Peter_pan Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 well it was my bday today and as i expected , no card, no email, no txt, no phone call, nothing. i may as well never existed to her. it hurts so much. i dont know what i did to deserve being treated like that she was the one that left me and dated someone right away. im really angry and pissed off tbh. i feel like i should have said my **** to her when it was all happening and then left it at that if i could have known she wouldn't contact me again. how can your first love be so cold. she is avoiding what she did. she didn't admit it then and she isnt admitting it now, seems like thats the way it will always be now. so angry. upset. just dont know what to do anymore.
foxh1234 Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 Hi, I feel your pain, we all have been there. Contacting her will only hurt you more and give her power. It will boast her self esteem and lower yours. You and I both have to forget about our ex's. I have not been in contact for 3 weeks I think and it is the best way. Think about this, what could you say to her that would change anything ? All contact will do is screw you up. I don't give a s**t about her, I just don't want you to hurt yourself further. I have been there and done it. Contact is NO GOOD.
Author Peter_pan Posted July 5, 2008 Author Posted July 5, 2008 ive not seen nor heard from her since mid feb. V day in fact. i assume she isnt with him no more which is what she told my mate. And why the F did she go and speak to a close mate of mine and tell him she had lost my number (bull****) then give her number to him and then never bother to contact me. do i txt her first and forgive her, then unleash **** i have been storing up. i mean i literally spent the last 5 months waiting to hear they broke up. now they have do i just sit around and do nothing? before i know it she will be onto number 3. it still bothers me she created her new life and couldnt give a **** about mine, or what i would have to deal with its so hard. i cried for the first time in a while today. it was her who originally wanted to stay in contact so why the F has she changed her mind. she just a liar.
foxh1234 Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 ive not seen nor heard from her since mid feb. V day in fact. i assume she isnt with him no more. and why the F did she go and speak to a close mate of mine and tell him she had lost my number (bull****) then give her number to him and then never bother to contact me. do i txt her first and forgive her, then unleash **** i have been storing up. i mean i literally spent the last 5 months waiting to hear they broke up. now they have do i just sit around and do nothing? before i know it she will be onto number 3. its so hard. i cried for the first time in a while today. This is going to sound harsh man, but I think you need to hear it. You have not heard from her since Feb because she doesn't want to talk to you. If she did, she would call. Chances are it is over between you. Why would you wait 5 months for someone who doesn't want you ? It makes no sense to me. If she wanted you, she would be with you and not with another guy. I say forget her, keep your self respect, continue NC and find the girl of your dreams because it doesn't sound like this is the one. Just my opinion though.
fran82 Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 hey peter pan! happy b'day first off! i know your hurting, at least thats how it sounds, so big hugs! if you want an honest response i'll say, break your no contact, but only if ur willing to deal with the consequences! she might not answer! (trust me, i know this one is probably the most annoying of responses!), she might answer and be vague! not much better! what you have to do is to think hard about the response u expect to get and think about the one you might actually get, and really think about wether or not you can handle it? i know this sounds harsh! i've been dealing with it myself, it was my b'day yesterday, he did send me a card (which was nice) but when i phoned him to thank him, i got one of those ring tones that means he's on a forein holidays, and i knew then he wouldnt answer! now, i know i dont have any rights for this to p*** me off, but it really does! how dare he move on with his life!? sounds selfish, but really all we can do is look after no.1! i guess im only really saying BE CAREFUL and think of the consequences of your actions, they might not be what you want!
replicator Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I broke NC several times.. I think you will NC without looking back, when you are ready to do so. Resist at all costs, but I know that there were times where I just had to do it. Nothing nobody could say would have stopped me, and I don't regret it. Just whatever you do, think it over carefully. While we assume our words will make them see something, or feel something, all too often we're just deluding ourselves.
Author Peter_pan Posted July 5, 2008 Author Posted July 5, 2008 @fox i know its over between us dude, i feel so horrible because she played a huge part in my life and now i know it would be hard to try and get a second chance and to even be "friends", how could i after she basically left me for someone new . and yeah its been 5 months, but you can guarantee she has been asking about me, why else strut right up to my best mate when he is working and ask if i was moving back up there, and then claim to him that she lost my number and tell him she wasn't with him anymore?! either way the door is open as i did txt her last.... it seems to me that she is to scared to speak to me as she knows what she did was harsh and i might shout at her. @fran i hear what you are saying, and deep down i know it would set me back and would be scary to txt her, but then in a way,what if i could get out all the things i wanted to say to make her understand or feel something? There is also fear that she wouldn't even txt me back and then i would feel like i would want to leave her a nasty txt or email, even then that wouldn't be the right thing to do as she will think, "well thats why i broke up with him etc". thing is i never got a real reason at the time as to why she didn't want it anymore. she just said "its not what i want anymore". then i find out she is with him and she says "i would be lying to you, my feelings have changed, ive changed". but i think this is all BS as it was him that was influencing her and all the **** going on at around the time of her "changing". stuff like having a house bought for her, turning 21, new job, new guy... it all went to her head i think and ive never been nasty to her throughout this whole thing, the last couple of txt's i sent her where ones that just said, "how you doing" and "is there any reason as to why you would be ignoring me?" and "im leaving the country soon so would be good to see you before i go". but no replies, because apparently she didn't want to talk about her bf to her ex. i know this because i txted her best mate who is out with my best mate, i said to her i thought i knew her and she basically left me for him straight away. she replied and said i know, i hope you do find your soul mate. this is horrible as i keep dreaming of her. i dreamt last night that i bumped into her and she had a newer guy. so i was like "oh onto number 3 now are we", then i ended up calling her a slag and getting all upset. and i looked at her face and it was so real @rep good advice also man, for me its also like a power trip, i always wanted to be right about everything, and i guess that pissed her off sometimes, but for her to not want me back left her with allll the power. and that crushes me. i would have loved to of been this girls no1 forever, but now even being friends seems far fetched. i think i would have been able to forgive her if she hadnt gone out with him right away, and her to have a break for a few months at least. she did say she wanted to live the single life... and when i heard about them two she just said "it just happened"/ and from the last bit of information i hear she isnt with him, it seems as though breaking NC if there was a right time would be now. everything she changed, has changed.... i knew it all wouldn't last, i was just waiting for each thing to change. i know nothing could be the same. in the sense that she has changed, but then i have to. so even to question if it would work or not would be an interesting thought. i miss her smile, voice, touch, smell, presence. i cant even tell my mate i am upset she didnt contact me and hasnt for ages because he is going out with her best mate.
ioncebelieved Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 Breaking NC is going to be like sticking your hand over an open flame.... You know it is going to hurt, but you do it just to see what it will do. I can't bash on you for breaking NC, since I too have done it many times and I am on day number 5 today of NC. It is a hard thing to do this NC, but it truly is for the best.
FauxVowel Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 well it was my bday today and as i expected , no card, no email, no txt, no phone call, nothing. i may as well never existed to her. it hurts so much. i dont know what i did to deserve being treated like that she was the one that left me and dated someone right away. im really angry and pissed off tbh. i feel like i should have said my **** to her when it was all happening and then left it at that if i could have known she wouldn't contact me again. how can your first love be so cold. she is avoiding what she did. she didn't admit it then and she isnt admitting it now, seems like thats the way it will always be now. so angry. upset. just dont know what to do anymore. So she doesn't call you on your birthday, so you wanna call HER???/// Huh??// WTF??/ **** that. She didn't call you on your ****ing birthday **** THAT **** HER NEVER TALK TO HER AGAIN.
Author Peter_pan Posted July 5, 2008 Author Posted July 5, 2008 yeah ****ing bitch. what did i do to deserve that hey really harsh.
fran82 Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 hey peter, your right, theres no need for such negative comments faux, clearly this is not an easy time. how's things? im with you on this one, i understand why you're feeling like there might be hope, and the decision is ur's. just make sure you think of how you'll handle her not responding again, if thats the case. dont get your hopes up, thats the worst thing you could do. Rep does make a good point, the hope we all have that they will want us back, is a little deluded. like we want to protect our daily emotions, just to get through life. i admit i do it too this is the part of life thats the hardest. admitting when something you want is probably wrong for you. like your dream, i like to think of him as a drift of to sleep, and just remember the good times, his smile. its only natural, and we're only human theres no rules though, you just have to be willing to take the risk and learn from any mistakes, just dont get burned twice if all you want is some comfort and reassurance from her and nothing more, then theres not too much emotional risk involved, if you want her back or want a friendship, my advice would be to tread carefully, you have to go for what YOU want in the long term, but consider how she'll react, she may not want the same things. what i mean is, protect yourself, emotionally, take the risk that you feel you can cope with. let me know how things go
Author Peter_pan Posted July 5, 2008 Author Posted July 5, 2008 @Y her not calling didnt make me want to contact her, it would have been nice to hear from her so i could then reply. and not have to be the one that tried to initiate contact again. her not contacting me on this particular day made me think even more about her. and all her actions point towards her wanting to hear from etc, and i dont get why she wouldn't. i did live with her. moved country, left my friends family. @fran, thanks for that it helps , i wasnt aiming anything bad at Y. he is right she can **** off. but its not that easy when i thought she was better than that. admitting when something you want is probably wrong for you. that line is right. it would be totally wrong but why must i long for it? "if all you want is some comfort and reassurance from her and nothing more, then theres not too much emotional risk involved" you mean like general chit chat.? i suppose what my conscious is telling me/driving me to do is speak to her and ask why? and try and make her feel guilty. and then hopefully have her apologize. thats what i really want. to know she is sorry. IF i got the chance to b with her again would i be stupid?
fran82 Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 hey peter you mean like general chit chat.? i suppose what my conscious is telling me/driving me to do is speak to her and ask why? and try and make her feel guilty. and then hopefully have her apologize. thats what i really want. to know she is sorry. if she did say she was sorry, deep down how do you think that would make you feel? would be make the hurt go away? only you can answer, you just need to consider everything, never mind how she reacts, what about you?! IF i got the chance to b with her again would i be stupid? i dont think that at all (im actually considering trying to get back with my ex 2! lol!) but like you've said, she's changed, do you think it might be better second time around? do you think you'll cope knowing she's hurt you before? if i were you, it would take me a long time to forgive, but thats just me lots of questions, sorry dude! i just think your better considering everything before you do call her. dont worry about her feelings too much, once you know what you want for 100% sure, i say for go it!
Author Peter_pan Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 good advice again fran yeah it wouldnt make the hurt go away i guess since she still did what she did, i dont feel as strong as i used to about forgiving her it kind of dosnt bother me. what i personally couldn't forgive is that she must have slept with him. i just dont think i could let that one go. i want to beat the **** out of him really. i figured out yesterday finally what i think!!!! basically i miss the her that once was, before she changed. i miss how we used to be and how special it was (being each others first etc) and of course what makes me sad is that its gone now and it cant ever come back, even if she did, things would never be what they were because of what has happened. i just wish she never did what she did. i suppose i miss the L that loved me. my friend and i agreed that its easier to start a new RE than to go back to an old one. esp if it ended up how mine did because if she was sorry, fair enough but i'll always be mad that she got to experience other things and i didnt and its as if she can get away with it. what do you think? oh and i heard she deleted her bebo (hmm?) confused about that one, thought she loved that.
ioncebelieved Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 I went through this very thing last month and I certainly know what you are dealing with and the pain you are in!! Makes you feel less than human!! I broke NC when she did not even call me last month on my birthday and she answered me the next day when I broke it just like this: I said you could have at least sent an email. She replied, " I thought it would make it worse." Dude, think twice before you break NC or you may just hear a lame a$$ excuse Like I got.
FromWhereYouAre Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 From what I've noticed throughout my relationships, relationships of peers and close friends - is that when a breakup enters the scene, you will go through stages of happiness, euphoria, thrill - and these are followed quickly be depression, loneliness, insecurity, and even helplessness. You have to realize that there will be some days that are easier than others. Some days when you can fly, and some days when you're down in the proverbial dumps. You may go weeks or even months without talking to her, think you're on top of the world, and then something happens - and you find yourself right back to being miserable. (Normally it's a sparked memory, seeing her out in public, or having a dream about her). The age old expression that time heals all wounds is true to a point - but the biggest fact of a break up is that we all experience it in different ways. Don't sink to the level of someone who sounds like they didn't deserve you in the first place. In the great scheme of life - the people who have wronged us will eventually get wronged themselves. It is your duty as a good human being to be above that. Good luck, and keep your head up.
Crazy.S Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Peter, I just wanted you to know that I am too going through this same pain. Same as you, my gf of 4 yrs broke up with me in Feb right after our anniversary. It sucks so much. I've tried everything from pleading to NC, but nothing really worked. Time will heal us. I just found out today she's been dating a guy. I already made up my mind that there is no chance that we can get back together. Having my heart broken by her, I don't think I can ever let that go. I have no ill will toward her nor am I mad at her. I am just mad by the situation. Lets keep our head up high and move on. This is my first relationship/break up so I couldn't tell you how long it will take. But I am looking forward to being happy again.
fran82 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 hey peter u know, u sound so much more positive lately, thats really nice. you might not be noticing it, but you can tell from your posts. i think you've come forward a step and realized your deserve more respect than what she could give, going back wouldnt be the same and you've realized that now. my friend and i agreed that its easier to start a new RE than to go back to an old one. esp if it ended up how mine did because if she was sorry, fair enough but i'll always be mad that she got to experience other things and i didnt and its as if she can get away with it. this is about the most positive thing you've said, you want more than sorry's, you want someone who wants to respect you enough to not cheat, because you're worth more than that i could be wrong, but you sound a bit more like your over the idea of taking her back? how are you going with the nc though? how you feeling about it? im with you on the missing thing! its the sweetest gift yet the hardest too! imagine if you were never given the chance to make the wonderful memories, you would'nt know now what you want. sure there's the hardness of missing and longing for that, but just the same as you found love before you'll find it again but this time you'll know. really you haven't lost out, you've gained i think i musta taken a happy pill today! lol! crazy.s has got a good point, calling her or not, wont really help you in the long run, its you you've take care of for now. in the short term tho, you need to do what gets you through the day, wether thats calling or not, only you will know i dont feel as strong as i used to about forgiving her it kind of dosnt bother me just keep reminding yourself of how you felt went you wrote this, it shows how far you've come! let me know how things go
Author Peter_pan Posted July 8, 2008 Author Posted July 8, 2008 thanks for all the support guys n girls, it really means alot to me. @ioncebelieved: very true man, she probably would say something like that, and that just makes you more angry, man im sorry to hear she said that to you. keep up NC !! @FromWhereYouAre , "In the great scheme of life - the people who have wronged us will eventually get wronged themselves." what goes around comes around, and i think she is hurting because she deleted her bebo, and i know i deleted mine because i couldnt bare the thought of seeing a photo of her and him together. I would have probably murdered him. and yeah i agree there are certainly days where i feel better than others! @Crazy.S, sorry to hear that bro it sucks. i am in the same mind set as you, ive been through the anger at her. its the anger at the situation that really pisses me off. how you coping? how many times did you break NC? how did you find out she is dating a new guy? do you feel like you want to beat him up? it hurts knowing there with someone new. esp for me since she was basically dating him two weeks before i moved out and knew about him and her. I remember one day she was just really "off" me and wouldnt let me touch her or hug her, looking back it makes me realise it was then she must of been with him. @fran82 , can i get what ever your having lol your right in the long run whether i call her or not it wont make a difference to what "has" happened (unfortunately). its been this long NC and i guess i was waiting for her to finish with "him" but contact or not wont change that she "was" with him. sucks. not only could i not forgive her for breaking my heart, things couldnt be the same, i would be majorly paranoid, how many more years into the future untill she leaves me for some new guy at work? and what if we had kids.... my parents and family would hate her. "i could be wrong, but you sound a bit more like your over the idea of taking her back? how are you going with the nc though? how you feeling about it?" this bit you wrote is interesting, yeah i am over the idea of "taking her back" but my mind wont drop the thought of "being" with her. i conclude that the only way it would be fair if we got back, would be if she apologized, and that i had slept with at least 3 women. NC is going as it always has from day 1 of NC. you have you good and bad days. i always said i would wait until she contacted me first and apologized. and of course i think its harsh how when i did speak to her on the phone the first time and said "it sounds so weird to hear you have a new BF" she said "yeah, its weird to hear" i said, so is this how you want things to be between us?" | MEANING YOU WITH HIM YOU dumb a** | she said, what you not contacting me? (i was taken back by this) i said "what its kind of awkward now that you have a new BF dont you think? convo over. sorry. see how dumb she is? so it appears she is NC with me. looks like we were both always stubborn so chances are she wont C me. but tbh i have left the door open for her.... I am half tempted to see if she is on facebook, and get my mate to check out her ex bf's page and see if he is seeing someone new.... then if she is, i could contact her and say. it hurts dosnt it. hahahah that would be class
Crazy.S Posted July 8, 2008 Posted July 8, 2008 thanks for all the support guys n girls, it really means alot to me. @Crazy.S, sorry to hear that bro it sucks. i am in the same mind set as you, ive been through the anger at her. its the anger at the situation that really pisses me off. how you coping? how many times did you break NC? how did you find out she is dating a new guy? do you feel like you want to beat him up? s It sucks everyday for me. I am struggling day by day to get used to being alone and be independent from her. I am trying to learn how to be happy on my own. I cry from time to time, but lately I noticed I don't cry as profusely as before. I guess I am just sick of it. I tried everything from pleading to giving her space but it only dug me a deeper hole. I broke NC a bunch of times, way too many. Whenever I thought I was doing fine she would call me and all my hate I used to help me goes away and I become the sucker who she dumped. I end up being the nice guy again, telling her how much I miss her and love her. I went the through the vicious cycle of pain of suffering many times. But it only made me stronger. My tolerance built up and it hurts less and less. I wouldn't recommend this way to coping. Soon after we broke, she went to our friends birthday party and she made a couple of guy friends. I always wondered how it would be if I went too, but I decided not to go because I didn't want it to be awkward. Well the friend she made has been hanging out with her a lot. From there I was always expecting that something might be happening. I always wished that it was just a friend. But I had an inkling, I was kinda expecting her to tell me sometime. She finally told me yesterday that she's dating him now. She only told me because I asked how come she doesn't hang out with our friends anymore? (we had a long distance relationship and our friends were from her hometown. I haven't seen them since we broke up in Feb.) She said, "they don't really like the guy I am dating." That was how I found out. I would be lying if I said I didn't think I would beat him up if I see him. But honestly its only from my frustration and no ill intent. It's not his fault that he sees how wonderful she is too. Right now I am not sure if he's just a rebound or not. Depends on how she really feels and how long she waited to break up with me. But I was talking to her when she told me about this guy. I wished her a happy life and she said that she is trying. So it could mean anything. But I have no more will to continue pursuing her and continue staying depress any longer. I am graduating college in a month, so I will have a chance to find new love once I get my life started. Sorry for making this so long. But I really tried my best to keep it concise. I could literally keep typing more and get more in detail, but there's no need. Thank you for sharing your problems. You may think that everyone is helping you, but you are helping us too.
Author Peter_pan Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 hmm interesting, so if you found out she wasn't with this new guy, would you be inclined to speak to her? i get angry at myself for not beating this guy up. i get mad knowing he has ****ed her. i still dont know why my friend didnt tell me she was down hear visiting untill she was gone back up north.... my head is all over the place. i know she isnt with him, i heard she is living with someone (dont know who), she del her bebo web space, and she still isnt speaking to me. dont know what to do really. i know if i spoke to her i would be angry about her and that guy ever going out. why the f did she have to do that
critter909 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 That's the crux of it, why the f did they do that? The problem is the cat's out of the bag now. Can't put it back in... Can't change what she's done. I personally couldn't forgive mine for being with someone else.
roghornio Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 hi pete. It was a while back, but my ex wished me happy birthday she was the first to do so on the day, ahead of any of my family, it felt great for a while till reality set in. I was miserable for days. I had to go for dinner with an empty seat with my family where she should have sat. Trust me its a blessing in disguise she has not been in touch, to do so would give you false hope, something to cling to. She has done you a favour for not calling. You cant see it but in your healing timeline you will. No contact, look what happened to me!
fran82 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 hey peter, just checking in, hope your okay? hope your heads a little clearer? you seem to be dwelling alot on this other guy she was with, and i know its easy for me to say, but you need to concentrate more on you making you happy, wasting your energy on him is a waste of time. your important, not him. he's not even worth remembering. i had a en a few years back, who'd cheated on me, i renamed this girl "bi**h" but in the end, i knew she was the one feeling pathetic, all she could get was someone's else's partner! she's became nothing to me, and funny enough, nothing to my ex, after he has his fill! try not to worry about him being in her life. think about what you want of her, wether its civil conversation, friendship or whatever, think about how to get that and go for it. can i ask, how long has it been since you split? you've still got a lot of anger about the whole thing, (i know its only natural) try to turn it into something constructive tho! redecorate! hit the gym! what it is that helps you really unwind! (did i spell that right?! lol!) with my ex, its been 5 days since i last spoke to him, it was my birthday and we were both a little drunk and ended up calling, as you do! i miss him soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much, i know i want him in my life? dont know how exactly? just somehow? restraining myself to not call is the hardest thing! i understand what your going through, you just have to remind yourself what how you'll feel after. a little tip someone once told me, he called distraction therapy. when hurt strikes you, or youe ex springs to mind, your over the tv channel, flick the page of your magazine, whatever your doing, use it to distract you. might come in handy! take care
vivrantflo Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 You may go weeks or even months without talking to her, think you're on top of the world, and then something happens - and you find yourself right back to being miserable. (Normally it's a sparked memory, seeing her out in public, or having a dream about her). The age old expression that time heals all wounds is true to a point - but the biggest fact of a break up is that we all experience it in different ways. This is the truth right here bud. 7 months NC, she calls me to get back together, just to rip my heart out again, it's a great feeling. i get angry at myself for not beating this guy up. i get mad knowing he has ****ed her. Don't beat up anyone. I had this same mentality before.. it's childish. He didn't rape her, she willingly spread her legs, or bent over... whatever. SHE did this to YOU. Feel me? Was this guy your friend? I never saw your original story. Im assuming he was. It's ok to be mad, but don't physically act on it. There's no point. i know she isnt with him, i heard she is living with someone (dont know who), she del her bebo web space, and she still isnt speaking to me. Try not to get updates on this chick. If she's not your woman, you don't want to know what she's doing, where she's going, and whom she's with. Seriously, it's just going to mess with your head. U have a link to your original story?
Recommended Posts