position they react with shock and outrage. 4.) I don't feel men are honest about not using images of the women from porn while having sex with their partner. a.) When I watch porn, or read it, I carry those images over into my sex life. And its not always my H that I see in the picture. Sometimes its just a stranger with no face. I'm ashamed of that, and would never say this out loud to anyone in real life... but its true. I don't believe I'm the only person in the world that does this... which makes me believe that others aren't honest about their ability to keep their women as the ultimate visual sex partner while having sex with them. I think sometimes porn bleeds into the sex life, and images of those women seep into the mental picture. I don't ever want my partner to tell me if that's true or not, but I believe occasionally he isn't thinking about me when we're having sex. b.) Sometimes fantasies are not applicable to real life sex and we can't imagine our partner ever fulfilling that role. In those cases, I believe that men do use images of the women they see in porn to fulfill those fantasies while having sex with their partner. If you can't imagine your partner ever doing X with you, yet that is what you really want at that moment, then its easy to fill in that fantasy with images of women who you've seen fulfill X in the video. I feel men have every right to watch porn, masturate to it, and keep it for later viewing. I don't agree with men's justification for it. I think their logic is kind of a 'seat of the pants' that they made up on the spot without any real thought behind it. I think that degrades the arguments other people make for why porn can be used as a healthy substitute when the partner is unavailable for whatever reason. I believe comparing porn to a romance novel is an extremely weak argument. Romance novels are like skinamax, or nc-17 movies. They use words like flower to describe a vagina, or member for penis. That's not porn... that's not even as raunchy as some of the video games they have out for kids now. Its like comparing a mystery novel to watching snuff films. Romance novels evoke feelings of being desired, being loved, being valued. Porn is about sex. It evokes lust, arousal, erections and wet spots. There's nothing about love and being charished or valued as anything other then a sex partner (sex is the point after all). I think women need to be more blatant about their sexuality for their partners, and express our desire for sex instead of inhibiting it. I think women need to turn the tables on men and start masturbating to large penised, hot men, who dwarf your significant other.... and then leave stains on the couch and pictures of what you masturbated to all over the desk top of your computer.
Order & Chaos Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Okay, where is your research. What do you mean porn makes men feel more like men? What does feeling like a man mean? What does feeling more like a man mean? What base feelings/hormones are you talking about? What exactly are they identifying with? Again, how exactly does it affirm their sexuality and masculinity? What exactly does that mean? How is affirmation an insecurity? Does needing your spouse to tell you I love you (which is an affirmation of love) mean that you are insecure? Does any need of this mean an insecurity or is there a certain amount that would then push it into an insecurity? How is it an insecurity to always "stay on the hunt"? What is insecure in said individual to have that the response? Could that not be a choice/desire without the insecurity? What does evolution have to do with porn? Where are mean indicating women should be evolved about porn that it would mean that women would have no feelings about it? Has there been discussion that there is an evolution issue that women have somehow changed from being very much against it in the past and now should be okay with it? (and it is affected not effected) ******* And let me reiterate this again, NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL ANYTHING. YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL. If you play the victim then you will be treated as such. Take some responsibility. You allow yourself to feel bad. Shoot talk to any therapist, number one rule, you are responsible for your own feelings. Jersey You negated to answer these questions. Care to go into a little more detail about your statements? I am confused by the broad brushstrokes.
Lookingforward Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I believe comparing porn to a romance novel is an extremely weak argument. Romance novels are like skinamax, or nc-17 movies. They use words like flower to describe a vagina, or member for penis. That's not porn... that's not even as raunchy as some of the video games they have out for kids now. Its like comparing a mystery novel to watching snuff films. Romance novels evoke feelings of being desired, being loved, being valued. Porn is about sex. It evokes lust, arousal, erections and wet spots. There's nothing about love and being charished or valued as anything other then a sex partner (sex is the point after all). You've never heard of female erotica ? There ARE romance novels out there that are more along the lines of soft porn than "romance", the only difference is that the female erotica most usually has feelings involved (supposedly)
Author Hyperpen12000 Posted July 8, 2008 Author Posted July 8, 2008 http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/160061' I know this is going to shock you, but lots of guys are satisfied to masturbate when they don't have actual sex. It is surprising me that you think EVERY man does watch porn....the men I have dated are more on the lines of "not really, doesn't do much for me" answers. No offense but the women in porn are pretty much like Lakeside described earlier and a lot of men aren't into that "fantasy" anyway, they find it unappealing. I've read somewhere that a small portion of men and women get better pleasure when pleasuring themselves than having someone else do it. I guess when porn is not an entity but your mate just masturbates, do you tell him or her to stop because it's hurting your relationship, or do you try to better your sex life with your SO??????? Anyone??? Jersey Shortie???
SunnySideUp Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/160061' I know this is going to shock you, but lots of guys are satisfied to masturbate when they don't have actual sex. It is surprising me that you think EVERY man does watch porn....the men I have dated are more on the lines of "not really, doesn't do much for me" answers. No offense but the women in porn are pretty much like Lakeside described earlier and a lot of men aren't into that "fantasy" anyway, they find it unappealing. my husband gave the lines "not really" and "doesn't do much for me" too, before we were married. Which is why I was shocked and mad at him for lying when I realized exactly how much porn he watches and how long he's been watching it for (since he was a teenager). I think those lines are white lies to get women to drop the subject.
Walk Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 You've never heard of female erotica ? There ARE romance novels out there that are more along the lines of soft porn than "romance", the only difference is that the female erotica most usually has feelings involved (supposedly) Female erotica is not sold as romance novels through Silohutte, Harlequin, etc. The major romance publishes who purchase the manuscripts don't seek out erotic literature that would be equivalent to porn. They purchase stories that incorporate some tamed down sex scenes. It is not the same. There is erotic literature for women. And I do consider those porn. literotica has some really racey stuff. I've read it. I've read romance novels before too. The two don't compare. At the very most I might consider a romance novel a form of soft core porn. But like I said, more like skinamax then real porn.
blind_otter Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Female erotica is not sold as romance novels through Silohutte, Harlequin, etc. The major romance publishes who purchase the manuscripts don't seek out erotic literature that would be equivalent to porn. They purchase stories that incorporate some tamed down sex scenes. It is not the same. There is erotic literature for women. And I do consider those porn. literotica has some really racey stuff. I've read it. I've read romance novels before too. The two don't compare. At the very most I might consider a romance novel a form of soft core porn. But like I said, more like skinamax then real porn. I think the reason that some equate porn for men with romance novels for women is that there is an assumption that men prefer the hardcore stuff with extreme closeups and what not, and that they require visual stimulation, whereas there is an assumption that women prefer the more emotional stuff. So, in effect people are not equating the sexual acts depicted in romance novels with porn, but more the "romance" (which ostensibly satisfies what women tend to want) versus the porn (which satisfies what men want). See what I'm saying? The basic premise is that men and women get turned on by completely different things. Personally, I think it's all relative. I happen to need and desire visual stimulation for my masturbatory activities, so I watch porn. As I've said before, I guess I must be a man trapped in a woman's body. All that smarmy emotional romance crap in those romance novels just makes me want to vomit.
Walk Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I guess that does make sense from a sterotypical view point. I could see how some might come to that correlation. Personally, I think it's all relative. I happen to need and desire visual stimulation for my masturbatory activities, so I watch porn. As I've said before, I guess I must be a man trapped in a woman's body. All that smarmy emotional romance crap in those romance novels just makes me want to vomit. I agree with you on the romance novels. Very unrealistic and contrived.
The Collector Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 There's a lot of borderline rape, shame and degradation of women in these 'romance' novels. Luckily it all turns out to be a misunderstanding by the end and the heroine is knocked up (with twins usually). But the preceding stuff, though not explicit and tame in language, shows that female fantasies are no more PC than men's. (I know because an ex used to read them 'ironically.') I suppose if looking is comparable to showing, if my partner liked to read about fictitious strangers having sex, that would be comparable to me writing in explicit detail about our sex life and putting it on the internet?
electric_sheep Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 What an honest post. I agree with most of what you say, but reach different conclusions. None of the women look like me. They're very thin, tall, and large breasted. I can see how this would bother you. Honestly, though, I think most of us, if we are being realistic, realize that there are going to be people out there that our SO finds more attractive than us (from a purely physical perspective). I know this isn't very romantic, and a lot of people will deny it till the cows come home. I know the type my SO is attracted too, and I fit it relatively well, though not perfectly. I don't flaunt my desire to be aroused by images of other men in front of my partner. Flaunting it would certainly be rude, and inconsiderate. I would be more bothered by how inconsiderate the person was than the porn itself. When I watch porn, or read it, I carry those images over into my sex life. And its not always my H that I see in the picture. Sometimes its just a stranger with no face. I'm ashamed of that, and would never say this out loud to anyone in real life... but its true. This is one of the more honest things I've ever seen written on here. My guess is a large percentage of people have done this at one time or another. I know I have, and I experienced the same feeling of guilt you did. My SO once called me by the name of her last boyfriend while in bed. So, I've thought about this before, and I arrived at the conclusion that is simply doesn't matter. If my girlfriend's thoughts turn to her ex, there isn't really anything I can do about it. It's silly of us to think we can control another's thoughts, feelings, or attitudes regarding sex. We can't make them view it as a spiritual experience if they don't. I also think sex goes through cycles, as do relationships. Sometimes you are really into it, other times it's just okay. We have been told it's supposed to be transcendental every time though, so we often pretend it's more than it is. We probably do this for our partner as much as anything. I guess I just see a lot of this fantasizing and stuff as an inevitable accompaniment to monogamy. Sometimes I wonder if we really are meant to be monogamous at all. This sort of relationship-doubt is highly frowned upon, though, and it's hard to find people who will even admit to it. I think it's perfectly normal though. If I ever did date a girl who never glanced at another man, sitting at the cafe, or on the tele, and had the thought of what it would be like to date them, or have sex with them. Well... I would wonder if she didn't just completely lack imagination. I don't let thoughts bother me as much as actions.
impaky Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Thank you for your insight I've had a lot of problems accepting my husband and him watching porn. Still it goes with out saying that as we should consider someone with feelings like yours I wished guys also considered ours. The women in this porn pictures or videos are not always your average woman, regardless of how "pretty" I am I will NEVER look like that and for the most part I would not want to; however, it is almost as if it is expected of us to be that way, to look that way, to act that way. I have no problem with being sexually open with my partner but I don't want to feel inadequate as a woman because of some bimbo on the video screen.
impaky Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 If I ever did date a girl who never glanced at another man, sitting at the cafe, or on the tele, and had the thought of what it would be like to date them, or have sex with them. Well... I would wonder if she didn't just completely lack imagination. Honestly it is not lack of imagination some of us are simply not attracted to other men as soon as we become emotionally involved or attached. I for once have not wanted another man since I meet my husband, he on the other hand wants other women, it kills me because I am 100% devoted to him. It is not that we like imagination, I look at my hubby and imagine all sorts of dirty little things, but if I where to think about another person I would immediatly loose arrousal.
MrsHellnofires Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Why do you feel that Lakeside's response is not the norm? I haven't had relationships where seeking out porn was a real part of the guy's freetime, I can tell you that. me as well. honestly i have been seeking more porn than my partner
Author Hyperpen12000 Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 If I ever did date a girl who never glanced at another man, sitting at the cafe, or on the tele, and had the thought of what it would be like to date them, or have sex with them. Well... I would wonder if she didn't just completely lack imagination. Honestly it is not lack of imagination some of us are simply not attracted to other men as soon as we become emotionally involved or attached. I for once have not wanted another man since I meet my husband, he on the other hand wants other women, it kills me because I am 100% devoted to him. It is not that we like imagination, I look at my hubby and imagine all sorts of dirty little things, but if I where to think about another person I would immediatly loose arrousal. Women are just going to have to understand that men are not going to be 100% devoted to them sexually unless things are fresh and originative 100%.... Most men get bored very quickly. Just "making love" routinely just gets boring…. Change is inherent for men when it comes to sex. We’d like to experience foreplay, different areas to have sex, different positions, a little dirty and wild sex, and role-playing. Women are the same in many ways. Sometimes women like to be romanced before having sex or put in a romantic ambiance which is essentially call “change”. We are all inherent to change. If a women shows the slights bit of resistance to trying something new sexually with her SO, he might use porn or his imagination to stimulate what his desires. It maybe just for entertainment or to masturbate.
Author Hyperpen12000 Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Women in porn I keep hearing women say that porn is degrading to women, practices misogyny and just by watching it, encourage the practice. I also hear that looking at porn means men must want the woman in it. FIRST OFF, LET’S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT……. Not all men are the same!!! I repeat, for those of you who are in astonishment! No all men are the same!!!! We all view porn for different reasons! Just because you’ve had a bad experience with your S/O doesn’t mean that all men compile the same thoughts when viewing porn. You have to comprehend that everyone’s psyches is different from yours, especially men: Some men think solely about having sex with the women in the porn Some men think about the woman in the porn performing something they wish their SO would do, but refuse to (like foreplay). Some men look at the man and the women having sex and substitute him and his S/O in their place Some men fetish/love seeing both genitals repetitively thrusting into each other and nothing more… Some men maybe thinking about the guy in the porn. Some men think about the scenario the porn stars are in and wish him and his S/O were in those types of scenarios. Some men watch porn to get ideas of what to do new with his S/O. Some men watch porn with plots and enjoy the equal amount of story/sex it has because you don’t get that in our routine movies today nor ever. It’s just something different to watch because movies today are banal with violence, drama, and little to no sex, which men would rather be more of and real. I could go on forever because the human mind is infinite in thoughts when viewing something. You can’t predict what someone is thinking or the reason. You always have to ask; to communicate, not incriminate! AS FAR AS THE WOMEN GO IN THE PORN.... Some, to most, men in relationships don’t want the woman in the porn. The women in the porn are heavily tainted, a sluts, a whores, for lack of better words. This DOESN’T mean that we think all women are, including our S/O’s. That is nonsensical. We know a slut from a lady, which is the reason why we are with you! I know the women will try to rebuttal this statement but this can be elaborated to means that are very sensible. First off, HAVE YOU EVERY SET DOWN AND WATCH A PORN??? OR EVEN LISTEN ONES WITH INTERVEIWS IN THE BEGINNING??? DO ANY OF YOU KNOW, OR HAVE EVER LISTENED TO JENNA JAMERSON OR OTHER PORN STARS REASONS TO WHY THEY DO PORN??? Probably Not!! Some porn I’ve watched, the women literally (not for show) states that she loves having sex and having people watch it. Some women say that they like having hard sex; some say that they love having multiple partners. You may try to debase this by saying that I’m delusional to believe them, but I know dozens of women who’ve actuallu said the majority of these things. Yes, some women have had bad childhoods or relationship experiences to why they do porn but you can’t label them all like that! Some of them are bona fide nymphomaniacs, and love having sex with as many guys as possible, which leads to my next point.... If you know a guy who is a philanderer, why do you call him a "dog", "pig" or male whore? Isn’t that degrading and derogatory towards him? If you know a female acquaintance or friend who loves to have sex with different guys routinely, why do you call her a slut or whore? Aren’t you degrading your own gender by doing that? It seems unfair, hypocritical, and in my ways double-standard, for you to slander a woman who is promiscuous, but it not okay for men to because apparently when we do, we look at all women as inferior to us…. That is completely a nonsensical preconceived notion…. In actuality, some of you women are demeaning and derogating men by saying we think in that way. Just like there are a-holes that you can’t convince to not be an a-hole, you label them a-holes; just like they are philanderer that you can’t convince to be monogamist, you label them “dogs”, "pigs" or male whores? Just like there are women who are nymphomaniacs that you can’t convince to change their ways, yet you still label them sluts, whores, or promiscuous, but men can’t?
soserious1 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Women are just going to have to understand that men are not going to be 100% devoted to them sexually unless things are fresh and originative 100%.... Most men get bored very quickly. Then this is the kind of information that needs to be stated plainly and clearly when talk turns to making a relationship exclusive. If my husband had stated the above, as well as his expectation that I would magically change into a kind,giving sexless entity upon reaching menopause, I would have said good bye to him and we wouldn't be in the huge mess we're in now.
Author Hyperpen12000 Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Then this is the kind of information that needs to be stated plainly and clearly when talk turns to making a relationship exclusive. If my husband had stated the above, as well as his expectation that I would magically change into a kind,giving sexless entity upon reaching menopause, I would have said good bye to him and we wouldn't be in the huge mess we're in now. When you quote, me grab all that I stated and not somewhat of it to make your point.... Women are just going to have to understand that men are not going to be 100% devoted to them sexually unless things are fresh and originative 100%.... Most men get bored very quickly. Just "making love" routinely just gets boring…. Change is inherent for men when it comes to sex. We’d like to experience foreplay, different areas to have sex, different positions, a little dirty and wild sex, and role-playing. Women are the same in many ways. Sometimes women like to be romanced before having sex or put in a romantic ambiance which is essentially call “change”. We are all inherent to change. If a women shows the slights bit of resistance to trying something new sexually with her SO, he might use porn or his imagination to stimulate what his desires. It maybe just for entertainment or to masturbate. This is the entire reason to that statement....
Author Hyperpen12000 Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Women in porn I keep hearing women say that porn is degrading to women, practices misogyny and just by watching it, encourage the practice. I also hear that looking at porn means men must want the woman in it. FIRST OFF, LET’S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT……. Not all men are the same!!! I repeat, for those of you who are in astonishment! No all men are the same!!!! We all view porn for different reasons! Just because you’ve had a bad experience with your S/O doesn’t mean that all men compile the same thoughts when viewing porn. You have to comprehend that everyone’s psyches is different from yours, especially men: Some men think solely about having sex with the women in the porn Some men think about the woman in the porn performing something they wish their SO would do, but refuse to (like foreplay). Some men look at the man and the women having sex and substitute him and his S/O in their place Some men fetish/love seeing both genitals repetitively thrusting into each other and nothing more… Some men maybe thinking about the guy in the porn. Some men think about the scenario the porn stars are in and wish him and his S/O were in those types of scenarios. Some men watch porn to get ideas of what to do new with his S/O. Some men watch porn with plots and enjoy the equal amount of story/sex it has because you don’t get that in our routine movies today nor ever. It’s just something different to watch because movies today are banal with violence, drama, and little to no sex, which men would rather be more of and real. I could go on forever because the human mind is infinite in thoughts when viewing something. You can’t predict what someone is thinking or the reason. You always have to ask; to communicate, not incriminate! AS FAR AS THE WOMEN GO IN THE PORN.... Some, to most, men in relationships don’t want the woman in the porn. The women in the porn are heavily tainted, a sluts, a whores, for lack of better words. This DOESN’T mean that we think all women are, including our S/O’s. That is nonsensical. We know a slut from a lady, which is the reason why we are with you! I know the women will try to rebuttal this statement but this can be elaborated to means that are very sensible. First off, HAVE YOU EVER SET DOWN AND WATCH A PORN??? OR EVEN LISTEN ONES WITH INTERVIEWS IN THE BEGINNING??? DO ANY OF YOU KNOW, OR HAVE EVER LISTENED TO JENNA JAMESON OR OTHER PORN STARS REASONS TO WHY THEY DO PORN??? Probably Not!! Some porn I’ve watched, the women literally (not for show) states that she loves having sex and having people watch it. Some women say that they like having hard sex; some say that they love having multiple partners. You may try to debase this by saying that I’m delusional to believe them, but I know dozens of women who’ve actually said the majority of these things. Yes, some women have had bad childhoods or relationship experiences to why they do porn but you can’t label them all like that! Some of them are bona fide nymphomaniacs, and love having sex with as many guys as possible, which leads to my next point.... If you know a guy who is a philanderer, why do you call him a "dog", "pig" or male whore? Isn’t that degrading and derogatory towards him? If you know a female acquaintance or friend who loves to have sex with different guys routinely, why do you call her a slut or whore? Aren’t you degrading your own gender by doing that? It seems unfair, hypocritical, and in my ways double-standard, for you to slander a woman who is promiscuous, but it not okay for men to because apparently when we do, we look at all women as inferior to us…. That is completely a nonsensical preconceived notion…. In actuality, some of you women are demeaning and derogating men by saying we think in that way. Just like there are a-holes that you can’t convince to not be an a-hole, you label them a-holes; just like they are philanderer that you can’t convince to be monogamist, you label them “dogs”, "pigs" or male whores? Just like there are women who are nymphomaniacs that you can’t convince to change their ways, yet you still label them sluts, whores, or promiscuous, but men can’t?
soserious1 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 When you quote, me grab all that I stated and not somewhat of it to make your point.... This is the entire reason to that statement.... ok and I will respectfully state that over the course of a long term marriage, that you will eventually run out of wigs,toys, costumes, positions and locations. My point is this, why not be 100% honest right up front? tell the woman right up front that your version of mongamy requires porn, strip clubs, massage palors or whatever it is that you use for stimulation. Why not let her make an informed choice? btw,the next time my husband eagerly asks me if I'd like to go out for dinner and drinks ie:I can pony up the money because he wants to go out, I think I'll tell him no,that it gets boring having to pay to wine and dine the same man each time,that I crave variety. Then I can count the seconds till he reaches over and belts me right in the face because he's so incensed and insulted by this outragous insult:)
Author Hyperpen12000 Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 ok and I will respectfully state that over the course of a long term marriage, that you will eventually run out of wigs,toys, costumes, positions and locations. My point is this, why not be 100% honest right up front? tell the woman right up front that your version of monogamy requires porn, strip clubs, massage palors or whatever it is that you use for stimulation. Why not let her make an informed choice? Totally agree! You are suppose to tell a person up front. Some guys make themselves look like cowards, and symbolize to their women porn is wrong when they hide it.... IS variety really that wrong to ask to spice up the companionship? btw,the next time my husband eagerly asks me if I'd like to go out for dinner and drinks ie:I can pony up the money because he wants to go out, I think I'll tell him no,that it gets boring having to pay to wine and dine the same man each time,that I crave variety. Then I can count the seconds till he reaches over and belts me right in the face:) Your metaphoric statement in relations to porn would seem absurd. What man would say that I'm tried of having sex with the same woman so I'm going to watch porn to escape that? And if he did, you need to cut him loose! And you can't say him watching porn is symbolic to that because you have no idea what he's thinking until you ask him. Like I stated above, there are many reasons why men watch porn. If he tells you why and it's outrageous, then you need to move on.
soserious1 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Totally agree! You are suppose to tell a person up front. Some guys make themselves look like cowards, and symbolize to their women porn is wrong when they hide it.... IS variety really that wrong to ask to spice up the companionship? Your metaphoric statement in relations to porn would seem absurd. What man would say that I'm tried of having sex with the same woman so I'm going to watch porn to escape that? And if he did, you need to cut him loose! And you can't say him watching porn is symbolic to that because you have no idea what he's thinking until you ask him. Like I stated above, there are many reasons why men watch porn. If he tells you why and it's outrageous, then you need to move on. Men tell us all they time that they use porn because they're bored having sex with the same woman. It's the number 1 justification I hear banded about all the time. Here's my take on your position men crave variety the onus is on the woman to be constantly thinking up ways to make sex new and enticing, she's also expected to never decline an activity he suggests..he might get bored and go with whatever his plan B is. Now the other shoe drops.... no matter what she does to keep things fresh, over a marriage that spans decades he's going to get "bored" anyway and fall right back on his plan B. I view concessions in relationships on a cost/benefit ratio... what is in it for me if I go along with the above? From my POV there's nothing, the cost is far greater than any benefits I might get out of such an exchange. Now nobody gets things 100% their way all of the time but the above seems really unbalanced and as such the time to be hashing out this issues would be well BEFORE the wedding,not ten years in. My comparing paying for dinner and drinks is comparible to what you've laid out in that we went into this marriage with the understanding that it will be me doing all the earning and all of the paying. My deciding to switch up now, to announce that this deal now bores me,would be just the same as him announcing that being sexually exclusive with me is too boring. Btw, at this point in time I've decided that monogamy is a total crock, there's no benefit to be gained by pledging physical fidelity to anybody and far more perks to be gained in remaining single and playing the field and that's for both men and women.
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