iwanttolive Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I'm having a time-off with my bf. It's possible we break-up after the time-off. We still send each other text messages but we agree not to meet until we calm down as there's so much resentment built over the past few months. I've been feeling low for the past 2 weeks. Im afraid that things will not work out when we meet again. It's also getting heavier to breathe. The fear of loneliness is weighing me down. I keep thinking, what if i never meet someone i can settle down with. I'll live alone for the rest of my life. Frens just ain't the same. I want a soulmate, I want a special someone to share my life with. My life feels empty at the moment, devoid of purpose. There was one day when i felt so sad seeing one of my married colleagues going home. I imagined her going home to a happy family. She is needed and important to someone. She is needed by her hubby. She is needed by her kids. I don't want to exist for myself. I want to exist for someone. Please shed light into my life, guys.. Thanks much..
kyta Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 That is your problem there, u think you need some one to make your life whole, you DONT need anyone you only need you, friends are great, family even better, but a partner is not nessasary to be happy, we will all meet some one else again in our lives, but dont look for some one live ur life for you, and when ur happy in ur own life you will be surprised at how many ppl u will meet, let go and dont hold on to the past, all these other cpls u see and think have a great life, well the truth is they dont, well some may but most have the same crap as everone else, in 10 yrs most of them happy cpl's will be split up, cheated on and in pain, trust me i have seen it to much, you have to fel the pain to get over it, its a process we cant avoid or miss, its how we learn about ourselves.
quankanne Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 being alone is part of the game of life. You need to learn how to make it a somewhat comfortable way station meant for discovery of self, rather than fear it. And the best way to do that is to use your time constructively when you are alone. Take a class, join a group, learn a new craft, read, write, volunteer your time – things which can help you discover a new facet of yourself. loneliness is NOT doing those things that make you comfortable in your own skin. Meaning, you don't need a lover or a partner to make yourself whole, just a better understanding of self. Because when you achieve that, the down time you spend without a partner becomes an opportunity for personal growth.
Author iwanttolive Posted July 5, 2008 Author Posted July 5, 2008 Thanks for your replies, guys.. Can you share with me, what do you think is your purpose in life? So what if we continue to grow? Why do i need to learn new things? Now i'm still young.. I'm physically able to do many things. What happens when i'm old and frail? I'll be so lonely without a family of my own as I probably can't do the activities i enjoy to do now ...
kyta Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 Dont even waste brain matter on what you going to do, live life do what you want to do, you will meet many ppl in life men/women all of us will, life is allabout change, it changes daily, are lives change with it, a breakup is a big change, and most ppl fear change, they like to be in there comfort zone anything to diffrrent and we fear it, but we shouldnt, we should look at it as a new experience in life, its up to us how we use are lives, wether to be happy or sad.
mma_j Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I keep thinking, what if i never meet someone i can settle down with. I'll live alone for the rest of my life. Frens just ain't the same. I want a soulmate, I want a special someone to share my life with. My life feels empty at the moment, devoid of purpose. You probably don't realize this, but your life isn't there to serve someone else. You're the master of your world and your purpose is to live your own life, not live someone else's. It may feel empty right now because it's painful. But the pain means you're alive! You'll get over it with time and there are many people out there that would love to be with someone like you. All you need to do is realize that you can choose from them. There was one day when i felt so sad seeing one of my married colleagues going home. I imagined her going home to a happy family. She is needed and important to someone. She is needed by her hubby. She is needed by her kids. I don't want to exist for myself. I want to exist for someone. Please shed light into my life, guys.. Thanks much.. That's great for your friend. She's doing something that you admire and want. Your time to get that will come, it's just not going to happen this very second. You can make the same thing happen, but right now, you need yourself. You need to make yourself happy. Remember there are lots of people out there for you!
AnLandy Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 There was one day when i felt so sad seeing one of my married colleagues going home. I imagined her going home to a happy family. She is needed and important to someone. She is needed by her hubby. She is needed by her kids. I don't want to exist for myself. I want to exist for someone. Please shed light into my life, guys.. Thanks much.. If you can't "exist" for yourself, then who can you exist for? Why are you denying yourself the respect you deserve? You are important enough, in and of yourself. If you want to be focused on someone other than yourself, which I can understand, then why not become involved in a cause you believe in? Instead of going home to an empty house, why not stop at the local animal shelter and help socialize the dogs and cats so they will have a better chance at finding homes? Why not adopt a little brother or a little sister to take to dinner and help with homework? Why not join a book club? Why not sort clothes at the local thrift store? Why not volunteer for Meals on Wheels and keep someone company for an hour or two? Why not become a pen pal for a service person overseas who doesn't have famly or relatives to write to? Why not volunteer at your local women's shelter? Why not help a local food bank sort donations? Why not deliver food to needy families who can't get to the food bank because they don't have transportation? Why not volunteer with the literacy program at your local library? Why not take a volunteer vacation and help children in a developing country for a few weeks every year? Why not volunteer with the local social services office to help them find adoptive families for older children that no one seems to want? Why not get certified as a foster parent and provide a home to a child in crisis for a little while? Why not foster dogs and cats, so they don't wind up gassed in a city pound somewhere? Why not go the local nursing home and play cards with the residents one or twice a week? There are all kinds of ways to be needed, and there are all kinds of people who are in need. If life doesn't have much of a purpose right now, then make one. Also, guaging the quality of your life based upon someone else's (your co-worker) isn't always smart. I used to do this, and then I discovered that all of those people that I thought had it better than I do were all struggling with their own issues. A woman that I had envied for years told me five years ago that she envied me because I have a career that I love, I have been able to travel the world, and I take risks. I had always envied her because she was incredibly pretty, was married to a really nice man, and had an adorable daughter. It turns out that she and her husband weren't so happy. 60% of marriages end in divorce in the U.S. Being married and having kids isn't a guarantee of happiness. When you can be happy on your own, then that is when you will be ready to be happy with someone else.
Recommended Posts