trubella Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Sorry but that is not the norm and it's not the end of the story. Just because you've had to endure that crap doesn't mean all of us have had to. unless youve been with the guys youve dated every second of the day i dont think you can say 100% that they never once looked at porn, or a nudie mag before while they were with you. ill even venture to say most guys do look- porn is a $12 billon industry in thanks partially to men. 70% percent of them 18-34 do watch atleast once a month.
Author Hyperpen12000 Posted July 6, 2008 Author Posted July 6, 2008 It's OK, your response was interesting as well... I wonder why lemony said you were not the norm. Does she know something I don't? Do you have an atypical relationship with your SO? Nope not at all... She's just grouchy because of a disagreement we had on another thread. LOL! Watch wasn't a big deal!
lemony fresh Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 unless youve been with the guys youve dated every second of the day i dont think you can say 100% that they never once looked at porn, or a nudie mag before while they were with you. ill even venture to say most guys do look- porn is a $12 billon industry in thanks partially to men. 70% percent of them 18-34 do watch atleast once a month. OK, well I am 39 and haven't dated guys 34 and under in a while so that explains it. Thanks. Also once a month isn't a problem. I was thinking these guys were involved with porn daily.
Jersey Shortie Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Well, I don't personally understand how watching other women have sex makes a man what his SO. If he wanted his SO so much, why doesn't he go to his SO? Is he unable to be turned on by her and has to see other women having sex to get turned on by her then? It seems counterproductive to watch other women having sex and then saying it's really about his SO when obviously the other women having sex have a part in it. And while vicariously living through a porn movie can be done with your SO in mind, I think a lot of men vicariously live through a porn movie with the attractive porn star in the movie often. Women aren't trying to "penalize" men for enjoying sex. We are just hurt by the porn use and don't feel like we match up to your ideals anymore. It takes away a part of are femininity. Porn has nothing to do with intimacy and nothing to do with sex in a relationship. So it's natural to assume that if he is seeking out porn, he is seeking out something completely different from the committed relationship that the SO is saying men really enjoy. Men are not animals because they enjoy sex. But some of the manners go about in regards to porn and sex show little restraint or consideration for their real life partner too often. How can a man not be mentally cheating at some point by watching porn? Porn is filled with a wide range of pretty women. It's a buffet of women. Men are attracted to women. It's a natural deduction to think that at some point, most men are going to be thinking about a particular girl in a movie instead of his SO. Especially when we are told that men need porn for variety. Maybe men do feel attacked by women...and I think a lot of women feel attacked by men as well when it comes to porn. Men might not crucify us for enjoying romantic movies but men crucify us for our hurt and natural insecurities when it comes to porn. We are just "prudes"..we are just "jealous"..we are just "insecure"...we don't matter. There are good looking men in porn but most porn does not focus on the male body. Most porn is about the woman and what is happening to her. Most men don't get fake body parts. A lot of women in porn do. Maybe men don't want the women in porn, maybe they do. I just know that men themselves make it a point to say how sexual they are and how they need variety and how this women is hot..and that woman is hot. And then men get upset when you question their faithfulness to you and question if you are thinking about other women when you are watching other women have sex. I am sure a few men can understand the contradiction. Men love sex. And I love that about men. But it's nice when men use self control out of respect for their woman and show us through their actions that they really value true intimacy, and no the fake intimacy that is contrived in a porn movie. It's a turn off when a man spreads himself thin between his love for his SO and his desire for porn. porn is a $12 billon industry in thanks partially to men. 70% percent of them 18-34 do watch atleast once a month. So. Depressing.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Well, I don't personally understand how watching other women have sex makes a man what his SO. That's because, my sweet Jersey, you're not a man... Mr. Lucky
soserious1 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 That's because, my sweet Jersey, you're not a man... Mr. Lucky Watching other women have sex makes my husband long to be with them and causes him to hate and resent me. like he told me during our last fight "sure you could probably go into some dark bar and find some guy drunk enough to let you suck him off, but would he rather be with somebody younger and decent looking? of course he would, anybody would" Btw, I can usually tell when my husband's been gorging himself on images of young, beautiful women because he becomes even more critical of my appearance, of what I'm wearing or not wearing, very anxious lest I wear any garment that might inadvertantly expose even an inch of my elderly body. There's a very definite change in his attitude, he's much more easily irritated and disatisfied.
Jersey Shortie Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 That's because, my sweet Jersey, you're not a man... Mr. Lucky I wish I was, then I too could have my cake and eat it too. And I could use other women and pretend it was about me wanting my SO.
demrea Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Watching other women have sex makes my husband long to be with them and causes him to hate and resent me. like he told me during our last fight "sure you could probably go into some dark bar and find some guy drunk enough to let you suck him off, but would he rather be with somebody younger and decent looking? of course he would, anybody would" Btw, I can usually tell when my husband's been gorging himself on images of young, beautiful women because he becomes even more critical of my appearance, of what I'm wearing or not wearing, very anxious lest I wear any garment that might inadvertantly expose even an inch of my elderly body. There's a very definite change in his attitude, he's much more easily irritated and disatisfied. your husband is an ass ... and i could see why you would resent porn. you are justified in your feelings, no doubt. that being said, it doesnt mean that all husbands treat their wife in such a callous manner due to porn.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Watching other women have sex makes my husband long to be with them and causes him to hate and resent me. like he told me during our last fight "sure you could probably go into some dark bar and find some guy drunk enough to let you suck him off, but would he rather be with somebody younger and decent looking? of course he would, anybody would" Your H's problems have about as much to do with porn as Dina Lohan has to do with good parenting. Blaming "watching other women" for his sociological behavior only keeps you from dealing with the truth - he's not a candidate for continued marriage... Mr. Lucky
Author Hyperpen12000 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Well, I don't personally understand how watching other women have sex makes a man what his SO. If he wanted his SO so much, why doesn't he go to his SO? Is he unable to be turned on by her and has to see other women having sex to get turned on by her then? It seems counterproductive to watch other women having sex and then saying it's really about his SO when obviously the other women having sex have a part in it. And while vicariously living through a porn movie can be done with your SO in mind, I think a lot of men vicariously live through a porn movie with the attractive porn star in the movie often. Women aren't trying to "penalize" men for enjoying sex. We are just hurt by the porn use and don't feel like we match up to your ideals anymore. It takes away a part of are femininity. Porn has nothing to do with intimacy and nothing to do with sex in a relationship. So it's natural to assume that if he is seeking out porn, he is seeking out something completely different from the committed relationship that the SO is saying men really enjoy. Men are not animals because they enjoy sex. But some of the manners go about in regards to porn and sex show little restraint or consideration for their real life partner too often. How can a man not be mentally cheating at some point by watching porn? Porn is filled with a wide range of pretty women. It's a buffet of women. Men are attracted to women. It's a natural deduction to think that at some point, most men are going to be thinking about a particular girl in a movie instead of his SO. Especially when we are told that men need porn for variety. Maybe men do feel attacked by women...and I think a lot of women feel attacked by men as well when it comes to porn. Men might not crucify us for enjoying romantic movies but men crucify us for our hurt and natural insecurities when it comes to porn. We are just "prudes"..we are just "jealous"..we are just "insecure"...we don't matter. There are good looking men in porn but most porn does not focus on the male body. Most porn is about the woman and what is happening to her. Most men don't get fake body parts. A lot of women in porn do. Maybe men don't want the women in porn, maybe they do. I just know that men themselves make it a point to say how sexual they are and how they need variety and how this women is hot..and that woman is hot. And then men get upset when you question their faithfulness to you and question if you are thinking about other women when you are watching other women have sex. I am sure a few men can understand the contradiction. Men love sex. And I love that about men. But it's nice when men use self control out of respect for their woman and show us through their actions that they really value true intimacy, and no the fake intimacy that is contrived in a porn movie. It's a turn off when a man spreads himself thin between his love for his SO and his desire for porn. So. Depressing. Well I guess you'll never understand it because you refuse adamantly.... That's what's so Depressing......
Lookingforward Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 JS, as someone (I think tanbark) said so eloquently in another thread - just make sure you and your future SO are on the same page regarding porn use and you won't have a problem with it. and maybe when you do get an SO you won't have time to run around ranting about other men's porn use as you'll have other more enjoyable pursuits in mind LOL
Author Hyperpen12000 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 OK, well I am 39 and haven't dated guys 34 and under in a while so that explains it. Thanks. Also once a month isn't a problem. I was thinking these guys were involved with porn daily. Of course not! IF I watched porn daily, I would chafe so much that my Jon would look like a chili pepper! J/K In all seriousness, I agree that it is completely wrong and out of control when you watch it habitually. Watching porn constant/daily would be too much for me. It would get very boring and make having sex indifferent. I watch it now and then, maybe once or twice a month... It's so scarce I don't know if I even watch it that much. The problem I was noticing is that GF/Wives want to eliminate it from their SO's world (who have it under control) completely. Even if he watches it once every 2 months. That feels like a mother a son relationship... If it's not for religious reasons, which would also consist of not practice the viewing or hearing of violence and profanity, then the woman looks like a dictator and must be suffering from low self-esteem. It's like a guy telling his SO not to watch romantic media anymore because it has a bad influence on how our relationship should function.
Jennifer26 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 JS, as someone (I think tanbark) said so eloquently in another thread - just make sure you and your future SO are on the same page regarding porn use and you won't have a problem with it. and maybe when you do get an SO you won't have time to run around ranting about other men's porn use as you'll have other more enjoyable pursuits in mind LOLWouldn't it be nice if more men were actually honest about their porn use so that women could make more informed decisions.
blair08 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Wouldn't it be nice if more men were actually honest about their porn use so that women could make more informed decisions. I can agree with this. :)Whose to say if it were truly discussed or not by both partners. I mean people are saying make sure both people are on the same page about it. Which is fine, but whose to say one hasn't lied to the other about their views on the issue, and when or if that issue were to come up, the other person gets called insecure. Insecurity may not always be the issue for WHY soemone doesn't wan't their spouse to view porn, but it sure gets told real quick to some people who post about their spouse looking at it.
Jennifer26 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 then the woman looks like a dictator and must be suffering from low self-esteem.And this is total bull****. I for one am quite tired of the labels for women who simply don't want a spouse who is into porn. I am not insecure, or suffering from a low self esteem nor do I wish to control my husband. I actually think I am an amazing cook, a great mom, I think I am attractive, intelligent, creative and I could keep going. I think I have lots to offer in a relationship. Not to pat myself on the back too much . . .
Lookingforward Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Of course not! IF I watched porn daily, I would chafe so much that my Jon would look like a chili pepper! J/K In all seriousness, I agree that it is completely wrong and out of control when you watch it habitually. Watching porn constant/daily would be too much for me. It would get very boring and make having sex indifferent. I watch it now and then, maybe once or twice a month... It's so scarce I don't know if I even watch it that much. The problem I was noticing is that GF/Wives want to eliminate it from their SO's world (who have it under control) completely. Even if he watches it once every 2 months. That feels like a mother a son relationship... If it's not for religious reasons, which would also consist of not practice the viewing or hearing of violence and profanity, then the woman looks like a dictator and must be suffering from low self-esteem. It's like a guy telling his SO not to watch romantic media anymore because it has a bad influence on how our relationship should function. Actually, I think chick flicks have a LOT to answer for
Jennifer26 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I can agree with this. :)Whose to say if it were truly discussed or not by both partners. I mean people are saying make sure both people are on the same page about it. Which is fine, but whose to say one hasn't lied to the other about their views on the issue, and when or if that issue were to come up, the other person gets called insecure. Insecurity may not always be the issue for WHY soemone doesn't wan't their spouse to view porn, but it sure gets told real quick to some people who post about their spouse looking at it.I am in a situation where I was told by my husband (then boyfriend) that he wasn't into porn and didn't need it or watch it. He admitted he had watched it, but only because he was single, yada, yada. It was a huge lie. Not only does he watch it, he'd let our marriage crumble and our kids go through a divorce before he'd give it up. So now I am stuck with accepting something I made very clear I was against in the beginning. Or breaking up my family. Of course either way I feel pretty bitter. And over and over I am told that I just need to accept it, and that I am insecure.
Author Hyperpen12000 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 I wish I was, then I too could have my cake and eat it too. And I could use other women and pretend it was about me wanting my SO. :lmao: Have you cake and eat it to?:lmao::lmao: What cake? Watching someone on a T.V Screen who doesn't even know you exist have sex is having your cake and eating it?:lmao: Pretend? You are so clueless and will forever be; Very close-minded to a man's perspective. Sex is sex is porn is sex! Open your feminine predominated mind.... I love my so dearly! I have never wanted the woman in the porn. It was the sex, the act! But there's not sense in talking to someone with a closed mine.
Jennifer26 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 :lmao: Have you cake and eat it to?:lmao::lmao: What cake? Watching someone on a T.V Screen who doesn't even know you exist have sex is having your cake and eating it?:lmao: Pretend? You are so clueless and will forever be; Very close-minded to a man's perspective. Sex is sex is porn is sex! Open your feminine predominated mind.... I love my so dearly! I have never wanted the woman in the porn. It was the sex, the act! But there's not sense in talking to someone with a closed mine. If you only want your SO and only think about her while watching porn - why don't you just make some home videos to watch, or think about her while masturbating? Most men who have women who are willing to provide visual material, still go back to the porn with other women. Wonder why?
Lookingforward Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I am in a situation where I was told by my husband (then boyfriend) that he wasn't into porn and didn't need it or watch it. He admitted he had watched it, but only because he was single, yada, yada. It was a huge lie. Not only does he watch it, he'd let our marriage crumble and our kids go through a divorce before he'd give it up. So now I am stuck with accepting something I made very clear I was against in the beginning. Or breaking up my family. Of course either way I feel pretty bitter. And over and over I am told that I just need to accept it, and that I am insecure. I've never defended porn usage to the point of detriment to a R - but there are a LOT of kneejerk responses on this forum suggesting ANY porn use is a bad thing.
Jersey Shortie Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Well I guess you'll never understand it because you refuse adamantly.... That's what's so Depressing...... Why am I the one that will never understand? Why aren't you the one that possibly doesn't understand? I dislike the idea that I somehow "don't get it" because I don't agree with porn. You keep telling me I refuse to this or that. You also seem to refuse to acknowledge the other side of it In all seriousness, I agree that it is completely wrong and out of control when you watch it habitually. Watching porn constant/daily would be too much for me. It would get very boring and make having sex indifferent. I watch it now and then, maybe once or twice a month... It's so scarce I don't know if I even watch it that much. The problem I was noticing is that GF/Wives want to eliminate it from their SO's world (who have it under control) completely. Even if he watches it once every 2 months. Watching it even once every 2 months is still watching it consistently. That feels like a mother a son relationship... If it's not for religious reasons, which would also consist of not practice the viewing or hearing of violence and profanity, then the woman looks like a dictator and must be suffering from low self-esteem. And a man also can look like a dictator for keeping his loytaly to porn. It feels more like a daughter/father relationship where she is suppose to just sit there looking cute with a smile on her face and not be honest about the things he brings into their relationship that concern her. It's like a guy telling his SO not to watch romantic media anymore because it has a bad influence on how our relationship should function. A guy telling a woman not to watch romantic movies would be like a woman telling a guy not to watch an action movie. Not a porno.
blair08 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I am in a situation where I was told by my husband (then boyfriend) that he wasn't into porn and didn't need it or watch it. He admitted he had watched it, but only because he was single, yada, yada. It was a huge lie. Not only does he watch it, he'd let our marriage crumble and our kids go through a divorce before he'd give it up. So now I am stuck with accepting something I made very clear I was against in the beginning. Or breaking up my family. Of course either way I feel pretty bitter. And over and over I am told that I just need to accept it, and that I am insecure. Yep your situation is pretty much what I was getting at. Telling someone they are insecure about a spouses porn viewing seems to get tossed around pretty freely here, when the people here may or may not know t for sure if that is the case at all. They tell people to "accept" or just "get" over it." So bascially its almost like tossing your feelings on the matter and what was discussed in your marriage to the side. I do agree SOME people are insecure and that might be an isuse for them, but just becasue someone has an issue with their spouse viewing porn doesn't always mean they are insecure of have self esteem issues.
Jennifer26 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I've never defended porn usage to the point of detriment to a R - but there are a LOT of kneejerk responses on this forum suggesting ANY porn use is a bad thing. I want to say that if a woman is alright with her SO viewing porn, then it is okay. I believe this is true for the most part, but I often have heard women (and this seems to be a growing trend) complaining their husbands aren't up for sex and they discuss the reasons why this is according to the husband. Now, I am not saying there aren't legitimate reasons that men's interest in sex might decline, obviously there are. But I feel that porn is a huge contributing factor, especially online porn which is so easily accessible and offers more variety than any man could possibly ever dream of. My point is, these women sometimes don't realize that it is the porn that is leading their husbands away from their bedroom. Not until a therapist or third party suggests it as a possibility (which I've often heard happen on radio shows and so forth). So the porn is causing harm to the relationship, but not always is it understood by the man or the woman or both of them.
Jennifer26 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Yep your situation is pretty much what I was getting at. Telling someone they are insecure about a spouses porn viewing seems to get tossed around pretty freely here, when the people here may or may not know t for sure if that is the case at all. They tell people to "accept" or just "get" over it." So bascially its almost like tossing your feelings on the matter and what was discussed in your marriage to the side. I do agree SOME people are insecure and that might be an isuse for them, but just becasue someone has an issue with their spouse viewing porn doesn't always mean they are insecure of have self esteem issues.Thank you! Yes, there are insecure women out there who don't like porn. But there are also confident, secure women out there who also don't like porn. And the constant invalidation that I agree is tossed around pretty freely can be quite insulting.
Jersey Shortie Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I think alot of women are insecure about porn and rightly so. Boyfriends/husbands are comparing their gfs/wives to playmates that no real woman measures up to in the eyes of her man unforunetly. And I think alot of men are insecure about porn as well in a different way. They feel they need it to some extent to keep reaffirming their sexuality and masculinty. I know men have more testosterone. But alot sometimes with some of the men's arguments that are for porn, it seems to go beyond that. It appears that men identify heavily with porn. I think porn is a man's insecurity just as it can be an insecurity for a woman, it's just that the insecurity itself is different and is played on differently for each gender.
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