inulg Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 update on the drama... my sister contacts my ex because shes worried about me... trying to get him to talk to me... which you know what? i KNEW he didnt give a **** about me anyway, but i guess more proof. its funny how hard he tries to seem so 'cool ' and 'calm' about the matter, when the truth is HE NEVER TOLD ME ANYTHING. his answer to all my questions, be it about OUR FUTURE TOGETHER, or about HOW HE FELT ABOUT ME, was always the same. I. DONT. KNOW. its great how civil he seems, i guess he thinks my sister wont believe anything i say, and that he's the smarter one, so of course he was civil the entire time. also, everything that he states happened AFTER the breakup... why wouldn't i feel like he was seeing someone else already? he spent more time with his stupid ****ing girlfriends. ****... ALSO. i am NOT NOT NOT depressed. the ONLY ****ING REASON i was SAD was because for SEVEN YEARS he had been telling me I DONT KNOW ... i cant believe this. its like he turned into a monster over just the last three years. anyway, here's the dialog below: Sister: (i lost the email she first sent him) ex: I take it you don't know about the emails she sent me. The near 100 phone calls/emails/text messages, and the intense "**** you" texts I've received from her. I told her how I felt about her, I told her I needed space and time and she kept harassing me. I'm not really sure why I'd attempt to be her friend at this point. The things she did to me I wouldn't even say to my enemies. Don't email me with any condescending "grow up" emails, because everything you know is incredibly one sided and despite what you think -- you don't know inulg like I do. Even if you are her sister. Sister: i know she can be annoying and irritating trust me ive had to deal with her for my whole life. what im concerned about is how you are makign her feel at this point, what i hear may seem one sided but at the same time if doesn't seem like you told her in a proper manner that you weren't ready to move forward. she can nag about getting married all she wants but if you are with someone for almost 7 years they deserve to know if you indeed want to continue the relationship with them. how exactally did u tell her how u felt about her...by telling her u dont know how u would feel seeing her in your future. all of this is me talking not her and i honestly think confronting her would be alot better than just completely avoiding you. i've told her at least a million times to just leave you alone and give you your space, but unless you tell her that yourself in a kind and cool matter she will never get it. space and time is definetly not an adequate answer in discussing your feelings with someone who you have been with in forever. you don't need to be her friend. i honestly don't think you two should get back together in fact im rooting for you two to stay apart. because if you guys could not learn to communicate about such delicate issues about being together then that is just bull****. i didn't write you the first note trying to tell you to be her friend and make up because that is not what needs to be done. if you truly have moved on with your life and are seeing someone else she deserves to hear that form you and noone else. and really i said grow up because you avoiding this situation is very childish. i understand that inulg is a bitch when she gets mad but if she never hears your complete side of the story without any type of yelling or confrontation, just the straight up truth, then this relationship for both of you was a complete waste of time. yes i may not know all of inulg because the truth is she doesn't kno all of me, but for godsake just tell her your piece of mind so she can stop complaining about it to me. she is really starting to worry me especially since she hasnt been eating and you know for a fact that she suffers from depression and if you had loved her before you should at least be concerned about her well being and how she is coping with this situation. you are right about one thing i DO NOT know her like you do, but if u knew her so well didnt u kind of think she would end up acting like this? dont u think that shed get herself into a manic depressive episode that would effect her overall well being and functioning? do u think that she would just magically get over it? right not she thinks that you don't give a **** about her and if you dont then tell her she needs to know the truth. she honestly cannot sit around and pull out anymore hairs trying to figure out how you feel about her. so all i am asking you is to have the common decency for another human being and tell her whatever the **** you want to but just tell her the truth and if you really never want to see her again then let her know, she needs to know how you feel. not that you need to take it slow or need a break or whatever it is that she said to you. i told her to stop contacting you, but she wouldn't listen the only person who can stop her from "bothering" you is yourself. and you know that because you know her better than i do and you know that she leans on you for almost everything in the world even if it was to ask: how do i take my next step, or how do i breathe... Ex: It's pretty ..nice of you to take this righteous standpoint and decide to rectify this situation on your own. You're tired of hearing your sister talk to you about her breakup...? I'm sure that must be very hard for you. Obviously... this whole situation has been very easy for me, or at least that's what you think right? I will not take care of anyone else's emotions, because really we're all responsible for our own emotional reactions. If you're sister is Manic Depressive, she needs to seek psychiatric help, you can't expect me to go back in and repeat everything that I've said to her again and again, and willingly place myself in her line of fire. We've been broken up for several months now and I've been moved out for a little over a month now. Everything you're telling me to say to her, isn't new or profound... really. I've told her all of these things. I told her I didn't want to get back together. I told her I'm moving on. I told her I DONT have a new girlfriend but I'm moving forward anyway. I told her I care about her and that we can be friends but it's going to take time. You can get creative with how many ways I told her that, because I've said it in as many different ways as I could think of. About a month before I moved out of our last place, I was suicidal. I almost jumped in front of the train one night on the way home, but instead I opted to get medication and counseling for myself. No one told me to do it, I knew I had to do it to survive. I don't blame my depression on your sister, I didn't expect her to help me through it, because the whole situation naturally pitted us against eachother-- any kind of support we could lend eachother was/is self-defeating. Your sister is depressed and you can't pass me that burden. Leslie, I have no interest in fighting with you. I'm sorry we don't see eye to eye on this, but you can't convince me to communicate with your sister on a topic that used to be all there was to my life (or at least it felt that way). Just think that, the small amount of time you talk on the phone with your sister and she's depressed over her break up-- I WENT THROUGH THAT. 24 hours a day. There'd be mornings when she'd wake me up --to FIGHT WITH ME--except consider that I was also incredibly depressed, and also on medication just to stay alive. There's really no way I can explain it to you, so I won't bother, its a you-have-to-live-it-to-know experience. Like I said, I don't want to fight with you. Call me immature/selfish/childish and curse all you want if it makes you feel better. I've taken responsibility for my life and my actions, and I've done my share of emotional consoling for your sister post breakup even though I was also suffering. I'm not doing it anymore. I don't know what kind of preconceived idea you have of the type of person I am, and the responsibilities I feel for others, but really there is only so much you can do. I will not spend the next couple months reminding her that it's over, that's not my place. It's not yours either.
Author inulg Posted July 5, 2008 Author Posted July 5, 2008 i want to send an email back telling him how i read everything and how he NEVER said all these things, but what will that accomplish? i dont know why i even have hope of ever being friends with him after he treated me so horribly before and AFTER the breakup. (everything that he mentions about he says it like it happeend before we broke up, but actually happened afterwards...while we were still living together...) omg. i wish i was dead. or ...that i didnt care and his next girlfriend rips his heart out.
carrotgirl Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 omg. i wish i was dead. or ...that i didnt care and his next girlfriend rips his heart out. Don't you think the latter is the better of these two wish options? I know I do! Hate can work. Hate can be power. If you feel some of that, why not let it loose by exercising or screaming? Maybe you'll work up an appetite! Carrot
Author inulg Posted July 5, 2008 Author Posted July 5, 2008 ok i'm re-reading this and seeing that he has alot of issues, that he cannot help. I always knew he was suicidal, because he felt that way two years ago, and i know suicide isnt something that just up and leaves... the two nights he physically abused me were the two nights i was afraid in his rage he would do something to hurt himself. Also, in the email he writes as if he has done nothing wrong, and that *he* is the one that is being nice by even 'considering' me as a friend after the breakup, when i was the one who was treated horribly before the breakup. i received a TON --and i mean a TON TON -- of emotional abuse while i was with him. I always had a constant fear of ever mentioning anything that would possibly make him mad or cause conflict. *I* should have been the one to break up with him. not the other way around. I'm kinda glad i'm seeing this. hes sort of in this downward spiral that i almost got caught in, and i'm glad i'm out of it. it still hurts that i cant show him or help him, but nobody can really help him except for himself. the entire time he talks about what i did to him, and then at the end he says 'i'm not blaming my depression on her' yet he does. and he always has. and it wouldn't be the first time that he had done that before. i'm so sad. i keep thinking for his next girl he'll have changed into a different person, and that i missed out on it by not being able to be patient with his outbursts, but, at this point he seems to be getting worse, not better. his anger clowds his mind, and he loses the ability to see me as another individual and just sees me as 'the ex i hate' . i definitely am starting to feel like the bigger (less crazy) person now.
Author inulg Posted July 5, 2008 Author Posted July 5, 2008 Don't you think the latter is the better of these two wish options? I know I do! Hate can work. Hate can be power. If you feel some of that, why not let it loose by exercising or screaming? Maybe you'll work up an appetite! Carrot i just feel like i wasted so much of my life on him........ but i think i'm starting to see his problems as really big issues that i'm glad i'm not in the middle of anymore
serendip Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 inulg's ex wrote I told her I didn't want to get back together. I told her I'm moving on. I told her I DONT have a new girlfriend but I'm moving forward anyway. You have your answer right there...there's no need to contact him anymore. Closure. From the sounds of it you are harassing your ex-boyfriend. Try to move on with your life and DON"T CONTACT him anymore...you'll feel better about yourself. While YOU are not getting the closure YOU want...in reality while ****ty as it is...he owes you nothing.
Author inulg Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 You have your answer right there...there's no need to contact him anymore. Closure. From the sounds of it you are harassing your ex-boyfriend. Try to move on with your life and DON"T CONTACT him anymore...you'll feel better about yourself. While YOU are not getting the closure YOU want...in reality while ****ty as it is...he owes you nothing. well... just for one day... lol... i got so mad he stopped talking to me... so i sent him about ... hmm... 10 or so F**K you text messages ....lol i kinda laugh now remebering it... lol it was horrible thing to do, but it made me feel good! yeah, and ever since that one day i never contacted him again, but i guess he freaked out and blocked me ...EVERYWHERE! lol (even though I STOPPED !! i think i felt better after sending all those angry text messages) anywayyyy... lol we're talking again... sort of... bad idea... because its obvious he still doesnt really care about me, and i need to go NC agaain... except this time I'LL initiate it. not him.
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