J2FT1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 lol, you're so smug, so dismissive. Porn is not the total cause of this problem, however porn isn't entirely off the hook here. Being able to rapidly fill his eyes 24/7 with a parade of young beauties has done nothing to increase his satisfaction with me, his middle aged wife and has in fact caused him to rate me a lot lower in attractiveness. As as far as "this too shall pass" I think it has already passed, imho there's no way we could bring physical intimacy back into this marriage, there's been too much pain. Well it takes two to make and break a relationship, and you are obviously done trying to make it work. And no, porn is not a significant problem. You laid out the problems. they make a lot of sense. What more do you want? You're right for noticing the deeper issues and not making porn the bad guy (or girl). Maybe you want out regardless of there being sex or not?
J2FT1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Yeah if it is affecting the relationship negatively then yes, it is a problem. If it is enough for the woman to notice, that is a problem. If these guys did it, it was so very little and it was so nonimportant to them, that I wasn't even aware of it. If the woman is getting upset, the guy is the one with the problem. Thanks for supporting my post. Wait, first you say if it's bad to the R, it's a problem then, if you even NOTICE, it's a problem Finally, if there's even a hint that he possibly might be entertaining the thought of eventually turning on the computer and most doubtfully entering a X rated website. It's a problem. You sound very irrational and unreasonable.
soserious1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Well it takes two to make and break a relationship, and you are obviously done trying to make it work. And no, porn is not a significant problem. You laid out the problems. they make a lot of sense. What more do you want? You're right for noticing the deeper issues and not making porn the bad guy (or girl). Maybe you want out regardless of there being sex or not? Why would I want sex with somebody who's made it clear to me that I'm not sexually attractive or desirable to him because I'm old and ugly? Do you have any idea what a number that does on self-esteem? Porn isn't the sole cause of this problem but it is most assuredly a part of it.
Sum1'sGot2RepThe530 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Why would I want sex with somebody who's made it clear to me that I'm not sexually attractive or desirable to him because I'm old and ugly? Do you have any idea what a number that does on self-esteem? Porn isn't the sole cause of this problem but it is most assuredly a part of it. So how old are you? You say that you're pretty old, but also say that you expect to live another 35-40 years. Is it common for people in your family to live to 100 then? That aside, I wish my wife was a size 8 lol.
LakesideDream Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Umm, let see, there was never a time in history when a man saw one women (meaning looking) exclusively. Porn is as cheap as free. If watching porn occasionally means it's not part of your life, then there's a lot. To Lakeside: If women enjoy sex/masturbating as much as men, they would have no problem with men viewing porn. If they think they're vibrator doesn't equal porn, they need to think again. Both are to be seen as catalysts for a need. Absolutely NOT TRUE. 40 years ago during my first "relationship" (not first sexual experiance), My history.. was seeing one girl. Having sex as often as we could, I masturbated when I couldn't be with her. That was me, seeing one woman, both in life, and in my imagination. The same thing has happened in other times in my life. As for your comment about women enjoying sex/masturbating as much as me. Masturbation is not the subject. Masturbating to porn is. I'm sure your GF/Wife wouldn't have a problem if she thought, or knew that you were petting your dolphin fantasizing about her. I am begining to understand why women get angry and jealous when me seek porn to the point of neglecting their partners. Most woman don't believe they can compete with the fantasy images on the screen. While sometimes true, often times it is not.
Lookingforward Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 So how old are you? You say that you're pretty old, but also say that you expect to live another 35-40 years. Is it common for people in your family to live to 100 then? That aside, I wish my wife was a size 8 lol. LOL, I just asked that very question on another thread........I'm genuinely curious and I'll lay odds she's no older than I am - and I'm sure not dead yet
soserious1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 So how old are you? You say that you're pretty old, but also say that you expect to live another 35-40 years. Is it common for people in your family to live to 100 then? That aside, I wish my wife was a size 8 lol. lots of women in this country live well into their 80's, early 90's
J2FT1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Why would I want sex with somebody who's made it clear to me that I'm not sexually attractive or desirable to him because I'm old and ugly? Do you have any idea what a number that does on self-esteem? Porn isn't the sole cause of this problem but it is most assuredly a part of it. There's the problem. You are hurt and resent him for making you feel unattractive. He would be stupid to compare you to pornstars; which I higly doubt he's doing. Why would be see a random pornstar on the same level as a women he has shared his life with? The very definition of a midlife crisis is sensing the passing of youth and the imminence of old age. He is going through a natural process and if you still love him unconditionally, you would try to forgive and work with him on it (When my father hit his midlife crisis, my mother bought him a PS3 ).
Sum1'sGot2RepThe530 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 LOL, I just asked that very question on another thread........I'm genuinely curious and I'll lay odds she's no older than I am - and I'm sure not dead yet I know, I picked up on that too, look at the other thread! Notice she didn't answer the question!
Lookingforward Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I know' date=' I picked up on that too, look at the other thread! Notice she didn't answer the question![/quote'] I think "old" is more a state of mind you've decided to have than an actual number
Sum1'sGot2RepThe530 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I think "old" is more a state of mind you've decided to have than an actual number I'd say she's about as old as my mom...52.
Lookingforward Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I'd say she's about as old as my mom...52. I'm thinking in the 50s range somewhere......she doesn't want to say because she knows full well we'll all go pfffffffffft at the "I'm old" whine
soserious1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 There's the problem. You are hurt and resent him for making you feel unattractive. He would be stupid to compare you to pornstars; which I higly doubt he's doing. Why would be see a random pornstar on the same level as a women he has shared his life with? The very definition of a midlife crisis is sensing the passing of youth and the imminence of old age. He is going through a natural process and if you still love him unconditionally, you would try to forgive and work with him on it (When my father hit his midlife crisis, my mother bought him a PS3 ). I've been trying to "work with him"on this for quite awhile, in the last one year I can count the times we've had sex on one hand... and still have several fingers left over. He's shamed me, deeply and totally and no, I don't love him "ünconditionally" that a job for his mother.
J2FT1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Absolutely NOT TRUE. 40 years ago during my first "relationship" (not first sexual experiance), My history.. was seeing one girl. Having sex as often as we could, I masturbated when I couldn't be with her. That was me, seeing one woman, both in life, and in my imagination. The same thing has happened in other times in my life. As for your comment about women enjoying sex/masturbating as much as me. Masturbation is not the subject. Masturbating to porn is. I'm sure your GF/Wife wouldn't have a problem if she thought, or knew that you were petting your dolphin fantasizing about her. I am begining to understand why women get angry and jealous when me seek porn to the point of neglecting their partners. Most woman don't believe they can compete with the fantasy images on the screen. While sometimes true, often times it is not. Ok, when men seek porn INSTEAD of their partner, something else is wrong. When men just watch it occasionally to get off, it's normal. If a guy would rather stroke himself than let a real woman do it, He has problems. Obviously when a woman complains that porn is the problem, something deeper is not getting touched (no pun intended).
Lookingforward Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 It was on the yahoo question forum. on the what forum ?
soserious1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I'm thinking in the 50s range somewhere......she doesn't want to say because she knows full well we'll all go pfffffffffft at the "I'm old" whine I have no problem with my age, except for the fact that my husband considers me to hideous to fsck.
Lookingforward Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I have no problem with my age, except for the fact that my husband considers me to hideous to fsck. then why on earth do you keep repeating something if you don't believe it ? Why give someone that much power over your self image ? If someone said that to me I'd reply "and you're a rude pig....so ?"
J2FT1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 You sound very rude and close-minded. Yes if it isn't affecting the relationship at all, and it stays out, then it isn't being done enough to be a problem. If it is enough to bother and/or upset the woman, it's a problem. Yes, if I found porn on the computer, I'd confront him about it. Never happened. They weren't into it. I have no problem sounding rude and close-minded to you. Not of much value to me. I can say you're very ignorant and uninformed, but that's no help either.
J2FT1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 If you type in "Do all men like porn" in google, it will show the question and answers. You might have to have yahoo as an email address, I don't know, but try the google thing , the question and people's answers will pop right up. How about "do all men watch porn, occasionally, at least?." The question is way to broad and will get misleading answers.
Lookingforward Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 If you type in "Do all men like porn" in google, it will show the question and answers. You might have to have yahoo as an email address, I don't know, but try the google thing , the question and people's answers will pop right up. seems a roundabout way to get an answer to a simple question re a poster's age
soserious1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 then why on earth do you keep repeating something if you don't believe it ? Why give someone that much power over your self image ? If someone said that to me I'd reply "and you're a rude pig....so ?" This is my husband, not some prospective pickup in a bar rejecting me due to my age in a crude manner.My self image has eroded over time bit by bit. I think I should add here that when we first started having problems I tried all the usual fixes, diet, more exercise, changing my hair etc, trying new positions, a few toys, I tried talking to him, trying to get him to open up.. I got all sorts of excuses, I was told he didn't think sex was important on and on and on. then I got hit with pretty clear evidence that sex is indeed important... but not with me. His true feelings weren't disclosed till after quite a long period of time where he fed me BS.
Lookingforward Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 this has happened over time bit by bit. I think I should add here that when we first started having problems I tried all the usual fixes, diet, more exercise, changing my hair etc, trying new positions, a few toys, I tried talking to him, trying to get him to open up.. I got all sorts of excuses, I was told he didn't think sex was important on and on and on. then I got hit with pretty clear evidence that sex is indeed important... but not with me. His true feelings weren't disclosed till after quite a long period of time where he fed me BS. so you admit you know it's BS.........seriously you have to STOP with the never ending mind tapes..........all it's doing is imprinting you with these thoughts....trust me - I've btdt and never again.......not even self talk that's negative. The problems are with HIS perceptions...not with you
Lookingforward Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Her age has nothing to do with this. Her husband is an abusive a**hole and her age has NOTHING to do with it. It almost seems like you agree with her husband that it is not normal for a woman to desire sex and for them to be desired after a certain age. no idea where you got THAT one from LOL
Lookingforward Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 This is my husband, not some prospective pickup in a bar rejecting me due to my age in a crude manner.My self image has eroded over time bit by bit. I think I should add here that when we first started having problems I tried all the usual fixes, diet, more exercise, changing my hair etc, trying new positions, a few toys, I tried talking to him, trying to get him to open up.. I got all sorts of excuses, I was told he didn't think sex was important on and on and on. then I got hit with pretty clear evidence that sex is indeed important... but not with me. His true feelings weren't disclosed till after quite a long period of time where he fed me BS. personally I wouldn't give a damn who it is - NO one speaks to me like that without being rebuffed, much LESS a SO.......
Lookingforward Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Her age has nothing to do with this. Her husband is an abusive a**hole and her age has NOTHING to do with it. It almost seems like you agree with her husband that it is not normal for a woman to desire sex and for them to be desired after a certain age. The point IS...she is the one who keeps repeating the assertion....... whether it is true or false....
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