elementsoftime Posted July 30, 2003 Posted July 30, 2003 I'm very frustrated and confused right now. My boyfriend and I recently were going through a low in our relationship. Partly because I was depressed and partly because he was treating me more like a friend rather than a girlfriend. I was depressed about moving in together and no proposal plus money issues, but we talked through things and all has been resolved. No family members knew about any of this, just a few co-workers. Now, my 80 year-old grandmother has a problem with us moving in together. She told my younger cousin that she was going to interigate my boyfriend about when he will marry me! Not only do I find it rude, but it will make my boyfriend feel uncomfortable and pressured. She's a strict catholic, and I am the first in her family to move in with a man before marriage. She is praying that I get married before we move in, in 3 weeks. Believe me! I want to get married! Especailly to him. But we just had a talk about marriage when we talked through our problems. I don't want him to think that I am having my family pressure him or anything. I warned him somewhat without telling him all the details. I just don't know what to do, think.... my grandmother ruined her own daughters wedding cause she didnt like her husband. I don't want any thing to happen, since she is 80! what to do, what to do.........
yes Posted July 30, 2003 Posted July 30, 2003 why do you have to move in together in 3 weeks? why can't you wait longer? if you want to marry him, why don't you guys just get married, right away? does he not want to? getting married before moving in together has many benefits (discussed in another thread in huge detail) ... so why not put off moving in together, using your 80y.o. granny as the excuse? good luck, -yes
Author elementsoftime Posted July 30, 2003 Author Posted July 30, 2003 we already have the apartment... she just found out a little later cause i thought she already knew. We have been planning this since february cause we are both going away to school together. It's just easier for us to move in. He's 30 by the way, and I'm 21. so there's also an age difference that she's worried about. But we've been together for 3 years.
turtle Posted July 30, 2003 Posted July 30, 2003 Today most people live together for about a year before getting married. With the high cost of weddings and the stress of planning them....some people need more time. I wouldn't worry so much about what the Grandma thinks. It really isn't her business. I can understand why she wants you to be married. In her time, women always got married before they moved into a place with a man. However, today's women are much more independent and also have the luxery of birth control. Part of the reason for the "no sex before marriage" principle in the Catholic church is that they didn't want any babies born out of wedlock. If you have been together for 3 years, things should work out fine if you live together...so just go for it. Try to explain to the grandmother why you want to live together. If she can't accept it, then let it be. No use trying to explain modern times to an 80 year old. Don't let anybody rush you or pressure you into marriage. It'll happen when the time is right.
Jesse Posted July 30, 2003 Posted July 30, 2003 I am currently living with my girlfriend. In our opinion it is probably a good idea to live with the person you intend to spend the rest of your life with before making a commitment such as marriage. I have two grandmothers who are strictly religious yet they really don't have the same problems with our situation as you described. Perhaps they matured
Recommended Posts