Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 I can agree with you a little on that Trial, but in that case, I tend to join groups where there are no females. Maybe women should think about doing the same. DNR
Stockalone Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 To me, Bike group, cooking class...tomaaato..tomaahhhto I was just making an example....doesn't make a diff. to me. I explaind in my post to Bones1 why I think there is a difference between those two groups. I am there in the group to make friends and stuff...but why not be OPEN to prospective mates, esp if you are BOTH single AND available. There is a reason why I am in that class but it is not to make friends. You could say that I treat men and women there with the same lack of interest. And since I am not looking for a date or friends, ... I am not rude to them, but probably a bit gruff when they are going for more than small talk. You're not secretly gay are you? LOL (Just kidding) ;-) No, I simply don't hit on every woman just because she has a pulse.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 A person who does not want to get teased at don't join a group where they know they will be teased at. A person who does not want to be seen as a outcast doesn't join a group that will treat them as a outcast. If a man or woman want to be in a group where they have to deal with the nature of the opposite sex does not join a group with the opposite sex in it. DNR
Trialbyfire Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 I can agree with you a little on that Trial, but in that case, I tend to join groups where there are no females. Maybe women should think about doing the same. DNR If I did that, I would be limiting my non-romantic interests. Why would I do that? Instead, I'll just continue as I am, rejecting when necessary.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 If I did that, I would be limiting my non-romantic interests. Why would I do that? Instead, I'll just continue as I am, rejecting when necessary. No you wouldn't. I know a lot of things that are all women groups that were traditionally considered primarily all male focused groups. For example, there are all gamer women groups who do video game tournaments like the males. There are all women military interest groups. Etc. It is just a matter of looking them up. And that is what I was trying to get at. To have this false sense to think that no one should approach you because you are in a group is wrong and a pipe dream, unless you are in a group where all the men were some how hand a poor sex drive and little interest in a woman. Though I totally agree there should be bounds just like with any job. If a woman says "No." or refuses your advancement, further attempts are eligible for sexual harassment lawsuits. DNR
Trialbyfire Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 No you wouldn't. I know a lot of things that are all women groups that were traditionally considered primarily all male focused groups. For example, there are all gamer women groups who do video game tournaments like the males. There are all women military interest groups. Etc. It is just a matter of looking them up. And that is what I was trying to get at. To have this false sense to think that no one should approach you because you are in a group is wrong and a pipe dream, unless you are in a group where all the men were some how hand a poor sex drive and little interest in a woman. Though I totally agree there should be bounds just like with any job. If a woman says "No." or refuses your advancement, further attempts are eligible for sexual harassment lawsuits. DNR Why would I segregate myself and reduce the possibilities of connecting in a non-romantic way, with interesting people in general? As I said, I'll reject when necessary. Not every guy is out on the make.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Why would I segregate myself and reduce the possibilities of connecting in a non-romantic way, with interesting people in general? As I said, I'll reject when necessary. Not every guy is out on the make. Never did I say you should... At least not with intent. What I have been saying is this... There is a big difference between expectance and reality. I would expect to be treated equal just like everyone else in the world, the reality is that I won't and I live with it without complaining. If I am going to go into the work place I know some people are going to like me, some people are going to hate me, some people just aren't going to give a toot. The same thing with groups I have been in. Why complain? But, don't get me wrong, I know these were just rants. Sometimes I just like to engage them sometimes. DNR
Trialbyfire Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 The content of this thread is no big deal to me. If it happens, I'll reject accordingly. What I don't understand is the not understanding why people want to keep portions of their lives separate from romantic pursuits or hookups. Relationships or hookups aren't the be-all or end-all for everyone.
bones1 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Well, I just don't buy it. Actually it is quite silly. For people who WANT to meet someone, finding a mate overrides hobbies, classes, or POSSIBLY feeling uncomfortable down the road in a once a week or month bicycle group. And for people who WANT to meet a mate, I am assuming you work, sleep, have other responsibilities etc. So with your rare free time, you join groups with people that have similar interests, and then automatically block all potential mates because you are SO focused on that group? If you have no attraction to the opposite sex, and truly do not want to date, then it makes sense. I don't think I would enter into a relationship with a woman who feels maintaining casual acquaintences in a class or bicycle group is more important than spending your life with someone.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 The content of this thread is no big deal to me. If it happens, I'll reject accordingly. There are a lot of people like you who can work around issues that. Who can take the good with the bad, brush it off and enjoy themselves. But there are those who either, want things totally their way (i.e. if I am in a group I don't expect to be hit on just because I am there) or they have an unrealistic expectation of the world. You know the type who take certain things TOO personal. What I don't understand is the not understanding why people want to keep portions of their lives separate from romantic pursuits or hookups. Relationships or hookups aren't the be-all or end-all for everyone. Again it is just one of those things you have to experience and truly feel in order to understand why. There are just things you want in your life to keep remind you that you are a woman and without the intrusiveness of the male factor, just like there are things guys want to themselves where they can be guys. We all need to know there are places we can go and things we can do that is gender based in order to enjoy our gender separation and appreciate the opposite gender. DNR
BUENG1 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Well, I just don't buy it. Actually it is quite silly. For people who WANT to meet someone, finding a mate overrides hobbies, classes, or POSSIBLY feeling uncomfortable down the road in a once a week or month bicycle group. And for people who WANT to meet a mate, I am assuming you work, sleep, have other responsibilities etc. So with your rare free time, you join groups with people that have similar interests, and then automatically block all potential mates because you are SO focused on that group? If you have no attraction to the opposite sex, and truly do not want to date, then it makes sense. I don't think I would enter into a relationship with a woman who feels maintaining casual acquaintences in a class or bicycle group is more important than spending your life with someone. Well if someone can find dates successfully somewhere else than why should they date people in whatever groups that are important to them.
Walk Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Walk....personally I think those two people should be adult enough to deal with still hanging out in the same group after breaking up. I know a DIVORCED couple that are good friends after the divorce that still do the same thing within the group. And people sit around wondering "Why Can't I find anyone??" That rarely happens. With all the friends and acquaintences I've known throughout my life, maturely handling a split occurs in about 5% of the couples who seperate. The rest implode, and resent the fact that they have to speak to the ex to even arrange weekend visitation for the kids. I know 4 divorced couples who aren't good friends, and would rather light themselves on fire then have to spend one minute in the presence of their ex. Personally, I think the lady felt that since you're 20 years younger than her that you were probably weren't terribly serious about the dating idea in the first place. Since she was correct (you stated you weren't interested in her because of her age) then why is she the bad person for blowing off your advances with an excuse?
SugarKiss Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Meetups is not for dating, it is for joining interest and hobbie groups. if you manage to find a person that is willing to get involved with you romantically consider yourself lucky, otherwise you should not go into those groups with that expectation, nor should you be upset if others are not there looking for love just because you are. I had a friend that was so desperate to find a guy she would join courses in the hopes she would meet her true match. cooking class, salsa class, improv class and then would get upset because there were no elegible dating men in those classes, and if there were there was no sort of initiation on their part to make romance happen. and I would always say to her "well ever occur to you that perhaps the people that join a cooking class simply want to learn to cook?" now there's a novel idea!
Lookingforward Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Getting back to the OP - you shouldn't date at work, you're told online is a 'bad thing', you don't feel like hanging at bars or clubs on the offchance - wtf is wrong with joining a group of people who at least have one of your interests in common in the hope you may meet someone ? Isn't that advice we hear on here all the time ? Go join a group with other people with similar interests........... Or are we supposed to just sit on or butts and wait to be "found" ?
bones1 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Ok, lets be honest.. What % of these people in these coed groups are married with a family? Or married? Have a significant other? I am guessing the number is low, as they are probably with their partner on weekends, or evenings. The advice you ALWAYS hear from relationship/dating gurus is "Join a group!" So many singles do. From what I have learned about women, the MAJORITY want to find a partner, if they are single. The MAJORITY also never like to admit rejection, or lack of ability to try and find a mate. So often they say "I won't date anyone from my group! I go because I love it." That sounds better than saying "Well, nobody from the group ever asked me out" I am sure there are exceptions. Maybe those in the mountain biking group love it so much, that they never want to disrupt how great it is. So they join that group, then run home to make online dating profiles looking for someone who enjoys mountain biking as well. As long as they never come in between her and the group!
Author HiItsMe Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Ok, lets be honest.. What % of these people in these coed groups are married with a family? Or married? Have a significant other? I am guessing the number is low, as they are probably with their partner on weekends, or evenings. The advice you ALWAYS hear from relationship/dating gurus is "Join a group!" So many singles do. From what I have learned about women, the MAJORITY want to find a partner, if they are single. The MAJORITY also never like to admit rejection, or lack of ability to try and find a mate. So often they say "I won't date anyone from my group! I go because I love it." That sounds better than saying "Well, nobody from the group ever asked me out" I am sure there are exceptions. Maybe those in the mountain biking group love it so much, that they never want to disrupt how great it is. So they join that group, then run home to make online dating profiles looking for someone who enjoys mountain biking as well. As long as they never come in between her and the group! Bones I would say about 90% of the people in my group is single as well as unattached. The ones that are attached actually, once in a while, pay us a visit on occasion (it's great to see them occasionally) some of the couples hang with us routinely. But the MAJORITY of the people in our group are...indeed, unattached....but still...some have this hang-up of the "no dating people in my group" policy. Something else I've noticed of late....I hear that people prefer to date complete strangers as opposed to someone they've gotten to know well over time in a group. Reason being is, if you break up with a stranger, you never see them again. I thought the best kind of relationship started off as a friendship, right? As far as "running home" online...that's a theory Ihave as well, but I would like to ADD to that sentence, "Run home to their computer, close and lock the doors, and be in the SAFETY behind the computer...while they pick and choose the mates they want." After all, they can DELETE Or ignore an email.....they can't DELETE you in real life, right? LOL!
D-Lish Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I think that ANYONE would break any personal rule like that if they met someone they connected with. Give me a break- I join a hobby group and meet some men with similar likes and interests... I develop a crush on one of them but I am not going to date them because I have a personal rule about it??? Don't think so.... I think I would join a hobby group with the hopes of finding a social connection... meeting a guy I was attractive to would be a bonus and I'd run with it. I played baseball for years in a mixed league... I take my ball seriously- but I'd date someone on my team or in my league.
bones1 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I guess groups have never been so important to me. So I can't speak for everyone. But if a cute single girl joined a tennis team of mine, and I was single, I would ask her out in a heartbeat. If we had some horrible, horrible, ugly, dramatic break up, then that relationship must of also has lots of good times, so it would definitely be worth it to me if I then had to quit the team. I would just join another. At least I spent that time dating a human instead of sitting behind a computer, being scared over "losing my group"..
SugarKiss Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Bones Something else I've noticed of late....I hear that people prefer to date complete strangers as opposed to someone they've gotten to know well over time in a group. Reason being is, if you break up with a stranger, you never see them again. I thought the best kind of relationship started off as a friendship, right? As far as "running home" online...that's a theory Ihave as well, but I would like to ADD to that sentence, "Run home to their computer, close and lock the doors, and be in the SAFETY behind the computer...while they pick and choose the mates they want." After all, they can DELETE Or ignore an email.....they can't DELETE you in real life, right? LOL! And why is that a bad thing? Everyone is entitled to choose where they want to meet a mate, just as you are entitled to be FOR meeting someone in an interest group another person should be entitled to be against it. it doesn't matter if it makes no sense to you why a person would chose not to want to meet somene at their interest group, they don't really owe you or anyone any explanation it's their choice and that's that. lastly the bottom line is rules were meant to be broken, could be you didn't quite captivate her romatically and it might be an excuse rather than saying "hey I am just no interested in you that way", it's easier to use an excuse. rejection is hard on both parties the rejector and the rejected. keep trying until you meet a woman that does go for it, what's the worse that can happen, she'll just say no thanks.
Trialbyfire Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I think that ANYONE would break any personal rule like that if they met someone they connected with. Give me a break- I join a hobby group and meet some men with similar likes and interests... I develop a crush on one of them but I am not going to date them because I have a personal rule about it??? Don't think so.... I think I would join a hobby group with the hopes of finding a social connection... meeting a guy I was attractive to would be a bonus and I'd run with it. I played baseball for years in a mixed league... I take my ball seriously- but I'd date someone on my team or in my league. Nope, not "anyone". I belong to a few hobby groups that are 99% men. I've been asked out quite often but never accepted. These are interests that I don't want or need drama in.
bones1 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Well, as for her.. You asked her why she hasn't dated anyone from the mountain biking group, as there are tons of single guys there. You put her on the spot. She probably felt a bit insecure. Since men typically do the asking (And we all know men, if she was attractive or cool she would have been asked out a lot), she really has no choice if she wants to date them or not, if she isn't asked. That would be a very hard thing for a woman to come out and say. "Nobody finds me attractive there, and nobody asked me " So it makes her feel better to say she has this weird group rule. Why else would she join a group with predominantly single men? Especially if she is so eager to find a man that she online dates. People date from work, through friends, at school etc. All worse places and ways to have a break up, than a recreational group you join just for fun. And she is 55 and single. Inside she is probably feeling pretty bad, as she is aging etc, so she puts on this tough front.
SugarKiss Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 And she is 55 and single. Inside she is probably feeling pretty bad, as she is aging etc, so she puts on this tough front. Oh my god did you REALLY just type that out? WOW I think there are a few bad drama writers in the making in this thread. fiction all around.... what if she really simply does NOT DATE MEN SHE MEETS IN THE GROUP? why is everyone hyper analyzing this, and why must there be all these underhanded reasons as to what is going on with this woman? yes maybe she was attacked by a pack of "mountbikes" when she was younger and she can't date men that use mountainbikes I know a few 55 yr old women that don't want relationships they just want to be taken out to nice dinners maybe dancing and then some sex and call it a night. how about THAT for a possibility too.
bones1 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 LOL... The OP found her on an online dating site seeking mountain bikers. She also joined a mountain biking group with lots of single men! If you read anything about where to find a mate, the best places are always volunteering, groups where you meet someone with the same interests, etc. You think this woman who online dates never had the thought of meeting a man in the group she went out of her way to join? Come on... As for trial, if you are single maybe you should accept a date from one of your groups. I am sure you would if the right man asked you. Or do all your relationships end in restraining orders and drama?
Trialbyfire Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 LOL... The OP found her on an online dating site seeking mountain bikers. She also joined a mountain biking group with lots of single men! If you read anything about where to find a mate, the best places are always volunteering, groups where you meet someone with the same interests, etc. You think this woman who online dates never had the thought of meeting a man in the group she went out of her way to join? Come on... As for trial, if you are single maybe you should accept a date from one of your groups. I am sure you would if the right man asked you. Or do all your relationships end in restraining orders and drama? I don't understand this need to force people to believe the same as you do. Apparently, not everyone needs to hit on everyone else or is driven by crotch-thinking.
SugarKiss Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 LOL... The OP found her on an online dating site seeking mountain bikers. She also joined a mountain biking group with lots of single men! If you read anything about where to find a mate, the best places are always volunteering, groups where you meet someone with the same interests, etc. You think this woman who online dates never had the thought of meeting a man in the group she went out of her way to join? Come on... As for trial, if you are single maybe you should accept a date from one of your groups. I am sure you would if the right man asked you. Or do all your relationships end in restraining orders and drama? Yes but volunteering groups or volunteer social work groups expose you to people of all walks of life it exposes you to many people at once. an interest group is a small group and it becomes totally incestuous to date within the group if you really enjoy the activity and it does not work out with the person you date then what? the one activity you totally enjoy becomes an anxiety. also it doesn't matter she said that in her profile, she may want a man to share her same interest so that they could mountain bike together but not necessarily make him part of her group. if she dates a man that also has the interest she has the best of both worlds she can share the interest with her mate AND the group. it's win win and double your fun. plus if the man becomes a permanent commitement it's easier to share the group with him than to date a new man in the group and ruin it. I say the woman is 55 not feeling old, she just knows her way around life and is making a WISE choice because of that. t hat's what I call anyway...
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