OWoman Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 If any guy told me he was "separated" but still living in the same place and having sex with the W - I'd laugh in his face, frankly nononononononono LF you're just not getting this! He won't TELL you that because he's a liar, remember? Please try to stay with the programme!
OWoman Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 ROFL - maybe :lmao: Or, if it's Norman Bates, his mother?
OpenBook Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Considering that MM are off limits, Separated MM are off limits, hell even D men are off limits as "they MAY go back" - and wtf wants someone over 55 who's a SG and never been M ? Um, that leaves... dead guys!! Weekend At Bernie's, anyone??
Lookingforward Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 nononononononono LF you're just not getting this! He won't TELL you that because he's a liar, remember? Please try to stay with the programme! bad LF, bad LF <slap slap>
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 I've seen what could happen when separated people decide they want to go back to their spouses. This happened with my brother, who was too hard headed to listen to our mother when she told him don't do it. Sure enough he called home crying and wanting hurt someone because she wasn't getting a divorce and returned to her husband. Actually separation is not a grey area. If anyone really wanted to chance it it is more murky than grey. It gives no one any solid ground to stand on and the separatee most the cards. This is another thing an old friend of mine found out when she was messing with my separated friend who wound up just using her while he was figuring out what to do with his other woman he was suppose to have been leaving his wife for. Yeah, and he thought I was going to help him play them. One got wise and let him go (and won a $10,000 lawsuit against him after my and his ex's urging to take him to the ringer). Now he is in debt like no bodies fool. All because he thought he could play women. I prefer to keep myself in the clear so I will only date single, divorced, or widowed women. DNR It is better to err on the side of judgment than to chastised by the pole of justice.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Oh. And the new wife. The one he cheat on with his wife, who refused to believe he was cheating on her with another woman, even though we ALL warned her, is the one paying for most things now while he is trying to keep his head above water with the little bit of money he has coming in. And she has three kids (all of which are not his) and he has to beautiful daughters, that thankfully his wife has. Yeah, sometimes Karma is a wench! DNR
White Flower Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Um, that leaves... dead guys!! Weekend At Bernie's, anyone?? Please tell me we've got more than dead guys...
OWoman Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Right, so because some dude on an internet forum claims to know someone who had a bad experience once, everybody should steer clear in perpetuity just on the off-chance that lightning strikes twice... OK, that sounds like a sane and sober way to live one's life. Guess I won't go out into the garden anymore then because I read somewhere on the internet that someone knew someone who got abducted by aliens that way. Best steer clear of that, too... I've seen what could happen when separated people decide they want to go back to their spouses. This happened with my brother, who was too hard headed to listen to our mother when she told him don't do it. Sure enough he called home crying and wanting hurt someone because she wasn't getting a divorce and returned to her husband. Actually separation is not a grey area. If anyone really wanted to chance it it is more murky than grey. It gives no one any solid ground to stand on and the separatee most the cards. This is another thing an old friend of mine found out when she was messing with my separated friend who wound up just using her while he was figuring out what to do with his other woman he was suppose to have been leaving his wife for. Yeah, and he thought I was going to help him play them. One got wise and let him go (and won a $10,000 lawsuit against him after my and his ex's urging to take him to the ringer). Now he is in debt like no bodies fool. All because he thought he could play women. I prefer to keep myself in the clear so I will only date single, divorced, or widowed women. DNR It is better to err on the side of judgment than to chastised by the pole of justice.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 No a person should stay clear because that person is still involved. Has attachments that should be settled. And for me and for most people who understand where this is coming from know that the divorce decree IS the sign that a person is free to move on with their lives. DNR But again this only comes for those who understand beyond than their own needs and wants.
Lookingforward Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 The only mistake I made was thinking that "separated" meant to him what it meant to me - that my M was O-V-E-R and I was filing for D. He CLAIMED it was the first step towards divorcing and that his M was also OVER but as it turned out he was a p***whipped wimp who went back to a dead M "for the kids" Ah well - he has to live with it....I don't.
Lookingforward Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 No a person should stay clear because that person is still involved. Has attachments that should be settled. And for me and for most people who understand where this is coming from know that the divorce decree IS the sign that a person is free to move on with their lives. DNR But again this only comes for those who understand beyond than their own needs and wants. EVERYone that has been in a LTR or M has "attachments", and even a divorce decree doesn't mean all issues have been "settled"
Lookingforward Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 In the OPs case, they weren't "separated" if no-one outside the M KNEW they weren't together in any sense of the word....... Sounds like she got played unfortunately.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 EVERYone that has been in a LTR or M has "attachments", and even a divorce decree doesn't mean all issues have been "settled" I mean on availability level. I understand there IS ALWAYS going to be some kind of attachment from any relationships, good or bad. But, at least the separated isn't bound by his or her vows (to me and a lot of others those still mean something). And for those who hold those words dear, a divorce decree is the proof of the end of those vows. DNR
silktricks Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 The "still having sex" bit about that bothers me - I wouldn't consider that separated. I can understand force of circumstance keeping people under the same roof - in separate bedrooms, or sleeping on the floor in the lounge, say; having been there myself when I struggled to find a place to move to when I separated from my H - but if they're having sex, and regularly at that? To my mind that signals some ongoing commitment to the M - or at least there should be an awareness that it could signal that to the other party and raise those expectations, and if one were truly separated, those would not be expectations one would want raised. I agree - that's why I don't really consider that "separated" but know that some do make reference to that as being separated - and in fact, have done so myself. A true separation to my mind is not living in the same house, but not yet divorced - or - as you say living under the same roof, but no sex or any other conjugal "favors" .
Lyssa Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 OK, that sounds like a sane and sober way to live one's life. Guess I won't go out into the garden anymore then because I read somewhere on the internet that someone knew someone who got abducted by aliens that way. Best steer clear of that, too... OMG! You read that too?! The aliens just dropped me off!
OWoman Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 OMG! You read that too?! The aliens just dropped me off! and left pretty crop circles in your garden?
Babyluv Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 Please tell me we've got more than dead guys... What's wrong with stiffs?
Babyluv Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 No a person should stay clear because that person is still involved. For most people separated means get that witch off my back as fast as possible. Their only involvement is with their lawyer.
Lookingforward Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 For most people separated means get that witch off my back as fast as possible. Their only involvement is with their lawyer. or @$$, as the case may be.... for most, but not all
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 For most people separated means get that witch off my back as fast as possible. Their only involvement is with their lawyer. There are enough cases to make this a stupid to be in for the outside person. And a few cases where the outside person hurt themselves or someone of the married party because the spouse decided to go back. My best brother who I warned not to get involved with the woman and my brother, BOTH wound up getting their hearts broken that way. Granted they are married now, but they were a wreck for a good while after they found out the wenches went back to their husband. DNR
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 This is my suggestion and how I would roll... 1) If YOU truly love the married person (yes they are still married when they are separated) and they TRULY (holds back urge to throw-up and laugh at the same time)... You give them a deadline for their divorce. And I would go to court with them as much as I can, I am not so foolish to blindly trust a person willing to betray their vows that way. 2) Once the divorce decree is presented to me, I would then give them a point in time be married. I would probably give them about 4 months to get themselves together, 8 months of courtship, and during this time WE BOTH go to mandatory relationship and pre-marriage counseling. I may be in love, but I don't loose my mind or try and blind myself to the possibilities either. DNR
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