My Conclusion About Porn

[blair08]

Just one more thing I wanted to add.

 

While there are some who are quick to tell another they are insecure without knowing that for sure, and even though there might be SOME who are insecure. There are also SOME(and SOME is the keyword) who are in porn who also might be insecure and suffer from self esteem issues as well, and might be WHY they got into porn to begin with. I didn't say that was the case for ALL but maybe SOME.

[Order & Chaos]

 

And I think alot of men are insecure about porn as well in a different way. They feel they need it to some extent to keep reaffirming their sexuality and masculinty. I know men have more testosterone. But alot sometimes with some of the men's arguments that are for porn, it seems to go beyond that. It appears that men identify heavily with porn. I think porn is a man's insecurity just as it can be an insecurity for a woman, it's just that the insecurity itself is different and is played on differently for each gender.

 

Can you please extrapolate on this? How exactly are you seeing that they need it to reaffirm their sexuality? B/c they watch it? If a woman watches it, does it indicate the same thing?

[blind_otter]

I want to say that if a woman is alright with her SO viewing porn, then it is okay. I believe this is true for the most part, but I often have heard women (and this seems to be a growing trend) complaining their husbands aren't up for sex and they discuss the reasons why this is according to the husband. Now, I am not saying there aren't legitimate reasons that men's interest in sex might decline, obviously there are. But I feel that porn is a huge contributing factor, especially online porn which is so easily accessible and offers more variety than any man could possibly ever dream of.

 

My point is, these women sometimes don't realize that it is the porn that is leading their husbands away from their bedroom. Not until a therapist or third party suggests it as a possibility (which I've often heard happen on radio shows and so forth).

 

So the porn is causing harm to the relationship, but not always is it understood by the man or the woman or both of them.

 

I respectfully disagree. That's like me saying alcohol is causing problems in my relationship. It isn't - it's my S/O's alcoholism that is causing our problems.

 

IMO it is an addiction issue, and IME it is rarely about the user's drug of choice. You can take alcohol away from an alcoholic, that doesn't mean they are magically sober. They simply become "dry drunks" without proper treatment. They will still approach life and interpersonal relations through the lens of the addict. Very few addicts can get clean on their own.

 

Porn addiction is like any addiction - you can take away the porn, and I'm 100% sure the problems will still exist because it is about the ADDICTION - not the drug of choice. An addict is an addict is an addict. Without recovery, most stay that way.

[Hyperpen12000]

And this is total bull****.

 

I for one am quite tired of the labels for women who simply don't want a spouse who is into porn.

 

I am not insecure, or suffering from a low self esteem nor do I wish to control my husband.

 

I actually think I am an amazing cook, a great mom, I think I am attractive, intelligent, creative and I could keep going. I think I have lots to offer in a relationship.

 

Not to pat myself on the back too much . . .

 

You took just that part of all that I said and ran with it!

 

then the woman looks like a dictator and must be suffering from low self-esteem.

I had several factors leading up to that conclusion and you ignored it and singled out just that statement.

 

If he's watching it habitually, Neglecting you and his priorities for it; If it's not for religious reasons, which would also consist of not practicing the viewing or hearing of violence and profanity, then you do suffer from low self-esteem, insecurity, or you've build a prejudice belief about sex or the porn industry, which is a selective hatred not virtuous.

 

You're in denial!

[Jennifer26]

I respectfully disagree. That's like me saying alcohol is causing problems in my relationship. It isn't - it's my S/O's alcoholism that is causing our problems.

 

IMO it is an addiction issue, and IME it is rarely about the user's drug of choice. You can take alcohol away from an alcoholic, that doesn't mean they are magically sober. They simply become "dry drunks" without proper treatment. They will still approach life and interpersonal relations through the lens of the addict. Very few addicts can get clean on their own.

 

Porn addiction is like any addiction - you can take away the porn, and I'm 100% sure the problems will still exist because it is about the ADDICTION - not the drug of choice. An addict is an addict is an addict. Without recovery, most stay that way.

I agree with all that you said there.

 

However, there are men out there who are not addicted to pornography and it still causes issues in the relationship. It might be because his wife is morally opposed to porn, it might be because he lies about it and wife finds it and then trust issues come into play. It can be for a multitude of reasons.

 

Also, I am glad that porn does not interfere with how you feel about your SO and that you are able to think about her while watching it. However, you are not the rule here. There are many men out there (and this is not supposition on my part, this is what I have been directly told by many men) that do have issues with contrast when it comes to porn (as far as being able to be turned on by their SO after they've been conditioned if you will to orgasm through these images of women who are slimmer, tanner, more makeup, longer hair, larger breasts, clear stiletto pumps, yelling out things their SO's may never do and so forth) and there are also many men out there who don't think of their SO while viewing porn and are indeed thinking and fantasizing about the women in the pornography and having sex with them.

[porter218]

I am in a situation where I was told by my husband (then boyfriend) that he wasn't into porn and didn't need it or watch it. He admitted he had watched it, but only because he was single, yada, yada.

 

It was a huge lie. Not only does he watch it, he'd let our marriage crumble and our kids go through a divorce before he'd give it up.

 

So now I am stuck with accepting something I made very clear I was against in the beginning. Or breaking up my family. Of course either way I feel pretty bitter.

 

And over and over I am told that I just need to accept it, and that I am insecure.

 

This is what I said on another thread and it applies to your situation also:

 

I really think you are missing the point here. Regardless of your views on porn...her man said in the beginning he wasn't going to use porn. This turns out to have been a lie, which means he tricked her into a relationship. Not fair at all. In situations like this a man needs to man up and be honest. If he wants to watch porn or do video chat porn, then say thats what the hell you want to do and make no excuses about it, don't f*cking lie about it. If he told the truth in the beginning she could have made a more informed decision about whether to pursue a relationship with him or not. If she doesn't want to deal with it, then he can go off to find a woman who is cool with a man like that, and she can find a man who would respect her wishes....every one wins. Is that so hard to understand.

 

I have dealt with this before as well. It is just stupid. If someone told you in the beginning that they don't like something(no matter what it is) either respect it or leave, don't be a pussy and hide it until it blows up in your face. This happens all too often!

[Jennifer26]

You took just that part of all that I said and ran with it!

It's not just you dear, I've been told this by numerous men on numerous forums.

[Jennifer26]

Gah! I can't edit.

 

The last part of my reply to blind otter was meant for the thread starter.

[Jennifer26]

This is what I said on another thread and it applies to your situation also:

 

 

 

I have dealt with this before as well. It is just stupid. If someone told you in the beginning that they don't like something(no matter what it is) either respect it or leave, don't be a pussy and hide it until it blows up in your face. This happens all too often!

 

Thank you!

 

And I hate to say this, because I do love my husband and we have two beautiful children. So at this point I'd take none of it back. But knowing myself and my stances, I would have never taken the relationship further if I had known things about my husband then that I know now.

[blind_otter]

Well the truth is, if everyone were capable of full disclosure prior to entering a lifetime committment with their partner - hell the divorce rate would probably be MUCH lower than it is now.

 

For some reason there are people out there who think that it's perfectly OK to hide fundamental personality traits until they "bag" their partner and trick them into longterm committment. It's as much true for those men who hide their porn proclivity as it is for women who are sexually closed off, who engage in frequent sex prior to marriage and then turn it off after they have their committment.

 

But FWIW, I think those people tend to have bigger issues than just hiding certain aspects of their lifestyle or personality. As my dear old dad always used to say - lie to everyone, if you have to - but don't lie to yourself. In these cases, I'm half inclined to think the liar in the marriage really IS lying to themselves about their issues.

[Hyperpen12000]

Why am I the one that will never understand? Why aren't you the one that possibly doesn't understand? I dislike the idea that I somehow "don't get it" because I don't agree with porn.

 

You keep telling me I refuse to this or that. You also seem to refuse to acknowledge the other side of it

 

 

 

 

Watching it even once every 2 months is still watching it consistently.

 

 

 

 

And a man also can look like a dictator for keeping his loytaly to porn. It feels more like a daughter/father relationship where she is suppose to just sit there looking cute with a smile on her face and not be honest about the things he brings into their relationship that concern her.

 

 

 

 

 

A guy telling a woman not to watch romantic movies would be like a woman telling a guy not to watch an action movie. Not a porno.

 

Why do people pick what the debate about an not the whole sentence to make themselves seem so right?

 

I said:

I watch it now and then, maybe once or twice a month... It's so scarce I don't know if I even watch it that much.

 

You ignored all that to make your point... It's like you're saying none of us does anything that is consistent...

 

Even if I watched it once a year, it's consistent!? I guess holidays are consistent, birthdays; watching your favor Drama (which more than likely entails violence or profanity) is consistent; Eating unhealthy foods is consistent; disagreeing with your SO is consistent; Children getting themselves in to bad things is consistent. Why don't we put a stop to this all! Any Ideas?

[Jersey Shortie]

Can you please extrapolate on this? How exactly are you seeing that they need it to reaffirm their sexuality? B/c they watch it? If a woman watches it, does it indicate the same thing?

 

Because alot of men identify an aspect of their sexuality with porn.

Beacause porn does make men feel more like men. Men respond to watching pretty women engage in sexual acts. It draws out their more base feelings/hormones. I don't see porn as only a means to masturbation. That is an aspect of it for sure but there is another aspect to it as well. Considering the extent and depth men go to defend it. I think men aren't even aware that they identify with porn to the degree they do because it reaffirms their sexuality and masculinty to some degree. And that is a man's insecurity. When he needs the validation a fantasy that porn provides that reaffirms him in a certain way. It's an insecurity. It's also an insecurity to always be on the hunt for new women. It is the grass is greener synodrome. And men fall pray to it all the time. It's a insecurity for men to expect women to be so highly evovled above porn to not be effected by it when men aren't even able to be so highly evolved to not be effected by porn themselves.

 

Men are just as insecure as women. So I am tired of the "insecurity" line being used to make women feel more bad about themselves here.

 

 

If he's watching it habitually, Neglecting you and his priorities for it; If it's not for religious reasons, which would also consist of not practicing the viewing or hearing of violence and profanity, then you do suffer from low self-esteem, insecurity, or you've build a prejudice belief about sex or the porn industry, which is a selective hatred not virtuous.

 

It appears that all men at some point neglect their wives/gfs for porn. It could be for the 5 mins. he is using porn but that still is replacing his wife/gf for porn in those moments. I also can't understand how you can lecture about prejudices built against the porn industry that is selective to hatred and not virtuous when porn itself is nothing but demeaning to women, has nothing to do with virtuous oppinions of women and can be quite misognostic.

[Hyperpen12000]

If you only want your SO and only think about her while watching porn - why don't you just make some home videos to watch, or think about her while masturbating?

 

Most men who have women who are willing to provide visual material, still go back to the porn with other women.

 

Wonder why?

 

 

 

Because novel and change is inherent for human beings.... My SO and I might have to make 20 a year with different scenarios to keep it fresh every time.... oh, lets not forget the risk factor of having someone confiscate those movies, Exploiting your SO, when that is something sacred. You need to read my post again because I feel like I'm repeating myself. Man are visual creators. We need a moving visual of the act when masturbating sometimes...

 

Just face it! Watching someone else play baseball is more interesting than watching yourself play baseball.

 

Some women will never get it. Why watch myself do something that I already did when I can watch someone else do it and get stimulated to do it with my SO. That's a bit narcissistic in many ways.

 

Though that sounds weird, that's how the human brain works. Otherwise Television would not be as popular and essential to the majority of the human population.

 

And this home video suggestion is ridiculous anyway! First off if you don't have anyone holding the Camera; You hope that you get the shot you want. There are little to no close-ups; It's not a profession camera so you might get blurred scene, and if you did do it to where you wanted it to be filmed professional, like a porn, who would you get comfortable enough to hold the camera for you will you have sex??????????

[porter218]

And this home video suggestion is ridiculous anyway! First off if you don't have anyone holding the Camera; You hope that you get the shot you want. There are little to no close-ups; It's not a profession camera so you might get blurred scene, and if you did do it to where you wanted it to be filmed professional, like a porn, who would you get comfortable enough to hold the camera for you will you have sex??????????

 

LOL..I would soo do that! Sounds fun:).

Where do I find someone to film it?

[Order & Chaos]

Because alot of men identify an aspect of their sexuality with porn.

Beacause porn does make men feel more like men.

Men respond to watching pretty women engage in sexual acts. It draws out their more base feelings/hormones. I don't see porn as only a means to masturbation. That is an aspect of it for sure but there is another aspect to it as well. Considering the extent and depth men go to defend it. I think men aren't even aware that they identify with porn to the degree they do because it reaffirms their sexuality and masculinty to some degree. And that is a man's insecurity. When he needs the validation a fantasy that porn provides that reaffirms him in a certain way. It's an insecurity. It's also an insecurity to always be on the hunt for new women. It is the grass is greener synodrome. And men fall pray to it all the time. It's a insecurity for men to expect women to be so highly evovled above porn to not be effected by it when men aren't even able to be so highly evolved to not be effected by porn themselves.

 

Men are just as insecure as women. So I am tired of the "insecurity" line being used to make women feel more bad about themselves here.

 

 

 

 

It appears that all men at some point neglect their wives/gfs for porn. It could be for the 5 mins. he is using porn but that still is replacing his wife/gf for porn in those moments. I also can't understand how you can lecture about prejudices built against the porn industry that is selective to hatred and not virtuous when porn itself is nothing but demeaning to women, has nothing to do with virtuous oppinions of women and can be quite misognostic.

 

Okay, where is your research. What do you mean porn makes men feel more like men? What does feeling like a man mean? What does feeling more like a man mean?

 

What base feelings/hormones are you talking about?

 

What exactly are they identifying with?

 

Again, how exactly does it affirm their sexuality and masculinity? What exactly does that mean?

 

How is affirmation an insecurity? Does needing your spouse to tell you I love you (which is an affirmation of love) mean that you are insecure? Does any need of this mean an insecurity or is there a certain amount that would then push it into an insecurity?

 

How is it an insecurity to always "stay on the hunt"? What is insecure in said individual to have that the response? Could that not be a choice/desire without the insecurity?

 

What does evolution have to do with porn? Where are mean indicating women should be evolved about porn that it would mean that women would have no feelings about it? Has there been discussion that there is an evolution issue that women have somehow changed from being very much against it in the past and now should be okay with it? (and it is affected not effected)

 

*******

 

And let me reiterate this again, NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL ANYTHING. YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL. If you play the victim then you will be treated as such. Take some responsibility. You allow yourself to feel bad. Shoot talk to any therapist, number one rule, you are responsible for your own feelings.

[Hyperpen12000]

Because alot of men identify an aspect of their sexuality with porn.

Beacause porn does make men feel more like men. Men respond to watching pretty women engage in sexual acts. It draws out their more base feelings/hormones. I don't see porn as only a means to masturbation. That is an aspect of it for sure but there is another aspect to it as well. Considering the extent and depth men go to defend it. I think men aren't even aware that they identify with porn to the degree they do because it reaffirms their sexuality and masculinty to some degree. And that is a man's insecurity. When he needs the validation a fantasy that porn provides that reaffirms him in a certain way. It's an insecurity. It's also an insecurity to always be on the hunt for new women. It is the grass is greener synodrome. And men fall pray to it all the time. It's a insecurity for men to expect women to be so highly evovled above porn to not be effected by it when men aren't even able to be so highly evolved to not be effected by porn themselves.

 

Men are just as insecure as women. So I am tired of the "insecurity" line being used to make women feel more bad about themselves here.

 

 

 

 

It appears that all men at some point neglect their wives/gfs for porn. It could be for the 5 mins. he is using porn but that still is replacing his wife/gf for porn in those moments. I also can't understand how you can lecture about prejudices built against the porn industry that is selective to hatred and not virtuous when porn itself is nothing but demeaning to women, has nothing to do with virtuous oppinions of women and can be quite misognostic.

 

That's a bold statement to say all men do! Not me!

 

WOW! Porn has consumed your life! LOL! 5 mins? All I see from you is selfishness, irrational jealousy, and control.

 

That is your own personal opinion about porn being demeaning to women. No one is forcing these women to do this. If it's true that porn is demeaning to women, then porn is demeaning to men.

 

So BDSM, beating men with wipes, is normal????

 

Well I guess that make that type of porn misandry. Apparently porn directors force people against their will.

[Hyperpen12000]

Okay say it's not insecurity, or low self-esteem...

 

So if my SO hates something that I like to view, I am suppose to completely stop doing it because I love her? (Please do not just grab this statement to make your point... Grab all that I said)

 

So if She hates violence in any shape or form, I am suppose to stop watching Martial arts movies, and UFC????

[Hyperpen12000]

It's not just you dear, I've been told this by numerous men on numerous forums.

 

Well I guess you'll do anything to make what you believe in virtuous to all, even if it means being biased.

[Hyperpen12000]

Again,

 

Say it's not insecurity, or low self-esteem...

 

So if my SO hates something that I like to view, I am suppose to completely stop doing it because I love her? (Please do not just grab this statement to make your point... Grab all that I said)

 

So if She hates violence in any shape or form, I am suppose to stop watching Martial arts movies, and UFC????

[blind_otter]

Again,

 

Say it's not insecurity, or low self-esteem...

 

So if my SO hates something that I like to view, I am suppose to completely stop doing it because I love her? (Please do not just grab this statement to make your point... Grab all that I said)

 

So if She hates violence in any shape or form, I am suppose to stop watching Martial arts movies, and UFC????

 

IMO, (which counts for just about nothing) - you find someone who shares your views on porn. IME few people will budge when it comes to personal morality.

 

Not all women are opposed to porn. In fact some (like myself) enjoy it, in moderation.

[Jennifer26]

Again,

 

Say it's not insecurity, or low self-esteem...

 

So if my SO hates something that I like to view, I am suppose to completely stop doing it because I love her? (Please do not just grab this statement to make your point... Grab all that I said)

 

So if She hates violence in any shape or form, I am suppose to stop watching Martial arts movies, and UFC????

For starters, I would hope you would be upfront about your desire to watch violent films and she would be upfront about her feelings on your viewing them. And I would hope this would come out before the two of you had been together for years, been married, had children and so forth.

 

If she really hates violent movies and it makes her feel bad that you watch them, then maybe the two of you are not best suited for one another. You could give up the movies because you want her more than you want them, or she could try to live with the fact that you want to watch them and maybe request you do it as seldom as possible and never in her presence.

 

The point is that communication is important. Sometimes compromises can be reached when there is honesty and respect, sometimes they can't and then bigger decisions need to be made.

 

Not everyone is suited for each other, and sometimes you find this out along the way while dating. Maybe this violence thing would just be an issue neither of you could bend on and it would mean that you split.

 

What would be wrong is for your SO to know you enjoy violence flicks and not tell you because she is courting you and waits for later on when the two of you are married. Or if you know she has an issue with it, and decide to tell her you don't enjoy violence flicks either or that you are indifferent to them and could go without for her with the knowledge that it simply isn't true and the plan to just go ahead as usual but keep her in the dark about it.

 

And that last paragraph is what happens so often when it comes to porn, and I think it is a major factor in why it is such a big issue in some cases.

[Hyperpen12000]

For starters, I would hope you would be upfront about your desire to watch violent films and she would be upfront about her feelings on your viewing them. And I would hope this would come out before the two of you had been together for years, been married, had children and so forth.

 

If she really hates violent movies and it makes her feel bad that you watch them, then maybe the two of you are not best suited for one another. You could give up the movies because you want her more than you want them, or she could try to live with the fact that you want to watch them and maybe request you do it as seldom as possible and never in her presence.

 

The point is that communication is important. Sometimes compromises can be reached when there is honesty and respect, sometimes they can't and then bigger decisions need to be made.

 

Not everyone is suited for each other, and sometimes you find this out along the way while dating. Maybe this violence thing would just be an issue neither of you could bend on and it would mean that you split.

 

What would be wrong is for your SO to know you enjoy violence flicks and not tell you because she is courting you and waits for later on when the two of you are married. Or if you know she has an issue with it, and decide to tell her you don't enjoy violence flicks either or that you are indifferent to them and could go without for her with the knowledge that it simply isn't true and the plan to just go ahead as usual but keep her in the dark about it.

 

And that last paragraph is what happens so often when it comes to porn, and I think it is a major factor in why it is such a big issue in some cases.

 

That's what I said, communication. Some women are so viciously against porn on these threads that they probably read the first of my paragraph and started ranting.

 

I personal couldn't handle my SO making me choose everything I like to do in my personal time for her comfort. That's just too much sacrifices for an individual who I would have to count on entirely to amuse me and make me happy everyday, for the rest of my life... The aggressiveness towards me to stop watching porn is the representation of things to come.

 

If your SO watches porn but still spends a lot of his time with you romantically, gives you sexual gratification whenever you want it with no complaints, never leaves it out in the open, looks at it scarcely and you still have a problem with it, It's not insecurity, it just that you have a individual bias with it... "I just don't like it because I don't"

 

 

 

BTW, Do you satisfy your husband to the point where he's indifferent any that has to do with sex but you?

[Jennifer26]

That's what I said, communication. Some women are so viciously against porn on these threads that they probably read the first of my paragraph and started ranting.

 

I personal couldn't handle my SO making me choose everything I like to do in my personal time for her comfort. That's just too much sacrifices for an individual who I would have to count on entirely to amuse me and make me happy everyday, for the rest of my life...

 

If your SO watches porn but still spends a lot of his time with you romantically, gives you sexual gratification whenever you want it with no complaints, never leaves it out in the open, looks at it scarcely and you still have a problem with it, It's not insecurity, it just that you have a individual bias with it... "I just don't like it because I don't"

 

 

 

BTW, Do you satisfy your husband to the point where he's indifferent any that has to do with sex but you?

 

I guess you would have to ask my husband that. Please excuse any graphic content in this post, but I don't know how else to get this across in a way other than sounding like the 'typical' married woman who says she satisfies her spouse but might not actually be doing so.

 

The past two nights in a row my H has received oral sex from me. It was not just a couple of licks or a half assed attempt at four play. He achieved an orgasm both nights, and is able to everytime he received oral. I know exactly how to push his buttons in this area, and he usually receives oral sex atleast twice a week, last week it was four.

 

When it comes to sex, I am very enthusiastic. I like slow, loving sex but I am always up for fun sex too. I have outfits, wigs, toys, you name it. Not only that but I am not afraid to try new things. I'm into things that might be considered taboo. I'll leave out much of this to avoid being more graphic then I've already been here.

 

I would say yes, I do - but not enough to where he isn't seeking out porn. You see, even though I love sex, want it all the time and will go out of my way to fulfill him sexually there is still porn, and there are times he blows me off and then waits until I've gone to bed to look at porn.

 

As for sacrificing things that make your SO uncomfortable.. well sometimes you have to do this in a relationship. I don't want to sound cliche but sometimes to be successful they do require sacrifice.

 

Giving up "everything" your spouse finds uncomfortable is pretty vague and it seems like it would be unlikely. I would hope there would be things you could compromise on. I would hope there would be things each of you would be willing to sacrifice for the benefit of your spouse and the relationship.

 

If my H told me the kids make him uncomfortable and we have to get rid of them.. okay obviously that isn't going to happen. If he was truly miserable with the kids and couldn't live with them or be a part of their life then I would say he would have to leave. But if he asked me to give up a 9" vibrator because it made him feel inadequate and like I was trying to replace him.. I could give that up no problem.

 

It all depends on the issue at hand. Things have to be taken one at a time and if compromise can be made, great.

 

But again, you should never lie to someone in an attempt to get further in the relationship and placate them. It will almost always come back to bite you in the ass.

[Jersey Shortie]

Exploiting your SO, when that is something sacred.

 

But it's okay to exploit her enough to use her after being turned on by other wome having sex?

 

 

 

Just face it! Watching someone else play baseball is more interesting than watching yourself play baseball.

 

And I guess it's more interesting to watch other women have sex then watching your woman to get turned on.

 

Some women will never get it. Why watch myself do something that I already did when I can watch someone else do it and get stimulated to do it with my SO. That's a bit narcissistic in many ways.

 

Then it appears that you need to see other women having sex to have sex with your SO.

 

 

Even if I watched it once a year, it's consistent!? I guess holidays are consistent, birthdays; watching your favor Drama (which more than likely entails violence or profanity) is consistent; Eating unhealthy foods is consistent; disagreeing with your SO is consistent; Children getting themselves in to bad things is consistent. Why don't we put a stop to this all! Any Ideas?

 

Yes, birthday's and holidays are consistent in the context that they happen on a regular basis. This is an example how men use words to down play their porn use, in my opinion. Alot of men say they don't look at it that much. Then you come to find out "not that mcuh" is anything from a couple times a month, to a couple times a week..to once a day.

 

 

If your SO watches porn but still spends a lot of his time with you romantically, gives you sexual gratification whenever you want it with no complaints, never leaves it out in the open, looks at it scarcely and you still have a problem with it, It's not insecurity, it just that you have a individual bias with it... "I just don't like it because I don't"

 

I think you've read alot of reasons why alot of women have issues with porn. No woman here has said " I just don't like it because." There have been vauable reasons given.

 

 

 

 

That is your own personal opinion about porn being demeaning to women. No one is forcing these women to do this. If it's true that porn is demeaning to women, then porn is demeaning to men.

 

A person doesn't have to be forced to do something for it to be demeaning to them or a gender in general. And yes, I think porn is demeaning to men as well since so many men sell themselves out and their women and families for a few mintues masturbating to a girl.

[Hyperpen12000]

I guess you would have to ask my husband that. Please excuse any graphic content in this post, but I don't know how else to get this across in a way other than sounding like the 'typical' married woman who says she satisfies her spouse but might not actually be doing so.

 

The past two nights in a row my H has received oral sex from me. It was not just a couple of licks or a half assed attempt at four play. He achieved an orgasm both nights, and is able to everytime he received oral. I know exactly how to push his buttons in this area, and he usually receives oral sex atleast twice a week, last week it was four.

 

When it comes to sex, I am very enthusiastic. I like slow, loving sex but I am always up for fun sex too. I have outfits, wigs, toys, you name it. Not only that but I am not afraid to try new things. I'm into things that might be considered taboo. I'll leave out much of this to avoid being more graphic then I've already been here.

 

I would say yes, I do - but not enough to where he isn't seeking out porn. You see, even though I love sex, want it all the time and will go out of my way to fulfill him sexually there is still porn, and there are times he blows me off and then waits until I've gone to bed to look at porn.

 

As for sacrificing things that make your SO uncomfortable.. well sometimes you have to do this in a relationship. I don't want to sound cliche but sometimes to be successful they do require sacrifice.

 

Giving up "everything" your spouse finds uncomfortable is pretty vague and it seems like it would be unlikely. I would hope there would be things you could compromise on. I would hope there would be things each of you would be willing to sacrifice for the benefit of your spouse and the relationship.

 

If my H told me the kids make him uncomfortable and we have to get rid of them.. okay obviously that isn't going to happen. If he was truly miserable with the kids and couldn't live with them or be a part of their life then I would say he would have to leave. But if he asked me to give up a 9" vibrator because it made him feel inadequate and like I was trying to replace him.. I could give that up no problem.

 

It all depends on the issue at hand. Things have to be taken one at a time and if compromise can be made, great.

 

But again, you should never lie to someone in an attempt to get further in the relationship and placate them. It will almost always come back to bite you in the ass.

 

Well there you have it! Like I said in a previous post; If you're a guy who plays soccer all the time, he's not going to be interested in watching it because he's gotten too much of it already.

 

What I'm hearing is that you satisfy your H to the fullest. When he wants sex, the majority of the time, you're giving it to him. You're keeping it so new, he has no time to masturbate to porn because he's got his "full up" from you. You just don't understand how much of a ideal you are to some men right now for sharing that... Something they wish they had.

 

A lot of women are not like this. They deny their mate of sex, use it as a control mechanism to get what they want from him, and make him feel guilty for wanting sex so much... On top of that, they want him to not masturbate to porn nor looking at a blank wall. It's like a pet relationship when it comes to sex.

 

This where the fight comes in for most men.... The aggressiveness towards him to stop watching porn because you don't want him to, to a lot of men is a symbolic representation of other demanding things to come.