Support Needed

[fancofu]

My girlfriend of 18 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago. She decided to end the relationship because I wasn't showing any passion towards her despite her repeated attempts to tell me it was lacking. We have 2 daughters so we have to keep in contact. When she broke up with me I went crazy and said a lot of things. I told her that I love her and that I'd do anything to get her back; I said everything you could think of. I ended up telling her that I want to be friends with her and she felt the same way. For about a week we would hang out, watch movies, have dinner, etc. I still wanted to be with her but she said she only wants to be friends. She ended up saying "You only want to be friend right? I don't want to hurt you." When she said that I decided that being close friends with her was a bad idea. During this time she started dating someone else. This person is living with his ex-wife and son.

 

Fast-forward to 3 days ago. I went Thursday without talking to her. She didn't call me, I didn't call her. On Friday morning she called me 3 times around 10am then again 2 more times around 12pm. I finally called her back around 1pm and said, "Hey, what's up? Did you need anything?" She asked why I didn't answer her calls and I told her that I had my phone in my car so I had no idea she was calling. She then asked "Where are you?" I told her I was in Pevely (the next town over). She asked, "Are you at your sister's house?" I told her no. "Why are you over there?" I'm just hanging out. "Who are you with?" At this point I just went ahead and asked why she's interrogating me. She started getting angry and asked why I wouldn't tell her who I was with. I told her that I would explain when I felt comfortable. She got upset and said, "Fine, whatever, bye."

 

Then I went to work. While I was working she called my cell phone 3 more times. I was working so I couldn't answer. She then called my work phone and asked, "Why aren't you answering my calls? What's going on with you?" She asked if I found someone else and I said yes. Her immediate response was "Is it Kelly?" (my ex). I told her no and that I didn't want to talk about my personal life with her at this point. She kept asking questions about her: Does she work with you, how old is she, do I know her, etc. I kept telling her that I will tell her when I feel comfortable. I reminded her that I don't ask about her personal life so I expected the same in return. At this point she started crying and said, "I don't want to lose you as a friend. I don't want to lose value to you." I asked, "What did you expect? This is what happens when you decide to break-up with someone." I told her, "I'll be there for the kids no matter what but we can't be as close of friends as you had hoped." I told her that it wasn't exactly fair to the new girl I was dating. I wouldn't feel comfortable if she was having dinner, watching movies with her ex so I won't put her through that. She continued to cry and said, "I will tell you what's going on with me so why won't you." I told her that what's going on with her is none of my business and that I don't need to know. She asked me if I kissed this girl and I told her that I didn't want to talk about it. She said, "Well I kissed AJ." I told her that I didn't care. She went on to tell me that she doesn't care if I seeing someone else, she just wants me to talk to her about. She kept getting more upset until she finally said, "You're a jerk. It's fine, just forget about me. Bye." She hung up on me.

 

 

Now I'm confused as to why she was interrogating me about my new relationship. Is she jealous? Does she want me back? Those were my first reactions but I tend to be naive and take people for what they say and she said she just wants to be friends. I don't need advice on whether I should try getting back with her or not. I will make that decision on my own and live with whatever consequences it brings. What I need advice on is what you would interpret from her actions. I know that none of you know her but people tend to be similar as far as actions and emotions are concerned. Sorry for the long post but I wanted to give as much information so that proper advice could be given.

[iwish]

IMO, she's jealous for sure. Does it mean she wants you back?. That's hard to tell as it was a gut reaction to finding out that you're seeing someone else. Let her calm down and see what she does next, then you'll have a better idea.

[fancofu]

I think I may have screwed up big time.

 

Yesterday I told her that I wasn't able to be just a friend of hers. I told her that I can't hang out with her knowing she is with someone else. I told her that it's too stressful and that it only makes things worse. When I said this she started crying pretty badly. Seeing her cry made me feel like complete **** so I hugged her, after about 10 seconds she walked into another room so I left.

 

After I left I continued to feel horrible. I went home and contemplate everything that has happened. I decided to end the new relationship I was forming because I can't give her my all if I still have feelings for my ex. I also tried to figure out my options. It seems I can either: cut off all contact except that regarding the kids or be her friend like she wants.

 

I've used the method of cutting off contact before so I know it works but every situation is unique. In this case she wants to be friends with me. She wants to invite me over for dinner, watch movies, go out to eat; she wants me as that type of friend, a very close friend. That gives me the idea that she would be able to see first hand how I've gone about changing my attitude towards life. This could also make the new guy she is dating jealous to the point where he does something stupid. I know it sounds deceptive but I believe I should fight for what I want. Am I making this idea sound too good to be true because it would mean I get to spend time with her?

 

The biggest problem I have with cutting off contact is that I literally have no one to help me through it. I have no support base. I know this method can work though, I'm such a train wreck.

 

After taking both options into consideration it seemed like being her friend is the best route to go so today I told her that I was wrong before and that I think we should remain friends. Immediately afterwards I thought, "Did I just **** up big time?" Now I'm back to feeling like crap!

 

I want to try to rekindle our relationship but I don't want to set myself up for heartbreak. At this point I feel like I am messing with her emotions and I want that to stop. I want to come up with a plan with support from others and follow through completely.

 

I'd really appreciate some more advice/support. This is very important to me and I need all the help I can get. Don't be afraid to ask anything or give harsh comments, I will be completely open so that I can come to the best decision possible.