KasandraNew Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 Hello all - I am new here and I hope that you can advise me. I met a guy two months ago in a dance club. HE was confident enough, and a great latin dancer. We started dating and we became lovers within two weeks . WE are INTENSE.. if you know what I mean. WE are both in out 40's and been through divorce. He is fun and smart, and we have a great time together. Anyways, about a week ago, I planned to invite him to escort me to a local ball. THis ball is an annual traditional event, and is as big, in these parts, as New Year's or THanksgiving. Lots of bar-b-ques and private parties too on the same night. I called him and invited him and he accepted. MY car was in the shop on that day (four days ago) and I asked him if he could swing by and pick me up and drive me to the ticket office to pick up our two tickets to the ball. He agreed and we drove into the ticket office. I paid for two tickets ($50 a piece). We were going to "the BALL"...Yahoooo !! I planned for us to sit at the same table with a group of my friends whom he has already met. The next day ,after we went to collect the tickets, he called me and said ," I cannot come to the ball, MY brother and family are having a party up on the coast (60 mi away) and they are insisting that I come up. YOU can ask someone else to the ball if you want." I felt let down and disappointed. I went to the Ball alone and had a good time BUT it was not what i had planned for the night. He text me several times during the night,all lovey, and it is now three days later and I still feel hurt. He seems to be over it as if it was no big deal. My question is - do I have a right to feel angry with him, and should I say how I feel? WE have not had the "exclusive" talk but it is implied..We both are are not sleeping with any others. This is one of those situations that I have never had to deal with before . What do I do or say ? PLease do not give me "one line' answers. I need some details in your comments.
KingCrimson Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 He had other plans. K? Dating or not, he isn't obligated to hang out with you. People ditch on plans, cancel even with their friends and best friends. Why should it be any different? Guys always make plans with their friends, then bail out at the last minute for whatever reason. It's no big deal. Sometimes we don't even bother to call up our friend, and the next day it's no big deal aside from a "**** you, wtf were you doing last night? "dude, I was tired. what're you up to tonight though?" "sweet". Even if he is your boyfriend, he isn't obligated to spend every night with you. Perhaps a rarer opportunity came up? He can hang out with you any time. Perhaps this other event was unique? and if he was texting you all night, then chances are he wasn't out on another date or banging some slut instead and he had a legitimate reason to cancel your plans
refurb Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 Wow, I have to disagree with KingCrimson on this one. I don't care whether you're just friends, bf/gf, whatever, if you agree to something and bail out with a lame excuse, then yeah, it's a problem. I mean, if he told you he couldn't go, then was apologetic about it, you could let it slide, but obviously he didn't think letting you down was a big deal. RF
OpenBook Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 If I were in your shoes, I'd be cooling it off with him right about now. I think it was really lame of him to say yes, then back out of it the next day... especially when he knew how much money you invested in the tickets. (You didn't railroad him in any way when you invited him, did you??) I may be wrong, but I'm reading his reaction ("You can ask someone else if you want"?!? WTF?!??) and his nonchalance about the whole incident, as two big red flags. He's squirming away from getting serious with you, lovey-dovey texts aside. I don't think talking to him about it will do any good. He's already made it clear where he's coming from. You can either accept it, or date other guys besides him, or drop him completely. But don't try to change him or convince him he's in the wrong. You'd be wasting your time. No, I wouldn't invest a lot of effort into him at all (and especially not money!). Next time you talk to him, don't bring it up at all. Be a little cool, a little vague about what you're doing - and don't talk to him for more than a couple of minutes. Tell him you're busy and you have to get off the phone! Don't let him pin you down as to when he'll see you next. Let him sweat a little. He deserves it.
ibisflight Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 If that happened to me, I would assume that FAMILY pressure was the issue. I would actually admire the ethic of family first before a "NEW" relationship.... texting you was a way of staying connecterd while full-filling a family thing... I'd bet big bucks that he'd rather been dancing with you. and the "ask someone else if you want to" was away of passing off the remorse. Kinda ...I know you want to go, so if you want to get someone else to go with you I wont be upset, and I hate for you to waste the ticket money. As for being mad three days later.... get over it. Mad is a waste of energy, thought processes and time left on this side of the dirt.
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