BlueEyed Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I really would like to get someone else opinion on the whole online dating thing, and flaky behavior. Ok so after getting out of a 4 year relationship that didn't end up going anywhere, and after finally healing I decided to try online dating. Ok so I joined this dating site it's been about a month now, and I have receive quite a few messages from interested prospects, but many I wasn't either attracted to, or we didn't have much in common, until these two guys emailed me around the same time, one was about 2 years younger than me, and the other about 10 years older. So the younger guy emailed complimenting me on my eyes, smile etc. and said I seem very driven, and jokingly said he hoped I had an sense of humor as well, and that if he hadn't scared me I should email him later. Let me point out he sent me a flirt two weeks prior, and I sent one back before he emailed me. Ok so I then replied yes to his email, and added a few compliments about him also, and said we seemed to have a bit in common, and should maybe talk more. That was about 5 days ago, and NO response, and after checking my sent folder, notice that he had read my message. Now, the older guy emailed me saying we had a lot in common about music, and joked about how we both are referred to as weird sometimes by friends, the "weird" thing I had listed in my profile. He asked if I cared to exchange words sometimes, I replied back to him with an casual email, referenced the comment he made about weird and the music we were into, and asked him about some of the things he liked to do, that was 9 days ago, and NO response and he has read the message also -- so what gives? Is this normally the way online dater's go about communicating, is it common to go through all the trouble of emailing someone pretending to be interested, to then blow them off later, and ignore their messages when they are interested? Or could I be reading too much into this, and treat the situation as they are, MEN...they never do things in an timely manner? I know not all but some. I just don't wanna be naive and make a fool of myself by sending an second email, when maybe their none responses means "please no longer contact me." Thanks for any replies. BE~
Tony T Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 You simply need to understand that people are sort of weird to begin with. Put a nice, private, anonymous barrier called the Internet between you and them and unless a person is very sincere that weirdness will be amplified...that includes rudeness and lack of consideration. This happens on AND OFF the Internet. If you're going to date someone you meet on the Internet, make sure they live in your area and meet them in a safe, public place within five days of meeting on the Internet. If conversations drag on beyond that, there is usually no sincerity and the person who's not keeping up their end...like your guy who's not responding...are insincere or 300 pounds overweight. Some people, men and women, actually get their rocks off just chatting and emailing the opposite sex...perhaps because it's very safe that way. Also, don't forget these guys are probably working five to 20 females at once. It's not easy. That's why if they don't meet you soon you simply have to WRITE THEM OFF.
Author BlueEyed Posted July 5, 2008 Author Posted July 5, 2008 Thanks for you reply Tony, yes I know pretty much all the rules when it comes to online dating safety, a lot of the steps are pretty much the basic rules for women dating offline as well. It just seems so pointless and a waist of money to pretend to be interested especially when you have no intentions of meeting anyone. Geez give the 20 bucks a month to charity. LOL I guess after being in a relationship for so long you forget what the shady dating world is like, all the game playing, and lies that are inevitable. BE~
Jilly Bean Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 It's VERY common, Blue. I think a lot of people online aren't the most emotionally functional to begin with. And because of that, a good amount aren't necessarily really looking for relationships, nor are they built to have them. So, for a lot of these guys (in your case), they enjoy the online banter and the fantasy connections. Also, with thousands and thousands of choices of women online, it's often hard for these guys to pick just ONE to focus on. It's like an all you can eat buffet, and many of them want to sample a little bit of everything, rather than one main entree. It's a numbers game, really.
bones1 Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I agree with Jilly. However women do this as well. If men have a free hour, they can sit down and email 20-30 women. If they have more time, they can email hundreds. I also read that about 25% of online daters are actually married. I would blame the medium, not the person.
Shygirl15 Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I agree with Jilly. However women do this as well. If men have a free hour, they can sit down and email 20-30 women. If they have more time, they can email hundreds. I would blame the medium, not the person. True. I did online thing too, and I talked to a lot of guys, and I know in this process I heartbroke some. It all depends on who interests me more and once I pick that one out, I simply drop the rest. BlueEyed, I think this is what your guy did. He probably had multiple candidates and picked the one that was more interesting to him. Don't think any less of yourself though and maybe at initial stages don't limit yourself to just one or two guys. I also had guys initiate emails showing interests, and we send each other tons of emails, then they just go quiet.
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