Jilly Bean Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Something I am concerned about is that this seems to be a pattern for me. I date guys, I'm guarded, they break it off with me, but they think I'm so "cool" and "amazing" that they want to keep me around. Then I eventually start ignoring them, and they come crawling back, though I'm not interested in them by the time that comes around. Yeah, I didn't see you being guarded with him, PG. You shared a VERY intimate secret, which was tremendous. And yes, he broke it off right after that, so I don't think you were holding back and that's what turned him off. I think you are cool and amazing, too. I also think he has played you all along, however. He knows all the right things to say, and do. But, if you think there is a pattern, as I suggested in my other post, perhaps you need to work on knowing WHEN to shut them off completely. To me, that moment came with this guy when he said he didn't want to date you, but how about we jump in the sack anyhow? That was your cue to split, PG, as that was tremendously disrespectful to you. If any pattern is to be explored (without knowing your other relationships, mind you), I would venture it is not in you being guarded, but in you picking "challenge" men, who will never be who you want anyhow. Then the rest becomes a push me/pull you game.
Author pandagirl Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 I did share an intimate secret with him, but it was not the reason he broke up with me. I know everyone thinks he's a jerk, but I swear he falls more into the good guy, but idiotic category more than the ******* category. Anyway, I went to therapy this morning and talked about my situation. It made me feel in control and aware of my feelings. I feel strong and though it makes me sad, I am going to stop seeing him and will tell him so in person. I'm sure it will suck for a bit, but ultimately I will be fine!
Trialbyfire Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 pandagirl, players can be fun and very charming men, as long as you give them what they want from you. Once you stop giving them what they want, you might see a different side to him or he may simply move on, without another word.
Author pandagirl Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 pandagirl, players can be fun and very charming men, as long as you give them what they want from you. Once you stop giving them what they want, you might see a different side to him or he may simply move on, without another word. I really don't see him as a player. Or maybe he is. I have, after all, only known him for two months. He specifically told me that he broke up with me because he is tired of casual dating, and wants to get serious with someone. Bottom line is, I need to do what is best for me. And the best thing is just to separate myself from him for awhile. If we are able to be friends in the future, that'd be awesome, but I am accepting that may not happen.
Trialbyfire Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I really don't see him as a player. Or maybe he is. I have, after all, only known him for two months. He specifically told me that he broke up with me because he is tired of casual dating, and wants to get serious with someone. Bottom line is, I need to do what is best for me. And the best thing is just to separate myself from him for awhile. If we are able to be friends in the future, that'd be awesome, but I am accepting that may not happen. Bolded for truth. Wait until all your feelings are gone, before deciding on friendship. Wanting to retain him in your life is what's gotten you to this point in the first place.
Jilly Bean Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I really don't see him as a player. Or maybe he is. I have, after all, only known him for two months. He specifically told me that he broke up with me because he is tired of casual dating, and wants to get serious with someone. Bottom line is, I need to do what is best for me. And the best thing is just to separate myself from him for awhile. If we are able to be friends in the future, that'd be awesome, but I am accepting that may not happen. Yeah, I know you think he's a great guy, but here's what outs him, and I'm not sure you see it. "Great guys" don't break up with women, tell them they are wonderful and amazing, just not "The One", and then say, "But I still think you're really hot, so if you're cool with it, want to have sex?". Most women would NOT have had sex with him in that situation. By you doing so, you played right into him. He then got sex from you, without any type of commitment or the idea of having to deal with you again in the future. He's a user. He played you, PG. I know you don't want to see it as that, but trust me on this - a "great guy" who really cared about you and your feelings wouldn't have had sex with you after dumping you. As TBF said - players are charming, they say and do all the right things, and this guy is a chump, IMO. I can't imagine once you have distanced yourself emotionally from him, that you will see this any other way. I'm not involved with him, so it's easier for me to see it dispassionately. I also agree with TBF - once he stops getting what he wants from you, I am pretty sure he will go MIA entirely. You're doing great, PG. Keep up the resolve!
Author pandagirl Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 Yeah, I know you think he's a great guy, but here's what outs him, and I'm not sure you see it. "Great guys" don't break up with women, tell them they are wonderful and amazing, just not "The One", and then say, "But I still think you're really hot, so if you're cool with it, want to have sex?". Most women would NOT have had sex with him in that situation. By you doing so, you played right into him. He then got sex from you, without any type of commitment or the idea of having to deal with you again in the future. He's a user. He played you, PG. I know you don't want to see it as that, but trust me on this - a "great guy" who really cared about you and your feelings wouldn't have had sex with you after dumping you. As TBF said - players are charming, they say and do all the right things, and this guy is a chump, IMO. I can't imagine once you have distanced yourself emotionally from him, that you will see this any other way. I'm not involved with him, so it's easier for me to see it dispassionately. I also agree with TBF - once he stops getting what he wants from you, I am pretty sure he will go MIA entirely. You're doing great, PG. Keep up the resolve! I am as much guilty in this situation as he is. I said I was fine having sex and wanted to have sex. What guy is going to turn that down? I did go MIA for two weeks right after we broke up. Who was the one initiating contact? Him. I don't know why I'm defending him, except for the fact that I really do think he's not a jerk and that I'd like to think I have better perception of people than that! But yes, I will keep up the resolve and thanks for all your support and thinking I deserve better.
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