Female Body language - How relevant is it in modern dating?

[Balthazar]

I have to admit that body language(BL) has always intrigued me.

The idea that I could read someone's thoughts through their body gave me , I believed, an edge in dating the fairer sex.

 

However, I am not so sure about BL anymore, and I don't really believe the statistics thrown around by BL gurus that it is 90% of communication and what not.

 

It all sounds great in theory, but in practice I have not usually been able to decipher a woman's intentions from her body, even though I have read up on the material.

In fact, I have had relationships with women who I had initially believed were exhibiting negative body language.

 

 

What do female(and male)LS-ers believe about this issue, and have you actually caught yourself giving these BL signals in your attempts to attract the other sex?

[KinAZ]

It's real, and I believe it. LOL and I pay extra close attention to it. Have you tried observing it outside of the realm of romantic interest? Or even, other people flirting with other people? I'm not sure if you ever do it, but try people watching... the bus/train, the mall, or at a bar/club where people aren't sloppy drunk.

 

One of the things I think I notice most are fidgets. Whether it's a girl constantly tugging at her clothes, a guy rocking his leg back and forth, clutching purses, folded arms, etc etc.

 

One of my favorites is... who speaks and who doesn't. Most people in my town say "hello" when you pass them, or they pass you. And then there are those who look down as they're about to pass as not to make eye contact, and avoid speaking. And if you look back, you'll notice that they will raise their heads again. In the city (at least in the busier areas) it's not expected that people say hello to one another, or smile, or nod. Here, it's rather quiet, and there is some mild expectation of friendliness. When people don't speak, I tend to figure that they're having a bad day, in a hurry, new here, or not from around here at all. (Or just mean hehehe)

 

And yes, I have caught myself in the act of giving out signals.

 

It's true. Just think of facial expressions for example. We can tell when someone is surprised, nervous, happy, annoyed, etc, without saying a word. You know, how we can walk into a room and "feel the tension." It's not necessarily "energy" but an observation of facial expression, posturing, and so forth.

[Pedigree]

What do female(and male)LS-ers believe about this issue, and have you actually caught yourself giving these BL signals in your attempts to attract the other sex?

 

Not sure about it. More of a believer that every individual has their own set of BL. If you're more outgoing, your probably be relaxed enough so that your BL will probably tend to get mixed up with signals. If you're more introvert, you won't be relaxed in social occasions and you won't show as much. I was at a get together the other night and a friend's friend give out some textbook "she's interested" signals towards me. Then she gave it to all the other guys and girls and it turns out she's just one of those really outgoing person.

[Star Gazer]

I'm not sure that my positive, "come hither" BL always sends those signals, but I'm positive that my negative BL tells them I'm not interested.

[Dark-N-Romantic]

I am all for equality with women... So, if you like me and want to talk to me, TALK! USE YOUR MOUTH! I am not easily seduced or willing to be seduced if I don't know where your coming from. I love the opening line, "Hello, my name is (insert name). What's yours? I wonder if you have time to talk?"

 

For me, initially, I prefer a woman to converse her feelings and intents with me as a learn her body language.

 

But, body language for both females AND males are important. They tell a lot about intent and attraction. How close they want to be to you. If they are ready to talk or even listening to you.

 

DNR

[Trialbyfire]

Yes, I do use body language, both positive and negative. You can communicate a lot without having to say a word.

[DunnoWhat]

Whatever goes on in somebodys head they'll show and give you a good idea of what they are thinking..

 

The problem why it can be confusing is there are alot of things going on.. some women may like you but feel a bit nervous, shy etc when they first meet you so this will show. They'd be smiling lots of eye contact etc but arms folded.

[DunnoWhat]

 

One of the things I think I notice most are fidgets. Whether it's a girl constantly tugging at her clothes, a guy rocking his leg back and forth, clutching purses, folded arms, etc etc.

What about women who rub their upper arm? Is this a sign of wanting to be touched?

[KinAZ]

What about women who rub their upper arm? Is this a sign of wanting to be touched?

 

A woman touching herself in general could mean that. It could be a nervous habit she has. (Or she could be cold or itchy. And possibly insecure depending on what she's doing.) The thing is that you can't go by just one thing in most cases. If you're trying to judge whether someone is interested according to body language, you'll be looking at a set of things.

 

Arms folded, lots eye contact, and smiling, I might not take that as an "interested" sign. Arms folded... when I've done this while interested, I was turning away at the time. Generally a little fidgety, look at him say something... establish eye contact, but look away. Wide eyes, smiling eyes, not standing still, tilted head, (don't mind me, I have a photographic memory), visibly nervous to most perceptive people. OR: I've sent very strong I'm not interested body language when I didn't want to be obvious, or appear at all interest. Folded arms, body turned away (maybe even exaggerated), little eye contact, etc. But I was trying not to flirt. He might have figured it out if he noticed that I would looking at him quite a bit as long as he wasn't looking at me, slightly nervous, and MUCH friendlier to most of the other people when compared to him.

[Geishawhelk]

The fact is, and the fact remains that we are the only species on the planet that not only possesses an extremly complex verbal system for communicating, we are also able to use many different languages, and with some study, can actually communicate with someone from a different culture.

This really is extraordinary, when you also consider that apparently, the most widely spoken second language, is English. A language which in itself, is a composite of several root languages.

What's my point?

Well, every other species relies primarily on gesture and body language.

From apes "downwards", it's all done through posturing, expression and physical attitude.

And actually, if we try to communicate without using language, we use body language too....Go to a foreign country, where you don't speak a word. Gesturing is your lifeline!

Ever tried playing charades with a deaf person?

Forget it. they'll win, every time!

So I would definitely say without a shadow of a doubt, that body language is still the primary means we have of getting through.

Language is sophisticated, sure. But it's still second best....

The problem is that we have become so reliant on the spoken word, we have put observation either to one side, or relegated it to second best, whereas for all other animals it is the primary consideration.

Instead of relying on good old 'animal instinct', we have allowed our intellectual, logical reasoning to over-ride our ablity to perceive what is going on, and are happy to permit the spoken word to provide

us with the bigger picture.

Which funnily enough, is a metaphor based on the visual.

As incidentally, are "I see where you're coming from", or "Look at things my way".... or "seeing eye to eye"..."read my lips"...

all entreaties for people to understand our position with emphasis on the visual.

Which denotes through the verbal, just how important the visual is.

[DunnoWhat]

A woman touching herself in general could mean that. It could be a nervous habit she has. (Or she could be cold or itchy. And possibly insecure depending on what she's doing.) The thing is that you can't go by just one thing in most cases. If you're trying to judge whether someone is interested according to body language, you'll be looking at a set of things.

 

Arms folded, lots eye contact, and smiling, I might not take that as an "interested" sign. Arms folded... when I've done this while interested, I was turning away at the time. Generally a little fidgety, look at him say something... establish eye contact, but look away. Wide eyes, smiling eyes, not standing still, tilted head, (don't mind me, I have a photographic memory), visibly nervous to most perceptive people. OR: I've sent very strong I'm not interested body language when I didn't want to be obvious, or appear at all interest. Folded arms, body turned away (maybe even exaggerated), little eye contact, etc. But I was trying not to flirt. He might have figured it out if he noticed that I would looking at him quite a bit as long as he wasn't looking at me, slightly nervous, and MUCH friendlier to most of the other people when compared to him.

What about nervousness? Are women more nervous around men they like (presuming they feel comfortable with everybody)? I noticed on my last date she looked nervous and was drinking quickly with the glass etc.

[Balthazar]

Nervousness can go both ways.

It can be an indicator of positive or negative sentiment.

You need to look at other BL indicators also.

 

CHeers,

[KinAZ]

What Balthazar said. More often than not though, I was probably most nervous around guys I liked. But someone could be nervous if they're scared of the person or situation too. Or the person could just be nervous around new people in general, it depends on other signs.

[Balthazar]

Ok, I would like an analysis of 2 situations.

I know what the books say, but I would like a firsthand female(or male) perspective.

 

Male is sitting to a female and she is looking at him, while stroking her neck then playing with her left earring(she is right handed).

 

Second case, woman is constantly twirling her hair.

 

Your thoughts?

[DunnoWhat]

Ok, I would like an analysis of 2 situations.

I know what the books say, but I would like a firsthand female(or male) perspective.

 

Male is sitting to a female and she is looking at him, while stroking her neck then playing with her left earring(she is right handed).

 

Second case, woman is constantly twirling her hair.

 

Your thoughts?

Both seem like she is interested. She could be trying to get his attention (if they don't know each other) or flirt.

[KinAZ]

Ok, I would like an analysis of 2 situations.

I know what the books say, but I would like a firsthand female(or male) perspective.

 

Male is sitting to a female and she is looking at him, while stroking her neck then playing with her left earring(she is right handed).

 

Second case, woman is constantly twirling her hair.

 

Your thoughts?

 

A woman touching herself a lot, even if she's not looking directly at you while she's doing it, is a sign of interest. LOL, she might not be staring at you as she slowly rubs up her legs, but she might glance at you a few times (even if she doesn't hold eye contact), and find something on her person to fix or draw attention to.

 

Playing with hair, for some it is a nervous habit, so I would look for more than just that.

[johan]

Picking up on and understanding body language is a very useful ability. I'm inclined to think that it's more a talent than a skill.

[KinAZ]

I think a lot of people pick up on it and still ignore it... like the creepy guy at the theater tonight. UGH! I'm too nice, but that's my own fault. Sometimes, body language is just a nice way of telling someone something they wouldn't want to hear (or would be hurt to hear).

 

I should start teaching body language classes.

[serial muse]

Ok, I would like an analysis of 2 situations.

I know what the books say, but I would like a firsthand female(or male) perspective.

 

Male is sitting to a female and she is looking at him, while stroking her neck then playing with her left earring(she is right handed).

 

Second case, woman is constantly twirling her hair.

 

Your thoughts?

 

I know that hair-twirling is often considered a come-hither, but for many people (including yours truly) it's just a nervous habit. And not the good kind of nervous - when I twirl my hair (I've been doing it since I was about 2 yrs old), I'm generally stressing about something or otherwise preoccupied and really not in the mood for flirting.

 

The earring thing, I don't know. That also sounds like a potentially nervous tic, to me. I'm generally nervous around new people - whether I'm attracted or not - so I'd say from personal experience that these generally aren't solid signs of interest.

 

From what I've read, mirroring is usually a good sign, though - s/he unconsciously takes a similar pose to yours, leans in when you lean in, etc. That's the kind of BL to look for.

[Trialbyfire]

Ok, I would like an analysis of 2 situations.

I know what the books say, but I would like a firsthand female(or male) perspective.

 

Male is sitting to a female and she is looking at him, while stroking her neck then playing with her left earring(she is right handed).

 

Second case, woman is constantly twirling her hair.

 

Your thoughts?

You can't judge by looking at one action without any context. If your book tells you so, it will be for the most optimum situation. Those books are a waste of money.

 

Is this woman looking at the man? Where are they sitting? In a board room, on a date, etc? How is she stroking her neck? Was there conversation flowing? What was the topic?

 

The second case could easily mean nothing. I do it when I'm deep in thought, many times with no one around. I can guarantee you, I'm not romantically interested in the LCD screen, book, scenery, or whatever else is before me.

[Balthazar]

Ok, everybody. Thoughts noted and appreciated.