torranceshipman Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 Hey guys, So I've been dating a guy for 3 months...he's been pretty keen right from the start - we've actually only had about 12 dates due to unplanned travel on both our parts (but one of those dates lasted a week when I went to stay with him!-and we're good at stayin in touch) - so although I feel its heading in a good direction I also dont think it's as serious as it might otherwise be after 3 months, because of the trips and time spent apart. Nevertheless he asked me out to stay for another week during this time (I couldnt go cause of work), and has referred to the next time I come out and stay so all seems good (he lives in another state where his business is-where I've been to visit-its pretty close, and spends half his time in my town, as he lived here before startin the business and loves it-rents with his friend when in town). Anyways, he's good with the 'i miss you's', etc, and before the last trip (I went on one at the same time), he emailed n said he was lookin forward to seeing me when he got back home...I didnt ask him his exact return date but i think it wouldve been a couple of days ago and I havent heard anything yet! I txted to say when are you back and no answer, so possibly he's still there (he's going to a fairly dangerous area with no cell coverage, in which case he hasnt got my msg yet). But....I dont want to sit round like an ass if he is actually back, and has just decided not to call, as I think he'd be back by now? So question is...shall I just give him a call and ask him whats goin on/ leave a cute msg about lookin forward to seein him, if it goes to voicemail? I figured that was logical but a coupla girlfriends of mine said no, dont call!-you already sent a txt. But I thought we were beyond all that 'don't look to keen' nonsense?? On the other hand, maybe he thinks its acceptable to get home, sort out work stuff or somethin, then call within a coupla days? Would that be normal? I guess if we're keen but not cemented as a couple yet, this behaviour would be normal...? Not sure what to think! Thanks guys
Chinook Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 Okay, if this was me who was away and I was dating someone, what might be going on with me is when I'm into someone, I like to devote time to that person, I like them to know that when I'm focused on them, I am focused only on them and my mind isn't troubled with other messy stuff I have to deal with. So if I had got back, I probably wouldn't contact right away, until I was settled again, got all my stuff sorted etc. Then I'd call and devote my time to you. Unfortunately, this can seem like you're not a priority - but that's not the case - what someone is doing when they do this is making you the ultimate priority by clearing the decks of cr@p to deal with first. So no, I wouldn't contact him by calling. You've already text messaged him and you guys were already in a place where it's a given that you'd contact when he gets home. If I were you, let him come to you. Give him time. If in a few days he hasn't contacted you, then you might start thinking along the lines that the impetus for the relationship is waning. I'd wait and see first though.
Author torranceshipman Posted July 5, 2008 Author Posted July 5, 2008 Thanks Chinook! Thats very useful to know as I get the feeling me and this guy will be in this situation fairly often...i.e. competing demands of work and travel on time together...so I will think of it the way you're suggesting rather than stressing about why I haven't heard from him! (well ok I'll try to anyway ) But in this case, luckily no need to worry after all...he just got in touch to say he's been delayed out there and wont be back til early next week, and what are my plans the coming week! Quite happy about that!
Catwomannn Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I would give him a quick call - but be very casual about it -- Just be like "Hi thought I would give you a quick ring and say hi and see how things are going..." sort of thing....My bf once traveled to a remote area for work and I didn't hear from him for two days so I called and left him a voicemail - he was surprised (and glad) to hear from me! Good luck!
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