KittenMoon Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 I'm feeling very lonely today. It's the 4th and I have nothing to do. I haven't been on the boards much lately. All the sadness on LS kinda brings me down, so I thought it would be better to try some time away. I'm just very tired of being alone. At the same time, I still don't feel anything for anyone, and I've really begun to wonder if I ever will again. Everyday, i still miss when I was with my ex, even though he's turned into a complete douche bag who, if I met him today, I'd never touch with a ten foot pole. I just miss the time we were happy so much, and its still so hard to believe it went bad the way it did- and this after 2.5 yrs of being broken up. I know. It's pathetic. I feel like a complete lost cause. Other people around me are getting married, getting pregnant, or at least DATING and I just feel disconnected from it all. I've tried to be interested, tried to read online ads and such, but it all turns my stomach. I want to meet someone IN REAL LIFE but that's never worked out either. No one excites me. I'm realyl beginning to wonder if this will ever go away. I want to believe there is someone for me, but everyday seems like a testament against this. I I know I sound negative, I TRY to be positive. It's just so damn frustrating to not even be able to muster an ounce of interest in anyone. Why can't I find anything in myself, or anyone else?!
johan Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Hey, KM. Try not to worry so much. Try to think of something you want to do and just go do it. Don't worry about whether you're alone or what people think or anything. Just go do it because it's what you want to do. I've had my own ups and downs, and I know the feelings you're expressing very well. I'm suffering a down similar to yours, just because it was coming one way or another. Not all because of the ex, but she definitely pushed me over the edge. I miss her, it's true. But I know that's only a decoy. What I'm really missing is time spent with someone who can offer a real, deep, fun, mature relationship. That I've denied myself all this time, and the second-best choice is to reflect back on what I had that was sort of like that. Solitude is a safe haven. An empty, dark, cold, safe place to be.
Author KittenMoon Posted July 4, 2008 Author Posted July 4, 2008 I know, johan. It's just like I wish I could feel some minute attraction to someone else, some glimmer of hope that I'll feel about someone else like I did about my ex. And I'm kinda tired of doing what I want- I always have, so not being in a relationship doesn't change that. I just really need some connection- to be the apple of someone's eye and vice versa. I don't want to be this sad person anymore, especially since I have to hide it from the world all the time. It's exhausting.
johan Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Loneliness sucks for sure, KM. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Especially if that bought me the kind of karma that would fix my own.
sfsassy Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 I know, johan. It's just like I wish I could feel some minute attraction to someone else, some glimmer of hope that I'll feel about someone else like I did about my ex. And I'm kinda tired of doing what I want- I always have, so not being in a relationship doesn't change that. I just really need some connection- to be the apple of someone's eye and vice versa. I don't want to be this sad person anymore, especially since I have to hide it from the world all the time. It's exhausting. You know it took me 3 years to really feel anything for anyone after my breakup with my ex. My first crush after that didn't work out romantically. (Though we are still good friends) However, it was such a relief to know I could still have those feelings I think it will happen for you, it just may take a little more time. And BTW, like you, I had no desire to get back with the ex, I just missed that comfortable, couple feeling I had with him. I still do, as I'm still single (but crrossing my fingers for my new crush!) but I know now I will find someone else. Also after meeting my current crush, I have a real clear idea of what I'm looking for, even if he doesn't work out. And he iisn't anything like my ex! (Thank god!)
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