Midway Monster Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 A married coworker of mine has done a few things and I am curious if they would be considered cheating. 1. Shown me her panties (just the very top quickly and briefly) 2. Talks in flirty sexual inneundos 3. Tells me what color panties/bra she has on occassionally (usually in a joking manner) 4. Talks about her sex life (but not in very much detail) I have been married for 6 years and I know this stuff is not right. I would never want my wife to know about it. People always say if you would not want your significant other seeing or doing what your doing it is wrong. I get that. But I am just curious if it would be considered cheating or even having an affair. This woman loves to flirt. Some people I think are just flirts by nature. If it was not with me it would probably would be with someone else. I have no intentions of cheating but do have to admit being flirted with like this makes me feel good. That is why I am curious if two people just flirting with each other like this and leaving it there is a bad thing. Is it considered cheating on your spouse? Very perplexing?
EnigmasMuse Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 Her behavior seems pretty inapproperiate. Maybe you should call her out on it, tell her you don't think what she is doing is right. Unless of course you're not bothered by it.
angie2443 Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 However you want to label her behavior, she certainly has no respect for her husband or her marriage. She is probably fun to be around as long as you are not the husband, but you probably wouldn't want to end up in a serious relationship with a woman like that.
Lizzie60 Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 It's not 'cheating'.. I would call it 'flirting'... or 'playing with fire'..
ZenSilk Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 1. Shown me her panties (just the very top quickly and briefly) 2. Talks in flirty sexual inneundos 3. Tells me what color panties/bra she has on occassionally (usually in a joking manner) 4. Talks about her sex life (but not in very much detail) If I did this with other men, it wouldn't mean I'm trying to achieve anything by this. Thus, I wouldn't call it cheating. Showing underwear or talking about its color is really a question of how open you are. I wouldn't see this that close-minded. If it's meant as a joke, I just see it as a sign of being relaxed and liberated. Talking about your sex life very much depends how you express this. If she complains, then it gets dangerous, because it can be interpreted as a wish to get whatever she doesn't get in her marriage from somewhere else. If she talks about a fulfilled sex life, then... why not? The flirting is the hardest part. It's tough for someone who isn't involved in the situation to assess how serious it is. Talking in sexual innuendos can be something that very open people do... however, I haven't heard this much from married people. The real question here is of course how you feel about this. If you flirt much with her it might be playing with fire for you. A woman can flirt with a guy just to get the attention, and make sure that she's still attractive. A man will probably have an ultimate goal in his mind. So think more about what you are expecting out of the flirting, it might be even unconscious...
OpenBook Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 If I behaved like that at work, I'd get laughed out of the office! That said, it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks whether it's cheating or not. It's what your W thinks that matters. If she thinks it's cheating, then it's cheating. Sorry man, but when you married her that's what you signed up for - somebody else calling the shots on how you behave and conduct your life. No more fun of any kind! except with her. And if you can't have fun with her, then you're doomed.
angie2443 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Showing underwear or talking about its color is really a question of how open you are. I wouldn't see this that close-minded. If it's meant as a joke, I just see it as a sign of being relaxed and liberated. When a woman talks about her panties and bras with other men, it is sexual. No way around it. She is bringing attention to the articles of clothing that are touching her breast and genitals. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but it is the truth. The woman knows this, and the men know it as well.
ZenSilk Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 When a woman talks about her panties and bras with other men, it is sexual. No way around it. She is bringing attention to the articles of clothing that are touching her breast and genitals. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but it is the truth. The woman knows this, and the men know it as well. Sure, but it doesn't mean they want to go to bed with them.
Lizzie60 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Maybe not but it's a good start... I should add that I once pulled a string of my kaki thong... I end up in bed with the guy (at work)... just saying.. It is 'heavy' flirting.. very heavy..
angie2443 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Maybe not but it's a good start... I should add that I once pulled a string of my kaki thong... I end up in bed with the guy (at work)... just saying.. It is 'heavy' flirting.. very heavy.. It sure is a good start! I would never have conversations about my under clothes to my female friends, or my dad, mom, or anyone else who I was not sexually interested in.
Lizzie60 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 It sure is a good start! I would never have conversations about my under clothes to my female friends, or my dad, mom, or anyone else who I was not sexually interested in. Oh in that perspective.. of course I do have conversations about my undies to my female friends.. or even guy friends.. without being sexually interested... it's all about the 'relationship' with the other person... with a guy that is not that close to me (friend or work colleague) then I would consider it 'heavy flirting'... but I have to say that I'm quite open about my sexuality.. so nothing really 'stop' me.. I do have conversations with work colleagues (male) about sexuality and funny stuff.. we are dumb azzes sometimes at work.. and I'm not at all interested in them.. I guess we each have our own 'limits' as to what is sexual or not.
ZenSilk Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Oh in that perspective.. of course I do have conversations about my undies to my female friends.. or even guy friends.. without being sexually interested... it's all about the 'relationship' with the other person... with a guy that is not that close to me (friend or work colleague) then I would consider it 'heavy flirting'... but I have to say that I'm quite open about my sexuality.. so nothing really 'stop' me.. I do have conversations with work colleagues (male) about sexuality and funny stuff.. we are dumb azzes sometimes at work.. and I'm not at all interested in them.. I guess we each have our own 'limits' as to what is sexual or not. Exactly. As far as I'm concerned, all this is fine as long as you make it clear in some way that there's no actual interest to cheat.
angie2443 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Oh in that perspective.. of course I do have conversations about my undies to my female friends.. or even guy friends.. without being sexually interested... it's all about the 'relationship' with the other person... with a guy that is not that close to me (friend or work colleague) then I would consider it 'heavy flirting'... but I have to say that I'm quite open about my sexuality.. so nothing really 'stop' me.. I do have conversations with work colleagues (male) about sexuality and funny stuff.. we are dumb azzes sometimes at work.. and I'm not at all interested in them.. I guess we each have our own 'limits' as to what is sexual or not. Yes, but you have sex with a lot of married men. I'm thinking that most people would be bothered if their partner was discussing their under wear and their sex life with potential sex partners.
Author Midway Monster Posted July 6, 2008 Author Posted July 6, 2008 When a woman talks about her panties and bras with other men, it is sexual. No way around it. She is bringing attention to the articles of clothing that are touching her breast and genitals. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but it is the truth. The woman knows this, and the men know it as well. That is a very good point you made. It is so simple I cannot believe I did not even think of it from that point of view. I agree that someone is not going to talk about such "personal" subjects unless they have some intent behind it. Even if you are joking around or even just looking for attention (playing thet tease role) I dont think you would do this kind of stuff with someone you have no interest in.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 A married coworker of mine has done a few things and I am curious if they would be considered cheating. 1. Shown me her panties (just the very top quickly and briefly) - Cheating 2. Talks in flirty sexual inneundos - Depends on you, her, and her husband. 3. Tells me what color panties/bra she has on occassionally (usually in a joking manner) - Cheating 4. Talks about her sex life (but not in very much detail) - Depends on you, her, and her husband. I have been married for 6 years and I know this stuff is not right. I would never want my wife to know about it. People always say if you would not want your significant other seeing or doing what your doing it is wrong. I get that. But I am just curious if it would be considered cheating or even having an affair. This woman loves to flirt. Some people I think are just flirts by nature. If it was not with me it would probably would be with someone else. I have no intentions of cheating but do have to admit being flirted with like this makes me feel good. That is why I am curious if two people just flirting with each other like this and leaving it there is a bad thing. Is it considered cheating on your spouse? Very perplexing? Six years married? Can I please throw a "DUH! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING!" grenade at him? Better yet, how about you ask your wife these same questions? Oh. Wait. You probably like it and wonder just how far you should push the envelope! Apparently you don't feel any shame or concern about it. You have no intention of cheating... Again, if you think it is all in good fun, let your wife read this post. Why is this perplexing? If you already stated that some spouses might see this is wrong, and you KNOW YOUR WIFE WOULD NOT PUT UP WITH IT... Why is it perplexing? I mean everything you wrote is quiet obvious, you ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO BE IN THIS SITUATION. So, why keep yourself in it. My friend you are emotionally cheating on your wife and you are so wrong! And you know it. You are as much as a bad guy in this situation as the woman you are talking about. DNR
michelangelo Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 The lady is either a c@ck tease who uses you as a way to get aroused for later with someone else. A naughty pleasure for her or she is telling you about what is covering her veejayjay so you will be thinking about her sexually. Why? Because she is making a pass at you.
angie2443 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 You have no intention of cheating... Again, if you think it is all in good fun, let your wife read this post. Why is this perplexing? If you already stated that some spouses might see this is wrong, and you KNOW YOUR WIFE WOULD NOT PUT UP WITH IT... Why is it perplexing? I mean everything you wrote is quiet obvious, you ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO BE IN THIS SITUATION. So, why keep yourself in it. My friend you are emotionally cheating on your wife and you are so wrong! And you know it. You are as much as a bad guy in this situation as the woman you are talking about.DNR MidwayMonster, I think this is why you really posted. You know that you are doing something that is not healthy for your relationship and are feeling unconfortable about it. Look, women do not flash part of their panties or discuss the color of their underclothes with just any guy. They test the waters first. They see if the guy they are talking to would be receptive to this type of flirting and if he gives the right signal, than they go for it. You said or did some things that let this women know that you were open to this type of flirting. I agree with DNR. Let your wife read this post. Watch her face when she finds out how you and your coworker have been interacting with each other.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 This is another thing I ALWAYS challenge cheaters (especially men who feel they have the right to)... If you are really the man and you are doing what is right... Why do you have to lie to your affair partner and/or your wife? Why does any guy who is so right in his power and rights have to hide it and sneak around? Should the women in his life automatically know this, accept this, and willingly be a party to his infidelities? DNR
Stunned_To_Disbelief Posted July 11, 2008 Posted July 11, 2008 Do her actions make you uncomfortable? This sounds like a classic case of sexual harassment if it does, and there may be legal ramifications. In any case it is not appropriate behaviour for the workplace unless of course you work in a bar where the most prominent feature is a brass pole.
lolobear Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 That's definitely not appropriate. I wouldn't get involved in this because one, it's happening at work and two, she's married. It's not a good idea all around.
Angel1111 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 I think another way to look at it is to think about it the other way around - how would you like your wife doing that with another man? And how do you think your wife would feel if she knew you were encouraging this person at work? And, by the way, you're encouraging it by sitting there watching and listening to this girl's nonsense. I haven't read any of the other posts but I'll just tell you now this girl believes that men can always be seduced with sex because they're shallow and empty. She's testing you and so far you have failed miserably...or passed, depending on how you want to look at it. She most likely thinks you'll be in bed with her before the end of the month. And don't be dumb enough to ask her what her motives are - as if she'd tell you. What you should do is tell her to get a life - and some self-respect - and walk away from her slutty games before someone at work sues her for sexual harrassment. A woman showing you her underwear, telling you what color her panties are, and talking about her sex life has gone above and beyond flirting. You're so unbelievably clueless it's almost funny.
backto1 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Even if you come to the conclusion that this isn't cheating, don't take that to mean it's a good idea to continue on. These situations can sneak up on you and before you know it, you're having serious problems back home with your W.
angie2443 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 What you should do is tell her to get a life - and some self-respect - and walk away from her slutty games before someone at work sues her for sexual harrassment. A woman showing you her underwear, telling you what color her panties are, and talking about her sex life has gone above and beyond flirting. You're so unbelievably clueless it's almost funny. I don't think that he is clueless. I think he kind of knows what's up and feels a bit guilty about it. He enjoys this woman's attention and doesn't want to give it up. He is looking for people on here to tell him that her behavior is "just flirting" because if they do, then he can keep enjoying it without feeling that he is doing anything wrong. This is just my opinion.
Lookingforward Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 I usually find that if you have to ask "is this cheating?" then yes, 9 times out of ten it is LOL (and you already KNOW it) and just for the record - how would you feel about your wife if you discovered she was acting the same way as this co-worker ? That should give you your answer right there
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