Sex with “friend’s” ex wife. Cool or so not cool?

[trust]

I’d like some sensible mature views. Warning: Be ready for a challenge though (and sometimes I’m sarcastic when I challenge you…ok…*most* of the time I’m sarcastic.).

 

I knew this gorgeous girl when I was about 16. I had the hots for her back then. I lost touch with her. She got married. I got married. Many years after that, my wife comes home with a napkin with a comment that some guy had on it. I read it, and explained to her that this guy was hitting on her. My wife laughs it off. Couple of weeks later my wife says he is continuing and is getting a little more “forward.” Uh huh, I tell her. I told you so. A few weeks later my wife comes home from work and says the wife of this guy is very pretty and says she knows me. Knows me, I asked? How does she know me? She asked me what my last name was and figured it out, my wife says. So, turns out, I know this girl AND they live right down the street from our new house that we just built. This girl was the same girl I met when I was about 16. So, of course the napkin thing is down played, along with this guy’s behavior. Hey, I’m not the jealous type, so, I’m thinking – whatever. My wife’s hot so I knew she would be hit on on a daily basis. So we ended up doing things together as married couples…even traveling around the world. But he and I were never really close because we had nothing in common that was substantial. I got along with his wife though. She was very personable.

 

Flash forward: I got divorced….he got divorced…his wife moves away….she’s dating…he’s dating…I’m dating…and one night his ex comes to my house, more sexy now than when she was 16. Of course we have hot steamy sex... me being the shizzle and all. Now my question: How many people think this is “messed up”? Why or why not?

 

First, since I know there are infinite assumptions out there..I’d like to tell you how my “friendship” works. Very simply put, the stages are: stranger – acquaintance – acquaintance plus – friend – true friend. This guy was probably somewhere around acquaintance plus plus…not quite a “friend”. His wife was more of the “friend” than he was. I suppose you’d have to be married and hang out with married couples to know where I’m coming from with that part. But tell me what you think.

[KinAZ]

I don't think it's messed up at all. If someone on one side still has some strong emotional attachment, it could make someone angry. But, if an associate of mine slept with my exhusband... I wouldn't be thrilled, as that's a little close to home, but I wouldn't think either of them did anything wrong.

 

If a close friend did something like that, however, I would think it was both disgusting and a little... bogus.

[JohnnyBlaze]

Since you were not only older, but better friends with her than him (it sounds like he was only in the mix by being associated with her), I don't see anything truly messed about it. If she was the ex of a Brother or even a good friend, I'd say it's messed, but there doesn't appear to be any allegiance or loyalty between you and him, so she's perfectly fair game as far as I'm concerned.

 

It is kind of weird how things progressed to this point, but then again, aren't all the good stories?

[trust]

Since you were not only older, but better friends with her than him (it sounds like he was only in the mix by being associated with her), I don't see anything truly messed about it. If she was the ex of a Brother or even a good friend, I'd say it's messed, but there doesn't appear to be any allegiance or loyalty between you and him, so she's perfectly fair game as far as I'm concerned.

 

It is kind of weird how things progressed to this point, but then again, aren't all the good stories?

 

So glad to kick off this thread with folks who make sense. Not that you make sense because you agree with me, just that you make sense.

 

When you said "it sounds like he was only in the mix by being associated with her"...you were giving me the benefit of the doubt there...if I were you I'd be trying to figure out if I'm actually "down playing" the friendship. Sometimes I wonder... I mean yeah, he was only in the mix because of her..but...there's a strange twist to the story...

 

When my wife cashed out on me and divorced, his wife took notes and did exactly what I told her my wife did to me..so she did those things to him...and he lost his house and belongings too. So I kind of feel somewhat responsible because she got her "stick it to your husband" training from me...but I didn't know she was going to do that crap to him. I thought they were happily married. So, when his wife filed for divorce, I *knew* she cheated because she told me so. Since I hate a cheater, I told him about it. (see where this gets confusing...he now sees this as "loyalty" on my part...) I didn't rat her out to be loyal to him, I ratted her out because it was the right thing to do.

 

It gets worse. So... I feel it my duty to help this guy, right? Since his wife used my wife's battle strategy and he lost everything he had in his divorce...so I know how he feels. I was DEVASTATED when I found out my wife cheated. So I supported him for a YEAR, helping him get through his divorce. I mean, I started movie night with the fellas and stuff like that. He was included, and I just hated to see someone go through what I went through...so I helped him out. So you see, this "friendship" thing gets a little complicated. After about year with him, he was REALLY getting on my nerves...he was also doing some stupid stuff that showed me he wasn't wanting to be much of a friend (although he would disagree)..like I said...he and I had nothing substantial in common. So maybe a month after that... that's when I had sex with his ex wife.

 

What really sucks...is I see him at the gym maybe 3 times a week...he always says, "Hey what's up?" and I can't get the whole sex with his ex out of my mind....This is one of those rare times where I'm confused..

[trust]

I don't think it's messed up at all. If someone on one side still has some strong emotional attachment, it could make someone angry.

 

GREAT POINT. But I want to ask you the same thing I've asked myself...how much of how "he feels" am I responsible for? If he has a strong emotional attachment (kinda silly when he's dating and having sex with someone else, right?) then am I responsible for him getting angry? If not, why do I feel like I may be? This brings me down to the 2 bits of advice I've gotten:

1. one person says tell him what I've written here

2. another person says, "dude, leave it alone"

 

I'm also left with - when/if other people find out about that sex...what will they start assuming about me (especially when they don't know all of these details)? I do care about my reputation to some degree....I often find that I have a lot of explaining to do....don't even get me started on the drama that went down last weekend...

[KinAZ]

GREAT POINT. But I want to ask you the same thing I've asked myself...how much of how "he feels" am I responsible for? If he has a strong emotional attachment (kinda silly when he's dating and having sex with someone else, right?) then am I responsible for him getting angry? If not, why do I feel like I may be? This brings me down to the 2 bits of advice I've gotten:

1. one person says tell him what I've written here

2. another person says, "dude, leave it alone"

 

I'm also left with - when/if other people find out about that sex...what will they start assuming about me (especially when they don't know all of these details)? I do care about my reputation to some degree....I often find that I have a lot of explaining to do....don't even get me started on the drama that went down last weekend...

 

If I were concerned about anyone, it would be my ex, not hers. You weren't close friends with him, but how close was she to your ex-wife? From what you've said, I just sort of assumed that her friendship with your ex-wife was about the same as your relationship with her ex-husband. But, then again, as it seems like a messy divorce, how she feels might not matter much. LOL, and the "bogus" part would be on the woman, and not you.

 

So, what I'm getting then is that he was a "close associate" someone you bonded enough with to have empathy for, but not exactly anyone you have any loyalty towards?

 

First of all, unless you guys still hang out, or you and this woman plan to start a relationship, I wouldn't bother telling him about it. He may find out, he may not. She might want to keep it quiet as well.

 

I understand that it's eating at you, and that you would probably feel better to just get it out in the open, as you feel guilty (and probably don't want to wait around for something to come out about it). But, honestly, I think that hearing a rumor would be easier for him to take than you telling the man yourself.

 

If a woman came to me and said "I had a one night stand with your ex-husband" I would wonder if there was any malice behind it.

 

I say let it go...

[trust]

If I were concerned about anyone, it would be my ex, not hers. You weren't close friends with him, but how close was she to your ex-wife?

Hahaha Good question! But first, I have a theory. I’m not a dumb guy..not relatively speaking. And I have this theory called “chic to chic rivalry”. My ex was better friends with this girl than I was to that same girl’s husband. They had more in common with each other. They were both bleach blondes, fake boobs, high maintenance, go to spas, play this game (won’t mention the name) every 1st Friday with other girls as a group, they would both lay out together sometimes at her pool sometimes at my pool, etc. Now this girl has been a liiiiiiiiitle bit jealous of my wife for years because 1. She knew her husband had this little “thing” for my wife, and 2. She would admit that my wife was prettier. So I think that whole sex thing at my house was more of a “gotcha-bitch” than anything else. I’ve seen girls do that kind of thing over and over and over (part of my chic to chic rivalry theory). You know what I’m saying? But me being a typical guy and all – I don’t care. I knew it was just a physical thing anyway. No harm no foul. So how close was she to my ex wife? I don’t think that kind of thing matters to most women. They’ll do that kind of crap to each other, hug and make up, just so they can do it again and get payback.

From what you've said, I just sort of assumed that her friendship with your ex-wife was about the same as your relationship with her ex-husband. But, then again, as it seems like a messy divorce, how she feels might not matter much. LOL, and the "bogus" part would be on the woman, and not you.

 

So, what I'm getting then is that he was a "close associate" someone you bonded enough with to have empathy for, but not exactly anyone you have any loyalty towards?

If you would, read post number 4, paragraph 3 and 4. It’s kind of complicated.

First of all, unless you guys still hang out, or you and this woman plan to start a relationship, I wouldn't bother telling him about it. He may find out, he may not. She might want to keep it quiet as well.

No. We don’t still hang out. We had a falling out. But he would argue that I “created” that falling out just so I could have sex with his ex. And that is so not true.

 

I understand that it's eating at you, and that you would probably feel better to just get it out in the open, as you feel guilty (and probably don't want to wait around for something to come out about it). But, honestly, I think that hearing a rumor would be easier for him to take than you telling the man yourself.

 

If a woman came to me and said "I had a one night stand with your ex-husband" I would wonder if there was any malice behind it.

Great advice. I’m leaning towards what you’ve said right now. But I didn’t say I’m feeling guilty…I’m not sure exactly what to feel. I do know that I feel “awkward.” If someone can show me where I messed up…then I’d probably feel guilty.

 

What I’m doing here is trying to learn from a “mistake”. But I’ve got to see it as a mistake first. Because if I messed up…I’d like to apply what I learned in the future, should this or a similar event happen again. So I’d be staring the sex in the face and before I even go there I’d think…hmmm…is this sex really worth it? And for what it’s worth.. she was really really *really* hot. I had no idea what she had up under the hood as I never checked her out in that way when I was married. My wife satisfied me and was everything that I needed.

[KinAZ]

LOL, you don't sound totally sure. But I guess the most important question is, what's the worst that could happen? If it's just a matter of reputation, I think you're in the clear as this guy wasn't that close to you, and I'm guessing that you don't have the best relationship with your ex-wife? If anyone has a reputation to worry about, I imagine it would be the other woman.

 

The only point I disagree with, speaking as a woman, is the comment about women not caring about those kinds of things. We care! It's not always a point of jealousy either, but sometimes just... like I said before, that's a little personal. Like someone wearing your undies or something. (At least to me anyway.) hahaha

[trust]

LOL, you don't sound totally sure. But I guess the most important question is, what's the worst that could happen? If it's just a matter of reputation, I think you're in the clear as this guy wasn't that close to you, and I'm guessing that you don't have the best relationship with your ex-wife? If anyone has a reputation to worry about, I imagine it would be the other woman.

 

The only point I disagree with, speaking as a woman, is the comment about women not caring about those kinds of things. We care! It's not always a point of jealousy either, but sometimes just... like I said before, that's a little personal. Like someone wearing your undies or something. (At least to me anyway.) hahaha

 

Thanks for that reply. I’m not totally sure? Right. I said I was confused, and I’m hoping this thread will kinda clear things up. About the reputation thing…reputation is somewhat geographical (as far as you are known). The girl I had sex with moved away so…I don’t think she really has a reputation to worry about. She only comes to town from time to time. And when she does, she usually calls me.

 

I don't have the best relationship with my ex wife? Yeah, you could say that.

 

You’d care? Hahaha I sincerely like that you’d care (if you were in my ex's situation). The issue is- *why* would you care? As far as my experience goes, I may call you the exception to the rule. There is a strange dynamic going on here. And if you’re divorced, you’d probably understand what I’m saying. There’s the whole “my friend /your friend” thing going on… so if my ex found out about the sex…I don’t think she’d care. She would care more about making amends with this girl because my wife had literally no friends coming out of that divorce, as everyone agreed that what she did to me was quite a bit on the evil side. For my ex to keep this friend would be more to justify her bad behavior in the divorce. The other dynamic is this- they are both jealous of each other…and I’ve heard my wife say, on many occasions, “keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.” I think she’d kiss and make-up with that girl regardless. So that’s why I say – she doesn’t really care (and most women in that situation, according to my theory would do the same – not all women..just most women).

 

I do value and respect your opinion. You sound like a girl who has a good head on your shoulders and you also sound like you have plenty of relationship experience. Thank you.

[KinAZ]

I'd care because, like I said, it's like wearing the other person's underwear to me. (Most of my girlfriends feel the same way.) I view my friends' exes as damaged goods, so to speak. I may or may not know all the details of their relationship (depending on the friend), so I wouldn't really have interest. And on the reverse, it's sort of the same thing. I couldn't figure why a friend would want to even kiss my ex, knowing where his mouth has been. lmao As immature as that may sound, and even understanding that any new guy more than likely isn't a virgin, I think of those men as "the one my friend used to..." So, I'd have to wonder why a friend would even be interested.

 

But yeah, if the girl isn't in the area, then you should be OK. Rather, it might be less likely that her ex-husband would find out about it. So, you're good!

[Dark-N-Romantic]

.I’d like some sensible mature views. Warning: Be ready for a challenge though (and sometimes I’m sarcastic when I challenge you…ok…*most* of the time I’m sarcastic.)

 

Um If I may ask, how does being sarcastic denote being mature? That's a completely contradictory statement.

 

Flash forward: I got divorced….he got divorced…his wife moves away….she’s dating…he’s dating…I’m dating…and one night his ex comes to my house, more sexy now than when she was 16. Of course we have hot steamy sex... me being the shizzle and all. Now my question: How many people think this is “messed up”? Why or why not?

 

For Clarification: Were you dating at the time were either one of you dating at the time? If either is a "Yes"... Were either of you in a open relationship and/or told your partner that you were having sex outside the relationship? If either of the partners is okay with it, then except for certain faith and personal based objections to the premarital sex, I don't see anything wrong with it. I don't see anything wrong with it. If I feel for a family member's or even an ex of my best brother's, love comes from where it comes from, and one should not deny themselves that. But, at the same time be careful and make sure it is not just about the lust, if such is the case, then that would be messed up to do a person you are family or friends with that way.

 

First, since I know there are infinite assumptions out there..I’d like to tell you how my “friendship” works. Very simply put, the stages are: stranger – acquaintance – acquaintance plus – friend – true friend. This guy was probably somewhere around acquaintance plus plus…not quite a “friend”. His wife was more of the “friend” than he was. I suppose you’d have to be married and hang out with married couples to know where I’m coming from with that part. But tell me what you think.

 

No it does not take being married to get where you are coming from. I have associates, friends, and family, love interests and girlfriends are a different category. (This is why I don't women who want to be friends first. I don't date friends.)

 

 

DNR

[Dark-N-Romantic]

I'd care because, like I said, it's like wearing the other person's underwear to me.

 

Isn't the case with anyone and everyone we have sex with and who have sex with us who have been sexually active? This is an invalid statement.

 

(Most of my girlfriends feel the same way.) I view my friends' exes as damaged goods, so to speak.

 

Everyone who has had sex is "damaged goods." We all come with baggage and attachments of an emotional and sexual level. Every partner, even if the names and faces are not recognizable still stay with us.

 

 

DNR

This is why I refuse to consider sex like test driving a car, because there is always the knowledge that someone was there before you and one would have to guess who have driven the car before us.

[KinAZ]

I'd care because, like I said, it's like wearing the other person's underwear to me.

 

Isn't the case with anyone and everyone we have sex with and who have sex with us who have been sexually active? This is an invalid statement.

 

(Most of my girlfriends feel the same way.) I view my friends' exes as damaged goods, so to speak.

 

Everyone who has had sex is "damaged goods." We all come with baggage and attachments of an emotional and sexual level. Every partner, even if the names and faces are not recognizable still stay with us.

 

 

DNR

This is why I refuse to consider sex like test driving a car, because there is always the knowledge that someone was there before you and one would have to guess who have driven the car before us.

 

Sorry, but I find it rather silly to call the statement "invalid". However, I could have been more specific. Although I did go on to say something along the lines of it not being likely that any new guy would be a virgin, I did mention that I would more than likely have heard some detail of my friends involvement with her ex depending on my relationship with that friend. (Women talk, plain and simple. Even my mom, believe it or not.)

 

I may know a guy isn't a virgin, but I don't personally know the people who he... "wasn't a virgin with". There is no connection, no associate etc etc. It really is, for me at least, a totally different matter.

 

And when I said damaged goods, I wasn't speaking of baggage and the like, but rather my view of the person. There is just no interest in a man after he's being in any way involved with a friend... plain and simple.

[Dark-N-Romantic]

I read that all that you had to say. And I understand what you are getting at. But, lets be honest, when we date someone, WE ALL compare ourselves subconsciously with the other people an partner could have dated. We wonder if someone else did what I did with them. Who stuck what where. If he or she used the same techniques on someone else. Am I prettier than any of his or her exs. Am I the better lover? Even if we NEVER EVER hear anything about our partner's past life (and most of us find out bits and pieces along the way, I mean I know I did with all my exs). And so, that is why I said the first line was invalid (not as an insult, but as for the concept I outlined above).

 

We ALL come with baggage. It does not matter if we air it or keep it to ourselves, we all have issues that we bring into relationships and that plays in it. This is why we CANNOT have a perfect relationship or be the perfect partner. Maybe it is a secret fear of betrayal that plays at our minds that keeps us on guard from now on (while not bad, it is also does not let a partner complete freedom either). Maybe it is something we tried with someone else, they did it wrong or it came back to bite us in the butt (and so we will never do it again, even if the current partner is able to satisfy us in it). Or maybe we do let people do things to us because someone else did it to us before. Yeah we might lie and tell our partner it was them, but in truth it was already done and we remember the who, what, when, where, why, how of the past and bring it to the present.

 

I had a few friends date exs of mine. For one it worked for him and now they are married and happy and I am still in contact with them. That is all that matters.

 

Sorry, I skipped an issue. To be clearer. Damage goods to me is equivalent of baggage. It is a personal thought of what we think is an issue a person brings into a relationship. A person might not consider a person's ex association as baggage or making them damaged. Another might find that I said something endearing about them and they wonder what would happen if they were in my shoes.

 

I think the issue too many people try to do is make it a moral one. To me, if the relationship is over, I have no right to demand someone not see an ex. Nor would I expect or respect a friend who does that. I can understand if feelings might arise, but that is not the couple's fault, but the individual's own fault and in ability to move on.

 

But, yeah, I think I would date a friend or family member's ex, but because of mutual feelings, not for my own or her lustful feelings or desires.

 

 

DNR

In the end its to each their own.

[KinAZ]

But, lets be honest, when we date someone, WE ALL compare ourselves subconsciously with the other people an partner could have dated. We wonder if someone else did what I did with them. Who stuck what where. If he or she used the same techniques on someone else. Am I prettier than any of his or her exs. Am I the better lover? Even if we NEVER EVER hear anything about our partner's past life (and most of us find out bits and pieces along the way, I mean I know I did with all my exs). And so, that is why I said the first line was invalid (not as an insult, but as for the concept I outlined above).

 

Oh goodness, no! lmao! The only time that has ever crossed my mind was when something was discussed a lot. No, maybe I live in lalaland, but I've never wondered if an ex was prettier, or this or that, or ... lol nah.

 

We ALL come with baggage.

This baggage statement is still confusing me. Again, when I was talking about damaged goods, I wasn't talking about baggage, and I know that we all have past issues that play major roles in why we are who we are today.

 

"Damaged goods" was about that person being a rotten tomato to me, simply because he was involved with my friend. Nada mas.

 

I had a few friends date exs of mine. For one it worked for him and now they are married and happy and I am still in contact with them. That is all that matters.

 

That's great. My husband is a little different than an ex. Heck, I went out with a few people who I wouldn't care if my BFF wanted to date them. I'd still wonder why. But as far as someone I've been intimate with, especially someone I had a MAJOR relationship with (and I can't compare an ex-husband to most others), that's totally different. And no, it's not a matter of jealousy. I talk to my ex-husband about his relationship problems, etc and it's a non-issue for me. I still love him and wish him all the best in the world.

 

However, I can't explain it any better than... "A man who has been with one of my friends has koodies." LOL make of that what you will.

 

Damage goods to me is equivalent of baggage.

 

I didn't mean it in terms of "baggage."

 

I think the issue too many people try to do is make it a moral one. To me, if the relationship is over, I have no right to demand someone not see an ex. Nor would I expect or respect a friend who does that. I can understand if feelings might arise, but that is not the couple's fault, but the individual's own fault and in ability to move on.

 

Well, then, you can call me Madame Fault. An imperfect sinner if you will, it doesn't matter. Some feelings never go away. That doesn't mean you haven't moved on, or that you even still want the person. However, I totally understand that everyone is different. For ME, (and my friends understand this and the feeling is mutual) anyone I was ever serious with is completely off limits. Nasty aside, girls talk lol.

 

HOWEVER, I do think that it may be a little different for men than it is for women. I'm not going to say that it is, but guys seem to discount the girl if she say... cheated by sleeping with someone he guy knew. For women, both of their a**es are grass. (In some cases, the girl might forgive the guy, but not the friend.)

 

If I even see a guy my friend is interested in... he might as well be my cousin. And to me and my BFF, at least, women who don't agree are scandalous.

 

If my BFF for some bizarre reason started working with my ex-husband, and they fell IN LOVE with one another... I probably wouldn't have an issue with it.

 

Let me put this another way... Women may be a little more emotional about who they sleep with compared to men on average, and this is something we understand about one another. We also understand that the % of GOOD men out there is rather low, and that some women can and will be underhanded with regard to them. So, maybe I'm among the hyper sensitive, or overly observant, I don't know.

 

But if I met a man, and later learned that he was related to my ex, that would be the end of it.

[Dark-N-Romantic]

But if I met a man, and later learned that he was related to my ex, that would be the end of it.

 

How sad. But, like we both say... To each their own. I just hope some guy who really loves you don't get his heartbroken. But, then again, he will be better off.

 

 

DNR

[KinAZ]

"He will be better off"... "to each [his] own". LOL... I won't ask which comment was sincere. But, I will sincerely say, to each his own. If people like what I call sloppy seconds or keeping it in the family, well... to each his own. To me, it really isn't that serious. We're far off topic now, and the thread starter should be in the clear, so yeah lol...

[lemony fresh]

I don't see the point of you asking this question. You don't seem truly disturbed by what you did. You keep mentioning how hot this woman is and how great the sex was that one night as a rebuttal to those who are stating maybe it wasn't so cool.

Then posters are saying "hey, it's cool, no big deal that you did her" So then you are trying to make us all condemn you or something?

I mean what is the point to this, trust? Do you really feel that badly? Do you really have to ask if it was cool or not to sleep with her? You don't appear to regret it, since she was so hot and the sex was so hot, why do you need our opinions on if it was OK or not?

[lemony fresh]

Uh, if you were so worried about your reputation because she'd go and tell people around town, you didn't have to sleep with her. No one forced you, I mean it sounds like you have absolutely no respect for the woman because she treated her husband just like your exwife treated you, but she was good enough for a casual lay. Personally I wouldn't sleep with a guy who was slime, but apparently you don't have those same standards for women. As long as they're hot and good in bed that's all that matters.

 

So...you want to think about the possibility of saying "no" to things which could harm your reptutation. If this chick's going to tell people, you can't stop her, the damage is done now, but you can repair future damage from occuring.

 

Honestly if this gets to the guy, do you really care? Because you had absolutely no problem sleeping with his exwife when she came over to your house. This after you helped him out for a year cope with his painful divorce. So, yes, what you did was kinda two-faced. Hey, dude, I'll help 'ya out but I'll screw the woman who caused you all this heartache by cheating on you, and then took you for every penny you have, no problem.

I mean, you really don't care much for the guy when it comes down to it. You keep emphasizing the fact that you're not really that close but then show some sort of guilt because you hung out with him for a year trying to help him out. I mean do you really care how he feels about this (if he finds out)? I don't think you really honestly do deep down.

 

The best advice I have is think about your actions before you commit them and don't give the excuse you 'have no control because she's so hot.' Then if you do something questionable which could damage your reputation, don't regret what you did.

 

That said, I hope you used condoms. This chick sounds like a total tramp.

 

GREAT POINT. But I want to ask you the same thing I've asked myself...how much of how "he feels" am I responsible for? If he has a strong emotional attachment (kinda silly when he's dating and having sex with someone else, right?) then am I responsible for him getting angry? If not, why do I feel like I may be? This brings me down to the 2 bits of advice I've gotten:

1. one person says tell him what I've written here

2. another person says, "dude, leave it alone"

 

I'm also left with - when/if other people find out about that sex...what will they start assuming about me (especially when they don't know all of these details)? I do care about my reputation to some degree....I often find that I have a lot of explaining to do....don't even get me started on the drama that went down last weekend...

[Dark-N-Romantic]

"He will be better off"... "to each [his] own". LOL... I won't ask which comment was sincere. But, I will sincerely say, to each his own. If people like what I call sloppy seconds or keeping it in the family, well... to each his own. To me, it really isn't that serious. We're far off topic now, and the thread starter should be in the clear, so yeah lol...

 

Both were sincere. I feel you on the to each there own.

 

And I pray that a man whose dated a friend and you find out later that he did and then he gets his heartbroken over such cruelty. No one deserves to be treated like that, and yes they will be better off because they will either A) Live a happier and better life without dealing with such silliness. Or B) They will find someone who really knows what love is about.

 

And I won't go further into the truth about sex and the sloppy seconds. No matter who you date. Emotionally or sexually or physically... Your picking up someone's sloppy something.

 

 

DNR

[Dark-N-Romantic]

I think all us know he wasn't doing it as a real question or seeking of advice, but just so that someone would probably comment on his sexapades. But, I doubt any of us really care or even believe him. I mean who really know if he had hot, steam sex with her of it were just a dream? Or maybe what he thought was hot and steamy turned out that way because he did all the work while she read a book waiting for him to get off? This is why I love ego threads... I love to once in a while remind posters that they are just people online and they can be whom ever the reader picture them (for me that would be Jabba the Hutt's little pet) for we really don't know who they are.

 

 

DNR

Now I have the urge to do a Star Wars Marathon.

[KinAZ]

LOL, I've already explained my perspective on that and why I view things in that way when it comes to friends, so... I'm still missing you there. Or maybe you're just not getting what I'm saying. (Maybe it's a girl thing.)

 

While I find it rather ironic that you seem to be having an emotional reaction to me not wanting "sloppy seconds" or to "keep it in the family", I should probably point out that my friends aren't whores and I'm not either. So, 9 times out of 10, before things got THAT far, I would know if the Joe I met at the grocery store was the same Joe my friend went to Denny's with.

 

As well, when I made the comment I was really thinking of my ex-husbands cousins. He has a lot of them, and I met a couple of them before he did. And, again, since I do talk to him regularly, I would probably find out about it before things went THAT far. So, no... unlike the image created by your active imagination over there lol, the guy wouldn't have enough time to have his heart broken. If he did, then I'M probably better off!

[Dark-N-Romantic]

LOL, I've already explained my perspective on that and why I view things in that way when it comes to friends, so... I'm still missing you there. Or maybe you're just not getting what I'm saying. (Maybe it's a girl thing.)

 

While I find it rather ironic that you seem to be having an emotional reaction to me not wanting "sloppy seconds" or to "keep it in the family", I should probably point out that my friends aren't whores and I'm not either. So, 9 times out of 10, before things got THAT far, I would know if the Joe I met at the grocery store was the same Joe my friend went to Denny's with.

 

As well, when I made the comment I was really thinking of my ex-husbands cousins. He has a lot of them, and I met a couple of them before he did. And, again, since I do talk to him regularly, I would probably find out about it before things went THAT far. So, no... unlike the image created by your active imagination over there lol, the guy wouldn't have enough time to have his heart broken. If he did, then I'M probably better off!

 

Hey you said it. I can only go by what you say and not hidden meanings.

 

On the same not, the issue I am thinking about is a friend who got dumped after falling for this guy and they were talking about marriage and everything. He broke it off with her because she was one of his friend's exs. Just like that, over night and it was over. It was a while before she got over how much of a punk and a loser he was. She is happier now, but she is too cautious about men because of it. So, yeah, I find such petty rules on love too unfortunate and limiting to those who might be wondering. They should never fear to go after those whom they love, just as long as it is right. And to limit themselves can keep them from the happiness they are looking for.

 

 

DNR

The biggest haunter of love is what if.

[Dark-N-Romantic]

Hey you said it. I can only go by what you say and not hidden meanings (I don't work well with hidden meanings or implied thoughts). Im just speaking from facts and experiences. And with the (YES I SAID IT) insane hope that maybe someone's mind will become enlightened. I know, I need to stop, but I am working on it. LOL I just try to work with those looking for such wisdom.

 

On the same note, the issue I am thinking about is a friend who got dumped after falling for this guy and they were talking about marriage and everything. He broke it off with her because she was one of his friend's exs. Just like that, over night and it was over. It was a while before she got over how much of a punk and a loser he was. She is happier now, but she is too cautious about men because of it. So, yeah, I find such petty rules on love too unfortunate and limiting to those who might be wondering. They should never fear to go after those whom they love, just as long as it is right. And to limit themselves can keep them from the happiness they are looking for.

 

 

DNR

The biggest haunter of love is what if.

[KinAZ]

No hidden meanings...

 

Yeah, that's pretty bad. Although, it is kind of weird (though not unbelievable) that he was friends with her ex and it took till marriage talk for him to find out about it. In any event, if I happened to be THAT serious about a person, the only way I would up and end it over a friend is if I was very close to that friend. But for me, it would be next to impossible for me to get to talk of marriage with a guy and not know that he was previously involved with a friend of mine.