melodymatters Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Ok this a "post by request', FYI !!!! So, little background : met and befriended a man who was in the middle of breaking up with his asexual, abusive, alcoholic gf of 6 months. i refused to take things further until they were "officially broken up". this is all in an older thread, but the night he went to pack up his stuff, she had a meltdown and he felt 'too bad to leave that night" Too F'in bad. I read that as " that means you are still with her, stay AWAY, from ME." Well, guess he finally grew a pair, and 5 days later, went back and officially, officially broke it off. problem was, she was from across the country, broke, and decided she wanted to stay on THIS coast, so he was giving her time to get her shyte together, while spending all his time here with me.( note, it's his house, a half an hour away she's staying in, he owns lots of property here, so were at my place or at one of his usually) Fast forward to wednesday night : we are hanging out on my bed, fully clothed thank god, watching pulp fiction, when we hear a car alarm go off. We go to the back parking area, and his truck is gone. We then go to the front, and his truck is driven into a telephone pole. ( not enough to damage, but just enough to set off the alarm ) Now, there had been enough drama around lately, what with one of the neighbors going on a crack binge, and large " people" knocking on doors looking for him, so my first thought is that one of the "crack people" had stolen the truck and were so f'ed up, they drove it into the telephone pole. I barely notice the chunky little chick with the pony tail and glasses sitting on the pillars that front the house, street side. Well except for when she says, to ME, "You're gorgeous, he's lucky to have you". Mel - You must be Lisa lisa - Yes, I'm Lisa and he never broke up with me. mel - ok, well if he " never broke up with you, why are those the first words out of your mouth instead of ' what are you doing with my bF ? " BF - You're drunk lisa, what are you doing here. lisa - I'm here because the only man I've ever loved is leaving me for another woman. I knew it on may 1st, because i tried to kill myself and had to be hospitalised, I saw it in a dream. mel- Well, it must have been somone else, because BF and i didn't start hanging out until may 2nd ! AND, I was his friend ONLY until you 2 had officially broken up. and on and on. I quite purposely tried to keep her calm, so I could get some answers out of her and check them against BF's. His times, dates, and facts checked ou, hers, did not. mel- So, is it true that you don't have sex with him ? lisa - well...we haven't had sex since last year...because it hurts, and he won't let me go to a gynocologist. BF - lisa, you know thats not true, do you belive that mel ? Lisa, i PAY for your insurance, I paid for your hospitilization, your therapy appts, your chiro etc. Mel - I work with him lisa, i see his bills, he does pay for your insurance does he not ? (This is 100% true ) Lisa, gets up and starts punching and kicking BF, sceaming at him and me. i ask if he's like me to call the police. he says "lisa, unless your out of here in one minute, we are calling the police". lisa ( who WAS drunk by the way, gets in her car and drives off) BF apologises profusely and repeatedly, and then calls her mother in LA and says " remember that rehab program you wanted to get lisa into over there ? Well, set it up, because I'm done and i'm sending her back". Sooooooooooooooooooooooo, Of course there was lots of discusion between us, with the end resut being me saying " OK, you've been very kind to your friend here, by not kicking her onto the streets, but now it's impacting MY and my childs life ( yes, my 15 yr old was present) so, the clocks run out. get rid of her asap, like THIS week, or I am O-U-T." And him saying 'OF COURSE !!!!" Today, He's at a long planned family reunion. will be back tomorrow sometime. If he does not remove this psychotic b*tch from MY world, I am done, finis, for-eveh !!!!! PS - I am almost glad it happened because ; A) i got to see that he had been straight with me all along B) He now can kick her out ( and must) with total impunity ! Obviously this is a bit of an abridged version. I will let you all know how it turns out ! mel
underpants Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Lordy, That chick is wack. Good for you for putting down some hard boundaries. If she sees you as the reason she can't be with this guy, there is really no telling what she could be capable of. You are smart to put yourself and you kid before that mess. It might take more then a week for him to get her out. I don't know. I like that she is going to move across the country though, that is good. Rehab is good too, if she goes. I don't like that shifting from one relationship (albeit a kind of diffused one) into one with you. It is just messy, but life can be messy I guess. I just don't want him to use your good energy to heal from that and you wind up hurt when he is all better. Not that is how it will go down, but it is a possibility. It is just alot to think about when choosing to embark on a R with someone. I wish you the best. Tell him to call you when she has boarded the plane.
Author melodymatters Posted July 4, 2008 Author Posted July 4, 2008 Thanks so much undies !!! that is pretty much my only real concern right now ; ' will I be the rebound chick ? " I plan to adress that at our next face to face. believe me guys, i wouldn't be with this person unless there was something important there, and the 2 important things ARE : 1) Never had such open communication with anyone. 2) we both are on the same page of wanting to rid ourselves of drama and start something neither of us have had much luck with : an open, honest, kind, supportive relationship. .....Now whether one or both parties will actually be able to pull it off, will be the test. I feel it's worth a shot though ...
carrotgirl Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Now there is some drama! Here's to Mr. BF being worth a try! Do you think you need a restraining order? Seriously Mel Belle.... Is this woman dangerous to anyone other than herself do you think? Carrot
Touche Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Wow, Mel. You handled it all so well though. The ball is now in b/f's court. Good luck!
lemony fresh Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 It's all cool, I guess, but why did you encourage her by asking her if she had sex with your boyfriend before they broke up? You seem to enjoy the drama of it all, also, Mel, or you wouldn't have encouraged the conversation. Y'all need to go on Jerry Springer, y'all seem like just the type of folks who would be on that show. 1
Ariadne Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 1) Never had such open communication with anyone. 2) we both are on the same page of wanting to rid ourselves of drama and start something neither of us have had much luck with : an open, honest, kind, supportive relationship. If that's the situation.. Then I'd say deal with the issue as a team, the both of you together, and don't give him the added stress of dumping him for that. You can agree to stop seeing each other till things cool off, or whatever the best approach is. Good luck.
Trialbyfire Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Gotta' love ex-drama. She's nuts. Thank the good lord there's no children for that added flavour of baby mama drama!! I like that you were open and honest, strong and to the point. Set those boundaries and hold to them. You and your loved ones don't need this kind of crap brought into your lives. I don't necessarily see him as being open and honest, more forced into the situation by a string of events aka the actions of the whack job and then your actions. Take it slowly with passive men.
upsetnhurt Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 Melody, The likelihood of him being able to put this behind him in the short term is nil. He obviously has feelings (or guilt) for this woman as he was not willing to let her go her own way when he first started seeing you. You will find yourself in this position more than you know. Your story sounds all too familiar and it typically ends up with you getting hurt. Until he takes time on his own to reflect and cleanse his ex out of his life (means more than shipping her back home and not talking to her), you will be nothing more than a rebound. You are a really smart woman as I have read many of your posts before. What would it hurt if you simply let him know that you should each go your own way for the next six months or longer? That would give him sometime to deal with his emotions and get his head on straight to determine what he really wants in someone and is willing to offer that person and allow you to live your's and your childs life drama free. If he is the right one, he will be back and it will ensure that he is with you for the right reasons. I know exactly how you are feeling as it is quite addicting when you meet someone you click with and sometimes we are quick to think that being with him is worth the risk of getting hurt, yet all too often we should be realistic about things and make a conscious decision as to how to move forward. Relationships are tough enough even when you are going into one on an even playing field. They are practically impossible when one person is more ready than the other. His words mights resemble yours, yet his present actions definitely don't. I am hoping for the best for you and him, I really am. Just be careful with your heart and be as open and honest with him regarding your feelings. Make sure your first priority is YOU and your CHILD!
Author melodymatters Posted July 13, 2008 Author Posted July 13, 2008 Hey A ! I basically felt like the guy was overwhelmed, and i wanted someone who had the time and energy to devote to ME. So, we talked and decided to be just best friends and co-workers for now. I won't lie, it did help that i was walking down the street after this happened and met a lovely young lad who now sleeps in my bed, and gives me ALLLLLL the attention i want ! thanks for caring ! I hope YOU are doing well too A !
Ariadne Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 Hey A ! I basically felt like the guy was overwhelmed, and i wanted someone who had the time and energy to devote to ME. So, we talked and decided to be just best friends and co-workers for now. I won't lie, it did help that i was walking down the street after this happened and met a lovely young lad who now sleeps in my bed, and gives me ALLLLLL the attention i want ! thanks for caring ! I hope YOU are doing well too A ! Oh no, That's so sad. You didn't love him. Ah well, at least you are getting entertained. I'm just trying to convince myself to do laundry. Have fun with the new guy and thanks for the update.
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