underpants Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I'm just curious. What would you do if you ran across someone who said and advertised that they were "divorced". When in fact they are over 40 and have never been married. No judgement on the age/marriage thing. However, would you find it a bit odd, the lie? Or would you ...understand and feel this person out for some laden insecurity? Would you play into a liar's hands so readily?
2sunny Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 i wouldn't play into the hand at all. a lie is a lie. if he lied about that going into the dating process then what might he lie about down the road. to start on deception is worthless...
McLovely Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I would explore further, because it seems like an odd thing to lie about. Perhaps this person was in a very long-term relationship or living with someone that they considered to be a spouse of sorts. Perhaps it was an error rather than a deliberate lie.
Trialbyfire Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I agree it's an odd thing to lie about. Is he a 40 year-old virgin?
Author underpants Posted July 5, 2008 Author Posted July 5, 2008 So far, I think 2Sunny makes the most sense. A lie is a lie, no matter how you slice it. I would suspect that the presentation would perhaps prey on the naive. That is high intellect mixed with diabolical motives for you. No, this one is trolling for sure (another site). I just thought it amusing and sad. I feel bad for whomever takes that bait. My beef is the dishonesty, but I guess people just lie. Oh well.
daphne Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I would like to give insecure people the benefit of the doubt on lying, but I don't. My experience has been that liars are unfit for relationships. At least for me. With the exception of perhaps a few self defense lies. A friend suggested that when I first meet guys I should lie about my age since they would never guess anyway. This is a well intentioned friend who apparently thinks my "problem" of being single is that I'm not in a desirable age range. I don't have anything to feel weird about so I clearly don't. Why start off on the wrong foot with a stupid lie?
Jilly Bean Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 UP - to me, if someone would lie about something small, then they would have no problem lying about something big. Lying is a character flaw. While I have been guilty of omitting facts (if I feel they are not of consequence in my relationships, ie. I don't go out of my way to announce I had a drug problem once in my life), I also wouldn't lie if directly asked.
Art_Critic Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I'm with 2 sunny on this one.. A lie is a lie... Back in the day when I was online dating a hottie hit me up and when I looked at her profile she mentioned how old she was.. 34 .. Her pictures made her look about 45 or so. She emailed me and was up front about her age lie on her profile.. She was 44.. I asked her why tell a lie about her age and she said she was getting tired of old men hitting on her and nobody her own age or close to her age would talk to her so she lied so guys would speak to her.. After talking to her thru a few emails I then promptly blocked her.. a lie is a lie and I was looking for more than that in a mate.. I did understand her viewpoint though and felt for her but still moved on to the next person..
KinAZ Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I would explore further, because it seems like an odd thing to lie about. Perhaps this person was in a very long-term relationship or living with someone that they considered to be a spouse of sorts. Perhaps it was an error rather than a deliberate lie. I agree with McLovely on this one. I would find out more...
2sunny Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 i dated a very nice guy a few years ago. after doing a background check i found that he had lied about his age. i was having a great time with him but came to understand that i was then second guessing everything he may have told me. was it the truth? probably - but the fact that he had already lied about his age and even had his friends go along with this deception took the fun out of everything. i told him i knew - and that i thought it was wrong. he justified it and that made it even worse in my mind. he still has his profile up - same lie - age... makes me understand it was the right thing to not try to make it work...
Trialbyfire Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I was only quasi-joking about him being a 40 year-old virgin. I can't imagine why someone would lie about being divorced when he's really single. It makes zero sense. Hey unders, if you ever find out the reason, please update.
jerbear Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I'm just curious. What would you do if you ran across someone who said and advertised that they were "divorced". When in fact they are over 40 and have never been married. No judgement on the age/marriage thing. However, would you find it a bit odd, the lie? Or would you ...understand and feel this person out for some laden insecurity? Would you play into a liar's hands so readily? A lie is a lie. There is a difference between divorced and never married. For me there is a stigma for someone not being married after 40, however ok for someone to be childless and divorced. The things we do to find someone...
johan Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I'm just curious. What would you do if you ran across someone who said and advertised that they were "divorced". When in fact they are over 40 and have never been married. No judgement on the age/marriage thing. However, would you find it a bit odd, the lie? Or would you ...understand and feel this person out for some laden insecurity? Would you play into a liar's hands so readily? I've heard people refer to the breakup of some very long-term, cohabitation relationships as a divorce, even though they never walked down the aisle. Maybe he thinks that he had a relationship in the past that he's counting as a marriage in every way except the certificate.
lemony fresh Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I wouldn't trust him. Last summer I dated a guy who told me he was 43 when we first met. Found out a few weeks later he was 47. He turned out to be a lying, cheating, jerk as he also failed to tell me that he had a livein girlfriend. Also John McCain lied to his wonderful fiance Cindy about his age (she did too) and they didn't find out until the marriage licenses were published in the paper. And we all know what a great guy McCain is, LOL.
theobserver Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 He could of been in 15 yr relationship for all you know. In our society being married somehow wrongfully is more serious 15 Year loving relationship =/= 1year marriage see my point? Yes it's possible this one lie could lead to a string of lies or it could be as simple as I said he was in a long term relationship with a partner and there was just no option other way for him to express this, hell maybe they were common law? You can always see the expression on peoples faces if you say "I just broke up with my girlfriend of 5 yrs" and "I just got divorced from my wife we were married a year" people tend to see the 1 year marriage as more substance even though that's ridiculous. As for another topic someone brought up yes lying about your age can be very silly but I can understand why some do it. I know some men will initially lie about their age if the woman is older because we're taught we're supposed to be the same age or a little older then the woman yes it's ridiculous but how many times do you hear some women say they wont date someone younger and this makes some men (and vise versa women) lie and in the end you've disrespected your partners trust and could of ruined a good thing.
lemony fresh Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I don't think lying is acceptable, even about age. Hey, divorce is divorce, breaking up is breaking up. You can't justify it as not being a lie. One requires a legal document, breaking up is a different thing, you can't call it a divorce. I believe that because it is a man, people are excusing him, but if it was a woman who did the same thing, people would be crucifying her on here. That's because in today's society men are always "excusing" their behavior and getting away with it. He lied.
missdeathwish Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 It's a very strange thing to lie about. However, I do sort of understand. Look at what some of the people on here who are embarrassed that they've never had a serious relationship. Some of them are less than twenty! It's entirely possible that he was worried that saying, "Never married" as a 40-year-old would make people think something was seriously wrong with him. It could also be that he was once in a serious long-term relationship (maybe even one that wound up being a common-law marriage) that he considered significant enough to call "marriage," even if it wasn't officially done in a church. Out of curiosity, how did you find out that he had never been married? If he told you, then it's not like he was specifically trying to hide it. Maybe you should just ask the person in question about the discrepancy. I think it's a weird thing to lie about and I tend to be suspicious of any major lies, but this one is so bizarre I don't think any harmful deception was meant from it. (I mean, really... divorce isn't all that great, so I doubt he was trying to impress anyone.)
Art_Critic Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I dated a girl once that lied about the same thing only in opposite fashion. She had been married before but she put on her profile on match that she had never been married.. She was married for about 3 months and didn't consider it be a married status I let it slide.. we dated about 5 or so months.. It bothered me when I would catch her in other little lies.. it was her downfall in the end... I did enjoy the relationship though and she was a hottie.. but all in all she was a liar and the lies she told in those 5 months I would just shake my head at why.. they were so trivial and she didn't need to lie but she did....
lemony fresh Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I do online dating occasionally and I would prefer if an option is "single" for status. If I've never been married or I'm divorced, I can get into that when the time is right, they don't need to know that from my profile right away. Single isn't deceiving, you can be divorced or never married and be single.
Art_Critic Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I do online dating occasionally and I would prefer if an option is "single" for status. If I've never been married or I'm divorced, I can get into that when the time is right, they don't need to know that from my profile right away. Single isn't deceiving, you can be divorced or never married and be single. If the webpage gives you the options of single or divorced and you pick single even though you have been married before you are still lying. IMO.. even though you are divorced and single you still picked just single to manipulate the guys seeing your profile into thinking you have never been married..
lemony fresh Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 If the webpage gives you the options of single or divorced and you pick single even though you have been married before you are still lying. IMO.. even though you are divorced and single you still picked just single to manipulate the guys seeing your profile into thinking you have never been married.. I don't see it that way. I'm 39 and never married. There are guys who would think I'm bad news because I didn't put divorced, so either way I'm going to be judged negatively. I don't see why they need to know specifically if I'm divorced or not, they're both "single."
Ariadne Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 What would you do if you ran across someone who said and advertised that they were "divorced". When in fact they are over 40 and have never been married. I'd think I'm dealing with some sleaze character. First red flag, to be that old and still a bachelor, and then, a lie. But it may be that he was in a long term relationship with someone and never married. Say, he lived with someone for 8 years. Some people may claim that they are "divorced" when that happens. I'd look for that first, and if not, it could be a player.
Art_Critic Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I don't see it that way. I'm 39 and never married. There are guys who would think I'm bad news because I didn't put divorced, so either way I'm going to be judged negatively. I don't see why they need to know specifically if I'm divorced or not, they're both "single." Well.. you have never been married before so it really is a moot point if you click single... You are telling the truth.. I don't see being 39 and never been married as a negative
melodymatters Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 Well.. you have never been married before so it really is a moot point if you click single... You are telling the truth.. I don't see being 39 and never been married as a negative Neither do I. if i were you, I would consider myself " selective'.
Ariadne Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 Neither do I. if i were you, I would consider myself " selective'. Well, women tend to be more picky. But in the case of guys it may be that they are the eternal bachelors and just don't want to have any compromise.
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