Event Horizon Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 This is retarded advice.Actually, I've said some retarded things on this board but this wasn't one of them. I think EH was simply saying that I deserve someone who treats me right, and IF I decide that is not happening here, to move on. E..H
Author Far Behind Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 You seem to be sensible about the situation. I think although he canceled going to the fire works, at lest he didn't completely blow you off. How would you respond to that, say he didn't call, nothing. Then the next time you spoke he didn't even apologize. That just happened to me. pretty crappy feeling. Would that be a deal breaker for you OP? Don't mean to jack your thread. just hoping to get an opinion from someone who is in a similar yet different situation.thanks Sid...I think I would handle it kind of how D-Lish said she did. I believe in second chances, but the third time would definitely be a deal breaker at that point. It feels crappy is right. I was with someone who completely disappeared from my life without so much as a kiss my foot or anything, and I can tell you it was devastating. We got back together after some time, and the sob did it a second time. Now we have not had contact on either end since April 1st, and I would never attempt to get in touch with him again. This person said he loved me. At least in my current situation, we are just getting to know one another, and as you said, he did not stand me up, we discussed it, and he even asked if I was mad. I wasn't, just disappointed. Ariadne: don't wig out on my, I have enough anxiety on my own, lol. Honestly, while I would have liked to have heard from him by now, I don't really expect it for another day or so. And if it doesn't happen at all, well, while I would be sad, I also have no control over what he does, just how I deal with the situation. I can only control me. And I am trying to not take anything personally. But I really hope he calls!!!
Ariadne Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Ariadne: don't wig out on my, I have enough anxiety on my own, lol. Honestly, while I would have liked to have heard from him by now, I don't really expect it for another day or so. And if it doesn't happen at all, well, while I would be sad, I also have no control over what he does, just how I deal with the situation. I can only control me. And I am trying to not take anything personally. But I really hope he calls!!! Yeah... Well, I'm pretty sure he is going to call, eventually. (Men are such a pain )
Author Far Behind Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 WEll, I hope so. Just gotta be patient and remember it's his deal, not mine. Everything has been nice so far, no reason to assume anything else, right?
D-Lish Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 WEll, I hope so. Just gotta be patient and remember it's his deal, not mine. Everything has been nice so far, no reason to assume anything else, right? Nope- I think everything is cool. Honestly, I bet it is different when you are dating with kids in the mix. There are things that I would forgive someone with kids that I wouldn't someone without. If I am getting cancelled on three nights in a row because my guy has to do something with his kids- I will probably be more forgiving. The guy that cancelled on me three nights in a row doesn't have kids, and he deserved the ignored calls. I would have walked away from him if he hadn't have turned things around and made a real effort to make things right. I often get all those feelings of anxiousness in a new relationship- but I never let 'em know that I am having those feelings. I'll lament to my gf's and fellow LS'ers... Don't sweat it FB... I think he's just caught up with other important responsibilities. Just keep an eye out for the baby mamma drama... lol. I hope the changing of plans because she didn't get her act together is an isolated incident!
Art_Critic Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I think maybe he feels he needs to pull back a little bit since we talked about going slowly and taking time to get to know one another, then saw each other 6 out of 10 days, and the kids...wow, that's a LOT! Yes.. it is alot.. 10-1 he is just stepping back going whew!!! 6 dates out of 10 days when you have kids is a tough thing to do.. He might have realized he was neglecting his other responsibilities and is now giving them what they deserve.. Give it some time.. Don't freak out yet.. he may just be pulling back to regroup and get other things done.
ate_the_paint Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Yes.. it is alot.. 10-1 he is just stepping back going whew!!! 6 dates out of 10 days when you have kids is a tough thing to do.. He might have realized he was neglecting his other responsibilities and is now giving them what they deserve.. Give it some time.. Don't freak out yet.. he may just be pulling back to regroup and get other things done. That is a lot, but at least he could have communicated that to you. If you are feeling anxious off the bat, figure out where the anxiety comes from. Is it because of your own insecurities, or is there a genuine feeling of uncertainty with the relationship? If you take a hard look and realize it's yourself that is making you anxious, then you should find a way to regain control over yourself and be independent. However, if after a long hard look you realize that his behaviours are genuinely stressing you out, then maybe you should rethink the whole relationship, especially this early on. I'm no expert but that's what I would do! Either way, I hope it works out for you because you sound like you could bring a lot of happiness into someone's life.
Author Far Behind Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 That is a lot, but at least he could have communicated that to you. If you are feeling anxious off the bat, figure out where the anxiety comes from. Is it because of your own insecurities, or is there a genuine feeling of uncertainty with the relationship? If you take a hard look and realize it's yourself that is making you anxious, then you should find a way to regain control over yourself and be independent. However, if after a long hard look you realize that his behaviours are genuinely stressing you out, then maybe you should rethink the whole relationship, especially this early on. I'm no expert but that's what I would do! Either way, I hope it works out for you because you sound like you could bring a lot of happiness into someone's life. The insecurities are definitely mine. I was with someone who bailed on me without a word, twice. I have made plenty of mistakes over the years, and I'm trying really hard to change that around. I don't think his behaviors are stressing me out as much as I am stressing me out. Now, if I don't hear from him for another few days, that changes the situation. Funny, right after I typed that last sentence, actually, in the middle of typing that sentence, he called! It IS me stressing me out.
ate_the_paint Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 The insecurities are definitely mine. I was with someone who bailed on me without a word, twice. I have made plenty of mistakes over the years, and I'm trying really hard to change that around. I don't think his behaviors are stressing me out as much as I am stressing me out. Now, if I don't hear from him for another few days, that changes the situation. Funny, right after I typed that last sentence, actually, in the middle of typing that sentence, he called! It IS me stressing me out. Haha! There you go! I'm in a similar situation. I was left cold nearly 4 months ago, just got back into the dating game, and although I'm not taking much seriously right now I find myself struggling with insecurities from the breakup. Now if only she would call more... Anyways, Keep me posted!
Author Far Behind Posted July 11, 2008 Author Posted July 11, 2008 Haha! There you go! I'm in a similar situation. I was left cold nearly 4 months ago, just got back into the dating game, and although I'm not taking much seriously right now I find myself struggling with insecurities from the breakup. Now if only she would call more... Anyways, Keep me posted! Hey there...well, I started another thread about how obsessing sucks...haven't spoken to him since he called on Monday. Went through this whole thing about how I don't have to wait on him to call, and said he isn't playing games...and now has not returned my calls. I called him Monday night w/out a message, and left a voice message on Tuesday. WTF? Totally feeling insecure right now, but also ok. Thinkking about calling him if I don't hear from him, though that totally goes against all advice I've been given on here. Most of my friends seem to think that's not out of the realm of possibility. Personally, I hate games and don't know what his deal is right now. I know he has a lot going on with his son being there, but c'mon, you can always find 2 minutes to call someone if you want to do it regardless of what's going on. So...sigh.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Leave him alone! He sounds like he IS playing games.
Crestfallen_KH Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 You've already called him twice! Do not call him again. He knows you've called, so the ball in his court. It's up to him to call; if he doesn't then you have your answer. And if you're just sitting around and waiting for him to call, then get out and do something.
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