CalmlyLivid Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 My husband and I have been through a lot. More recently going through a situation where he cheated on me which resulted in the other woman with a baby. We've separated for a little while, have gone to couseling and are currently trying to work things out. He had begged for my forgiveness and throughout all of this we have been working on the things that made him cheat in the first place. Him with his impatience among other things and a few things that I have come to realize about myself. We both have some work to do. We have been together for 8 years and have a 4 y/o daughter. This happened in the first part of 2007. The baby is now 4 months old and he has only seen her a few times since birth. Him and I have been talking about this and I want him to go get the baby so I could meet her but he's been moving slow on this matter. His sister has been getting the baby once in a while, but not that much. I talk to his mother and sister all the time and they tell me that it's like pulling teeth trying to get him to take that baby some pampers. His mom tells me that he told her that his heart is not in it because it isn't me. His mom is like "oh well, you gotta handle your business." His mom says that this woman calls her all the time crying about how he never comes to see or get the baby. She says that she should've never had the baby (at first she was going to get an abortion but when she found out about me, she decided to keep it. His mom says that she kept that baby out of spite. Whatever is was about though, that was her decision.). And also, she wishes that she could give them custody because she can't take care of that baby herself. She's not working and is currently on welfare. We get on him all the time and tell him that we all need to get involved in that baby's life. I feel for the child, not her. Fast forward to yesterday, he goes over his mom's house where this woman has been calling all morning. I guess she wanted to talk to him and he didn't to her. So she says "Well, just make sure that child support is paid up." Next thing you know, she calls my house, knowing that he isn't here because he's at his mom's and says a whole bunch of mess about how she talks to him almost everyday, how he come's to see her and the baby like 3 times a week, that he takes them shopping, etc. Things that she probably thinks would hurt me but it's the total opposite. I'm like "Ok, that's what he's supposed to do for that baby." So, she goes on to say how he's been trying to be with her and that they are still sleeping together. So, when he gets back home, I am on him like white on rice and he's like "Oh MY GOD! You believe her?!?!!?!? I don't believe this!!!" So he calls her in front of me and is like "WHAT is you're problem?! Why would you call my house and say that? You know I'm not with you! You know I don't want you! I will come get that baby but there is NOTHING between us! Are you crazy?!?!?!?!" So his mom then calls me and asks if I'm ok, I'm like "fine, I just don't know where this all came from". His mom says that she is upset because he doesn't want to be with her so she is doing and saying anything to try to mess up the relationship we are trying so hard to fix. His mom said that this woman knows that what happened is still on my mind so she's going to say anything to make my mind wonder. His mom said just 2 days earlier that woman called crying because he doesn't see nor is there for that baby. She also told his sister that she hasn't "been" with him since I found out about everything last year. My thing is, this man hardly listens to his mother but I may be the push that he needs to get out there and take care of his business. Why would she call and lie like that? My thoughts would be "Well, since he IS doing his job, than I don't need to say anything." But if it's not, then she is just saying these things to see if it would hurt me, intead of being honest, not knowing that I would actually get on this man and be like "You ARE going to take care of this BABY! Go get her! Handle your business!" But why does it seem like she's trying to say things to get a rise out of me to see if it hurts, to try to sting me. She's not really thinking about her child then. She hates me more than she loves her child? What is this? I don't need the pettiness, just honesty. I thought we could talk woman to woman, but I guess not. Instead of TRYING to hurt me, she should understand that I might just be the help that she needs. We both have children by this man and I don't need the drama. It should be about the KIDS, not about hurting me or him because of this or that. It's all bull and I sometimes don't know how to handle it. I've never been through something like this before. How do I proceed? Who should I believe? What do I do? This man of course has lied to me before during the time he was cheating. I always thought something was up but was in denial last year. I wouldn't put anything past him this time around just because of what happened. That's it. But my heart is telling me that this chick is full of crap and she may really need my help. I don't know what to do.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 You know you are going to have to be the hero to this other child. My aunt was for my deceased uncle's daughter. She made sure she had money for almost everything she needed. Clothing, books, toys, college, etc. She made sure money went to her from HIS paycheck. It sounds like he is one of those louses who chose to play and now refuses to pay. As for the other woman, it is obvious she is mad and bitter and doesn't think you should be happy. She is also trying to get back at him through you by hopefully getting you poisoned to the relationship. It does not sound like she is telling the truth and I would believe at this time him and his mother, especially his mother, she does not sound like a she will suffer his bad behavior in any relationship. I am rooting for the both of you. I am fan for a man or woman who can and are willing to build their lives again from the destructive force an affair can bring. Be strong and if he won't be the hero by choice, make him be the hero by force. DNR
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