Hyperpen12000 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 For the past few days, posting about porn on this board I’ve learned a lot about my self and how women feel. Men love sex. We can’t help what we most enjoy about having a relationship with women. We enjoy watching sex. When I watch it, it honestly makes me to want to have sex with my SO. In no why do I think about the women in the porn when having sex with her. I want her! I want to see the pleasure she’s receiving from me, on her face. The expression on her face and vocalization of pleasure turns me on so much, that have to concentrate on something else in order to not orgasm quickly. When my SO is not in the mood all week (which has happened) and I really want to get that sexual frustration out, I need visual of sex in front of me. Sometimes my imagination doesn’t work alone. Porn is that leverage. When I watch the porn and I see the guy thrusting in and out of the woman or her on top of him, I imagine my SO doing that to me. It’s like a double thought going on. You have to give the human brain more credit than that ladies. The definition for that brain activity is call vicarious. Vicarious - Indirectly, as, by, or through a substitute Other than that, I see porn as entertainment. I see ideas that me and my SO can try out to spice up our sex life even more. I like the porn with the stories too because they’re entertaining. A study shows that porn with campaign sells more than just the one with just immediate sex. It’s sad because what men like or love most about having and relationship, we’re penalized for. I’m the type of guy that can’t have sex with a woman if I don’t love her. This doesn’t mean I derogate people who can. Men are penalized for liking sex in a relationship on this board. We’re animals, need restraint, defile because we want to try position we see in porn on our SO, and accused of mentally cheating when you have no idea what we’re thinking. Women are not attacked like this by men. Women watch romantic movies that they vicariously position themselves in and sometimes pressure their mates to imitate that romance vocally or with subtle hints. Women place so many high expectations on men because of these romance movies and novels… And if men don’t fulfill a good portion of these romantic fantasies, he’s not a good man or her soul mate. But do men crucify women for viewing these fantasized ideals? No! Do we crucify women for watch actress, who are married, kiss and have fake sex with another man in a movie or television show? No! But we’re crucified for watching what we like about being in relationships. There are good looking men in porn with nice physiques and guys know a “pretty boy” when they see one; just like women know a beautiful woman when she sees one. We just don’t let it affect us like women do. When some women get in a relationship their “attractive radar” shuts completely down forever and focus on the man they’re with; every man is now unattractive. Guys don’t do this. We still see who’s attractive whether woman or man. If a women is watching porn with her SO and he feels the man in the porn is attractive, do we accuse you of wanting him? NO. We are secure enough to know that you want us, and we feel that you should feel the same. Bottom-line is men love sex. Intimacy is one of, if not, the most stimulating characteristic of having companionship so we like to watch sex. Women love romance. It is one of, if not, the most exciting characteristics of having companionship so women like to watch and read about romance… If we continue to stifle each others thrills about having companionship, we will feel controlled and used. If you have a problem with something that your mate is doing, talk to him. If he gives you a secure answer trust him. No man enjoys feeling like a suspect or ashamed about his sexuality... It’s a complete turn off... I’m not trying to justify every man that watches porn. Some men have ruined the entertainment of porn for the rest of us by neglecting their SO for it, verbally say or insinuating that they want the women in the porn, and haven’t an overbearing collection. Women are united and communicate with one another so they come up with negative conclusion to why men like porn and when women who have being neglected for it give their opinion, it influences an already insecure mind even more.
porter218 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 That is wonderful that you picture your SO when you are watching porn, and If I had a man that was like that I wouldn't have such a hard time with porn. However the few men that I have dated that still watched porn after we got together admitted to picturing having sex with the girl in the video. One even said that he pictures that I was her when having sex with me. That is very hurtful and confusing at the same time. I am just as pretty if not more then these women in the movies so I don't understand the need to visualize someone else. I wish more men thought like you did, unfortunately you are in the minority.
OpenBook Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Guys don’t do this. We still see who’s attractive whether woman or man. If a women is watching porn with her SO and he feels the man in the porn is attractive, do we accuse you of wanting him? NO. We are secure enough to know that you want us, and we feel that you should feel the same. I don't have a strong opinion about porn, one way or the other, but I just wanted to add here that in my experience, when my man recognizes that I'm attracted to a certain guy, he goes out of his way to try to imitate that guy, in an effort to please and impress me. I just get such a kick out of that. It's so sweet, and it makes me laugh!!:love: You're absolutely right, men do have a completely different reaction when they witness their SO's attraction to someone else. I’m not trying to justify every man that watches porn. Some men have ruined the entertainment of porn for the rest of us by neglecting their SO for it, verbally say or insinuating that they want the women in the porn, and haven’t an overbearing collection. Thank you for acknowledging that. Some men use porn as a thinly-veiled disguise of their anger towards women, and especially their SO. It becomes a weapon.
LakesideDream Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 The "bottom line" (I hate that phrase) is that Porn viewing almost always ends up damaging a committed relationship. If I am lucky enough to have another relationship that is mutually loving, happy, and committed, I wouldn't dream of risking it for the momentary pleasure (?) of viewing Teens and early 20's bullimic, with medically enhanced breasts cavorting in the land of make believe. You can't believe what you see is real can you? Each and every man reading my post should take this to heart. Masturbating to pornography risks your marriage and relationships. A quick release into a tissue isn't worth that risk is it? Make the sexual contact you have with your SO as good as you can, for her and you. The better it is, the more frequent it becomes. If your SO is not able to satisfy you sexually, consider counseling, or negotiation. If you can't fix it, you may have to think about leaving the relationship. 1
OpenBook Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Oh my, Lakeside - you really do feel strongly about this!! I had no idea. May I ask why? This isn't the normal male reaction to porn. Have you had a bad experience with porn in the past? Or does your current love interest have a problem with it?
lemony fresh Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Oh my, Lakeside - you really do feel strongly about this!! I had no idea. May I ask why? This isn't the normal male reaction to porn. Have you had a bad experience with porn in the past? Or does your current love interest have a problem with it? Contrary to popular belief, Hyperpen is not the "everyman." Personally when I have had serious relationships, I did not know them to get involved with porn. My last guy said it really didn't do anything for him.
trubella Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Make the sexual contact you have with your SO as good as you can, for her and you. The better it is, the more frequent it becomes. If your SO is not able to satisfy you sexually, consider counseling, or negotiation. If you can't fix it, you may have to think about leaving the relationship. why is it when ppl do watch porn it means there not satisfied with your SO. is it possible to have a healthy sex life with someone yet watch the occasional porno. or is that just us- when we are together anyway.
Author Hyperpen12000 Posted July 6, 2008 Author Posted July 6, 2008 The "bottom line" (I hate that phrase) is that Porn viewing almost always ends up damaging a committed relationship. If I am lucky enough to have another relationship that is mutually loving, happy, and committed, I wouldn't dream of risking it for the momentary pleasure (?) of viewing Teens and early 20's bullimic, with medically enhanced breasts cavorting in the land of make believe. You can't believe what you see is real can you? Each and every man reading my post should take this to heart. Masturbating to pornography risks your marriage and relationships. A quick release into a tissue isn't worth that risk is it? Make the sexual contact you have with your SO as good as you can, for her and you. The better it is, the more frequent it becomes. If your SO is not able to satisfy you sexually, consider counseling, or negotiation. If you can't fix it, you may have to think about leaving the relationship. Good luck with that....
Author Hyperpen12000 Posted July 6, 2008 Author Posted July 6, 2008 Oh my, Lakeside - you really do feel strongly about this!! I had no idea. May I ask why? This isn't the normal male reaction to porn. Have you had a bad experience with porn in the past? Or does your current love interest have a problem with it? No she doesn't! My SO doesn't mind at all...I watch porn occasionally so she doesn't have the desire to get upset. I just see so many women get so frustrated over something they haven't even set down a constructive discussed with their SO. They blow up and explode, derogating their BF/Husband's interest and making him feel like a monster; forcing him not to be comfortable expressing all of his sexuality with his mate. I also have friends who go through this verbal abuse with their GF/Wives.
lemony fresh Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Good luck with that.... Ha, ha, yeah, berate the first man who posts who makes any sense, lol.
porter218 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 No she doesn't! My SO doesn't mind at all...I watch porn occasionally so she doesn't have the desire to get upset. I just see so many women get so frustrated over something they haven't even set down a constructive discussed with their SO. They blow up and explode, derogating their BF/Husband's interest and making him feel like a monster; forcing him not to be comfortable expressing all of his sexuality with his mate. I also have friends who go through this verbal abuse with their GF/Wives. She was talking to lakeside. Your situation is different then those of your friends. Obviously your SO is one of those who doesn't care. You can't compare that to the relationships where the woman is hurt by porn and the man dismisses her feelings like he doesn't care about her feelings. I think that men who need porn, should go find a relationship like yours and not try to force a relationship with a woman when they have such a huge difference of opinion.
michelangelo Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Make the sexual contact you have with your SO as good as you can, for her and you. The better it is, the more frequent it becomes. If your SO is not able to satisfy you sexually, consider counseling, or negotiation. If you can't fix it, you may have to think about leaving the relationship. OK, so you really believe that making the sexual contact as best you can will increase the frequency? That may be true to small extent. But there is such a mismatch between the genders about what is a satisfying amount of sex (generally, your mileage may vary), that a woman who has been stimulated perfect (emotionally, physically, etc.) who now thinks she is satiated sexually at once a week and just flat out cannot imagine having more frequent sex than that, has a husband who is still feeling like having relations 5-7 times a week and feels that "dropping down" to 3 times a week, never mind the once a week topping out of his wife, who is deprived of satisfying that sexual need. Unless, he does what? flies solo or cheats. Counseling will not raise or lower a libido.
demrea Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 i find this statement Masturbating to pornography risks your marriage ... contradicts this statement. ... you may have to think about leaving the relationship. so leaving a relationship risks the marriage MORE than a personal choice that involves no one but the masturbator? that cant be, if someone leaves then there is no more relationship. let me ask my wife if she would prefer to break up the family over this issue.
Author Hyperpen12000 Posted July 6, 2008 Author Posted July 6, 2008 Oh my, Lakeside - you really do feel strongly about this!! I had no idea. May I ask why? This isn't the normal male reaction to porn. Have you had a bad experience with porn in the past? Or does your current love interest have a problem with it? Sorry, I thought you were talking about me!
Author Hyperpen12000 Posted July 6, 2008 Author Posted July 6, 2008 She was talking to lakeside. Your situation is different then those of your friends. Obviously your SO is one of those who doesn't care. You can't compare that to the relationships where the woman is hurt by porn and the man dismisses her feelings like he doesn't care about her feelings. I think that men who need porn, should go find a relationship like yours and not try to force a relationship with a woman when they have such a huge difference of opinion. True... I know I don't need porn... Like I don't need to watch violence and people derogating each other on T.V shows and movie to get a thrill out of life.
OpenBook Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Sorry, I thought you were talking about me! It's OK, your response was interesting as well... I wonder why lemony said you were not the norm. Does she know something I don't? Do you have an atypical relationship with your SO?
lemony fresh Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Why do you feel that Lakeside's response is not the norm? I haven't had relationships where seeking out porn was a real part of the guy's freetime, I can tell you that.
lemony fresh Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 What are you talking about? LOL! You have personal vendetta with me? No, it's just that because you make a "conclusion" about something, and it is not true for a lot of people, then you dismiss what they have to say because of course your "conclusion" is right. It's a very ignorant approach. Lakeside's approach is really not that shocking or impossible to do if one really loves their partner.
Author Hyperpen12000 Posted July 6, 2008 Author Posted July 6, 2008 The "bottom line" (I hate that phrase) is that Porn viewing almost always ends up damaging a committed relationship. If I am lucky enough to have another relationship that is mutually loving, happy, and committed, I wouldn't dream of risking it for the momentary pleasure (?) of viewing Teens and early 20's bullimic, with medically enhanced breasts cavorting in the land of make believe. You can't believe what you see is real can you? Each and every man reading my post should take this to heart. Masturbating to pornography risks your marriage and relationships. A quick release into a tissue isn't worth that risk is it? Make the sexual contact you have with your SO as good as you can, for her and you. The better it is, the more frequent it becomes. If your SO is not able to satisfy you sexually, consider counseling, or negotiation. If you can't fix it, you may have to think about leaving the relationship. Yes, Masturbating to pornography risks your marriage and relationships if you do it habitually and to the point you're ignoring your mate. Would you attack a woman who masturbates with a vibrator when you're not present? What damage can it do if you're not there or not willing to relieve her of her horniness? My SO masturbates occasionally if I'm not present or not in the mood. She says she images a penis. I ask her if it's my penis and she say it's just a penis. Now I can either get upset and tell her to not masturbate anymore unless it's my penis with every detail on it or I can feel closer to her because she's expressed herself to me. My SO didn't know I occasionally masturbate to porn until I told her. We still have great sex. I would kick the DVD button off if she stood at the door butt naked asking me to make love to her anytime. Ha, ha, yeah, berate the first man who posts who makes any sense, lol. Come Lemony fresh... IF the first part of a sentence read says "The "bottom line" (I hate that phrase)" You kinda lose interest with what the person is saying because they criticize your choice of words... I just responded as simple as possible with little interest.
OpenBook Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Why do you feel that Lakeside's response is not the norm? I haven't had relationships where seeking out porn was a real part of the guy's freetime, I can tell you that. Because Lakeside's post hasn't BEEN the norm in any of my relationships... including my marriage. All of them had girlie magazines under the bed. It was no big deal to them, and they certainly didn't obsess about it. And sex (with each other) has never been a problem, ever. So porn hasn't been an issue at all for me. It's never been used against me. Although I will say that looking thru a Victoria's Secret catalog drove them nuts... way more than the Playboy's and Hustler's.:D Healthy, straight men dig beautiful women. Forever and ever, amen. End of story.
lemony fresh Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Sorry but that is not the norm and it's not the end of the story. Just because you've had to endure that crap doesn't mean all of us have had to. Because Lakeside's post hasn't BEEN the norm in any of my relationships... including my marriage. All of them had girlie magazines under the bed. It was no big deal to them, and they certainly didn't obsess about it. And sex (with each other) has never been a problem, ever. So porn hasn't been an issue at all for me. It's never been used against me. Although I will say that looking thru a Victoria's Secret catalog drove them nuts... way more than the Playboy's and Hustler's.:D Healthy, straight men dig beautiful women. Forever and ever, amen. End of story.
lemony fresh Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Come Lemony fresh... IF the first part of a sentence read says "The "bottom line" (I hate that phrase)" You kinda lose interest with what the person is saying because they criticize your choice of words... I just responded as simple as possible with little interest. Of course you had little interest in it because it was a man proving you wrong.
OpenBook Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Sorry but that is not the norm and it's not the end of the story. Just because you've had to endure that crap doesn't mean all of us have had to. Huh??!? I didn't have to "endure" anything... at least as far as sex goes. I'm not following you at all here. What "crap" are you referring to? I've had to endure a lot of OTHER crap from men in my relationships, but sex was never a part of that.
Author Hyperpen12000 Posted July 6, 2008 Author Posted July 6, 2008 No, it's just that because you make a "conclusion" about something, and it is not true for a lot of people, then you dismiss what they have to say because of course your "conclusion" is right. It's a very ignorant approach. Lakeside's approach is really not that shocking or impossible to do if one really loves their partner. Well that's your self-analysis of me. I don't feel like that at all..... Well, I understand what he's talking about but what type of relationship can a guy have that never involves looking a porn? A man whose libido and exploration of sex is on the same level as the woman's or a guy that's just not into porn. Like I said, I kinda lost interest with what he was is saying because he criticize my choice of words in the beginning of his post...
Author Hyperpen12000 Posted July 6, 2008 Author Posted July 6, 2008 Of course you had little interest in it because it was a man proving you wrong. See you're picking on me. I wasn't disagreeing with him. I Just didn't like the first 7 words he said in his post... I lost interest. You do have a vendetta with me! LOL!
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