stoopid_guy Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I don't see the big deal here. If you seriously object to porn, simply let your (potential) mates know early in the relationship. If it's a problem for them they'll find someone else, and you will too. There's nothing wrong with you despising porn as long as you're open about that attitude. As far as the guy getting horny looking at porn: Men fantasize. (Women do too, for that matter.) Would you prefer he fantasize about some porn star he'll never meet in person and probably wouldn't stand a chance with anyway, or fantasize about the neighbor's wife or a co-worker? And no matter who or what he's fantasizing about, he's with you.
EnigmasMuse Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I think people who like porn will defend it to the end. The people who don't like porn will defend it to the end. It will be a never ending debate. Which there is nothing wrong with that, but it makes for some angry people on both ends. I say LS needs a forum espcially for PORN issues.
Jersey Shortie Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 And no matter who or what he's fantasizing about, he's with you. He is with you but I think the fact that he is on some level seeing out other women makes the woman he is in a relaltionship with feel unsure and vunerable in her relationship with him. And not a good kind of vunerable. He is with you, but part of his other action says he desires and wants other women. That's a natural threat. The actions are conflicting.
stoopid_guy Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 He is with you but I think the fact that he is on some level seeing out other women makes the woman he is in a relaltionship with feel unsure and vunerable in her relationship with him. And not a good kind of vunerable. He is with you, but part of his other action says he desires and wants other women. That's a natural threat. The actions are conflicting. Like it or not, there will always be other women your man finds attractive. There will always be other men you find attractive. BUT there are aspects of intimacy besides simple friction and visual stimulation. The guy also needs to feel admired, appreciated, and wanted (we're really no more secure than you ladies are.) That's something you (hopefully) give him that porn never will. Likewise, if porn makes you insecure, he shouldn't be watching it in front of you. He should also be making you feel wanted, and if that means hiding the porn, then he should be discreet with it.
demrea Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 He is with you but I think the fact that he is on some level seeing out other women makes the woman he is in a relaltionship with feel unsure and vunerable in her relationship with him. And not a good kind of vunerable. He is with you, but part of his other action says he desires and wants other women. That's a natural threat. The actions are conflicting. Hi Jersey, Porn aside, do you expect men to not have private thoughts about women he may see, meet or imagine? I am curious if this is your expectation.
Lookingforward Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I think people who like porn will defend it to the end. The people who don't like porn will defend it to the end. It will be a never ending debate. Which there is nothing wrong with that, but it makes for some angry people on both ends. I say LS needs a forum espcially for PORN issues. me too - at least it may keep it off the other boards LOL
stoopid_guy Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Not trying to lite fires, but I think many people put way too much emphasis on this subject. I've never heard of any man leaving his SO for porn. But they leave their SOs for other women quite often. The lady at work with the sweet smile who enjoys my company is a bigger threat to my marriage than all the porn on the internet. Ladies: Don't berate your SO about the small annoyances (and porn is small.) Smile, stay happy, and let him know you appreciate the small pleasures.
Jersey Shortie Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Hi Jersey, Porn aside, do you expect men to not have private thoughts about women he may see, meet or imagine? I am curious if this is your expectation. No. But I do expect more self control. And it's not something I find in a lot of men now-a-days. Like it or not, there will always be other women your man finds attractive. There will always be other men you find attractive. I realize this. It would just be nice if men exercised more self control and compassion for their own SO. BUT there are aspects of intimacy besides simple friction and visual stimulation. The guy also needs to feel admired, appreciated, and wanted (we're really no more secure than you ladies are.) That's something you (hopefully) give him that porn never will. That's nice to hear. I will say though that for some women, knowing their SO is viewing porn takes away from the intimacy we feel between us as a couple. Women also need to be admired and appreciated and wanted. And in alot of cases, porn makes us feel like we are the exact opposite of that. That is really the main point sometimes. When a woman knows porn is part of her man's life, she doesn't feel admired, appreciated or wanted. I want to make my man feel that way and I would hope he would want to give the same in return. I would hope that all men would want to give that to their SO. Likewise, if porn makes you insecure, he shouldn't be watching it in front of you. He should also be making you feel wanted, and if that means hiding the porn, then he should be discreet with it. Not watching it infront of your SO doesn't change the core of the problem. It only hides it. And that doesn't help anyone but the person that wants to still do an action that hurts another person. If a person wants to sleep with someone else while in a relationship, is it okay to do that as long as that person is discreet and doesn't do it infront of their SO?
soserious1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Not trying to lite fires, but I think many people put way too much emphasis on this subject. Jersey has her opinion, and that opinion is right for her. She just needs to be sure it's right for her SO too. One more comment: I've never heard of any man leaving his SO for porn. But they leave their SOs for other women quite often. The lady at work with the sweet smile who enjoys my company is a bigger threat to my marriage than all the porn on the internet. Ladies: Don't berate your SO about the small annoyances (and porn is small.) Smile, stay happy, and let him know you appreciate the small pleasures. Ah there it is... "shut up about the porn, be grateful he's not leaving you" line.I hate emotional blackmail, you think you can get a better deal elsewhere? great, don't let the door hit you in the arse on the way out, but don't sit here subtly or not so subtly holding that one over my head. I'd say the shriveled, non-responsive penis I'm expected to beg to see every couple of weeks qualifies as one of those "small pleasures" you're refering to.... well the thrill of that particular pleasure has lost it's luster. Long story short.. the man can jerk off to porn till it falls off, he can gorge himself on it, strip clubs? no problem, he cap gape and stare at young hotties in the streets to his heart's content. Other women, actual affairs? At this point in time I can only hope and pray that he finds one stupid enough to take him on fulltime, I'll pack his things.
J2FT1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Men loves sex. They would love to have sex with really hot women (so do women vice-versa). Some don't get that pleasure. Still, men loves sex. So once in a while they will watch a hot women get penetrated. And that will be the end of that. If that pornstar gets raped and killed, he won't know or care. He cares about you (the SO) and the sex he has with you will mean something. The jerking off he sees on the screen is simply his natural habbit of wanting to release his seeds. Any normal man would not replace real sex for porn. So if he's getting it from his SO, he is happy. Jen: Obviously your husband is not a good example of the general male population. You stated before that he came from a mormon family and was humiliated in front of his relatives. He is too ashamed like you have said, and that is why he is using porn. The root of the problem is that shame. Find a solution to let go of that shame and the porn will be cease to exist. Trust me
soserious1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Men loves sex. They would love to have sex with really hot women (so do women vice-versa). Some don't get that pleasure. Still, men loves sex. So once in a while they will watch a hot women get penetrated. And that will be the end of that. If that pornstar gets raped and killed, he won't know or care. He cares about you (the SO) and the sex he has with you will mean something. The jerking off he sees on the screen is simply his natural habbit of wanting to release his seeds. Any normal man would not replace real sex for porn. So if he's getting it from his SO, he is happy. and there it is in a nutshell... "Men loves sex. They would love to have sex with really hot women (so do women vice-versa). Some don't get that pleasure. Still, men loves sex. So once in a while they will watch a hot women get penetrated" If you want sex with "really hot women" why not stay single,pursing only uncommitted relationships, why settle for real women who aren't hot? Why not do the work,take the steps needed to get your hands on those women?
seekingsolace Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I don't agree with all that you are saying. My husband and I have had an awesome sexual relationship since we met but he still feels the need for porn. I want sex more than he does so how does this relate to your theory?
J2FT1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I don't agree with all that you are saying. My husband and I have had an awesome sexual relationship since we met but he still feels the need for porn. I want sex more than he does so how does this relate to your theory? Obviously the nature of men is to spread their genes as much as possible, therefore porn is a "man-made artifically fake" way of doing so. You release your seeds, but only into the toilet. As to why men don't have uncommited relationships. Some do, some don't, like women. It has NOTHING to do with porn. Cheating and all these other mumbojumbo have nothing to do with porn. If you're cheated on and blame it on porn, you probably know the real reason.
seekingsolace Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I'm disgusted with your thoughts on porn. Maybe your SO gives you the right to watch but I am a newlywed and my husband has a porn addiction. It is not the same as what you're speaking of. This addiction of his is ruining our marriage. I'm a great looking gal and have no problem finding men. I'm thinking since my husband has his addiction, so should I. I want to F**K all the time and he wants to watch porn and masturbate? You have no idea about addiction my friend.
soserious1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Obviously the nature of men is to spread their genes as much as possible, therefore porn is a "man-made artifically fake" way of doing so. You release your seeds, but only into the toilet. As to why men don't have uncommited relationships. Some do, some don't, like women. It has NOTHING to do with porn. Cheating and all these other mumbojumbo have nothing to do with porn. If you're cheated on and blame it on porn, you probably know the real reason. You're not hearing me... I'm not afraid my husband will cheat on me or leave me for another woman, I'm afraid he won't!
J2FT1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Men don't "need" porn, that is the answer. They have control over it (unless they are addicted, which they got addicted, it was their own fault anyway). In these threads, the guys that are into porn are just trying to say "we need it and women that disagree, well, you just need to deal or have sex more, it's women's fault then, too." Men don't need porn and their lives wouldn't be less without it. Total elimimation of porn is unreasonable and irrational to ask of a man. Watching porn everyday is different. This means something else is the problem and you two has to find out what that is. Men need to release sperm because it is vital to our DNA to survive. And instead of doing a lot of women (like how it was done in old days) we masturbate because we are hurting no one, and a good catalyst for maturbation is porn. See the the logic here. I didn't go and babble something like "women don't need to act like bi*ches when PMSing. They should be totally normal like every other day."
J2FT1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 You're not hearing me... I'm not afraid my husband will cheat on me or leave me for another woman, I'm afraid he won't! I don't know your backstory. I apologize. Sublime: I didn't say it's her fault. What I meant was a different aspect of the relationship was the reason for the cheating. Maybe, there's no communication...etc. Men don't cheat because they saw a hot girl in a porn scene.
soserious1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Total elimimation of porn is unreasonable and irrational to ask of a man. Watching porn everyday is different. This means something else is the problem and you two has to find out what that is. Men need to release sperm because it is vital to our DNA to survive. And instead of doing a lot of women (like how it was done in old days) we masturbate because we are hurting no one, and a good catalyst for maturbation is porn. See the the logic here. I didn't go and babble something like "women don't need to act like bi*ches when PMSing. They should be totally normal like every other day." I would PREFER that my husband go ahead and leave and do things like they were done in the old days.
demrea Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Men don't need porn and their lives wouldn't be less without it. is life only to be filled with things we need and things that make our life more? we dont need lots of things in life, including the internet you are using to post on this thread. in regards to porn, just like all issues in a relationship, it is to be decided between the people in the relationship and them only. your opinion on what is right or wrong is ... worthless.
demrea Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 I would PREFER that my husband go ahead and leave and do things like they were done in the old days. make it happen ..why not?
soserious1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 make it happen ..why not? Actually I've told him I want a divorce, he said fine, he wants 1/2 my pension and alimony for the rest of his life.
soserious1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 The last few days around here have been funny. I am very quiet, don't think I've spoken more than 100 words to him in the last 3 days . He'd asked rather hopefully if I wanted to do anything over the weekend, if I might want to go out to dinner or for drinks. I looked at him and quietly said, "no thanks, it's not worth the work"
soserious1 Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 Yes but that's not up to him. As far as the half your pension and alimony thing, that's not up to him, either. I've consulted an attorney about my options, given his age and his antiquated skill set, his prospects for obtaining employment that will pay him a living wage are pretty low. A judge isn't going to let me unload a penniless spouse onto the street to possibly become a burden on the state. My holdings have taken some pretty severe hits over the past few months as we enter a bear market. This is not a good time for this. We're probably going to end up doing the non-divorce divorce, separate bedrooms, separate lives sort of thing.
demrea Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 My opinion isn't any less than yours is. True, you can decide but as another (male - Lakeside Dream) poster stated that porn is not worth it if it is negatively affecting your relationship and who made Lakeside Dream the oracle on the subject? and if you have any respect for your partner, you will refrain from it and focus on sexual intimacy with your wife instead. some people dont see respect as part of the equation. hence the entire debate. just because a self proclaimed oracle says its so, doesnt mean that it is. If a woman doesn't mind, yes, that's her choice but if it hurts her, then why do it? well no kidding? you can replace the word porn with anything though. its not a porn issue, its a relationship issue. a partner shouldnt do anything that hurts the other, why are you singling out porn? porn in and of it self doesnt harm every wife, just the ones who dont like it. if my wife minds my golf habit (see thread on the subject) its just as damaging to the marriage. in fact its MORE damaging if my wife minds my golf habit but doesnt mind my porn habit. hey wife, i will give up porn, but not golf! do you think a wife who doesnt mind porn will see this as a reasonable gesture? by the way, what do you anti porners think about those women who like porn?
demrea Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 We're probably going to end up doing the non-divorce divorce, separate bedrooms, separate lives sort of thing. i wish for you a happy and fulfilling life. why though would you care about his porn habit at this stage?
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