fiser360 Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 My Ex is dating a new guy, but she has not been very happy. Weve been talking a little and hanging out some. She has told me that if he keeps treating her badly she is going to wait for a good reason to leave him and then do so. Then maybe we can get back together at a later date. But I made the mistake of telling a girl at my work the things my ex had told me and that she might be leaving her boyfriend. The girl goes and tells my ex's boyfriend. And so I get chewed out by my ex , and she says that i probably blew my chance. And that we should not talk, at least until her and her boyfriend break up. What should I do...? I love her. And I think she still has feelings for me, but she is just seeing what else there is. I think since she isnt happy that they will break up soon, so I guess I will just wait and see what happens. But I have learned you can't trust anyone, so don't tell anyone anything. Does anyone have any input on this? I dont feel like the fall back guy, because we were so in love before. So you dont have to tell me that. Lol. Thank you guys.
badbrit Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Dude, you saying that we should not say you are the back up guy does not mean we will not say that when you are clearly are exactly that. How can you be anything else in this situation? She is not with you but is with someone else. That means she is choosing someone else over you. She may come back to you if this other guy messes up but if he doesnt, she will stay with him. That means he is the priority and you are the second choice aka "back up guy" Forget "used to be so in love" as we all USED to be so in love, that is now history. Does not matter how much in love you were once because you clearly are not anymore or you would still be together
serendip Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 Weve been talking a little and hanging out some. She has told me that if he keeps treating her badly she is going to wait for a good reason to leave him and then do so. Then maybe we can get back together at a later date. She doesn't respect you at all dude...she treats you like a dog...pats you when she wants to be amused...then leaves you at home when she has a hot date. Not cool...WALK AWAY NOW...don't let someone treat you like that.
ladyinlimbo Posted July 4, 2008 Posted July 4, 2008 I think she's playing you. If she claims he treats her badly, why does she need to wait "for a reason" to break it off with him? Wouldn't him treating her badly be enough of a reason? Sorry but she sounds like someone without a lot of integrity. She's running back to her ex and dissing the current guy she's with (behind his back) - does that really sound like someone with good character? I'm glad it her alleged "plan" got back to her ex -- he deserves to know what kind of a two-faced, sneaky player she is. Hopefully he'll take that info and be the one to dump HER. She is just keeping you dangling by a thread, filling you with hope that you 2 will one day be together. Hun, if she wanted to be with you, she'd be with you NOW -- not with someone else who apparently 'treats her badly.' How can you really respect someone like this? Do you really want to get back with someone who's being so disloyal to the person she's in a relationship with? You think that *if* (and trust me, that's a big "if") she were to get back with you in the future that she wouldn't be doing the same thing behind YOUR back? Leave her be. Break off all contact. She doesn't deserve to be able to run to you and complain about her current relationship and fill your head with lies and false hopes. That's not fair to you. It's really quite cruel and selfish of her. It's total game-playing. You're nothing but a possible "Plan B." She's a user. A player. Don't you think you deserve to be treated better than this? Would YOU act the way she's acting? I'm doubting you would -- so then why are you accepting it from her?
foxh1234 Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 Are you kidding me ? What the hell would you want this girl back for ? She has chosen to be with another guy. She is sleeping with another guy!! she is not with you !! What more info do you need. Move on and find someone who wants you. Never talk to this game playing woman again. I cannot believe people sometimes. Wow!!
Trialbyfire Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 Do not be friends with someone you still have feelings for. This isn't an altruistic friendship. As for your ex, she deserves to be outted. It's ridiculously cowardly to wait for a good reason before she breaks up with him.
Author fiser360 Posted July 5, 2008 Author Posted July 5, 2008 It's not the fact that I am the back-up guy. It is the fact that I told someone that stuff, and they told her boyfriend. So now she doesn't know if she can be with me. Otherwise we would probably be together by now.
Trialbyfire Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 It's not the fact that I am the back-up guy. It is the fact that I told someone that stuff, and they told her boyfriend. So now she doesn't know if she can be with me. Otherwise we would probably be together by now. A) She was stringing you along in the first place. B) She's laying crap at your doorstep so she doesn't need to feel guilty. C) Move on, this girl is a piece of work.
iwish Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 Dude, don't end up like me! Get yourself some self respect and leave this girl to do her own thing. She's with someone else now and damn her for giving you the idea that she MIGHT come back to you. Get out while you still have some dignity. You have done nothing wrong by telling your friend. You can speak to who you want about your situation. I mean she's ****ing someone else that's a lot worse!
WiseOne1 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Man I know exactly how you feel, you feel that maybe everyone in here could be wrong, and you feel that you would be blowing your chance even more to go NC and refuse to speak to your ex. Trust Me They Aren't Wrong! I'm going through the exact same thing with my ex right now, she says she needs a good reason to leave her Current BF, and i told her well you didn't have a good reason when you left me and then she didn't have anything to say. I'm not going to come here and be a hypocrite and tell you to go NC and leave your ex alone, because I'm not doing that and even though i know it makes sense when people tell me that shes just stringing me along, i still give her the benefit of the doubt thinking that just maybe JUST MAYBE they are wrong. If someone rather it be a woman or man wants someone, they will go out there way to be with that person, so if our exes wanted us the would be with us NOW! Think about it we treated them good and like Queens and they leave us, but they get someone that treats them like **** and they don't leave them???????? Then they give us the crap saying they need a reason to leave, THEY DON'T, they are just stringing us along. When this happens, Exes are really just picking the other guy over you, and then you become a ND and when you think about it anyones to good to be a backup, everyone deserves to become 1ST. I gave my ex a choice, i told her she has 1 month to choose who she wants to be with, and now I'm like **** it, I'm gonna choose for her, because one problem in our relationship was that she always choose even her friends over me or a ex Bf over me. And i told her once she chooses him and doesn't choose me its OVER, when i say over i mean 5 years over, 10 years over, 20 years over, i mean over like i neverrrrrrr wanna talk to you again. You might not be fed up enough, you might not be at my stage with your ex yet, so i don't recommend you do anything besides what feels right. But its over for me and her, I'm getting tired of being Second and hell i look to good anyway. So just remember just like i should, If she wanted to be with you, SHE WOULD BE WITH YOU!!
bigmanpayne Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Are you kidding me ? What the hell would you want this girl back for ? She has chosen to be with another guy. She is sleeping with another guy!! she is not with you !! What more info do you need. Move on and find someone who wants you. Never talk to this game playing woman again. I cannot believe people sometimes. Wow!! people get blinded by love sometimes. you love someone so much that you are willing to put up with almost anything, willing to rationalize almost anything. also, people aren't honest but i know a lot of people who are with one person but want to be with another. it sounds stupid but i have been there, my ex wife has been there, hell even my mother has been there. being with that other guy doesnt mean that she doesnt love her ex. i dont know if that makes any sense but i know what i mean. she is treating him like crap though, and thats not cool. if she isnt willing to be honest with herself and meet this guy half way then no matter how much love they have for each other it wont work. i hope i didnt just sound like i was talking out of both sides of my mouth
WiseOne1 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 people get blinded by love sometimes. you love someone so much that you are willing to put up with almost anything, willing to rationalize almost anything. also, people aren't honest but i know a lot of people who are with one person but want to be with another. it sounds stupid but i have been there, my ex wife has been there, hell even my mother has been there. being with that other guy doesnt mean that she doesnt love her ex. i dont know if that makes any sense but i know what i mean. she is treating him like crap though, and thats not cool. if she isnt willing to be honest with herself and meet this guy half way then no matter how much love they have for each other it wont work. i hope i didnt just sound like i was talking out of both sides of my mouth Theres nothing wrong with what your saying, and I understand what your saying. But thats just not possible, if you love someone and like someone else, which one do you choose???????? Theres no way anyone can explain loving someone and wanting to be with them and letting someone else come in between them. Its as simple as that, you would know if someone wanted you, they would comeback ASAP! If you love someone are you gonna put them off for someone you could care less about? Or take the chance of them moving on for some that means nothing to you? NO Just think about it ? nathan0726, if you love your ex but you got a new GF, and all of a sudden your ex wants to comeback to you, you know that nothings gonna stop you from leaving your current GF and going back to your ex. Because love is stronger than like, that simple.
bigmanpayne Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Theres nothing wrong with what your saying, and I understand what your saying. But thats just not possible, if you love someone and like someone else, which one do you choose???????? Theres no way anyone can explain loving someone and wanting to be with them and letting someone else come in between them. Its as simple as that, you would know if someone wanted you, they would comeback ASAP! If you love someone are you gonna put them off for someone you could care less about? Or take the chance of them moving on for some that means nothing to you? NO Just think about it ? nathan0726, if you love your ex but you got a new GF, and all of a sudden your ex wants to comeback to you, you know that nothings gonna stop you from leaving your current GF and going back to your ex. Because love is stronger than like, that simple. i dont want to take the focus off of nathan0726 but, i am not crazy. i never said it was right for someone to do it, i just said people do it. Youre talking as if everything thinks level-headed all the time. that just doesnt happen. some people never move past a 10 year old mindset no matter how well they function in life. when i was 17 i broke up with my now soon to be ex wife because there were other girls who were interested in me and i thought i was going to be a player. i loved her to death. i broke up with her and then a few months later got an older woman and 6 months after that moved in with the older woman. the whole time i wanted to be with my ex but was too stubborn to crawl back on my hands and knees and tell her the truth. it was stupid. this happens all the time. love has nothing to do with it. peoples egos and stupidity sometimes dominate their lives. i've known people to leave one job (that they love) and take less money just for a more prestigous title at the new job. they dont love the new job, but they think having that new job makes them better, sometimes they realize it doesnt and sometimes they just keep lying to themselves and stay at a dead-end job and deny themselves the happiness they really need. pride is a hard thing to swallow. sometimes people are so messed up that they cant stop themselves from destroying their lives (see alcoholics, drug addicts, etc.). another strong thing is if a person thinks they aren't good enough to be with the person they love. i see that all the time. if they feel that they are not good enough for that person or ashamed of things they have done they will run away too. my ex said that to me once, and my mom even said she did that before too. it can happen. love is not the ruler of all evil, sometimes evil wins a few battles, maybe not the war, but definately some battles.
WiseOne1 Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 UnderStood, but all im saying is everyone is not in the same boat that you were in, or that you family were in. My mom has told me that also, and i got 3 sisters and they've all gone through that feeling before, but they were nice enough to tell me "Brother" if a girl ever does this to you then run for the hills. Because they know how its gonna turn out, bassically its exactly like you said, you say love doesnt always win, and thats all i was saying. And just look at the sistuation right now, she loves him, but shes not with him, what good does that do him????? I would say the best thing for me to do is run away in my sistuation, i cant actually diagnose and say exactly what he should do and im not gonna come on here and shout NC to him because that would make me hyprocrite because im not doing NC with my ex right now. Your right it can happen, it can happen that sometimes you love someone and yoru even ashamed to come back, or you have so much pride that you dont wanna look like a fool and feel like "I told you So". The only thing im saying is the exact same thing that everyother poster here besides you are saying, and were all saying what shes doing is a form of stringing along and its a form of being a player.
bigmanpayne Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 absolutely. she is stringing him along. you are right. i dont know their situation but if she loves him and he can somehow get her to apologize and change then its worth it. will that happen... i doubt it. i think he should move on. i was just pointing out that it is possible to love someone and not be with them - i should probably start a different thread about it sometime.
justaman99 Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 My Ex is dating a new guy, but she has not been very happy. Weve been talking a little and hanging out some. She has told me that if he keeps treating her badly she is going to wait for a good reason to leave him and then do so. Then maybe we can get back together at a later date. Sweet dude. I am really happy for you that you are a plan b guy, the backup, the dude that she goes to when someone else doesn't work out. Woo hooo. "You blew the chance"? That makes me laugh. The girl sucks in my opinion.
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