Mydish1 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 I've been seeing this girl weekly for almost 3 months. And whenever we're out we usually have fun and enjoy each other's company. Since we don't really talk much in between dates, it's important to me that we do hangout at least once a week - at least that's how I see it. Every weekend this girl goes over to babysit her nephew while her sister goes out to do errands. There was once where we didn't hangout for 2 weeks straight because of it. I understand she and her sister are really close. This weekend we were supposed to hangout and she even agreed to it, got one call from her sister and she canceled on me and postponed for next weekend, because she has to babysit. I really do respect a girl that puts her family first, but it bugs me at the same time because she reminds me of how I was in h.s. In hs, I had to go home almost everyday after school to watch my sister while my mom would go to work it was tough for me because I wanted to hangout with my friends and lead a normal social life but I couldn't. I didn't have the option to say no, but she does. But the fact that this girl I'm seeing is in college, and having her sister do this to her seems a bit selfish. And it's unfair towards me and her. I'm sure she could get a babysitter or drop the baby off her mom's place or something. I can only say so much based on what I know. I don't think it's immature of me to want to see her once a week, after all when you go out with someone it slowly develops and you eventually see the other person more often. But also because of this situation, it's been driving me to look elsewhere to meet/talk to and even attempt at dating other girls. Should I talk to her about this, or should I just be indifferent about it - because doing so have me try to break down her family values?
KinAZ Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Ahem... LOL, as a mother, it's not as easy as you think to find a sitter. And I WISH I had such a loving sister (or father, or brother, or cousin, etc). Some families are closer than others, and some relatives are closer than others for a reason. My mother and I are super close, probably, at least in part, because we're not very close to the rest of our families. I'm not a mama's girl and I will let her know when something isn't possible, but if it is a situation where she has no one else to turn to, or no one else to help her, and it's something that can't wait, I won't turn her down. I'll sacrifice where I have to when I can. If I were you, I would find the most delicate way to ask about the babysitting situation without it sounding like a complaint. I say delicate because... it could be a sensitive matter depending on the situation. I think it is reasonable to want to see someone at least once a week, but sometimes people have obligations that others just can't understand. It could be that her sister is taking advantage of her, or it could be that her sister really needs her. Try to find out.
porter218 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 I agree with Kinaz here. I have a sister much like your GF and sometimes she does drop plans to babysit for me on the weekends because I have nobody else during the day on the weekends. She has been there for my son since the day he was born and they have a very close relationship that means alot to the both of them. If I have a photo shoot that comes up she will be there for me because she puts her family first. I do feel bad sometimes but I can't get anyone I trust at those times. And to make up for this a lot of the time she will bring my son along to hang out with her friends, so she doesn't completely miss out on her "freetime".
Author Mydish1 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Well this girl is a bit of a mama's girl, her mom is kinda strict on her. But I don't necessarily think it's her mom forcing her to do anything such as the likes of babysitting. I spoke a bit with her about it last week, and yeah she said she babysits quite often while her sister does errands...now whether or not those errands are serious or if she's taking advantage of her sister, I wish I knew but I don't. Now her brother is usually home doing nothing, I'm sure he could probably babysit also but he doesn't. And when she does go she usually says "my sister needs me to babysit", since the need word is included it sounds important. Though to me at times, it also seems as if she's not entirely enthusiastic about babysitting also. So it might be a family obligation of hers, and the fact she mentioned that her sister is helping her look for a summer job. Thanks for the responses, it helps to understand the situation. I'll ask her more about it next time.
D-Lish Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 What is she doing the other days of the week? Are there not other days you can hang out...or is she babysitting most evenings? I babysit as often as possible for my bro and sis-in-law... but I also make sure I get to do the things I want to do as well. I would think that if she cancels with you a lot to babysit- that she would at least be making alternative plans to see you. I know that is what I would do if I wanted to see a guy. yes- I'd help out my bro... but I'd also get my time in with my guy as well. I would def talk to her. She can't be that busy 7 days a week... To be honest, I'd probably start thinking about dating others as well if I was in your position. Not because she wants to keep her family a priority- but because she isn't at least rescheduling... not sure what that is all about! That's what I would want to know if I was you. Do you guys live far apart or something? DO you have a job that keeps you too busy to see her more than one night a week?
Author Mydish1 Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 What is she doing the other days of the week? Are there not other days you can hang out...or is she babysitting most evenings? I babysit as often as possible for my bro and sis-in-law... but I also make sure I get to do the things I want to do as well. I would think that if she cancels with you a lot to babysit- that she would at least be making alternative plans to see you. I know that is what I would do if I wanted to see a guy. yes- I'd help out my bro... but I'd also get my time in with my guy as well. I would def talk to her. She can't be that busy 7 days a week... To be honest, I'd probably start thinking about dating others as well if I was in your position. Not because she wants to keep her family a priority- but because she isn't at least rescheduling... not sure what that is all about! That's what I would want to know if I was you. Do you guys live far apart or something? DO you have a job that keeps you too busy to see her more than one night a week? Ah, good questions. During weekdays she takes classes, and sometimes hangs out with her friends. though as for me I'm usually at work and I tend to get out late around 7 or 8, by the time I leave I'm often too tired to want to do anything. Well it's a natural habit for us to hangout on weekends because that tends to be the best time in broad daylight, and we usually spend the whole day out. When I first met her and broached the topic of hanging out on weeknights she didn't really give me a yes or no. Though I think it's worth reconsidering now because of her situation. I think she only babysit on week-ends, sometimes fri/sat/sun, even entire weekends maybe. She does reschedule with me, let's say I suggest sat, and she has to babysit, she will suggest sunday if she's free (if not then the next weekend). Though I'm on the short end of the stick if she would've been free sat, but I suggest sunday to hangout and it turns out she has to babysit..see what I mean? These week long waits to hangout aren't really pleasant to say the least. I'm definitely going to have to voice my wants the next time we meetup...because if this isn't going to workout, I'm seriously going to start asking other people out.
D-Lish Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Well, i can see why you would ask other people out. Just something to consider though- if you want to get together with her...you may have to think about weeknights. I think babysitting Fri/sat/sun at her age is a little much for her sis to expect. I'd do it one night- but not all three! That's excessive if you ask me. She's a kid in college... she should have some time to herself on the weekends to have some fun with her guy. I don't know- maybe she isn't being upfront about how much time she wants to spend with you and is making an excuse? I think you guys def need to talk about this.
porter218 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Well this girl is a bit of a mama's girl, her mom is kinda strict on her. But I don't necessarily think it's her mom forcing her to do anything such as the likes of babysitting. I spoke a bit with her about it last week, and yeah she said she babysits quite often while her sister does errands...now whether or not those errands are serious or if she's taking advantage of her sister, I wish I knew but I don't. Now her brother is usually home doing nothing, I'm sure he could probably babysit also but he doesn't. . I have two brothers that live 5 minutes from me also, but I wouldn't trust them to watch my son for more than 20 minutes. I only trust my mom, dad, sister, and best friend. However on the weekends during the day my sister is the only option.
KinAZ Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I have two brothers that live 5 minutes from me also, but I wouldn't trust them to watch my son for more than 20 minutes. I only trust my mom, dad, sister, and best friend. However on the weekends during the day my sister is the only option. LOL, yeah I was going to comment when I saw that as well, but decided not to. While I don't have a brother who lives near by, a brother who does nothing all day doesn't make him a babysitting candidate. Some women are just more protective of their children than others. My mother works in child protection, and MANY of the abuse cases are regarding a boyfriend who is not the natural father, a male relative, or a father who is not at home with the child or regularly involved (though less frequently). The reason isn't intent to harm the child usually, but the person not being able to handle tantrums or knowing how to quiet the child or get the child to behave. Sometimes, from becoming too angry because the child was disobedient, and not knowing the right things to do (or what NOT to do). Not to sound at all sexist, as I have female friends, relatives, and associates, who I wouldn't ask to babysit for me, I would be even more careful about the man I asked to babysit for me. Even if they're close to you, a qualified babysitter is one who has experience with children (even better if they have experience with your children), not just playing games and such, but also correcting bad behavior and getting them to behave.
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