marencolleen Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 my husband is getting ready to deploy in a few months and is currently at a training center a few thousand miles away. i've been feeling very insecure and last night he finally got the chance to txt me and he told me that he "loves me but isn't in love with me." i don't know how much of it is truth and how much is the stress from depression and facing the deployment. (he is not handeling the deployment well, he is sure he is going to die over there. and no he won't talk to anyone or get help, that's been discussed and rediscussed) we only have about a month between NTC and deployment to figure this out. Divorce at this point would be extrodinarly difficult because of all the paper work with both the courts and military and the fact that everything is already set up for deployment. divorces are never convinient, but am i within my right to refuse a divorce until after his deployment is over?
Gunny376 Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 More than likely you can stall until he ship out, after that you would be extremely dfficult for him to file, except through a CONUS attorney via mail. Even then you could refuse to sign, and he and his attorney would have no other choice but to sit on their hands until he comes back. Statisically he has a better chance of getting ran over by a bus during rush hour traffic in NYNY, than killed in Iraq.
Author marencolleen Posted July 4, 2008 Author Posted July 4, 2008 Well there can't be any attorneys because e-4's don't make enough money for them! i wish someone viable would tell him that he won't die over there. all his superiors are doing scare tactics right now. "preparing them for the worst" I love him, i just don't know what to do.
porter218 Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 Well there can't be any attorneys because e-4's don't make enough money for them! i wish someone viable would tell him that he won't die over there. all his superiors are doing scare tactics right now. "preparing them for the worst" I love him, i just don't know what to do. Well without an attorney a divorce in 1 months doesn't happen. So nothing to worry about.
Gunny376 Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 More servicemen and women were killed on active duty during the Clinton Years than George W years. Clinton years (1993-2000): 14,000 deaths George W years (2001-2006): 7,932 deaths, almost double. I find it difficult to believe that senior military commissioned and staff non commissioned officers are telling them he's going to die. More like his fellow E-4's and below. As I said his chances of getting killed in Iraq are slim and next to none. His chances of getting killed in Afghanstain are less than that. For starters the people he's going up against are poorly trained, poorly equiped, usually stoned out of their minds, and are really, really bad marksmen (shots). You could just about walk out in the open, with little fear of getting hit. What casualtites they do inflict is mainly due to IED's which really aren't all that effective anymore, nor that the American military has adapted and improvisied and are equiping our troops with vehicles designed to handle them. Any success in wounding or killing an American with a rifle, pistol, or RPG is really more due to just random luck. As I said, they're not trained, they're nervous, usually stoned out of their minds. Most of their success in putting a bullet on target has more to do with randomly shooting an automatic and shooting wildly and randomly with no self control, self discipline. But once they open fire, they've exposed their position and a World of Hurt is going to come down on them. First they will get return fire from M-16's and SAW's (Squad Automatic Weapons ~ Light Machine Guns that shoot the same size round as the M-16). Then comes the M-60 machine guns, the 50 Cals, the Light Armored Vehilces, the AmTracks with their Mk-19 (think of a machine gun that shoots gernades instead of bullets), not to mention artiliry fire, and air strikes from Cobra and Apache helicopters and fighter-bombers. Med-evac helicopters just hover around waiting for a call. Even if he is hit he will be med-evaced sooner than your typical American involved in a server car accident. The truth be known he's safer in Iraq (using a little common sense) than he would be on a Saturday night in South Detroit!
lemony fresh Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 "loves me but isn't in love with me." Hey only "walk out wives" say that, that epidemic going around? You mean a GUY said that? GUYS fall out of love and are WALK AWAY HUSBANDS???? SHOCKING.
Gunny376 Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 "loves me but isn't in love with me." Hey only "walk out wives" say that, that epidemic going around? You mean a GUY said that? GUYS fall out of love and are WALK AWAY HUSBANDS???? SHOCKING. I believe there more pyshology at work here than meets the "common-eye"
Gunny376 Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 He's obsessed with the notion of dying in Iraq, and so he wants to alievate his guilt of abandoning her(via dying) by divorcing ~ the lesser of two evils. He feels guilt for leaveing her to go to Iraq, for abdoning her, because of his military duty/obligation. I don't think he's so much saying "I love you, but I'm not in love with you!" So much as he's giving the OP and "OUT" I've seen this time and time over again 20 years in the Marine Corps!
lemony fresh Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I believe there more pyshology at work here than meets the "common-eye" oK if a woman says it, it's just her and not more to it than just that. But if a guy says it, there's more to it. Got it.
Gunny376 Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 oK if a woman says it, it's just her and not more to it than just that. But if a guy says it, there's more to it. Got it. :laugh: No that's not what I'm saying! When a woman (some and then not others) is saying when she's a walk-a-way-wife is "You've heard of PMS? Well I've got T-PMS ~ "Tired of Putting Up with Men's S***! Speciallly? YOURS! :laugh: But this is more military stress related ~ I belive the DH is saying, "Im giving you the option of getting out of this? I'd rather divorce you than put you through the Hell of worrying about me! He's saying in effect? "I love you enough ~ so much ~ I rather lie and tell you I don't love you and divorce you than put you thorugh the Hell I'm about to go through! And it is Hell on the Homefront too! Don't think it isn't! To the OP you've got choices, and you've got options. If you want to hear about them let me know (and others) I've got 20 years dealing with this crap under my belt.
Gunny376 Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 oK if a woman says it, it's just her and not more to it than just that. But if a guy says it, there's more to it. Got it. I'm not saying that at all LF, MzPixie is a good example of what you and I are talking about! She practically popped flares, waved flags, screamed and shouted "Your azz is standing on the track and a train is coming!" She jumped up and down until she was hoarsed and couldnt scream anymore! She did everything she could to save her marriage ~ but he just couldn't see!
lemony fresh Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 I'm not saying that at all LF, MzPixie is a good example of what you and I are talking about! She practically popped flares, waved flags, screamed and shouted "Your azz is standing on the track and a train is coming!" She jumped up and down until she was hoarsed and couldnt scream anymore! She did everything she could to save her marriage ~ but he just couldn't see! OK thanks.
Gunny376 Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 This guy is scared! And his fear is disperportionate to the actual threat. He's offerring his wife and "out" because of his fear of being killed in Iraq. Giving a choice between Iraq and a Saturday night in South Detroit or East LA? I'd choose Iraq, at least I'd pull down $100K a year slinging SOS or driving a truck! If your going to be in a war, or a war zone ~ this is the one to be in!
LostHusband Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 More servicemen and women were killed on active duty during the Clinton Years than George W years. Clinton years (1993-2000): 14,000 deaths George W years (2001-2006): 7,932 deaths, almost double. I'm not sure what that claim has to do with anything related to this discussion, or forum for that matter - but it sounded pretty hokey and something I might have heard from a mass propaganda email so I did some checking (false facts are a major pet peeve of mine) and found this tidbit... http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/deaths.asp However - I do appreciate the rest of your post Gunny about the incompetence of our enemy, since I do support the troops in a big way. That was very interesting! On to the OP - I don't know why her husband would want a divorce because he is afraid he will die in Iraq - won't that take away any chance for his wife to get benefits? Something doesn't sound right there.
Gunny376 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 I'm not sure what that claim has to do with anything related to this discussion, or forum for that matter - but it sounded pretty hokey and something I might have heard from a mass propaganda email so I did some checking (false facts are a major pet peeve of mine) and found this tidbit... http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/deaths.asp However - I do appreciate the rest of your post Gunny about the incompetence of our enemy, since I do support the troops in a big way. That was very interesting! On to the OP - I don't know why her husband would want a divorce because he is afraid he will die in Iraq - won't that take away any chance for his wife to get benefits? Something doesn't sound right there. I will concede to your post about the matter ~ because this isn't really the thread nor the fourm to debate the issue. My point remains, if you've got to go to war, this is the one to be in. Statistically, you've got a pretty damn good chance of coming back from it alive, with all your bits and pieces. (Not to justify the actual war one way or the other) I personally believe its time for a withdrawal from Iraq. A "Doonsbury" cartoon made the point. In the strip an American solider in a Humvee with an Iraqi solider counter-part were ordered to take an "insurgent" suspect alive. The Iraqi said he could not because his family had killed a member of his family. And he was honor-bound to kill him! In the strip the American said, "What! When!" The Iraqi responded. "1567" Enough said!
Author marencolleen Posted July 6, 2008 Author Posted July 6, 2008 i'm sorry, but i was really looking for some advice here...
Gunny376 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 And I've been trying to give it to you! The divorce isn't going to happen until he gets back Stateside. Bottom answer ~ Quit worrying about things you can't do anything about, and deal with what you can deal with TODAY!
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