Aftermath

[KamKakes]

Okay so as my first official post I'm looking for a bit of advice to cope with a swell of emotions that are sapping my energy and positive outlook on life.

 

Here's a bit of background information, I've been seeing this guy I'll call "Mike," for a little over a year now. It's a long distance relationship, I live in the States and he lives in the UK. For the most part, we've had a very good relationship that started off from a nice friendship despite the attraction. Recently though, we almost had a falling out because of me.

 

I had been writing one of those therapy letters about all of my feelings and questions that I did not feel was my place to ask to him and I had it set up as a good-bye letter, that I was cutting him off. I had no real intentions of sending it but after letting my sister and a very close friend to me read it, they encouraged me that it would be good for him to read this as well. Now we had broken up in December but remained really close and attempted to date other people but it was obvious to anyone who was around us when we chatted that we were (and still are) in love. What caused me to write the letter was his current relationship with this girl which was all drama. I never heard any good about this girl and it was frustrating seeing him so down about it. I forced my jealously aside and was there to give him advice when he asked and support.

 

Either way, I found the idea of cutting him off the lesser of two evils than sitting back and being the good friend and watching this play out because I was the one who broke us up in the first place.

 

To wrap this up, I sent the letter and he sent one back with the answers to the rhetorical questions I never really wanted answered. And.. I decided it was stupid of me to try and cut him off because I love him. Obviously things have changed even though we "made up," - he's very distant, after the first two days, I always have to start conversations with him even though he was the one who asked if we were still going to talk, I have to force more than short sentences from him. I know I did not want him to try and be all sweet with me almost a day after all that mess, and I did tell him I was not in the mood. And I generally feel like he does not want me around and he's the type of "nice guy," and I feel that he is only talking to me because he does not want to be mean.

 

It's my fault he's acting like this, I understand that and I've been kicking myself everyday for the last 2 weeks since this happened but how do I cope with the aftermath of emotions?

 

I've had insomnia since then, I usually spend my nights sleepless and when I do sleep I have horrible nightmares or odd, disturbing dreams that keep my sleep from being restful. I'm depressed and generally very negative which isn't me and I've taken to crying at random moments throughout my day. I've never been like this and if it wasn't for having family over for the holidays which have kept me busy and entertained - I'd lie in bed all day.

 

Any ideas? Anything would be appreciated.

[torranceshipman]

I think this has turned into a toxic relationship and you need to go NC and stick to it.

 

This is making you depressed and giving you insomnia, and you are getting nothing positive out of the relationship. You've even picked up on the fact that he is only speakin to you to be polite. Sure there are probably strong feelings there on both sides, but you live on different continents and the reality is you have 2 separate lives and no future chance for this R, so you need to acknowledge that and go NC to heal and move on.

 

Do NOT hang around for signs, conversations with him or whatever - NC is about the only option here, unless one of you emigrates to give it a proper shot! Which isnt going to happen, so you need to decisively try to move on.

[KamKakes]

Thank you very much for your advice! I was just reading about NC and I think it'd be best the thing for me right now. It'll be hard to fight the temptation because I love talking to him despite everything. Thanks again!