anna100 Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 Why am I still upset? We broke up on great terms in November (together 3 years), stayed really good friends untill he started seeing someone else in April and I realised I needed time to greive the relationship. I told him how I felt and needed some space, he suddenly switched and acted like I meant nothing to him. so 2 Months pass, I have a lot of time to think about things and crycrycrycry. I send him an e-mail asking how he is...no reply. send him a text saying "I miss you" no reply...then I see him in the pub and he acts so off with me. What have I dont wrong!? so I go home and crycrycry again (fed up of it to be honest) then I see him again and he is off flirting with some girl infront of me, every time I try to just talk to him...not about us! just about how he is and everything he just acts like I am not there. He is off meeting lots of new girls and that's is what he wants. I am happy to just take time to myself...not one for getting with strangers. I know I should just not give him any of my time but we have the same friends and I can't forget what great friends we use to be. How can someone just stop caring about how much he is upsetting you!? I asked him if I had done something to upset him and he just answered "no" in a really off tone. He is starting to make me feel like the past 5 years of my life have been wasted on him!
Chinook Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 Okay, look at it from his point-of-view... you guys broke up on what he thought were friendly terms (I'll come back to this in a second). In that scenario, you're both in an equal place and dealing equally with the impact of the breakup. In his head, everything was fine with that scenario - it's a done deal. However, he then begins to feel better, so much so that he feels he can start dating again - bear in mind you're now in the 'friendzone' at this time. He feels he has been fine with you because you're friends now right...? (sorry, I know but for some people it actually is this cut n dried). In his head, everything was fine. So suddenly, you come along and tell him you need space, you need not to talk to him in order to grieve the relationship. What effectively you did there is tell him that the relationship ending hadn't been so amicable and perfectly fine afterall. This is likely to have made him feel like a bit of a git, especially as he's also now feeling well enough to date. The thing is, you asked him for space also - that removes you from the 'friendzone' and puts you in the 'ex' zone. What you're doing to someone whom you have cared about alot (especially over 3 years long) is saying 'I don't want you in my life anymore'... and for him, I suspect he didn't feel that was fair after everything. He felt maybe he'd done the best he could within the situation and here you are telling him he hadn't. He can't win in this situation - so what he does is, give you the space you require and leaves you be. But then you decide maybe you don't need space afterall...? Can you see how this looks confusing to him...? I think you need to maintain your space from him for now, if you guys can get back to being friends down the line, then that will occur naturally. At the moment, I think you are too raw to deal with him or anything else related to your previous relationship. I think you need to let him come to you on his terms. I wouldn't contact him, but if he contacts you, you can and probably should respond in a more neutral manner. You need to demonstrate to him that you are also in a place where you understand the relationship is over and you've dealt with it - at the moment, dealing with it and him is screwing with your head and you need time to come to a place inside you where it doesn't do that. The last five years haven't been wasted - they're only wasted if you don't learn anything from your experiences and fortunately as human beings, we always learn
Author anna100 Posted July 5, 2008 Author Posted July 5, 2008 I guess you are right, I just wish he would be a bit more respectful to my feelings, I would never do anything to hurt him! there is no need to try it on with someone infront of me. I just hope this feeling when I think of him with someone else goes away one day. thank you
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